A life on the run
Mr James Dee was so polite and friendly, when he recently advised me of a diplomat attempting to make off with my moolah. Mind you, he did want a little financial gratification
for his assistance.
But the FBI is having nothing of this pussyfooting around. Agent James Williams strikes hard, and he strikes fast. Presumably, he asks questions later. That's the price to be paid for honest, no-nonsense law enforcement, I guess.
Now the US authorities are after me for money laundering. If I don't cooperate and respond within 72 hours, I'll be ARRESTED, INTERROGATED AND PROSECUTED
. I can tell he means business. Either that, or his Caps Lock key is stuck.
The FBI's scare tactics don't faze me. Besides, shouting in emails is just flat-out rude. So I immediately shot one back at Agent Williams. At least he can't accuse me of not replying within 72 hours.
Reply-To: <jameswilliams.agent@yandex.com> From: "AGENT JAMES WILLIAMS"<zhqasmi65@cyber.net.pk> Subject: URGENT ATTENTION FROM AGENT WILLIAMS (FBI) Date: Fri, 13 May 2022 14:10:04 -0700
Federal Bureau of Investigation Intelligence Field Unit J. Edgar Hoover Building 935 Pennsylvania Avenue, NW Washington, D.C. URGENT ATTENTION BENEFICIARY WE SINCERELY APOLOGIZED FOR SENDING YOU THIS SENSITIVE INFORMATION VIA E-MAIL INSTEAD OF A CERTIFIED MAIL, POST-MAIL, PHONE OR FACE TO FACE CONVERSATION, IT IS DUE TO THE URGENCY AND IMPORTANCE OF THE SECURITY INFORMATION OF OUR CITIZENRY, I AM SPECIAL AGENT JAMES WILLIAMS FROM THE FEDERAL BUREAU OF INVESTIGATION (FBI) INTELLIGENCE UNIT, WE HAVE JUST INTERCEPTED AND CONFISCATED TWO (2) TRUNK BOX AT JFK AIRPORT IN NEW YORK, AND ARE ON THE VERGE OF MOVING IT TO OUR BUREAU HEAD QUARTERS. WE SCANNED THE SAID BOX, AND FOUND IT CONTAINS TOTAL SUM OF $4.1 MILLION AND ALSO BACKUP DOCUMENT WHICH BEARS YOUR NAME AS THE RECEIVER OF THE MONEY CONTAINED IN THE BOX, INVESTIGATIONS CARRIED OUT ON THE DIPLOMAT WHICH ACCOMPANIED THE BOX INTO UNITED STATES SAID HE WAS TO DELIVER THIS FUNDS TO YOUR RESIDENCE AS PAYMENT DUE YOU FROM THE OFFICE OF FEDERAL GOVERNMENT OF NIGERIA AS UNPAID BENEFICIARY. WE CROSS-CHECKED ALL LEGAL DOCUMENTATION IN THE BOX, AND WERE ABOUT TO RELEASE THE CONSIGNMENT TO THE DIPLOMAT WHEN WE FOUND OUT THAT THE BOX WAS LACKING ONE VERY IMPORTANT DOCUMENT WHICH MAKES US CONFISCATE THE BOX. ACCORDING TO SECTION 229 SUBSECTION 31 OF THE 1991 CONSTITUTION IN MONEY LAUNDERING, YOUR CONSIGNMENT LACKS PROOF OF OWNERSHIP CERTIFICATE FROM THE JOINT TEAM OF THE IRS AND HOMELAND SECURITY, REPLY FOR DIRECTION ON HOW TO PROCURE THIS CERTIFICATE WHICH WILL ENABLE YOU RELIEVED OF THE CHARGES OF MONEY LAUNDERING WHICH IS A PUNISHABLE OFFENSE UNDER SECTION 12 SUBSECTION 441 OF CONSTITUTION ON MONEY LAUNDERING. YOU ARE REQUIRED TO REPLY THIS LETTER WITHIN 72HOURS, OR YOU WILL BE ARRESTED, INTERROGATED AND PROSECUTED IN THE COURT OF LAW FOR MONEY LAUNDERING. ALSO, YOU MUST NOT CONTACT ANY OTHER BANK OR PERSON IN NIGERIA OR UNITED KINGDOM OR ANY PART OF THE WORLD FOR ANY PAYMENT, BECAUSE YOUR PAYMENT HAVE BEEN CONFISCATED BY THIS BUREAU HERE IN THE UNITED STATES.. YOURS IN SERVICE AGENT JAMES WILLIAMS REGIONAL DIRECTOR
Come and get me, copper!
Subject: Re: URGENT ATTENTION FROM AGENT WILLIAMS (FBI) Date: Sat, 14 May 2022 11:32:40 +0200 To: jameswilliams.agent@yandex.com
YOU'LL NEVER TAKE ME ALIVE, G-MAN!