I think I've soiled myself

Hey, ya really bustin' ma balls here!

There are 30 posts tagged: "the cuntry club"

Taking the piss
10 April 2023

In the wake of recent controversy over narcissist and self-publicist Dylan Mulvaney being attached to Bud Light as a brand ambassador.

Hypocrisy, thy name art faded footballer
8 March 2023

Comrade Lineker has displeased the politburo of the People's Republic of Portland Place, by likening the UK's asylum policy to [cough] a certain period in Germany's history. He's to be spoken to and reminded of his responsibilities towards the republic. Antagonising the government draws its unwanted attention to the PRPP's other activities.

Is there a grindstone in the house?
3 March 2023

Disgraced former UK health secretary, Matt Hancock—emphasis on the cock—has published an account of his time as Kommandant Gefangenenlagers Großbritannien during the pandemic. Imaginatively enough, his opus—or should that be meisterwerk?—is entitled Pandemic Diaries: The inside story of Britain’s battle against Covid. Sounds riveting. (snooze)

Symbolic gesture
19 November 2022

The BBC is sending Gary Lineker, its most highly-paid mouth-breather, to Qatar to watch tosspots kick balls around fields. But, he's not excited by the prospect. Oh no. He's really only going so that he can champion the cause of human rights and raise awareness. Oh yes.

Stolen future
16 November 2022

With the announcement that he intends to run for US president in 2024, and given his magnanimity in defeat, I'm calling it now: Donald J. Trump won't lose the election; it'll be stolen from him. (wink)

What a fool should keep to himself
10 October 2022

In what appears to be an effort to suck up to the nationalistic shitheads in its northwestern dominion, Elon Musk has thrown them Taiwan as a bone. But I'm sure he couldn't have an ulterior motive. Oh, no!

Old King Cock
15 September 2022

On the passing of Queen Elizabeth II, Jamaicans are considering a future as a republic. I can't say I blame them.

Brother, can you spare a halalah?*
1 August 2022

HRH Prince Charles' financial relationship with the Middle East isn't limited to accepting shopping bags stuffed with drinking tokens from Qatari prime ministers. In 2013, he accepted donations to his charitable fund from a Saudi family by the name of Bin Laden. The family's most well-known son—a cheeky wee scamp named Osama—was apparently a bit of a wild child, whom they disowned in 1994.

Turning tricks
26 June 2022

HRH Prince Charles, the Prince of Wales, accepted wads of cash totalling €3M, handed to him in suitcases and shopping bags, as charitable donations from Qatar's prime minister between 2011 and 2015. According to his spokesperson, all donations were passed immediately to one of the prince's charities and all the correct processes were followed.

Two-faced Charlie
19 June 2022

As Commonwealth heads of state head to Rwanda for a knees-up, Prince Charles will be representing the Queen as the head of the Commonwealth. This will likely increase his chances of rubbing shoulders with BoJo, of whose Rwandan relocation plan he's not so keen.

Champagne conservative
9 February 2022

After we've discovered that Boozy BoJo has a pretty ropey taste in beer, is seems that his, or his carers', taste in champagne is more refined. At least, that appears to be a bottle of Veuve Cliquot to the left of the image.

Drinking piss
5 February 2022

As the pressure on BoJo over restriction-busting knees-ups at Downing Street increases, it appears that the PM was photographed at one event holding a can of beer.

Looks like a pig, walks like a pig...
18 January 2022

As we delight in BoJo's further embarrassment over restrictions-busting boozy knees-ups at Downing Street, his former chief adviser tried to blow all pretence of innocence-through-ignorance out of the water.

17 January 2022

It's been a long time coming. But the winds of change are finally set to blow throughout the People's Republic of Portland Place.

Boozy nights
16 January 2022

While the rest of Britain was in lockdown, the studz'n'wenchz of Westminster showed that they know how to PAAAR‑TAAY. Rules are made to be broken. Ask Matt Han(don)cock, he wrote them.

Make mine an hypocrisy on the rocks
25 June 2021

The UK health secretary, Matt Hancock—emphasis on the cock—has been a naughty boy. He's been caught flouting his very own social distancing guidelines, by kissing an aide who he hired. C'mon, give the guy a break. It wouldn't have been much of an affair if they'd maintained social distancing requirements, FFS! (rolleyes)

Couldn't see it coming
8 May 2021

As Indian variants of the Chongvirus gain popularity in the UK, the bouncing bombsite has said the government needs to carefully handle outbreaks. Not letting them in to the country in the first place would've been a good place to start, BoJo.

Return to normal
23 March 2021

As a mass shooting at a Boulder, Colorado supermarket leaves ten people dead, it would be the mark of a true cynic to see any light in this tragedy.

Arrogance, pollie-waffle style
18 January 2021

According to the Victorian premier, Daniel Andrews, tennis players living under strict quarantine rules after arriving for the Australian Open will get no special treatment. Ummm, other than jumping the queue for entry to the country over 37,000 Australian citizens who have been trying to get home for months?

Dodging a bullet?
8 January 2021

As Trump Republicans invade the Capitol, outgoing US President Donald Trump snubs the inauguration of President-Elect Biden, while also facing calls for a second impeachment and to be thrown out of office. And, thus, one of the most divisive US presidencies comes to an inglorious end. Not that it was too auspicious at the best of times.

I spy
28 September 2020

As BoJo the yo-yo clamps down further on freedom in HMP GB, fines of £1,000 are being introduced for people failing to self-isolate in England, escalating to £10,000 for repeat offenders. According to the UK government, the police can use local intelligence to check that the inmates great British citizenry are complying.

What a fool believes
2 August 2020

Elon Musk, a man who believes in life out there [points at the stars], may have embarrassed himself on Twitter by musing on the extraterrestrial origin of the pyramids. Egypt's minister of international co-operation, Rania al-Mashat, and Egyptian archeologist Zahi Hawass have refuted his statement—but they would, wouldn't they?—although I thought that al-Mashat's response was unnecessarily deferential to the space cadet.

Return to whose normality?
18 July 2020

UK Premier, Boris Johnson, has announced his plans for a significant return to normality by Christmas.

[Han]cock and bull story
14 July 2020

In part justification for an illogical mandate for customers to wear masks in shops and supermarkets, the UK's health secretary is reported to have told Parliament:

UK Government in not making sense shock!
14 July 2020

In the latest instalment of the COVID-19 pandemic fallout, the UK Government has announced that face coverings will become mandatory in shops and supermarkets in England from 24 July.

Pointing the finger
18 October 2017

According to the Wikipedia entry for Gil Scott-Heron—I have no idea how I got there!—he has been credited by music writers as the godfather of rap, while according to Eminem He influenced all of hip-hop.

Bonkers, but not in a benign way
10 August 2017

North Korea has escalated its sabre rattling, and now threatens a rocket strike on the US territory of Guam.

Hubris: how gay!
9 November 2012

In a perhaps unguarded moment during a light-hearted radio interview, New Zealand's prime minister John Key referred to a presenter wearing a gay red top. This outraged some who construed it as a slur against the homosexual community. Key later defended himself, stating that he used the word gay to mean weird rather than as a deliberate offence; the Oxford English Dictionary notes its use in this manner to mean foolish, stupid, or unimpressive.

Earl Scruggs: gon dun pikkin'
29 March 2012

Who? I hear you cry. Only the Earl Scruggs; the man who pretty much invented modern country music single-handedly is no more. I'm not sure whether to feel relieved that he finally got his come-uppence, or robbed of knowing who to direct my ire towards until it was too late.

Kim Jong-il: 'im gone-il
19 December 2011

Merry Christmas everyone, the funniest part of Team America: World Police has finally done the decent thing!