Everyday thoughts, but not every day

Impactless
(Austin Publishing Group)

Well, this is a first, a predatory journal admitting to a negative impact factor. I didn't realise that such a thing was possible, let alone boast-worthy.

But I suspect that's as far as any honesty goes.* Austin Publishing Group claims to be based in Texas, not Andhra Pradesh.

From: "Austin Pediatrics" <austin.pediatrics@austinmedicaljournal.org>
Subject: Accepting new manuscripts for upcoming edition
Date: Thu, 25 Aug 2022 19:14:48 +0530
Austin Pediatrics (Impact Factor -2.4) publishes original translational research papers, invited reviews, and commentaries on the etiologies and treatment of diseases of children and disorders of development. The journal seeks submissions for the special issue Pediatric Hematological Malignancies. The authors are encouraged to submit research studies to all aspects of clinical medicine of benign and malignant pediatric disorders affecting or originating from the hematopoietic system. Please submit your manuscript on or before September 15, 2022 (Will be extended if required). DOI is assigned immediately after publication. We look forward to your contributions. Regards Maya Smith Editorial Office - Austin Pediatrics (ISSN 2381-8999) Austin Publishing Group
Dear Maya Smith, I didn't realise that it was possible for a journal to achieve a negative impact factor. Congratulations on your honesty in that regard, at least. Sincerely,

* I doubt it even goes that far, the IF is a typographical error, and likely completely meaningless anyway.

Wow! Perhaps that negative impact factor wasn't a typo after all. I don't think I'd announce it in my sales correspondence, but clearly I'm less transparent than Austin Pediatrics' editorial office.

Either that, or Maya didn't understand the nuanced piss-take behind my message. Ne'ermind.

From: "Austin Pediatrics" <austin.pediatrics@austinmedicaljournal.org>
Subject: RE: Waiting for your reply
Date: Fri, 26 Aug 2022 09:43:10 +0530
Thank you for your response. It is calculated based on number of citations and issues released per year. Regards Maya Smith Editorial Office - Austin Pediatrics (ISSN 2381-8999) Austin Publishing Group

I've received numerous identical replies to that which Maya sent to me on 26 August in the interim. I dismissed it as a problem with her email server or the like.

After two more fell into my inbox just this afternoon, in close succession from different addresses, I have to conclude that the problem more likely lies between her ears. She can continue to wait as far as I'm concerned.

From: Maya Smith <maya@austinpublishinggroup.info>
Date: Fri, 23 Sep 2022 16:49:00 +0530
Subject: RE: Waiting for your reply
From: "Austin Pediatrics" <austin.pediatrics@austinmedicaljournal.org>
References: 
In-Reply-To: 
Subject: RE: Waiting for your reply
Date: Fri, 23 Sep 2022 17:03:59 +0530

I think it might be calculated, based on the number of citations and issues released per year.

From: "Austin Pediatrics" <austin.pediatrics@austinmedicaljournal.org>
References: 
In-Reply-To: 
Subject: RE: Waiting for your reply
Date: Fri, 7 Oct 2022 13:53:55 +0530
Thank you for your response. It is calculated based on number of citations and issues released per year. Regards Maya Smith Editorial Office - Austin Pediatrics (ISSN 2381-8999) Austin Publishing Group

I've forgotten, what was the question again?

From: Maya Smith <maya@austinpublishinggroup.info>
Date: Mon, 10 Oct 2022 16:41:10 +0530
Subject: Fwd: Waiting for your reply
Thank you for your response. It is calculated based on the number of citations and issues released per year. Regards Maya Smith Editorial Office - Austin Pediatrics (ISSN 2381-8999) Austin Publishing Group

Now all becomes clear, Maya Smith is actually expecting me to submit a manuscript. Well, if I have any paediatrics research that I wish to pay to have flushed down the crapper, I'll certainly keep her in mind.

From: "Austin Pediatrics" <austin.pediatrics@austinmedicaljournal.org>
References: 
In-Reply-To: 
Subject: RE: Waiting for your reply
Date: Wed, 12 Oct 2022 17:17:20 +0530
As per your previous conversation, we are sending you this mail as a reminder note. Please let me know the possible date for submission of your manuscript. If your manuscript is ready for submission send it as an email attachment to this mail. Feel free to contact us for further information. Regards Maya Smith Editorial Office - Austin Pediatrics (ISSN 2381-8999) Austin Publishing Group

Maya Smith is resending me again. Quite.

Should I put her out of her my misery? (thinking)

From: "Austin Pediatrics" <austin.pediatrics@austinmedicaljournal.org>
References: 
In-Reply-To: 
Subject: RE: Waiting for your reply
Date: Mon, 17 Oct 2022 16:41:25 +0530
This is the follow up mail regarding the submission of a manuscript, as there is no response from you previously so we are resending you again. Please let me know if you have any article ready for publication? Regards Maya Smith Editorial Office - Austin Pediatrics (ISSN 2381-8999) Austin Publishing Group

Maya Smith refers to my previous conversation. Does talking to yourself constitute a conversation, per se? (thinking)

Anyhow, methinks it's time to put the bitch out of her misery. Or, more specifically, mine.

From: "Austin Pediatrics" <austin.pediatrics@austinmedicaljournal.org>
Subject: RE: Reminder note
Date: Wed, 23 Nov 2022 16:49:17 +0530
As per your previous conversation, we are sending you this mail as a reminder note. Please let me know the possible date for submission of your manuscript. If your manuscript is ready for submission send it as an email attachment to this mail. Feel free to contact us for further information. Best Regards, Maya Smith Editorial Office - Austin Pediatrics (ISSN 2381-8999) Austin Publishing Group
Dear Maya Smith Thank you for your reminder. I have no intention of submitting anything to Austin Pediatrics [sic]. If the journal was Austin Paediatrics, that might be another matter. Sincerely,

Actually, it wouldn't, but she doesn't have to know that. Tee hee.

Austin Journal of Obstetrics and Gynecology

Just noting yet another OB/GYN webcomic here, nothing more than that.

I couldn't open the template from the tracking link, because the server couldn't be found. Whether or not it ever existed as such, or has gone down in the intervening week or so is anyone's guess. Still, at least I opened Nick's message in source view mode, so no skeeviness could've been activated anyway.

Date: Thu, 31 Aug 2023 15:25:05 +0000
Subject: Publish your ongoing research with us
From: Nick Torrens <editor@austinmedopn.info>
Reply-To: Nick Torrens <gynecology@austinpublishinggroup.us>
Esteemed Dr. [snip], It’s our immerse Pleasure to invite Authors to contribute for Open Access on “Austin Journal of Obstetrics and Gynecology: (Impact Factor: 2.8)”. All submissions will undergo anonymous review to guarantee high scientific quality and relevance to the subject. Your work will get more citations as our journals follow International standards. We charge a minimum fee for manuscript publish, please submit the manuscript on or before September 17, 2023 Journal accepts research, reviews, nanosciences and technology, biosciences, soft matter physics, and conference presentations covering all areas of "Obstetrics and Gynecology". We would be honored to receive a positive reply from you. Regards Nick Torrens Editorial office – Austin Journal of Obstetrics and Gynecology (ISSN 2378-1386) 2500 Plaza 5, Harborside Financial Center, Jersey City, New Jersey, 07311, USA Tel: +1-201-655-7075 Submission Link: https://austinpublishinggroup.com/submit-manuscript.php Disclaimer: This is an intended mail to Dr. [snip], if you do not want to receive email from us please click >> UNSUBSCRIBE
<img width="1" height="1" src="https://austinclinjunl.org/cloudmail/index.php/campaigns/md862ql0jj165/track-opening/[snip]" alt="" />

Annals of Thyroid Research

Rennie Weiss eschews all that UTC+0000 campaign server nonsense used by the other hoes, and instead openly embraces the Andhra Pradesh time zone. I don't know whether this is a mark of guilelessness or lack of technical sophistication. Whatever.

As to the webcomic she's peddling, I'm going to go out on a limb here and suggest Lizzo's recent troubles with fat-shaming her tubby dancers could be an excellent fit, offering a topical basis for a review of thyroid homeostasis. I would offer up my incipient manuscript, Body positivity: A manifestation of hypothyroidism or gluttony?, but I have a feeling that she'd take me seriously.

From: "Annals of Thyroid Research" <thyroid@austinoamedjournals.org>
Subject: Publish your work in reputed journal: Homeostasis
Date: Sun, 6 Aug 2023 19:03:39 +0530
This is a cordial invitation from the journal “Annals of Thyroid Research (ISSN 2690-0165, Impact Factor 1.9)”. We are happy to announce the edition of “Homeostasis”. This edition covers every areas of the "Thyroids" and authors are to choose any topic of their interest. It covers the latest research articles, reviews, case reports, case series, and clinical images. Every submission is peer-reviewed and the published articles are assigned to a unique DOI for global recognition. We hope to receive a positive response from you. Regards, Rennie Weiss Editorial Manager- Annals of Thyroid Research Austin Publishing Group 6565 N MacArthur Blvd Ste 225, Irving Tx 75039, USA, Call: +1-201-655-7075. Disclaimer: This is an intended mail to [snip], if you do not want to receive email from us please click >> UNSUBSCRIBE.

Having recently found that Remedy Publications don't honour the unsubscribe option in their spam, I thought I'd give Austin Publishing's option a whirl. Only time will tell, of course, but I was heartened that it automatically filled in the body of my message. So that's nice.

<a href="mailto:thyroid@austinoamedjournals.org?subject=UNSUBSCRIBE&body=Please remove my contact from your mailing list">UNSUBSCRIBE</a> 
From: "Annals of Thyroid Research" <thyroid@austinoamedjournals.org>
Subject: Publish your latest research with us: Annals of Thyroid Research
Date: Thu, 2 Nov 2023 01:44:02 +0530
Dear Dr. [snip], “Annals of Thyroid Research (ISSN 2690-0165, Impact Factor 1.9)”, is a peer-reviewed international journal publishing manuscripts covering the latest research information. We are inviting international researchers and academicians to participate in the journal's next edition by sending unpublished original research, review, and mini-review articles, case reports, short communications, etc. The submissions are peer-reviewed by the handling editor. Published articles are assigned to unique DOI for global recognition. kindly, attach your manuscript as a reply to this email. We hope to receive a positive response from you. Regards, Rennie Weiss Editorial Manager- Annals of Thyroid Research Austin Publishing Group 6565 N MacArthur Blvd Ste 225, Irving Tx 75039, USA, Call: +1-201-655-7075. Disclaimer: This is an intended mail to Dr. [snip], if you do not want to receive email from us please click >> UNSUBSCRIBE.
Date: Thu, 02 Nov 2023 08:55:52 +0100
Subject: UNSUBSCRIBE
To: <thyroid@austinoamedjournals.org>
Please remove my contact from your mailing list