The safety dance
It's that time of year again, when we keep HR's catatonic shitheads happy, by pointlessly measuring immeasurable achievements. Yes, it's time to self-assess our progress against our 2022 goals. For each one, we have to rate our performance on a scale from 0% to 150%.
Like MegaCorpCH before it, InstantlyForgettableNameCorp includes a mandatory 20% safety goal. In the past, because I've had no lost-time injuries—for I am super safety-conscious (rolleyes)—I've assessed my performance as 100%. But this year, I've decided to see if any of the shitheads have actually thought the concept through.
It's hard to find a definition for the corporate safety goal, but I know for a fact that if it's set at zero then it hasn't been achieved. This means that my performance is at least above average, if not exceptional. I deserve 150%, and that's what I've awarded myself.
We'll see just how catatonic they really are.
The catatonic shitheads in HR have been bypassed by those among the company's executive leadership
, who've decided to apply a blanket 0% achievement for our personal corporate safety goal. They've gotta save money somehow.
Oh well, there's always next year.