All's not what it seems

Listen, I don't want no trouble

There are 152 posts tagged: "celeb"

It's called acting, darling!
23 September 2023

Sir Michael Caine recalled his big break in Zulu (1964) during an interview with the Daily Fail. Fortunately, it was excerpted by Deadline, so I could read about it without risk to my IQ.

Amber's number 1 fan*
22 September 2023

After wandering the cinematic wilderness, as a Hollywood outcast following her loss in Johnny Depp's defamation lawsuit, Amber Heard is set to return to someone's screen in upcoming indie film In The Fire. It's being released simultaneously in theatres, on digital, and on demand; which, in the post-pandemic theatrical landscape, is not a sign of high confidence in its box office performance.

An incredible home no more?
13 September 2023

A Grade II-listed Georgian house in Windsor, which was home to UK TV and radio presenter Chris Evans, is on the market for a none-too-paltry £4M. This is presumably meant to be of some interest to the denizens of Warrington, Evans' birthplace, as Lois Dean describes to the Warrington Guardian's readers the Former incredible home of Warrington-born Chris Evans.

Will the real Slim Shady please grow up?
29 August 2023

It's a time-honoured tradition in US politics, whereby Republican campaigners use popular music to show that they're down wit' da kidz, and musicians order them to not use their performance for political gain. It's petty, but a recording is a recording, and recordings are covered by copyright restrictions on public performance, so fair enough.

Please sir, I want some more
6 August 2023

As SAG-AFTRA's luvvies continue to withhold their massive talent from the camera's loving gaze, everyone's favourite Latina grifter, Rachel Zegler, brought her own perspective to the pity party. In a video that went viral for all the wrong reasons, and saw her getting roasted for being entitled and out-of-touch, she declared:

The Timberlake syndrome
3 August 2023

A hagiography of Angus Cloud is illustrated among the BBC's features' picks with an image previously used to illustrate BBC Culture's deep-dive into cinematic buttocks. I guess all average-looking, cropped-haired, white actors look alike. (shrug)

The person most responsible
11 July 2023

As Indiana Jones and the Dial of Destiny dies an ignominious death at the box office, looking forward to a post-theatrical life as one of cinema's biggest and undoubtedly most infamous bombs, thoughts in some quarters turn to holding those responsible to account. The perennial bête noir of Lucasfilm's traditional fandom, the company's president Kathleen Kennedy, is once again rumoured to be ousted. That's a rumour that's circulated several times before, however, and yet Teflon Kate remains. She must know where bodies are buried.

Dumb and dumber
2 July 2023

An evangelical Christian graphic designer has had her right not to design websites for same-sex couples upheld by the US Supreme Court. So far, so what?(question) (whatever)

Barbie girl
12 June 2023

With the impending release of Margot Robbie's latest cinematic dud, Barbie, comes the revelation that Amy Schumer was originally cast in the titular role. She eventually exited the project, because the script didn't feel feminist and cool enough.

29 May 2023

With the release of Disney's live-action reimagining of The Little Mermaid comes some none-too flattering reviews, at least outside the shill media. One of the many could've-done-better aspects is Awkwafina's portrayal of Scuttle; and her truly excruciating rap number, The Scuttlebutt.

The voice, the hair, the legs
25 May 2023

Tina Turner has passed away. She was only 83, which is no age really.

Lost magic
2 April 2023

I was saddened to read of the passing of Japanese musician and actor Ryuichi Sakamoto. With YMO, he pioneered electronic music that sounded warmer, more human, and less industrial than Kraftwerk.

Plastica fantastica!
10 February 2023

When Madonna appeared at this year's Grammy Awards looking every bit like the love child of Mickey Rourke and Jocelyn Wildenstein, the internetz were abuzz. Some commented that she should grow old gracefully, as if she'd give a damn for what anyone else thinks. The freakish visage wasn't her real face though, it was the result of the patriarchy photographing her through a beer glass.*

Satan sells
7 February 2023

Someone claiming to be Madonna introduced Sam Smith and Kim Petras at the Grammy Awards' ceremony—if ceremony isn't too grand a term—when the pair won the Best Pop Duo or Group Performance award for Unholy. The song's not terrible; but, all the same, 2022 must've been a pretty lean year. Anyhow, that's not the point…or is it?

Blonde ambition
23 January 2023

Last year's biopic of Marilyn Monroe, Blonde, tops the 43rd Razzies nominations list with eight entries, including worst picture and director. At least Ana de Armas, who plays The Blonde Bombshell herself, isn't up for inglorious recognition.

Dua Lipsync
13 January 2023

Dua Lipa has revealed that she's forgotten the lyrics to her songs more than once during live performance. And it's quite understandable really, given the depth and complexity of the songwriting involved.

A study in pink. LOTS of pink!
16 December 2022

My favourite DCEU actress, Margot Robbie, has three new films scheduled for release, two of which are anticipated for next year, one of which is entitled Barbie. Categorising it under adventure, comedy, and fantasy, IMDb summarises the storyline succinctly…to put it mildly.

A tale of two rocket men
10 December 2022

Sir Elton John has rage-quit flap-quit Twitter, over changes in misinformation policy under Elon Musk's ownership:

Blair which?
9 December 2022

Following in Elliot Page's pioneering footsteps, actress Selma Blair has crossed over. Or so the BBC 100 Women droid would have us believe.

The sweet smell of farts
8 December 2022

Actresses Jennifer Lawrence and Viola Davis got together for a spot of good old mutual fawning—as luvvies are wont to do—hosted by Variety. For her part, Lawrence explained that she doesn't enjoy press interviews, saying: I’m always very self-conscious of my intellect because I didn’t finish school. I dropped out of middle school. But she'd already made that perfectly clear, earlier in the conversation.

Too butch for Jim
2 December 2022

Sometimes Hollyweirdos would be better off not making their personal thoughts, such as they are, public. The latest to come across as completely batshit is director James Cameron. While peddling his new opus, Avatar: The Way of Water to The Hollywood Reporter's Rebecca Keegan, he shared his thoughts on testosterone, of all things.

Only joking
3 November 2022

Copyright infringement and stealing ideas, it's a murky subject, innit? That's probably why the BBC set two of its deadbeat reporters to the task of investigating a little comedic brouhaha between James Corden and Ricky Gervais.

Monster mash
29 October 2022

News that NFL quarterback Tom Brady is to divorce from Gisele Bundchen led me to a 2015 story of a court case over handling balls…phnaar-phnaar! The only point of interest in which is the court sketch, which was derided in some circles for its less-than-realistic representation of the man.

Spare change
27 October 2022

Most people will never achieve anything of enough note to warrant a biography. For those who do, it usually comes towards the end of a long and full life.

Delusions of relevance
14 October 2022

Madonna, at the tender age of 64, appears to have come out. Again. In a TikTok video, she alludes to the possibility that she bats for the other side. As if anyone cared anymore.

Five, six, or one?
11 October 2022

BBC Three helpfully informs us of five things we may not have known about US fashion designer Virgil Abloh, who died 28th November last year. Clearly, the BBC Three droid jumped the gun on the one-year anniversary tribute by six weeks.

Titania: emphasis on the 'tit'
7 October 2022

Jameela Jamil (who?) is an actress, of sorts—providing you're wantonly liberal with the definition of the term—who plays the role of Titania in Marvel's She-Hulk: Attorney at Law. I've not seen the show, since it's exclusive to Disney+, but from what I've seen of it in trailers and critiques, I'm glad I'm not wasting money on a Disney+ subscription.

What's a rom?
4 October 2022

Bros is a romcom that mixes up a dying genre with a same-sex relationship. Judging by the excruciating trailer though, it appears to be light on the com. So I guess that makes it a rom then.

28 September 2022

Pandemonium and violence broke out at a Daddy Yankee concert in Santiago, Chile, when around 4,000 people tried to force their way into the venue. The event's security staff were overwhelmed, and had to be reinforced by police.

Disrespecting the departed
24 August 2022

Kurt Cobain railed against the mundanity of, among other things, the corporate music scene. The label classic rock—insinuating brain-in-neutral listening—would, I imagine, have been an anathema to him.

Half dutch
16 August 2022

This cropped up as a most read lead on BBC News online. What at first appeared to be a compelling national statement on social media abstinence, however, turns out to be a very much more mundane tale of a minor celebrity stepping away from InstaTweet. What a let-down! (thumbdown)

8 August 2022

Dame Olivia Newton-John, one of the mose beautiful women to have graced this planet in my lifetime, has died at the age of 73. She came to wide attention for her role in 1978's Grease, which propelled her career into the '80s and beyond. Later, over three decades, she battled, beat, and re-battled the cancer that finally took her life.

The other F-bomb
2 August 2022

Matt Damon will no longer refer to homosexuals as faggots, so as not to upset his daughter. He'll still gaily gather sticks into faggots of firewood though…until she finds something wrong with that too.

All aboard the gravy train
12 July 2022

Gary Lineker's salary may have stagnated since last year, but he's still the top earner receiver among the BBC's crack team of TV and radio presenters, being given £1,350,000.* The top ten includes just three women, after Lauren Laverne dropped out when her wedge fell to a measly £380,000. Shitbag, it's hardly worth getting out of bed for that…if only I had a violin.

A man who knows his onions
5 July 2022

CNN host Don Lemon's surname is pronounced the same as the citrus fruit. It's recently come to my attention that Fox News' Tucker Carlson apparently pronounces it as Le-Mon—similar to Duran Duran's Simon Le Bon. Perhaps Carslon's retarded. (shrug)

The King and Them
27 June 2022

In anticipation of Baz Luhrmann's biopic of Elvis Presley—creatively entitled Elvis—Kaleem Aftab muses over Presley's cultural appropriation of black music.

All I want for Christmas is your royalties
5 June 2022

Mariah Carey first released All I Want for Christmas is You in 1994. Now, 28 years later, Andy Stone of Vince Vance and the Valiants fame,* is suing her for copyright infringement, claiming that she used the title of his song, written five years earlier, without permission. But he's a reasonable guy, and he's only asking for at least $20 million to soothe his creative sensitivities.

Leave it out, guv'
8 May 2022

Dennis Waterman, star of The Sweeney; Minder; and New Tricks, as well as terrible British sitcoms, has died at the age of 74. He was always strong a screen presence, and I enjoyed watching his performances.

Where there's a Will, there's no way
8 April 2022

Following his physical and verbal outburst at Oscars 2022, Will Smith resigned from the Academy Of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences. The Academy has now imposed a ten-year ban on his attendance at future ceremonies.

Good boys
3 April 2022

Bad Boys was, and still is, a fine action film. Bad Boys II was about 30 minutes too long. Bad Boys for Life was a thing. Does the world really need a fourth entry in the franchise? (no)

Almighty Bruce
30 March 2022

Bruce Willis is stepping away from acting. Which comes as news to those of us who thought he'd done that years ago. It is, after all, why the Razzies 2022 introduced a special category, just for him.*

Shockingly unshocking
29 March 2022

Oh poop! Despite the powerhouse trio of hosts, Oscars 2022 continues the downward trend in viewership. Preliminary figures indicate 15.4M viewers, compared to 23.6M in 2020. This is still up from last year's 10.4M though, so the Academy and ABC must be feeling encouraged.

Wild Wild Will
28 March 2022

Oscars 2022 organisers were hoping for something to liven up the ceremony, and Will Smith delivered when he went onstage and landed one on Chris Rock. Smith then followed up with a couple of F-bombs, shouted from where he was sitting in the audience. That might've been over-and-above the organisers' expectations though, because it wasn't broadcast. (whistling)

Oscars 2022: who needs viewers?
21 March 2022

While the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences struggles to make the Oscars ceremony relevant to the viewing public, some question whether it's achievable, or even desirable. In a rare moment of awareness, Seth Rogen—the very definition of out-of-touch Hollywoke—doesn't believe that it matters.

A bum rap
17 March 2022

Less than one week into his sentence for lying to police, Jussie Smollett is released on bail, pending an appeal. His legal team, playing the inevitable race card, is happy with the result.

'My truth'
15 March 2022

Another popular song, another grifter out for a slice of the action. This time, it's Sami Chokri trying to dip his hand into Ed Sheeran's royalties for Shape of You.

You can't call me Al
15 March 2022

Musing on the passing of William Hurt, who received four Oscar nominations during his career: the only one of those films that I've seen is Broadcast News. It's definitely okay, and I didn't regret too much the time that I spent watching it. I never need see it again though.

William Hurt: last Oscars
14 March 2022

Kiss of the Spider Woman (1985); Children of a Lesser God (1986); Broadcast News (1987); A History of Violence (2005).

Justice for Jussie‽
11 March 2022

Jussie Smollett has been sentenced to less than six months in jail, of a maximum possible three years on each of five counts, for fabricating a race hate crime. But not everyone believes that Illinois' inmates should have to be more careful with the soap.(jussie)

His Royal Popness
25 February 2022

This week's BBC News quiz is teased with Which pop royalty will play this jubilee gig? Someone has an insanely liberal definition of pop royalty if the answer's George Ezra. (pipe)

Razzie dazzle 'em
8 February 2022

Nominations for the 2022 Golden Raspberries have been announced. With the winners to be revealed on 26th March, the day before the Oscars, the Razzies are a counterbalance to the annual AMPAS back-slapping snoozefest. But this year's awards are slightly different.

Hey Joe
5 February 2022

The remaining members of CSNY have joined Neil Young in removing their music from Spotify. This is since Spotify has instituted misinformation warnings, and Joe Rogan has undertaken to be more balanced in future.

Head in the Clouds
29 January 2022

Another ageing hippy, and musical has-been, is leaving Spotify over Chongvirus misinformation. This time, it's Joni Mitchell.

Old man howls at moon
25 January 2022

Ageing rocker, Neil Young, has demanded that Spotify remove his music from its platform, in protest at podcaster Joe Rogan spreading Chongvax misinformation.

Short story
25 January 2022

Peter Dinklage is outraged over Disney's live-action remake of Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs. Not for the brown-washing of the main titular character, but for the portrayal of the other seven.

A question of ownership
25 January 2022

Non-fungible tokens (NFT) are unique, encrypted digital tokens that can be used to certify ownership of an artwork, for example. There can be only one owner of an NFT, and this represents one way in which artists and collectors can move their interaction into the digital space.

21 January 2022

Counting down his choice of The Top Ten Worst Hit Songs of 2021, Todd in the Shadows muses on the banality of Justin Bieber's Peaches, ft. Daniel Caesar and Giveon.

The balloon children
20 January 2022

As six Love Island contestants have been named by the Advertising Standards Authority, for consistently failing to disclose advertising on Instagram, my only thought was how the tight ponytails worn by Jess and Eve Gale made their heads look like party balloons.

13 January 2022

Reading of the death of Ronnie Spector, I was expecting her ex-husband's criminal conviction to be dragged up. Not that it needed to be included in her obituary; after all, it had nothing to do with her. The couple had divorced three decades prior to Lana Clarkson's murder.

Altered images
11 January 2022

In an advertorial for Apple TV+'s The Tragedy of Macbeth, on behalf of BBC Culture, Hanna Flint explores the background behind Why Lady Macbeth is literature's most misunderstood villain. Meanwhile, for their part, the BBC's home page editor doesn't understand the question.

Janice Long: done suckin'
28 December 2021

Trail-blazing radio and televisual DJ, Janice Long, has just squeezed on to the those-we-lost-in-2021 list. She was the first woman in the UK to have her own show on Radio 1, and the first to host Top of the Pops, paving the way for all those who followed in her footsteps.

Sally Ann Howes: no longer banging
22 December 2021

On the death of Sally Ann Howes, star of Chitty Chitty Bang Bang, her son, an artist named Andrew Hart Adler, announced her loss on his Instagram account.

Sue-TS, you sir!
11 December 2021

Just to show that you can't keep a good copyright troll down, Sean Hall and Nathan Butler appealed against an earlier ruling that Taylor Swift had not plagiarised their work in the lyrics to Shake It Off, and that ruling has been overturned. The same judge who earlier dismissed the case, on the basis that the contentious phrases were too banal to be copyrightable, now states that there are significant similarities in word usage and sequence/structure.

Just rephrase the question
10 December 2021

Jussie Smollett has been found guilty of lying to police, when he claimed to be the victim of a racist and homophobic assault in Chicago, almost three years ago.

Ageing disgracefully
6 December 2021

At 63, Madonna is keen to show the world that she still has it. Whatever it is, and whether or not the world wants to know.

I'm a nonentity...get me some publicity!
25 November 2021

British TV host and journalist, Richard Madeley, fell ill on the set of reality TV programme, I'm a Celebrity…Get Me Out of Here! It certainly did get him out of there, his hospitalisation meant that he'd broken the set's COVID bubble, and it was therefore a one-way trip.

Bog off!
16 November 2021

In an interview with Mark Savage for the BBC, Sir Rod Stewart admits that he tired of performing Da Ya Think I’m Sexy?

Tess Holliday's morning workout routine
31 October 2021

Gotta keep training!

Saving lives: one fat, brown, gay kiss at a time
27 October 2021

According to hyperbolic tosspots at the premiere of Eternals, the representation of fat, non-white, and gay superheroes is affirming and will save lives.

A rose is a Rose is a liar
21 October 2021

Only half a year ago, Ruby Rose said that she would be willing to return to Batwoman, as Kate Kane, if the opportunity arose. It didn't.

Funny, not funny
16 October 2021

Outrage has erupted over Dave Chappelle's latest Netflix special, The Closer, as he took aim at the alphabet soupers—particularly the T—and the preferred pronoun poseurs. Verily, the dudgeon, it was high; and the salt, it flowed freely and in abundance. You cannot make fun of the trans, it seems.

Spaced out
16 October 2021

Following William Shatner's journey into space aboard Jeff Bezos' giant rocket-powered dildo, George Takei spat a little venom in his direction. Shatner wasn't taking it lying down, though. Instead, he tweeted a mighty clap-back.

6 October 2021

In other non-news, Jerry Seinfeld has apologised for a certain uncomfortable subtle sexual aspect in Dreamworks' Bee Movie. This just goes to show how out-of-touch and tone-deaf he is.

5 October 2021

Zoë Kravitz will play the role of Catwoman in Warner Bros' upcoming The Batman, against Robert Pattinson as the titular character. Asked whether she'd seen all the other Batman films, Kravitz had this to say:

The type of R. Kelly (part 2)*
28 September 2021

The jury's returned, and R. Kelly's goin' down!

Rapper's denial
16 September 2021

One of the joys of instant-access social media is that it offers celebrities the opportunity to show the world how moronic they are. In this case, Nicki Minaj declaring on Twitter that the friend of a cousin in Trinidad became impotent after receiving the Chongvax. His testicles became swollen.

Pegged out
14 September 2021

Ah yes, indeed. There's nothing quite like a privileged, vacuous, and inconsequential model wearing a provocative slogan to have absolutely no impact whatsoever. Other than getting their photograph selected by similarly vacuous and inconsequential entertainment reporters. At least the visibility's good for the career.

Shrinking violet
14 September 2021

The Met Gala—an annual event for the self-important to gather, in ridiculous attire, to general ambivalence from the rest of the world—returned to New York this year, after last year's event was cancelled due to the pandemic.

Sean Lock: no laughing matter
18 August 2021

On the tragically early death of Sean Lock, I'm reminded of one of my favourite jokes ever.

Schedule of good fortune
12 August 2021

The rats are deserting the sinking ship.

26 July 2021

In my own, admittedly shallow, opinion, He-Man and the Masters of the Universe was a lame, cheaply-animated '80s cartoon for kids. It was primarily made as a tie-in to shift Mattel's plastic crap. I didn't watch it, since I was no longer a child at the time, and both the cartoon and the plastic crap were too cringe-inducing to be cool. Shitbag, they were too cringe-inducing to even acknowledge their existence.

Whining widow
20 June 2021

Scarlett Johansson has criticised the hyper-sexualisation of Black Widow in her debut film, Iron Man 2. I don't recall whether she criticised it, or the paycheque, at the time. I guess she's just railing against ageing-out of those roles maturing as an actress. (thinking)

Moaning Muslim
11 June 2021

British actor Riz Ahmed wants an end to toxic Muslim characters…on screen.

You can die, but you can't hide
2 June 2021

Writing for BBC Culture about the Tea Chest Tapes, a collection of lost music tapes belonging to the late British producer Joe Meek, Arwa Haider reflects on Meek's life and work.

Panderin' in Mandarin
1 June 2021

John Cena has apologised to China for referring to Taiwan as a country, while promoting the latest in the Fast and the Furious franchise, F9: The Fast Saga, which led to the film tanking at the Chinese box office. He even grabbed his ankles, and issued his apology in Mandarin Chinese. What a guy. (puke)

Nick Kamen, 'im done laundering
5 May 2021

Nick Kamen, model and singer, has died aged 59. He rose to fame in a 1985 commercial for Levi's 501s, in which he stripped to his underwear in a launderette to Marvin Gaye's I Heard It Through The Grapevine. Although the advert was for Levi's jeans, I think it did as much for sales of boxer shorts as anything.

Tree Story
23 March 2021

We are reminded, or informed, for those of us who were blissfully unaware until now, that Keiynan Lonsdale—an actor best known as someone that I'd never heard of before—self-identifies as a tree…FFS, even my sense of humour isn't so perverse as to make this shit up! Lonsdale unironically prefers tree/treeself pronouns, rather than he/him. And the male population breathes a hearty sigh of relief.

Breaking the rules
2 March 2021

As I mentioned long ago, it's thanks to my perfectly-fitted tinfoil hat that I'm not part of the social network. I don't do F*c*book; Twitter; Instagram, or any of that other stuff. At one point, I did have a hardly-used, one careful owner YouTube account, but I bailed out when Google did a Monica Lewinsky, and came a'gobblin'.

Let sleeping Cranes lie
25 February 2021

Oh dear. The lack of creativity in TV production is further accentuated when Frasier returns after an almost twenty-year hiatus. Kelsey Grammar confirmed the revival, saying I gleefully anticipate sharing the next chapter in the continuing journey of Dr Frasier Crane.

A free man!
27 January 2021

What real man wants to be married to a lesbian? Unless she's willing to put on a show with friends, that is.

One bad deed
18 January 2021

He was one of the most influential pop songwriters and producers of his, or any, generation; he invented the wall of sound; and he worked with some of the most iconic artists in pop music history. He was also convicted of second degree murder.

Marion Ramsey: finally graduated
9 January 2021

Actress Marion Ramsey has died, aged 73. In its summary of her career, the BBC not only notes that she appeared in six of the Police Academy films, as if that was something to extol, but actually headlines the article with it.

Just a regular guy
2 December 2020

In what appears to be a desperate attempt to stay relevant in the public consciousness, Ellen Page has come out. Again. Strewth, is she ever in for more than five minutes?

"Bond, James Bond"
31 October 2020

RIP Sir Sean Connery, the quintessential James Bond. And legend of the silver screen.

You can't keep a good man down
4 September 2020

Four years after his death was announced, on 1 September 2016, Gene Wilder is enjoying a renaissance. The article announcing his passing is trending on BBC News.

26 July 2020

Dame Olivia de Havilland, one of the last survivors of Hollywood's Golden Age, has died, aged 104.*

Oh well
25 July 2020

Peter Green, legendary blues guitarist and co-founder of Fleetwood Mac, has gone to the Great Jam Session. He had the good fortune to leave the band before they became an AOR travesty; although the circumstances were, sadly, anything but fortunate.

20 July 2020

Bauer Media Group has announced the closure of Q music magazine, after 34 years. I used to buy it back in the day, but haven't read it for well over two decades.

I'll make my own mind up, as long as it's alright with you
8 July 2020

As an advocate for freedom of speech, the cancel culture phenomenon repulses me. So I was heartened to read of a letter published in Harper's Magazine, signed by around 150 writers, academics, and activists, condemning cancel culture and the stifling of debate.

Hedging their bets
31 May 2020

Michael Angelis, beloved Liverpudlian actor, died yesterday. According to Wikipaedia and The Guardian newspaper, he was 68 years old.

Plastic fantastic
19 June 2019

A worldwide singing and acting sensation for over 50 years, Cher was finally recognised by the Kennedy Center Honors last year. It's amazing that they were able to recognise her at all, after all that surgery…BA-DUM-TSCH!

Miserable pleaders
13 May 2019

Felicity Huffman has pleaded guilty to having her daughter's college entrance exam results falsified.

Brother, can you spare a dime?
27 March 2019

As if Lori Loughlin and Felicity Huffman's problems over the money-for-university-entrance scandal weren't enough, some money-grabbing pond life a concerned mother is suing them for her son not being accepted to university.

Less influential
15 March 2019

In the wake of the US university admissions bribery scandal, and following her flippant comments on attending university, influencer Olivia Jade Giannulli, Lori Laughlin's youngest daughter, is now a little less influential.

WASP: wealthy, Anglo-Saxon, pinhead
13 March 2019

As the money-for-university-places scandal gathers momentum, an affidavit filed by an FBI Special Agent states:

Leaving Neverland
10 March 2019

In the wake of Leaving Neverland, a documentary describing, in depth, Michael Jackson's alleged paedophilia, the BBC's Cherry Wilson asks whether the late performer's legacy is now ruined. Personally, I think that happened while he was still alive. Off The Wall and Thriller are undisputedly classics that defined an era. Bad wasn't so much bad as meh!, and it was the last of his work that I bought. Everything after that was a downward spiral.

28 February 2019

I can't recall how I got here, but Paddy McAloon, who is currently all of Prefab Sprout, was talking to BBC Newsnight for some reason or another. I was never a fan; other than Cars and Girls, which is a great song.

Harvey lawbanger
21 December 2018

As the Harvey Weinstein sexual predation story continues, actress Jennifer Lawrence has denied having had sex with the movie mogul. And who can blame her, really?

Who ya gonna call? Cardi, Cardi
She sounds like a 'tardi, 'tardi
23 April 2018

Rap and hip-hop music, you either love it or hate it. Or you're indifferent to it. I guess that covers all the bases.

Playrz play'n, h8rz h8'n
15 February 2018

Taylor Swift has won her judgement in a copyright case over the lyrics to Shake It Off. Sean Hall and Nathan Butler argued that players gonna play and haters gonna hate borrowed from their own Playas Gon' Play. But Judge Michael W. Fitzgerald deemed the phrases too banal to be copyrightable.

Clocking off!
30 September 2017

While the girls have that smouldering dreamboat, Paul Ross, Canvas Clocks have something for the boys: a Pam St Clement wall clock. Battery included!

How long is "long"?
30 September 2017

If you're Hugh Hefner, and you're referring to your future with your new bride, it would be less than five years.

My heart lies bleeding
17 August 2017

Hollywood actresses have long-complained about the gender pay gap. Most recently, in the period June 2016 to June 2017, Emma Stone earned a paltry $20m while, over the same period the year before, Dwayne Johnson pulled in $50m. Excuse me?

The Bear necessities
11 June 2017

Babe and alleged actress, Alicia Silverstone, explains that her decision to raise her son, Bear Blu, on a vegan diet was, like herself: such a no-brainer.

5 June 2017

Having made and lost several fortunes, singer Kenny Rogers has this advice to entrepreneurs: pay your taxes, put 20% away, and then have some fun. And you can't say fairer than that!

Roast of the day
25 March 2017

Philip Schofield bravely walked across Westminster Bridge in an act of defiance against the recent terror attack there. Strangely enough, this courageous act has attracted a certain amount of derision. I can't imagine why; really I can't.

Alvin Stardust: done rockin'
23 October 2014

Those of a certain age may remember Bernard Jewry's alter ego, Alvin Stardust—the one that he took on after abandoning Shane Fenton, that is. I'm unsure if this is a good thing or not. He never really appealed to me, being part of the early '70s UK glam rock scene that is such a shit stain on my memory. But, otherwise, he wasn't particularly offensive as such.

Clint Eastwood's latest starring role
25 June 2013

BBC News Magazine illustrates an article on travelling without passports, with a still image from Clint's current film shoot. In it, he stars as a customs and immigration officer pushed over the edge, after his passport scanner malfunctions.

Reg Presley, done rockin'
5 February 2013

Reg Presley, who stepped out of his older brother Elvis' shadow—even going as far as to change his first name from Priscilla—to establish that other great superstar group, The Troggs, has passed on to a better place. Preferably one where everything about crop circles and UFO will become clear.

You can't keep an old man down for long
5 January 2013

After she called it off, it's back on, and 86-year-old Hugh Hefner's bride-to-be is now officially his carer-to-be.

Dave Brubeck: 'im took five
6 December 2012

Dave Brubeck, jazz pianist extraordinaire, has turned in his last composition. Cut down in the flower of his youth at only 91.

Jimmy Savile: nasty man
26 October 2012

Hmmm, curiouser and curiouser…in an earlier report from 5th October, the beauty contest winner who alleged that she was raped by Jimmy Savile apparently told a different story of their encounter to The Daily Fail:

Jimmy Savile: nasty man with nasty friends...allegedly
24 October 2012

Following revelations that the erstwhile Saint James was a predatory sex offender, a woman has come forward claiming that he raped her:

Now then, now then! Jimmy Savile done pervin'...allegedly*
9 October 2012

It appears that the late Saint Jimmy Savile had a predilection for ladies of a certain age. And in his case, the age may have been lower than that of consent.

Max Bygraves: 'im gonegrave
1 September 2012

Max Bygraves, alleged entertainer beloved by my grandparents' generation, has checked in his Equity card.

Scott McKenzie: 'im done lovin'
20 August 2012

Scott McKenzie, singer of San Francisco (Be Sure To Wear Flowers In Your Hair) and nothing else of note,* is now pushing up the daisies. Grab a dandelion and celebrate the first Summer of Love.

Tony Scott: that's a wrap
20 August 2012

Tony Scott, director and brother of Ridley, jumped off a bridge and was later found dead.

12 August 2012

Amazon trader St@llion is selling an insanely desirable box canvas print of Paul Ross. And, while we should always be careful about scores and reviews given on Amazon, how could anyone fail to be persuaded by these happy customers?

Marvin Hamlisch: no longer the way he was
7 August 2012

So, farewell, Marvin Hamlisch Famous for The Sting And A Chorus Line Once you were composing But now you're decomposing

Twitter: is this the end of the road?
2 August 2012

The BBC reports that Helen Skelton has closed her Twitter account, because she cannot cope with negative comments. How many will follow her and abandon the sinking ship?

Kidney damage
27 June 2012

Nora Ephron, writer of such smash hit drama-documentries as When Harry Met Sally…, Sleepless In Seattle, and You've Got Mail—did anyone actually watch that all the way through?—has turned in her quill and last parchment.

Andrea True: less, less, less
28 December 2011

Andrea True, disco diva and one-time porn actress, has gone to the great boogie in the sky.

Billie Jo: 'er speared
15 December 2011

So, country singer Billie Jo Spears has gone to that great caterwaul in the sky—me not a fan of country music. So far, so boring. But then there's this comment on the BBC's news article:

Eno less than you think
11 November 2011

I have no idea how I got to reading an interview with Warren Cann, but his thoughts on first meeting Brian Eno, circa 1976:

Bobby Robby: combed over
15 August 2011

Robert Robinson, the king of the comb-over, has found the ultumate cure for baldness.

Bubba Smith: 'im gorn
4 August 2011

You know, the tall black one from the Police Academy travesty? He was found dead, aged 66, in doesn't-appear-to-be-suspicious circumstances.

Clarence Clemons: done tootlin'
20 June 2011

Bruce Springsteen's tootler is no more. Although I personally found Springsteen's music to be often unremarkable, or remarkably mawkish, Clemons' tootling redeemed at least some of it.

Michael Gough, 'im gorn (sad)
18 March 2011

Michael Gough, best known as Alfred to Michael Keaton's Batman, has handed in his Equity card.

The wisdom of IMDb reviews
28 December 2010

Idly reading of those that passed on in 2010, I learned of Simon MacCorkindale's death in October. For some bizarre reason, they included Manimal in his career triumphs. Christ only knows why, I bet the poor sod would've preferred to forget it.

Teena Marie: done groovin'
27 December 2010

Who? Teena Marie, that's who! White R&B singer on the Motown label, who was noted for not having many hits in the UK, just squeezed onto the those we lost in 2010 compilations.

Hugh Hefner, sweet boy
27 December 2010

Hugh Hefner, that old romantic, proposed to the current love of his life on Christmas Day. Hefner, only 84 years young, has been taken out of circulation, ladies, by that hussy Crystal Harris, a mere 60 years his junior. Obviously, she's smitten by his boyish good looks, but I can't imagine what he sees in her!

Danno: 'im booked!
29 October 2010

James MacArthur, best known as the recipient of Steve's final instructions to book 'em at the end of Hawaii Five-O, has gone to the great booking office himself.

Tom Bosley, 'im gone to The Angels
20 October 2010

Tom Bosley, apparently better remembered by the BBC for Happy Days and The Father Dowling Mysteries, but jealously remembered by some of us, from our adolescence, for his proximity to Farrah Fawcett-Majors' breasts in Charlie's Angels, has gone to ogle that chest again.

Tony Curtis: wigged out
30 September 2010

The star of Spartacus, Houdini, Some Like It Hot, and Monte Carlo or Bust! has hung up his toupée. He was the people's father of Jamie Lee Curtis. Or something.

Stuart Cable, 'im gorn
7 June 2010

Stuart who? Drummer with Stereophonics and doin' lots of other stuff, that's who, is dead at 40 of no suspicious circumstances. Is that a euphemism for drugs?

RJD: 'im rock'n'rolled over
19 May 2010

My two favourite Black Sabbath albums are Heaven & Hell and Mob Rules, so I was saddened to read of the death of Ronnie James Dio from stomach cancer. He was only 67, which is no age really.

Charlie, 'im gorn to the angels
2 April 2010

John Forsythe, the disembodied voice that told some bints-with-attitude what to do with their spare time away from the coiffure, has gone to a better place. Or Alexis Carrington's boudoir, the old dog.

To Shana a brother, and only 39 years younger
29 December 2009

At 64 years of age, Van Morrison proves to the world that he can't keep it in his trousers there's life in the old dog yet. His manager has just given birth to a baby boy.

Boy George wants a Big Brother
21 December 2009

London Probation have blocked 48 year-old Boy George O'Dowd's appeal to appear on the last series of Celebrity Big Brother, as he's still under licence from imprisonment and wears an electronic tag.

Smoking addictive shocker!
15 September 2009

Some actress who I've never heard of has lung cancer. She smoked and is mad at the cigarette companies:

Cat fight! Cat fight! Cat fight!
15 December 2004

Sir Elton John commented that George Michael was:

Hugh Grant's 'retirement'
12 November 2004

Hugh Grant apparently threw a strop at the opening of his latest film, Bridget Jones: The Edge Of Reason, saying that it would be his last as he hated the whole industry now…I paraphrase somewhat.