Europission
It's that time of year again, folks. The time in question being the one when each country in Europe enters a—generally terrible—song into a competition to find the least bad. And because this is the Eurovision Song Contest, Israel's in the running. Wait, what? (confused)
Eden Golan's entry was originally written as a comment on the Hamas attack against Israeli interlopers in Gaza last October. It has since been retitled and the lyrics changed. Nevertheless, in response to calls for Israel to be barred from competition, the organisers, the EBU, stuck their heads up their arses and claimed Eurovision to be nonpolitical. (palestine)
This is the same EBU that excluded Russia after the invasion of Ukraine. So, yeah, no hypocrisy there then.
In other news, Croatia keeps the Eurovision tradition of stupid song titles alive with Rim Tim Tagi Dim. It's one of the things that maintains the competition's reputation among us cynics as a naff joke.
Oh, and there are at least two non-binary entrants—Switzerland's Nemo and Ireland's Bambie Thug. What are the odds of that?
Now, I can hear you ask, dear reader: If Eurovision's such an anathema to you, fatty, why don't you ignore it?
And it's not an unreasonable question, despite the body-shaming. The reason's partly due to there being so many news
articles over what is, effectively, a minimally newsworthy event that it's difficult to avoid. But I'll be honest, this is primarily an opportunity for me to score petty points by ragging on the BBC's urinalism. What more's needed?
The competition is back in its spiritual home in Sweden, 50 years after Abba's [sic] historic win in 1974. Their winning entry, Waterloo, was the sort of oddity only Eurovision could produce: A glam rock anthem about the Napoleonic Wars
Mark Savage, music correspondent, BBC News
Except it wasn't about the Napoleonic Wars, Mark, you dunderhead. The song used a slight allusion to them as an allegory for a romantic relationship. And the group's name is styled ABBA, not Abba: it's an acronym of their names—Agnetha; Benny; Björn; and Anni-Frid. As a professional music correspondent you're supposed to know this shit. Do keep up.
Mark Savage isn't the only BBC staffer who cannot get ABBA's name right, Clare Thorp is similarly afflicted. Her article on their controversial-to-some 1974 victory, its aftermath, and legacy is an interesting read nonetheless.
And there's great news from Malmö: Israel didn't win, despite big ups from Israeli prime minister and genocidal sack o' shit, Benjamin Netanyahu. So fuck you, Benny.* (partypopper) (partyface)
* That's Benny N., not Benny A., in case you were wondering.