Lawyers

• 28.05.2013 10:25 UTC+02:00
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There are numerous amusing compilations, apparently taken from records of court proceedings, in print and on the internet. These two exchanges pretty much sum up my view of lawyers, even if they do turn out to be fictitious.

1. • Lawyer: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
   • Witness: No.
   • Lawyer: Did you check for blood pressure?
   • Witness: No.
   • Lawyer: Did you check for breathing?
   • Witness: No.
   • Lawyer: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
   • Witness: No.
   • Lawyer: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
   • Witness: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
   • Lawyer: But could the patient have still been alive nevertheless?
   • Witness: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere.
2. • Lawyer: Now sir, I'm sure you are an intelligent and honest man—
   • Witness: Thank you. If I weren't under oath, I'd return the compliment.