I think I've pissed myself

I (heart) Vogue

Vogue magazine has pledged to only work with models who are not unhealthily stick-thin or below the age of 16.

At last! Here's my chance for magazine modelling fame, now that the competition from anorexic Lolitas has been removed.

[hoists girth over belt]

Does it matter if my belly flops out further than my tits?