The ramblings of a pseudointellectal…or a genuine idiot?

Okay, but ya didn't hear it from me, right?

There are 192 posts tagged: "unsolicited commercial email"

Surgical imprecision
27 June 2022

Clinics of Surgery is a journal that aspires to publish articles in the field of surgery. To me, that sounds like they're not actually publishing such articles right now, but they hope to get there some day. At least they have a goal, and a drive to meet it, so that's something to get out of bed for in the morning, I suppose.

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Ho, ho, ho
But not in Chicago
19 June 2022

We've previously mused on the likelihood that the ladies of 150 South Wacker Drive were actually whacking off somewhere altogether less salubrious than even Jussie Smollett's MAGA country. I've recently been taking more notice of the UTC timestamps in the email headers, and it's almost predictably enlightening.

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Journal of Anything
18 June 2022

There's not much to this missive from Laura Wilson. As expected, her mail server is not in the same timezone as Chicago. Hey-ho. I have no experience or past publications or relevance to the journal. In fact, the message below is not what I received, it's the MailWizz template that her tracking image links to, so everyone on her shitlist gets the same. Par for the course.

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From USPS with love
18 June 2022

I've received a message from those nice people at USPS, advising me that I have a shipment on hold. They are so kind, although I cannot for the life of me think why their notification fell into my junk mail folder.

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My nipples explode with delight!
17 June 2022

Newsflash to Sarah Jones: There's no such thing as the perfect cup of coffee. I only drink the filthy stuff when I need a jolt. And then it's solely for its pharmacological, not organoleptic, effects.

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Spam, no matter what...
15 June 2022

Just a brief note on two issues that have cropped up before, at least independently, but here they come together in an inglorious double whammy.

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Conditional email
13 June 2022

Although I received this message in my professional account inbox, it's not a predatory solicitation. Just a bog-standard commercial one. And the message itself isn't worth commenting on, except possibly to note the footer:

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Fat shamed?
9 June 2022

James Johnson thinks that I'd be a good fit for his obesity comic. The cheeky fucker. (mad)

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Clueless confirmation
7 June 2022

It's always nice to have the value of your past work recognised by people whose sole interest is in your future money. As I've noted previously though, the only research that I've done on alcohol toxicity has involved a single subject individual. Me. (cocktail)(wine)(beer)

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Token gesture
4 June 2022

Just read the first sentence of Elisa Johnson's message. Does it make any sense to you? I've read it three times, and I'm none the wiser.

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Free nutrition!
3 June 2022

Kathy Miller's soliciting me. At least I think she is. Unless the omission of a comma is intentional, in which case she's inviting me to solicit myself. And that makes even less sense than the rest of her missive.

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EmiFlo: MIA (sad)
1 June 2022

Team JPPR has returned, although this time not through Emily Flora. I received nothing from Sarah Jones yesterday, and one day seems to be ridiculously soon to be chasing people up anyway. Damned ho's in a damned hurry.

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My cruisin' Vinnie
1 June 2022

Dr Gallicchio doesn't clarify why he's happy to contact me. Again.

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Beggars belief
1 June 2022

All begging emails from predatory publishers are a sign of desperation. They need those processing charges to keep rolling in. But I don't recall ever having received something as honest as an admission of lacking manuscripts. Having said that, if it's lacking manuscripts, it's hardly ready for release, is it?

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My outstanding H-index
1 June 2022

Susan Lee is impressed with my outstanding H-index. (proud)

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Valley (Cottage) girl
30 May 2022

Another reminder from one of Open Access Pub's sex workers, from whom I recall no previous correspondence. It may just be the corporate schtick.

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Not so great desire
27 May 2022

Brayden James has a great desire. A great desire for the involvement of my eminent work, my intriguing research no less, in the form of a piece of writing in the upcoming issue of Mathews Journal of Nutrition & Dietetics. Either that, or a great desire for my intriguing and eminent money, in the form of article processing charges.*

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It pays to be in India
18 May 2022

It's almost refreshing to have an Indian predatory publisher who's not pretending to be based in the US, or anywhere else that's not India. So, I'll give Arun Azad of Pushpa Pulishing [sic] House kudos for that, at least.

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A life on the run
14 May 2022

Mr James Dee was so polite and friendly, when he recently advised me of a diplomat attempting to make off with my moolah. Mind you, he did want a little financial gratification for his assistance.

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Fairy Fey
14 May 2022

I'm currently working on a wider study of Remedy Publications' streetwalkers, and haven't been posting their individual missives. Largely because they regurgitate the same old shit, perhaps slightly reworded, just with different mailer headers. We've covered that ground before. There's no need to go over it again and again.

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Thai down
13 May 2022

If the question is what value do continuing professional development (CPD) credits have when they come from a garbage-tier predatory conference?, then the answer has to be none.

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An honest harlot?
11 May 2022

Despite monitoring my junk mail folder, simply for shitz'n'gigglz, I don't recall receiving any previous correspondence from Katherine Isabella. So it's highly likely that she's trying to pull a fast one, to make her missive, and my expected reply, appear that much more urgent. On the other hand, her article submission schedule is filling up, so time really could be of the essence. I'm willing to take the risk of the ship sailing without me though.

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Liar Lisa
10 May 2022

Lisa Kortis has contacted me from the editorial office of Archive of Food and Nutritional Science. She doesn't provide her mailing address, but given that this is a Heighten Science Publications Inc. journal, I'm going to assume that it's in East Windsor, CT. Or, more likely than not, not.

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He's got a nerve
29 April 2022

Judging by the UTC timestamp, Jim's not in India. But he's not in the US, either. So he's clearly not being honest about his whereabouts.

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Always here
28 April 2022

There was something about Merissa Dennis' misplaced confidence in me that struck a chord. I've seen this schtick before. But I have no idea why OAJT should believe that I'm always here to assist them, I haven't done so before, and I have no intention of starting now. Or ever, for that matter.

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I, Coleman
28 April 2022

Coleman I is a new fish in the pond. They're truthful, or so they claim anyway. Funnily enough, I've never really considered truthfulness to be a shining characteristic of Indian predatory publishers.*

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Deeshonest
27 April 2022

Is it legal for US airport officials to expect remuneration from third parties for essentially doing their job? Because that's what I think that's the situation with my correspondent, James Dee, here.

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Pay it forward
26 April 2022

I really wasn't aware that the IMF involved itself in police matters. But, here we are: they're compensating me because my email address was found on a list of fraud victims.

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Fervently curious
26 April 2022

There aren't many people who can claim to be impelled by ferevent scientific curiosity. Jennifer Brown is one of the lucky few. And I have to admit to feeling somewhat envious.

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Ms Marlene
25 April 2022

Rich widows with cancer and no heirs are ten a penny. And it's always the bloody orphans that benefit from their largesse. But, usually, they do their own dirty work. This time, our benefactor has enlisted Marlene Dillon (Ms) to act as go-between.

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Not dead yet
24 April 2022

Meredith Black's message raises similar issues as those by Kristalina Georgieva's. Specifically, both ladies wanted me to confirm my status among the living. Which begs the question: if they receive no answer, is that really proof of death?

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Hyderabad ho!
22 April 2022

More of the same from a US-based Peertechz editor holidaying in India. The company is obviously either a slave-driver, or so good to work for that its editors just cannot stop, even when on leave.

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(N)OMICS
21 April 2022

Sophia Anderson has a UK telephone number. But her email was sent from India. (thinking)

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Teething problems
20 April 2022

The only dental problem here is that Michael's too far away for me to knock his teeth out with a monkey wrench. The UTC timestamp confirms my earlier suspicion regarding his whereabouts though.

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Time travel
18 April 2022

Clara Allen claims to be based in the USA. I've just received an email from her that's date- and timestamped 3½ hours ahead of me, in Switzerland. So, she must be travelling. Possibly somewhere in India, where the time zone is UTC/GMT +5:30 hours. (rolleyes)

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Keep waiting
17 April 2022

Savannah Williams, or Saanvi Walia, is back. Like the other working girls at the Belmont bordello, her throwaway mailer address is a construct based on the journal abbreviation, AJOHNS in this case. The rest is filler.

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No ENTry
17 April 2022

Pamela Aldrich informs me that Journal of Ear, Nose and Throat Disorders is a unique platform for sharing [my] research findings. She's not wrong about that. At least, if by unique she means completely irrelevant.

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Of obesity and weight management
10 April 2022

Sharon Carter is also ecstatic. Once again, I don't share her enthusiasm, but I am beginning to spot a pattern here.

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My green research
10 April 2022

Ruby Dawson's ecstatic. Which makes one of us.

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Tell Laura I loathe her
9 April 2022

She's using a different From header to before, hence the appearance of this missive from Laura appearing in my inbox. But in both cases, I note that the From header domain name matches the tracking image's. So, it's less likely that these are use-once, random permutations.

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My mate Matt
9 April 2022

Rather presumptuously, Dr Matthew Brobbey informs us—BY SHOUTING (mad)—that HE'S EXPECTING OUR REPLY. That's our as in that of my fellow undisclosed recipients and I; not you and I, dear reader. Unless you are also one of those undisclosed recipients; in which case, our.

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Ummm, yes, quite
8 April 2022

This quite possibly the most baffling, if not flat-out pointless, spam message that I have ever received. It's been sent to a distribution list, naturally, but it has no content other than what you see here. Not even a tracking image.

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Clever ho
7 April 2022

Oooh, here's another way around Outlook's block sender function. And it's so obvious, I can't imagine why didn't I see it coming. Rather than faking the domain name, simply faking the generic mailer name before the @ also works. (slaphead)

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The way of the wolf
5 April 2022

I've been contacted by Diana Smith, on behalf of Reproductive System and Sexual Disorders: Open Access Journal. Or should that be Open Access Journal of Reproductive System and Sexual Disorders? Lupine Publishers don't seem to care, so why should I? (shrug)

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The sweet smell of cancer*
5 April 2022

Just from the subject line, I could tell that my correspondent was not in good health. I hazarded a guess at cancer. On further reading, I was not disappointed. Some dogs can detect cancer in people, I can sense it in emails.

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Unnecessary acknowledgement
4 April 2022

According to Rebecca Morris, Journal of Biotechnology and Biomedical Science is exhaustive in its scope and publishes rigorously peer-reviewed papers covering novel prospects and techniques in all areas of Biotechnology and Biomedical Science. Good to know! (thumbup)

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The stealthy ho
3 April 2022

From toccri.com to toaccr.com. Annals of Clinical Case Reports is an stupendous source of information…every day across the world. Apparently. It's also a megajournal, specialising in medical case reports. Not unlike Mega Journal of Case Reports. (rolleyes)

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Just walk away, Rene
3 April 2022

And now she's back, from toccri.com, not outer space.

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Stupid Bag
31 March 2022

Sumona Bag invites me to republish one of my old articles as a book chapter. Double-dipping like this is a disreputable academic practice, essentially padding out one's list of publications, although Sumona phrases it in a more favourable light: With the same research work you can get double benefit and it will enrich your resume.

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Jolly Angelina
28 March 2022

I was going to delete her message without comment. But, then it occurred to me that despite this mailer being on the blocked senders list, which is why I found it in my junk mail folder, and the standard I tried several times schtick, I have never received anything from Angelina Megan before now.

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The dog's gotta go
26 March 2022

When not recognising my excellence in the fields of obesity and diabetes, John Wick's gunning for my thoughts on gynaecology and obstetrics. He obviously considers me to be some sort of jack-of-all-trades. Perhaps the polite term would be polymath? (thinking)

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Not the full ticket
25 March 2022

The Belmont bawds and her fellow Medtext molls have taken to changing the From header to bypass sender block rules, but retain the Reply-To address, so that they can receive direct replies. Cunning, no?

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Born too late
22 March 2022

I have been graciously invited to attend the 30th World Congress on Controversies in Obstetrics, Gynecology & Infertility (COGI), to be held in Amsterdam in November. Not only that, but if I was born before 1988, and I was, by a clear margin, then I'm eligible to enter the Young Scientist Competition! Yay!!

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Predatory review
18 March 2022

Peer-review is the process by which a manuscript that's submitted for publication, in an academic journal, is reviewed by experts in the field. If necessary, the reviewers will offer suggestions to improve the paper, and finally a recommendation as to whether or it's suitable for acceptance, or should be rejected. This is pro bono work, done for the sake of academic integrity.

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Hitman meets fatman
18 March 2022

Rent boy by day, hitman by night, John Wick's tracked me down. As long as I don't kill his dog though, I should be fine.

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No, no, Nancy!
17 March 2022

Nancy Ronald is soliciting, quite literally in this instance. She claims to have read one of my published articles, and found it to be a great source of information. I'm relieved, and the editor of the accepting journal would be too, to know that Nancy approves of his decision.

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Orlando or (gut-)bust(er)
15 March 2022

Magnus Conferences have quite the sense of humour…or irony. They're hosting the World Obesity and Weight Management Congress in Orlando, FL. Home to Disney World, and a Mecca for lardarses the world over. Talk about taking coals to Newcastle.

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If you're going to credit me with someone else's work, at least choose something interesting
11 March 2022

I'm used to invitations to publish my work in journals, or attend conferences, the scope of which are outside my realm of expertise, such as it is. I'm also used to my published work being extolled to elicit my engagement. All for the financial benefit of some morally- and ethically-bereft predator.

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This auspicious year
10 March 2022

Those crazy Californians and their wacky ways.

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Quinntunessential
10 March 2022

Quinn Elisaa returns to my inbox, this time on behalf of Journal of Clinical Pharmacology and Therapeutics. Two weeks ago, when she and Prissy Wiley last defecated into my mailbox, they were both using the same mailer From address: editor@joapmedtextoa.com.

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It's not brayn surjury!
9 March 2022

Immediately following a megajournal, I was greeted by this missive in my inbox from Megan Taylor, who, by earlier definition, must be an impressively large N Taylor. (LOL)

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Mega or mega-?
9 March 2022

Mega-: according to the dictionary definition, it means large, very large, or huge. But, colloquially, it extends to mean impressively large; awe-inspiring. Thus we have megalodon, an impressively large lodon; megalith, an impressively large lith; and megalomania, an impressively large lomania.

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Appleton Greene
8 March 2022

Just posting this as a general screw you to Appleton Greene & Co.

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Pharmer Greene
8 March 2022

Laura Greene has also taken to circumventing block senders lists, by the simple expedient of changing the From address in her message. I am, apparently, honoured to be a speaker at Pharma 2022. Or is it Pharma-2022? Who cares? Certainly not Laura.

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My "brilliant" research
5 March 2022

A mere two weeks ago, Laura Oliveira expected my attendance as a speaker at Gynec‑2022. Now that she's found my brilliant research background in google database *cough*, I'm again invited to speak. I'm under no illusion that I've been specially selected for this dubious honour; if my expertise in the field is anything to go by, then they've set the bar ridiculously low.

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SciPinion
2 March 2022

SciPinion are not an Indian predatory publishing house pretending to be based in the US. Firstly, they're not a publishing house. And, secondly, they are based in the US; Bozman, MT to be precise.

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Late bird discount
2 March 2022

According to Prof. Giacomo Corrado, early submissions to Journal of Translational Science gain a discount of only £699. Which implies that late submissions get a better deal; perhaps the editorial team enjoys the thrill of just-in-time delivery. But I wonder what that deal is? (thinking)

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Heeeere's Rene!
2 March 2022

Bloody hell! Only a week has passed, and she's back. Her message didn't go straight to junk mail, even though I tagged her previous missive accordingly. I think that this might be because the From address has changed. Last week it was editor@jipccrioa.com, and now it's editor@ijoapccri.com. These are for the same journal, Clinical Case Reports International.

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/campaigns/
1 March 2022

I wouldn't normally do this, but I cannot adequately describe the abject amateurism of the email that I received from IJDMSR—the Indian International Journal Dental and Medical Sciences Research [sic]. So, below is a screenshot of that message.

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Cancerfornia
1 March 2022

Alyssa needs an immediate response, and Journal of Gynecological Oncology requires my prompt support, with my valuable research into gynaecology. I'm saying nothing. (whistling)

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Track 'n' trace
1 March 2022

Yet another rent boy expecting me to submit an article to a journal in a field about which I know nothing. This time it's complementary and alternative medicine, which I only associate with nutters, chanting, incense, and kaftans.

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(g)OAT(se)
28 February 2022

Open Access Text claims to be a publishing house based in the UK.

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Editorial bored
26 February 2022

Solicitations to submit articles to predatory journals outside one's field of expertise is not uncommon. But an invitation to join the editorial board of such an esteemed [by whom?] organisation is definitely a step up.

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More MailWizz!
26 February 2022

Within less than one hour, I receive two missives from hoes grinding away at Medtext Publications LLC. Other than sharing the same predatory publisher and a general disdain for the English language, both Quinn Elisaa and Prissy Wiley have two things in common: total ambivalence as to whether I genuinely have any experience in the subjects of their journals, I don't; and, in common with the hoes at Remedy Publications, the use of MailWizz's tracking image tag.

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Drugs and fishes
25 February 2022

I was annoyed when I read Elisa Peretti's message. The first two paragraphs, in particular, really pissed me off. Does she really think that bothering eminent strangers, with constant begging mails, will encourage them to submit an article to her gutter journal, or give a damn about enhancing it?

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Supplementary
25 February 2022

Christopher Robinson is eager to work with me. That's nice for him, but I'm not so sure that I feel the same way.

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Just send anything!
25 February 2022

Things must be getting desperate at Herald Scholarly Open Access. Kaitlyn Carl is following up on her previous request, which I honestly don't recall, for any submission to be published in Journal of Reproductive Medicine, Gynaecology & Obstetrics. The journal has an impact factor of 1.36*, apparently. I don't know what the asterisk means, she doesn't say.*

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What The Lord giveth...
23 February 2022

Mrs Peninnah Ariel Benaiah is a Norwegian citizen, living in Burkina Faso. Her husband is a politician who owns a gold company there.

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Rene, now with added é
22 February 2022

It appears that Vanessa Holmes isn't the only working girl at the Belmont bordello to foresake verify-live links for a MailWizz tracking image tag. Rene/René Brinley is also using this skeevy tactic.

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Jess and obesity
22 February 2022

United Research Forum is back, with another wannabe celebrity conference organiser. Or is Jessie not Sarah Jessica Parker's nickname?*

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Do you like cookies too?
22 February 2022

The American Journal of Biomedical Science & Research is a new one on me. From a brief search, it seems to be the only journal published by BiomedGrid LLC, which is not one of the hallmarks of a predatory publisher. But there are others.

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Belmont or Bangalore?
21 February 2022

Vanessa Holmes wants my kind support for the upcoming edition of Annals of Clinical Toxicology; once again, a subject in which I have no experience. I do, however, have experience in dealing with garbage missives like this. Perhaps I could prepare a manuscript for submission to Journal of Gutter Journals. (thinking)

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A brothel is a brothel is a brothel
20 February 2022

Yet another garbage-tier conference at which my presence is expected. This time, it's Gynec-2022.

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Not even trying
20 February 2022

There was a time when Nigerian scammers would at least make an effort to hoodwink the gullible. Bank officials or politicians wanting to get funds out of the country, and offering a cut for your help, princes offering whatever princes offer. You know the drill. At least there was effort put into creating even the lamest of backstories.

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Immediately passed over
20 February 2022

Yet another demanding request, this time from the Belmont bordello. It's kinda ironic that a journal on emergency medicine needs an immediate response and prompt support. (LOL)

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Happia without Sophia
18 February 2022

Sophia B's back, wishing me a happy today! My today would be happier without her shittin' in my inbox. But that's by the by, she obviously cannot get enough of my special collaboration.

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Do you offer discounts too?
15 February 2022

On behalf of Obstetrics and Gynecology Reports, Gretta Collins offers Disocunts for the new issue. Given the journal's subject matter, the typo is cruelly apt.

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Pharmed out
13 February 2022

According to the subject line of Laura Green's missive, my presence is expected at Pharma-2022.

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Not just Jessica
13 February 2022

The first time that Jessica M Viewer contacted me, she didn't include her address in her signature, so I didn't put two and two together. But it now appears that the Californian cathouse, at 820 El Camino Real, has another ho-in-residence.

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Donate to ME!ME!ME!
13 February 2022

As if to prove my point, Sister Christiana Lizzy <lizzychristiana08@gmail.com> is another childless widow with cancer. What are the odds? (thinking)

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Hopeless response
11 February 2022

I receive a lot of unsolicited email from predatory publishers. Most messages are simply too unremarkable for comment. Some are amusingly inept in one way or another. Few actually piss me off.

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Holy me (holy)
11 February 2022

Writing as GlobalCare for the Needy, Shorelin exhorts me to LET YOUR CONSCIENCE BE YOUR GUIDE.

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Are you saying I'm fat?
11 February 2022

Either Scientific Meetings or Magnus Meet—Jessica Deborah seems to be ambivalent as to which—is organising the Euro-Global Conference on Food Science and Technology, to be held in Paris, France. This is another hybrid event, for the benefit of those who don't want to travel during the pandemic, or who have an aversion to mice and Gallic customer service.

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Lil' ol' risk-taker me
10 February 2022

Rebecca Martin is pretty sure that attendees of Biomaterials 2022 will gain much knowledge. There's a certain lack of commitment there which suggests she's not entirely convinced.

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Emma, is that really you?
10 February 2022

It appears that international conferences on traditional medicine are really quite the thing. Scientific Meetings are not only organising a hydrid ICTM-2022 in September, but also a virtual one in April. Or are they? (thinking)

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The colour of Ronnie
10 February 2022

Veronica Stanley hopes that I won't disappoint the scientific bastion that is Research in Pediatrics & Neonatology. I will, but that's beside the point.

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The return of Editorial Manager
8 February 2022

Editorial Manager is back. None of it's great, but the highlighted paragraph is special.

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The southern part of Erica
7 February 2022

Serious shit's going down in Nigeria, but it may all be to my advantage. I'm quite the lucky boy!

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Pain meds
3 February 2022

Sansa H advises me that You have more opportunities for future collaboration. And it's always good to have opportunities, isn't it?

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Natural healing
1 February 2022

I've been invited to attend the prestigious ICTM-2022 in Paris. That's Paris, France, not Paris, Texas. Fortunately, it's a hybrid event, so I needn't run the gauntlet of the French capital's murine population.

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I'm dead (not really)
28 January 2022

I didn't get a lot of sleep last night. (wine) (sad)

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Dentist the menace
27 January 2022

I last visited the dentist a little over a month ago. But nothing happened that'd be worth reporting in either Dental & Oral Case Reports or Journal of Dentistry & Oral Disorders. Unless the hygienist's recommendations for interdental brushes, because I don't floss regularly, counts.

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Editorial confusion
24 January 2022

Like Vanessa Moore, Sarah H seems to have some confusion about the scope and reach of her journal. But her confusion goes further still.

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Alice in chains
24 January 2022

Rev. Alice Kiesten writes to me, offering her $60M fortune to charity. And I get to keep $10M of that for being so honest. Sweet! I now realise the truth of the adage: virtue is its own reward. (thumbup)

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Not such a bargain
14 January 2022

Vinnie's contacted me again, offering a New Year special publication fee of only $159 to Journal of Regenerative Medicine & Biology Research. Hang on, didn't he offer me a reduction to $159 in September? And Ashley Brown offered the same deal in April, if I submitted before a specific deadline.

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Thanks Mack! (thumbup)
14 January 2022

Bloody hell! What are the chances?

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Nano nano
11 January 2022

Note to Alina Cohen:

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Debs
11 January 2022

I haven't been counting the number of times that the editor of Archives of Women [sic] Health and Care has approached me for a contribution to their e-rag. But she has: Second Follow-up email after no response. So it's good to know that one of us is paying attention.

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CAN-SPAM! Thank you, ma'am!
7 January 2022

It seems that different people have different interpretations of the Controlling the Assault of Non-Solicited Pornography And Marketing Act of 2003.

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Stack 'em, pack 'em, and rack 'em
5 January 2022

Magnus Conferences specialise in the other side of the predatory coin from publishing: scamming people to attend garbage-tier conferences. Obviously, this market has been dented somewhat by the pandemic. So they're now offering physical/virtual hybrid events.

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This unsolicited message is intended only...
5 January 2022

Wulf Höflich works for an Indian company pretending to be a UK/Dutch company, and offers me Unique Insights on Business Trends & Techno Commercial Landscapes. He must be quite brainy, because he went to a university, although he doesn't specify which one. So it could've been the University of Life, I guess. (shrug)

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The devil in the detail
5 January 2022

Evelyn <evelyn@fluter.co> is an experienced professional web developer, based in India. With a Columbian domain. (confused)

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No data
5 January 2022

John George seems pretty earnest when he writes, encouraging me to share my work.

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Proof of god?
4 January 2022

DrNG offers me New Year Greetings! & New Insights., which is very kind of him. Not only that, but he thanks me for being immune, which suggests that he knows more about my health status than I do. Perhaps that's the insight he refers to? I'm not sure how creepy that is, to be honest.

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Victim in waiting
29 December 2021

Gracie Hughes writes to me, regarding the above mentioned payment. I think Gracie has quite the sense of humour.

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God is grate
20 December 2021

Offering GREETINGS IN JESUS NAME !!!!, Mrs Susan Wilson informs me that she suffers from breast cancer and stroke, which have denied her a child. Although I suspect that that has more to do with her age. As, indeed, do her diseases. (pipe)

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Foresee to praise
20 December 2021

Vanessa Moore's at it. Again. Global Journal of Reproductive Medicine is in shortfall of articles for successful release. Again.

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Labour vs. delivery
15 December 2021

The subject line of Gretta Collins' missive is a close, but no cigar in terms of comprehension, but I'll spare you a blow-by-blow critique. The real issue is that I'm not sure what Labor and Delivery refers to.

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Cell of duty
14 December 2021

HSBC's London office has contacted me, regarding a vast sum of money that some unscrupulous government officials tried to keep from me. And I don't think that they're referring to the taxman.

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No slacking!
12 December 2021

Rayner Micheal writes that he/she Hope you are working on your ongoing Research.

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Mark or Mike?
10 December 2021

According to my correspondent, I'm honest, which is nice. It's always reassuring to have one's positive attributes recognised.

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Red wine and dementia
9 December 2021

According to Dr Will Mitchell, there are 3 ways to kill dementia. So it's strange that he's only offering one here. But I guess we all have to start somewhere.

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Journal of (any) research
7 December 2021

Maha D, managing editor at esteemed garbage-level journal, Global Journal of Fertility and Research, invites me to Publish and expose your article. There are some places where exposing one's article can get you the unwanted attention of law enforcement. Or so I'm led to believe, I've never tried it myself. Honest, officer!

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Send us your gynaecologists
30 November 2021

Laura Harry has invited me to contribute gynaecologists, ostensibly to her esteemed journal. If she's collecting actual, practicing gynaecologists though, could she be planning to staff a women's hospital? (thinking)

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Trackers tracking
30 November 2021

Dr Federica Gattuso invites me to publish my preprint manuscripts in HighTech and Innovation Journal. So, I think she's asking me to double dip, by submitting a manuscript that's already been accepted for publication elsewhere.* This is a questionable practice at best, if not flat-out unethical.

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Dental floss
29 November 2021

What's your immediate thought? The journal title in the From header doesn't match that in the message body. The From address is editor@manuscriptsubmit.biz, yet the Reply-To address is jdoh@scimedresearchmail.biz.

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Disclaimer disregarded
29 November 2021

Zena Zhao, at MDPI publishing house, invites me to submit an article to a special issue of their journal, Materials, to be entitled Zirconia and Innovative Biomaterials for Dental and Biomedical Applications. Curiously, I have a dental appointment this Friday, which will include filling a small fissure in one of my molars. I wonder if that's how she came into contact with me? (thinking)

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The Hungary Games
24 November 2021

Some people are just too good for this world. People like Mr Greg Helms, the Director of the Airport Storage and Cargo Unit at Erie International Airport. He's advised me that my consignment, worth over $9M, may be moved to the UK if I don't settle the outstanding storage charges. It's a risk that I'm prepared to take, since it will still be closer to me than it is now.

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My learned works?
24 November 2021

I have absolutely no idea why Journal of Corona Virus [sic] has contacted me for my helpful contribution. They may have read my learned works in the field, but I think it's unlikely.

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Hedging my bets
22 November 2021

An enticing offer just came into my inbox. Nicole R. Wafer asks me where do you from ?.

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Immediate attention
14 November 2021

I've been approached by Journal of Child, Adult Vaccines and Immunology, at least according to the From header. Or is it Journal of child adult Vaccine Immunology, as according to my trusty correspondent? (thinking)

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Editorial Manager
13 November 2021

The message is impersonal, and almost as terse as the subject line:

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Hypertensive
12 November 2021

The subject line of her email says it all. At least it would, if I understood it.

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Getting ready to get busy
11 November 2021

Thomas Shah has got my back. An account executive at Unify Funding, he asks me Is Your business ready for the busy season? How could he have known that this is the very question that keeps me awake at night? (thinking)

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Suppository
11 November 2021

The solicitation:

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No chance
10 November 2021

I received a message from Emily Flora last week, the standard request to submit my valuable research to her valueless web journal. You know the schtick. It was neither amusing nor inept enough to pass comment on, so I deleted it without further ado.

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Columbian clot
9 November 2021

In my ongoing drive to mock the incompetence of predatory publishers and their staff, I have been gifted a request from Alice Vickers, on behalf of Perceptions in Reproductive Medicine.

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What about us?
9 November 2021

Web-based businesses should ensure that their web presence gives potential clients a good impression of the company as a whole. As they say, first impressions last. It's like asking a girl out on a date, if you look like shit, she's more likely to turn you down. Garbage-tier predatory publishers not only resort to unsolicited commercial email, but their websites often have glaring anomalies that indicate a lack of attention to detail.

Take this example, from RAS Publishers. They came to my attention when I was contacted by Ms. Mary, who positively hopes, with great desire, that my precious article can be sent to her in less than a week. Because, clearly, I have nothing better to do.

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Sweet William
8 November 2021

William Rose has reached out to me, to enquire Need a publishing platform? It's not a properly-formed question, granted, but perhaps he's in a hurry. Time is money, after all.

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A venue of Vanessas
5 November 2021

What is it with Vanessas? There are so many of them out there, just desperate to publish my esteemed ramblings. So far, my demimonde of sweet Vanessas includes Williams, at Medtext Publications; Moore, at Juniper Publishers; and the below-mentioned Holmes, working out of Remedy Publications' very own Californian cathouse.

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Rejoice‽
2 November 2021

I've mentioned the Global Journal of Reproductive Medicine a couple of times before, but I've only just noticed that Vanessa is either unsure or downright ambivalent as to whether or not it's Global. The journal name that she provides in the From header field is Journal of Reproductive Medicine. I guess minor details like that don't really matter when you're scraping the bottom of the publishing barrel.

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Savannah or Saanvi?
31 October 2021

Someone claiming to be Savannah Williams, at Remedy Publications' Belmont bordello, sent me an Invitation for the Submission of Upcoming Research Work on behalf of the American Journal of Otolaryngology and Head and Neck Surgery. By definition, upcoming research work cannot be submitted for publication. Because it's upcoming, it hasn't been done yet. Duh!

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I didn't realise that my writing was so bad (sad)
27 October 2021

The opening line advises me that I'm receiving this shit because I visited their website, which is an utter lie. Even if I had visited their website—and as a native English speaker, with years' of publication experience, why would I bother?—they could only have obtained my email address if I'd submitted it. Like I'd ever do that!

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Overachiever
27 October 2021

Spam that's automatically routed to my personal account's junk folder generally looks as it would in my inbox, but without images. I have never, until now, noticed a message actually headed by the spam detection analysis. My mate James, or John, is really hitting the ball out of the park here; he scored 31.4 points, of a required 5.0 to be detected. What a guy!

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Lisa with an EL*
26 October 2021

And now Lisa D Williams joins the best little whorehouse in California. The owner/CPO of the company must've had an extension built to the bordello at 820 El Camino Real. Either that, or the girls are working shifts. I can't imagine that their clientele would be too happy with bunk beds.

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Kindly piss off*
26 October 2021

The demanding tone of the subject line from Vanessa Williams—no, not the Vanessa Williams, not unless she's fallen on really hard times that is—really pissed me off: Kindly Submit 2 Page editorial/Short Communication/Letter to Editor. I don't give a damn about it being kindly, that's no different to demanding money with menaces and please.

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Girls hangin' out
13 October 2021

Sweet Jesus! They're really packing 'em in at that there 820 El Camino Real, California, aren't they? Rene, Daizy, Alyssa, and Vanessa must be besties. Best hoes, that is.

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Charlotte's web
13 October 2021

Charlotte Jackson is a recruiter. She claims to be an independent consultant but, judging by the From/Reply-To email address headers, she also seems to work with Imperial Search. Imperial Search's website is very lightweight, which sends off scammy umbrella-company vibes. Nevertheless, so far, so mundane.

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From India with love?
4 October 2021

Daizy Priscilla contacted me, inviting me to submit my blahblah to her yadayada. None of it stood out of the ordinary, except she's another lowlife at the gutter publishing house that is Remedy Publications LLC. Daizy must be besties with Alyssa, who works out of the same office address.

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Saying it's not doesn't mean it's not
4 October 2021

Food Safety 2022 have invited me to speak at their Food Science & Technology 2022 webinar. I am so honoured!

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Newcastle 'Scholars' Publishing
27 September 2021

Whether Cambridge Scholars Publishing is a predatory publisher may be a matter of debate. What is not debatable, however, is their repeated use of unsolicited commercial email to drum up business.

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Extending my research?
26 September 2021

From the Journal of Child, Adult Vaccines and Immunology comes an opportunity for me to Extend your research by publishing with us.

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Druggie
25 September 2021

The subject line claims Only 2 weeks left for this issue: please submit. But September ends next week. I thought this solicitation was for Annals of Pharmacology and Pharmaceutics, not Annals of Time Travel…in which case it should've been addressed to Dr Who. BA-BOOM-TSCH!

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Surgical precision
22 September 2021

What luck! I've received a high priority invitation to submit a manuscript to The General Surgeon.

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Herbidacious
20 September 2021

I wonder if she's the same simona.su@3sgroupcn.com who's a sales representative for 3S Group. Both 3sgroupcn.com and 3sgruopcn.com are registered domains, but only the former has a website, and it purports to sell water pumps. (thinking)

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Suspiciously-crafted email
15 September 2021

I received the following message, with the subject Letzte Warnung vor der endgültigen Schließung Ihres Domänennamens, from a sender pretending to be my web host provider. It may surprise you to know that their payment system had detected a problem with my payment card, and they advised me to use the link that they had thoughtfully provided. How kind is that? Some people are just too good for this world.

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The ethics of spam
10 September 2021

I've received something similar to this email from Ethics International Press before. In that instance, the message referred to Dr Rosamund Thomas, as if her name was supposed to mean something to me.

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Still overpriced
9 September 2021

Yes, the English is terrible. No, I have no expertise in the journal's subject matter, although I have been selected as an eminent author, so there's that I guess. But, a valueless predatory journal with rip-off rates publication charges of only $159? That's a total freakin' bargain!

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California or Cambodia?
8 September 2021

International Journal of Internal and Emergency Medicine is an academic publication based in the USA. Or is it?

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Glorious wishes
13 August 2021

Vanessa offers me glorious wishes, which I don't get every day, so that's nice. And she wants me to submit my valuable manuscript immediately. It can be on any topic of my choosing, which gives me more leeway than I'm used to; or should be allowed, if I'm honest.

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Too rich for me!
22 July 2021

It's rare that predatory publishers are open about the cost of publishing your laundry list in their gutter-grade journals—using journals in its broadest possible sense. Usually it takes some digging to get that information. But I have never seen anything so up-front about costs as this.

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Waiting hopefully
15 July 2021

The Global Journal of Reproductive Medicine, a prominent journal within its specialist field, is produced by the leading publishing house, Juniper Publishers, based in Irvine, California.

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Eminent me
2 July 2021

I've mentioned low-energy spam from predatory publishers before. If you want someone to give you money for old rope, you might as well help them to understand why your rope is better for them than anyone else's. But that seems to be too much for some publishing pondlife.

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My precious articles
8 June 2021

Another request for my valuable submission. My money research work is highly prized among the pondlife publishing community, who're obviously not wasting their income on translation services. Anyhow, I'm posting this here simply because it's short and funny; unlike Melissa McCarthy, who at 5′2″ (1.57m) can only lay claim to being short.

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Inglish lyk wot I rite
8 May 2021

From an academic perspective, most unsolicited email that I receive comes from garbage-tier open access journals. But there's other life, dwelling among the nether reaches of the pond, ready to pounce on the unwary; and that includes translation services. Services such as those offered by Academia Editing.

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TrumpAcademy
5 May 2021

An email from TrumpAcademy <trumpacademy@deathflytrap.top> advises me that Trump just dropped a Bombshell. It included no body text, just an image which wasn't downloaded because the message had found its way into my junk mail folder.

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Cancermail
30 April 2021

Unsolicited email sent by predatory publishers has many characteristic traits related to the incompetence of organisations that exist solely to publish your work for payment. Generally, though, they are fairly brief, and have discernable paragraph white space.

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Cannot be arsed
30 April 2021

Sometimes predatory spam is so low-energy that I wonder whether they actually expect a response. I'm inclined to think that their sole intent is to fill my inbox with shit.

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Hair today, gone tomorrow (sad)
26 April 2021

Another day, another solicitation from a pond-dwelling, vanity, science publisher.

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Ironic alcoholic
12 April 2021

SL Pharmacology and Toxicology, a garbage-level publication shat out onto the interwebz by Scientific Literature Journals, is planning a special edition to be entitled Alcohol Toxicity:

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Easy, Tiger
8 April 2021

According to Maggie Pound at SalesTiger:

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Durian Durian
7 April 2021

I received a somewhat pedestrian unsolicited commercial email from Danielle Cwalinski today, advising me of the health benefits of ONE exotic fruit. And she doesn't mean Joe Exotic…BA-DA-BOOM-TSCH!

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The luck of the Irish?
Pah! Try the luck of the English!
6 April 2021

Sometimes my inbox or, rather, junk mail folder reveals to me how sought-after I am. And I have a hard time believing that little ol' me could attract such attention. Just pure bitchin' luck, I guess; some of us got it, and some of you ain't.

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A matter of trust
6 April 2021

Straight and to the point, just the way I like my unsolicited commercial email.

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Gone phishing
11 August 2020

We are constantly reminded about the dangers of social engineering security breaches, such as phishing attacks. So, you'd think that a responsible financial institution would be sensitive to the advice that we're given, which includes being wary of emails purporting to be from one institution, but coming from a different domain.

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Hopeful response
24 July 2020

Spam messages from predatory publishers are not uncommon. They often follow a standard format, including one or more of the following: the urgency of their deadline; the eminence of one's work in the, often totally unrelated, field; fulsome praise of the recipient's character, if not manhood; spurious claims as to their academic value; no indication of the, carefully hidden, costs. Most go straight to the junk folder without comment, or even being read.

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I blow my nose in your general direction
12 July 2020

It never ceases to amaze me, the poor English, lying, and general incompetence in begging emails from gutter science journals. You've heard the saying first impressions last, but it's not as if they're even trying…other than my patience:

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Yours professionally
24 June 2020

Another day, another request for me to publish my valuable research, at my expense, in some bottom-dwelling pseudo-science rag.

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The book that writes itself for you, but not quite
26 May 2020

Most of the unsolicited email that I receive into my business account is from laboratory suppliers, despite me not having a laboratory!; low-rent conference organisers; or lower-rent open source publishers. And then, every so often, there's something out of the ordinary.

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My condition is not as perfect as it could be
26 May 2020

I received the usual transfer-of-funds shit, this time from a Dr Donald Moore working with a finance house in Ghana*:

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Making money the easy way
10 May 2020

I received an interesting opportunity from Christina Vounas at beheadbold.ga. In an email entitled Power Companies Are Absolutely FURIOUS..., I'm invited to:

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Mrs Ragnhild Lilly Button
29 November 2019

This item in my junk mail folder leapt out at me, simply because of the sender's (alleged) name…Mrs Ragnhild Lilly Button. Whoever came up with that has a sense of humour to match mine, and they should feel ashamed.

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Liar, liar!
9 April 2019

Unsolicited commercial email is annoying enough, but doubly so when they treat you like a moron.

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The tooth, the whole tooth, and nothing but the tooth
25 March 2019

My youngest daughter has just learnt that she will need braces and rubber bands to fix her imperceptibly crooked teeth and misaligned jaw. I have just learnt how much this will cost. Fortunately, I was sitting down at the time!

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Publish, and be damned!
16 March 2019

One form of spam, that I regularly receive, is from predatory publishers requesting that I submit my valuable research to their valueless journals for immediate publication…for a usually undisclosed fee.

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Google translated?
5 February 2019

We all get spam, unwanted email communications that is, not tinned pork derivative. It's intrusive, annoying, and, in some cases, malicious or even dangerous. But, it's a part of everyday life and, every now and then, there's one that escapes the junk mail filters and briefly brightens my day with its simple ineptitude.

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If you notice this notice
4 February 2019

Random spam:

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Amusing spam
3 February 2016

Occasionally, an amusing spam message comes my way. This, for instance, from Mr Tzee Pepple:

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Canned meat product: spiced and served with a chapati
23 April 2012

According to a report from Sophos, India is now the most prolific country for spam: India has become the top spam-spewing nation on the planet, rapidly passing the US. Except that the report ranks nations by the amount of junk mail routed through computers in each country.

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SPAM: new serving suggestion
11 November 2011

That nice Mr/Mrs Chumbla in Nigeria has offered me, and I suspect all of you, their money for FREE.

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Odd spam
9 June 2011

I received quite a strange spam invite entitled Exclusive Invite For New Social Nertwork for professionals.

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Spam (mad)
3 September 2003

Since 27 August I've had 1108 messages offering me everything from generic viagra, to an extra 3" for my best friend; from teen pr0n, to cheap mortgages. Most of these talk in terms of US$ and deliver, where applicable, to the 50 states of the Union.

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