Hey, I don't want no trouble

There are 76 posts tagged: unsolicited commercial email

CANGARU kourt: 4 April 2024; G'day from down under…if down under refers to the 34^th parallel north. For it's here that we find Dr Giovanni Cacciamani and his friends at the CANGARU. It's something to do with AI dontchaknow.
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What's the diehl, Pete?: 8 March 2024; Representative Anthony D'Esposito is a mighty neighbourly guy, or a geographical putz, if he considers he and I to be neighbours. And he's certainly a putz if he thinks I give a damn about whatever he's done for wherever the hell it is he's done it.
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Oh Lord, won't you buy me a Mercedes-Benz?: 1 February 2024; I found this in my junk mail folder. But that's not because it's spam, despite it's impressive score of 22.2, compared to 4.0 required. No, it's because my ISP has implemented restrictions. Oh, yes! (rolleyes)
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Naughty Nigerians (again): 16 January 2024; There was something about the daum.net domain name in Dr Cardoso's email address that rang a bell. And, sure enough, here we are!
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Apollo landing: 9 October 2023; A new phishing attack, from shysters pretending to be Apollo.io (who?) The only thing that relates to the company being spoofed is the logo.
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Never mind, Nancy: 3 October 2023; This is not the first time that Nancy's taken a dump in my inbox, trying to sell me on cheap super edible luster [sic] dust shit from China. I can't imagine why. (shrug)
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Beware of geeks bearing gifts: 21 September 2023; The Geek Squad scam is a known phishing attack. I've received emails from Geek Squad with variations on confirmed orders for a few weeks now. Last weekend, I received notice that I'd been added to the Client Support group for 9403441nzbsd on Google Groups.
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More storage: 25 July 2023; Quite possibly one of the most inept phishing attempts that I've seen. Apparently, my Google storage is full, but I can receive an extra 50GB FREE…iCloud storage.
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Ukrainian totty: 29 May 2023; Ukrainian Beauty offers the opportunity to: Unleash the excitement! Discover girls who are eager to connect and make meaningful connections this weekend. Offer available in the United States only.
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Give me $12.5M and an espresso to go: 26 May 2023; Adams Alex is a pretty strange name for a barrister. Could he possibly be Alex Adams? And I thought barrister was a chiefly British term, while merkans are more likely to refer to attorney or advocate. Perhaps he can't spell, is actually a barista, and repatriates lost funds in his spare time. (thinking)
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The tooth fairy: 24 May 2023; Decay and Inflammation. Just the sort of subject line to tickle a man's fancy! (rolleyes)
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Whack (off) job: 9 May 2023; Just a random hacker who's compromised my computer with malware, cunningly bypassing my antivirus defences. Either that, or a two-bit shithead trying to extort easy money out of fear over a false threat. You choose. (shrug)
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.today's .best: 30 April 2023; It's thanks to spam that I've learnt of previously unencountered top-level domains opened up by the Internet Corporation for Assigned Names and Numbers for the benefit of those who wish to avoid email filtering and blocking rules. In just two days, I've received solicitations from .today and .best, although these TLD have been around for the best part of a decade, so they're hardly new. It's just difficult to see their actual value as global TLD, other than to spread the options for skeevy throwaway domains.
Rey?: 18 April 2023; This was sent to a BCC list. I have no idea what Reeee means, except as a meme playing on Rey stans—Rey being the character played by Daisy Ridley in the third Star Wars trilogy. Perhaps my correspondent wishes to recruit me to her comeback cause, in which case he's out of luck; for I care not for Star Wars. I never have and, seeing fans' reaction to the third trilogy, I'm rather glad I've no personal investment in the space opera.
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Qatar cares: 3 April 2023; It's a pretty low-energy solicitation, really only deserving of an equally low-energy response. The SpamAssassin score of 30.2, of a required 4.0, is the most remarkable thing about it, TBH. That's really hitting it outta the park!
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Disobeying disclaimer directives: 29 March 2023; I've received one identical message from Anna prior to this, and didn't give it much thought. It's not the usual predatory shitnitz; it's neither incompetent—other than being completely irrelevant to me—nor offensive…nor particularly interesting. And she's not egregiously lying to me, unlike that spambitch Gillian Francis. So Anna has not incurred my wrath, and is not deserving of my puerile telling-her-she's-a-ho-without-saying-she's-a-ho shtick.
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Très bonne année indeed: 8 January 2023; As unsolicited email goes, it's not offensive and it's not begging for money. Nevertheless, it is unsolicited, and offers me the option to unsubscribe from a newsletter that I never subscribed to in the first place. In fact, this is the first that I've ever heard of either Pierre-Yves Lorand or his company. Such is the joy of LinkedIn.
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The man from Amazon: 13 October 2022; Crikey, what are the chances that one of the world's richest men would have tracked me down? Even if I'm only included among an anonymous group of undisclosed recipients, it's the thought and recognition that counts. And I know I can trust him, because he uses his full name: Jeffrey Preston Bezos.
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Fail merge: 22 September 2022; If you're gonna use a mail merge template to drum up business from people who haven't signed up to your Mailchimp shitlist, at least ensure that the merge merges. (pipe)
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Banjoko at law: 14 September 2022; It's almost impossible to reach me, apparently. Yet Mr Alimi Banjoko managed to achieve just that. #SoBlessed
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Steph's deathbed wish: 19 August 2022; While cleaning out my junk mail folder, this one popped in. My first thought was what's the betting that's she's a childless widow dying of cancer?
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From USPS with love: 18 June 2022; I've received a message from those nice people at USPS, advising me that I have a shipment on hold. They are so kind, although I cannot for the life of me think why their notification fell into my junk mail folder.
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Conditional email: 13 June 2022; Although I received this message in my professional account inbox, it's not a predatory solicitation. Just a bog-standard commercial one. And the message itself isn't worth commenting on, except possibly to note the footer:
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A life on the run: 14 May 2022; Mr James Dee was so polite and friendly, when he recently advised me of a diplomat attempting to make off with my moolah. Mind you, he did want a little financial gratification for his assistance.
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Deeshonest: 27 April 2022; Is it legal for US airport officials to expect remuneration from third parties for essentially doing their job? Because that's what I think that's the situation with my correspondent, James Dee, here.
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Pay it forward: 26 April 2022; I really wasn't aware that the IMF involved itself in police matters. But, here we are: they're compensating me because my email address was found on a list of fraud victims.
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Ms Marlene: 25 April 2022; Rich widows with cancer and no heirs are ten a penny. And it's always the bloody orphans that benefit from their largesse. But, usually, they do their own dirty work. This time, our benefactor has enlisted Marlene Dillon (Ms) to act as go-between.
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Not dead yet: 24 April 2022; Meredith Black's message raises similar issues as those by Kristalina Georgieva's. Specifically, both ladies wanted me to confirm my status among the living. Which begs the question: if they receive no answer, is that really proof of death?
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My mate Matt: 9 April 2022; Rather presumptuously, Dr Matthew Brobbey informs us—BY SHOUTING (mad)—that HE'S EXPECTING OUR REPLY. That's our as in that of my fellow undisclosed recipients and I; not you and I, dear reader. Unless you are also one of those undisclosed recipients; in which case, our.
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Ummm, yes, quite: 8 April 2022; This is quite possibly the most baffling, if not flat-out pointless, spam message that I have ever received. It's been sent to a distribution list, naturally, but it has no content other than what you see here. Not even a tracking image.
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The sweet smell of cancer*: 5 April 2022; Just from the subject line, I could tell that my correspondent was not in good health. I hazarded a guess at cancer. On further reading, I was not disappointed. Some dogs can detect cancer in people,* I can sense it in emails.
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Appleton Greene: 8 March 2022; AGC is a niche corporate training provider offering standard and bespoke training programs for corporate clients. They contacted me as part of an unsolicited marketing outreach campaign. This is not the first contact that I've received from them.
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SciPinion: 2 March 2022; SciPinion is not an Indian predatory publishing house pretending to be based in the US. Firstly, it's not a publishing house. And, secondly, the company is based in the US; Bozman, MT to be precise.
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What The Lord giveth...: 23 February 2022; Mrs Peninnah Ariel Benaiah is a Norwegian citizen, living in Burkina Faso. Her husband is a politician who owns a gold company there.
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Not even trying: 20 February 2022; There was a time when Nigerian scammers would at least make an effort to hoodwink the gullible. Bank officials or politicians wanting to get funds out of the country, and offering a cut for your help, princes offering whatever princes offer. You know the drill. At least there was effort put into creating even the lamest of backstories.
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Donate to ME!ME!ME!: 13 February 2022; As if to prove my point, Sister Christiana Lizzy <lizzychristiana08@gmail.com> is another childless widow with cancer. What are the odds? (thinking)
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Holy me (holy): 11 February 2022; Writing as GlobalCare for the Needy, Shorelin exhorts me to LET YOUR CONSCIENCE BE YOUR GUIDE.
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The southern part of Erica: 7 February 2022; Serious shit's going down in Nigeria, but it may all be to my advantage. I'm quite the lucky boy!
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I'm dead (not really): 28 January 2022; I didn't get a lot of sleep last night. (wine) (sad)
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Alice in chains: 24 January 2022; Rev. Alice Kiesten—or Kirsten, she doesn't seem to care, so why should we?—writes to me, offering her $60M fortune to charity. And I get to keep $10M of that for being so honest. Sweet! I now realise the truth of the adage: virtue is its own reward. (thumbup)
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Thanks Mack! (thumbup): 14 January 2022; Bloody hell! What are the chances?
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CAN-SPAM! Thank you, ma'am!: 7 January 2022; It seems that different people have different interpretations of the Controlling the Assault of Non-Solicited Pornography And Marketing Act of 2003.
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This unsolicited message is intended only...: 5 January 2022; Wulf Höflich works for an Indian company pretending to be a UK/Dutch company, and offers me Unique Insights on Business Trends & Techno Commercial Landscapes. He must be quite brainy, because he went to a university, although he doesn't specify which one. So it could've been the University of Life, I guess. (shrug)
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The devil in the detail: 5 January 2022; Evelyn <evelyn@fluter.co> is an experienced professional web developer, based in India. With a Columbian domain. (confused)
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Proof of god?: 4 January 2022; DrNG offers me New Year Greetings! & New Insights., which is very kind of him. Not only that, but he thanks me for being immune, which suggests that he knows more about my health status than I do. Perhaps that's the insight he refers to? I'm not sure how creepy that is, to be honest.
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Victim in waiting: 29 December 2021; Gracie Hughes writes to me, regarding a scam compensation payment. I think Gracie has quite the sense of humour.
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God is grate: 20 December 2021; Offering GREETINGS IN JESUS NAME !!!!, Mrs Susan Wilson informs me that she suffers from breast cancer and stroke, which have denied her a child. Although I suspect that has more to do with her age. As, indeed, do her diseases. (pipe)
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Cell of duty: 14 December 2021; HSBC's London office has contacted me, regarding a vast sum of money that some unscrupulous government officials have tried to keep from me. And I don't think that they're referring to the taxman.
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Mark or Mike?: 10 December 2021; According to my correspondent, I'm honest, which is nice. It's always reassuring to have one's positive attributes recognised.
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Red wine and dementia: 9 December 2021; According to Dr Will Mitchell, there are 3 ways to kill dementia. So it's strange that he's only offering one here. But I guess we all have to start somewhere.
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The Hungary Games: 24 November 2021; Some people are just too good for this world. People like Mr Greg Helms, the Director of the Airport Storage and Cargo Unit at Erie International Airport. He's advised me that my consignment, worth over $9M, may be moved to the UK if I don't settle the outstanding storage charges. It's a risk that I'm prepared to take, since it will still be closer to me than it is now.
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Hedging my bets: 22 November 2021; An enticing offer just came into my inbox. Nicole R. Wafer asks me where do you from ?.
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Getting ready to get busy: 11 November 2021; Thomas Shah has got my back. An account executive at Unify Funding, he asks me Is Your business ready for the busy season? How could he have known that this is the very question that keeps me awake at night? (thinking)
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Suppository: 11 November 2021; The solicitation:
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Overachiever: 27 October 2021; Spam that's automatically routed to my personal account's junk folder generally looks as it would in my inbox, but without images. I have never, until now, noticed a message actually headed by the spam detection analysis. My mate James, or John, is really hitting the ball out of the park here; he scored 31.4 points, of a required 5.0 to be detected. What a guy!
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Charlotte's web: 13 October 2021; Charlotte Jackson is a recruiter. She claims to be an independent consultant but, judging by the From/Reply-To email address headers, she also seems to work with Imperial Search. Imperial Search's website is very lightweight, which sends off scammy umbrella-company vibes. Nevertheless, so far, so mundane.
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Herbidacious: 20 September 2021; I wonder if she's the same simona.su@3sgroupcn.com who's a sales representative for 3S Group. Both 3sgroupcn.com and 3sgruopcn.com are registered domains, but only the former has a website, and it purports to sell water pumps. (thinking)
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Suspiciously-crafted email: 15 September 2021; I received the following message, with the subject Letzte Warnung vor der endgültigen Schließung Ihres Domänennamens, from a sender pretending to be my web host provider. It may surprise you to know that their payment system had detected a problem with my payment card, and they advised me to use the link that they had thoughtfully provided. How kind is that? Some people are just too good for this world.
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TrumpAcademy: 5 May 2021; An email from TrumpAcademy <trumpacademy@deathflytrap.top> advises me that Trump just dropped a Bombshell. It included no body text, just an image which wasn't downloaded because the message had found its way into my junk mail folder.
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Easy, Tiger: 8 April 2021; According to Maggie Pound at SalesTiger:
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Durian Durian: 7 April 2021; I received a somewhat pedestrian unsolicited commercial email from Danielle Cwalinski today, advising me of the health benefits of ONE exotic fruit. And she doesn't mean Joe Exotic…BA-DA-BOOM-TSCH!
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The luck of the Irish? Pah! Try the luck of the English!: 6 April 2021; Sometimes my inbox or, rather, junk mail folder reveals to me how sought-after I am. And I have a hard time believing that little ol' me could attract such attention. Just pure bitchin' luck, I guess; some of us got it, and some of you ain't.
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A matter of trust: 6 April 2021; Straight and to the point, just the way I like my unsolicited commercial email.
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Gone phishing: 11 August 2020; We are constantly reminded about the dangers of social engineering security breaches, such as phishing attacks. So, you'd think that a responsible financial institution would be sensitive to the advice that we're given, which includes being wary of emails purporting to be from one institution, but coming from a different domain.
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My condition is not as perfect as it could be: 26 May 2020; I received the usual transfer-of-funds shit, this time from a Dr Donald Moore working with a finance house in Ghana. At least it makes a change from all those Nigerian princes that only want me for my money.
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Making money the easy way: 10 May 2020; I received an interesting opportunity from Christina Vounas at beheadbold.ga. In an email entitled Power Companies Are Absolutely FURIOUS..., I'm invited to:
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Mrs Ragnhild Lilly Button: 29 November 2019; This item in my junk mail folder leapt out at me, simply because of the sender's (alleged) name…Mrs Ragnhild Lilly Button. Whoever came up with that has a sense of humour to match mine, and they should feel ashamed.
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Liar, liar!: 9 April 2019; Unsolicited commercial email is annoying enough, but doubly so when they treat you like a moron.
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The tooth, the whole tooth, and nothing but the tooth: 25 March 2019; My youngest daughter has just learnt that she will need braces and rubber bands to fix her imperceptibly crooked teeth and misaligned jaw. I have just learnt how much this will cost. Fortunately, I was sitting down at the time!
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Google translated?: 5 February 2019; We all get spam, unwanted email communications that is, not tinned pork derivative. It's intrusive, annoying, and, in some cases, malicious or even dangerous. But, it's a part of everyday life and, every now and then, there's one that escapes the junk mail filters and briefly brightens my day with its simple ineptitude.
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If you notice this notice: 4 February 2019; Random spam:
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Amusing spam: 3 February 2016; Occasionally, an amusing spam message comes my way. This, for instance, from Mr Tzee Pepple:
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Canned meat product: spiced and served with a chapati: 23 April 2012; According to a report from Sophos, India is now the most prolific country for spam: India has become the top spam-spewing nation on the planet, rapidly passing the US. Except that the report ranks nations by the amount of junk mail routed through computers in each country.
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SPAM: new serving suggestion: 11 November 2011; That nice Mr/Mrs Chumbla in Nigeria has offered me, and I suspect all of you, their money for FREE.
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Odd spam: 9 June 2011; I received quite a strange spam invite entitled Exclusive Invite For New Social Nertwork for professionals.
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Spam (mad): 3 September 2003; Since 27 August I've had 1108 messages offering me everything from generic viagra, to an extra 3" for my best friend; from teen pr0n, to cheap mortgages. Most of these talk in terms of US$ and deliver, where applicable, to the 50 states of the Union.
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