I think I've soiled myself

Make like I'm not talkin' to ya

There are 94 posts tagged: "quoted for WTF?"

Have we reached peak stupidity yet?
27 March 2023

haven't stopped crying since an hour ago. my balls still hurt so bad. Said no woman, ever.

Anus horribilis
25 March 2023

Following a sixth-grade art lesson at Tallahassee Classical School, FL, a parent complained that the students had been exposed to pornography when shown Michelangelo's statue of David. As a result, the school's principal was forced to resign or be fired.

Name that boy
13 March 2023

I came across this handy-and-dandy list of one-syllable names for baby boys, compiled by Jacqueline at Parent Portfolio:

Some people probably shouldn't have an opinion
26 February 2023

Peak stupidity is reached with a poll—in the US, naturally—which asked whether respondents agree that: It's OK to be white.

Stamp duty
25 February 2023

Although released in the middle of last year, I have only today noticed—while collecting the mail—that Swiss Post is commemorating 100 years of Swiss air traffic control. I guess somebody has to, even if it's only to generate a little revenue from the philatelists. (shrug)

New old phone, or old new phone?
22 February 2023

How much would you pay for an iPhone? An obsolete one, that is. And, although it might work, you can't use it. Or even ever touch it.

'Tards talking 'tards
17 February 2023

Giant Freaking Robot, a garbage-tier clickbait rumour mill, has an article entitled See Florence Pugh Show Off Contortionist Skills In A Skin-Tight Leotard. It sounds creepily voyeuristic. And, no, I didn't read it. (holy)

Satan sells
7 February 2023

Someone claiming to be Madonna introduced Sam Smith and Kim Petras at the Grammy Awards' ceremony—if ceremony isn't too grand a term—when the pair won the Best Pop Duo or Group Performance award for Unholy. The song's not terrible; but, all the same, 2022 must've been a pretty lean year. Anyhow, that's not the point…or is it?

Slik spelling
7 February 2023

While writing the previous entry to this pit of nonsense, I misspelled silk as slik. Strangely enough, the automatic spellchecker didn't pick this error up, it fell to the old-skool analogue version instead. So I figured that slik must be a real word. I wonder what it means? (thinking)

Nothing like the real thing
7 February 2023

Apparently, you can't believe all that you read on the label. Clothing labels that is. Because fabric fraud is a thing.

Be careful what you wish for
28 December 2022

Reacting to the Taliban's prohibition against women attending university, a nineteen year-old Afghan girl wishes god had never created women.

Dolled up
27 December 2022

For those of us blissfully unaware that South Korea prohibited the import of sex dolls, it doesn't. At least not any longer, because officials have lifted the ban that was in place. This will come as a relief to some of the country's citizens more than others.

What a difference a Dey makes
20 December 2022

Irmgard Furchner has been brought to justice and sentenced to a two-year suspended jail term, for complicity in war crimes during WWII. In her role as a typist at Stutthof concentration camp, she may have been aware of atrocities when she saw papers in the office, or looked out of the window. Yet, as a teenaged young woman, she didn't rise up against the might of the Nazi death machine.

Health warning...or clever marketing?
16 December 2022

It's a story that thankfully doesn't require mathematical dexterity, as Tiffanie Turnbull regales us over toxic spinach being sold in Australian Costco stores. The Riviera Farms baby spinach appears to have been contaminated with a weed that induces hallucinations.

Somebody actually said this
12 December 2022

Christ only knows how I got there, but Lucy-Ann Jones, trainee reporter for Dudley News, informs us of a startling two-seater plane crash at Halfpenny Green Airport, near Wolverhampton. So far, so boring.*

Not-so-peaceful prize
11 December 2022

This year's Nobel Peace Prize has been awarded to three people: Oleksandra Matviichuk of Ukraine; Ales Bialiatski from Belarus; and Russian, Yan Rachinsky. While Ms Matviichuk praised Mr Rachinsky's work and described Memorial [the Russian civil rights group which he heads] as our partner, she refused to be interviewed alongside him.

Not reading the room
7 December 2022

In the wake of China's about-face cancellation of its zero-WuFlu policy, to the relief of many of its denizens, some have actually expressed concern over the sudden changes.

Party animals
24 November 2022

According to police in India, rats have eaten hundreds of kilograms of cannabis held as evidence in drug trafficking prosecutions. In 2017, rats were blamed for drinking thousands of litres of confiscated contraband alcohol.

No laughing matter
16 November 2022

I guess it's too early, because this headline made me laugh more than it should've, really.

Fear and loathing in Zhengzhou
3 November 2022

A recent breakout of Foxconn workers desperate to avoid lockdown was, apparently, driven by fear, panic and ignorance. And, to give us an idea of the level of ignorance involved:

1 November 2022

How many people would be excited for an Indiana Jones film, without Indie? We may well find out, if Phoebe Waller-Bridge gets her way, but would you be excited? How about Mission Impossible, without Ethan Hunt; Iron Man, without Iron Man; or Black Panther, without Black Panther?

Dead man running
26 October 2022

Merkan politics keep getting dragged up too often on even the little social media that I involve myself in: YouTube. It's just asinine and tedious. So I tend to avoid anything on the subject, unless it's particularly amusing.

Baby steps
25 October 2022

BBC News in editorial transparency shocker!

Another day...
25 October 2022

News of another US school shooting, this time in St Louis, MO, in which only three people—including the gunman—died, is most remarkable for this factette:

The future is fucked. We're all doomed!
22 October 2022

Grace Keeling, AKA gkbarry, is—according to the BBC Newsbeat droid—One of the UK's top TikTok creators, who's known for her candid, funny, short videos. Well, okay then.

A fine fine
13 October 2022

This headline made me laugh: Alex Jones told to pay $965m to Sandy Hook families.

The piggy principle
11 October 2022

Writing for BBC Family Tree, Alessia Franco and David Robson extol the virtues of children playing in muddy puddles. It seems that playing with dirt and water is to the benefit of both physical and mental development.

Time machine doppelgänger
25 September 2022

I backup our Macs to Time Machine running on a Synology DiskStation NAS. The TM folder is named, imaginatively enough, time machine. Some time ago, the backups stopped, but I've only just got around to sorting it out—almost three months later. (embarrassed)

21 September 2022

Kayla Lemieux, a Canadian transgender teacher, has caused both rage and amusement—from different quarters—for attending school classes wearing what can only be described as clownishly oversized, if not flat-out fetishistic, prosthetic breasts. Replete with protruding nipples, the…umm…embellishments hang down to her waist. Lolo Ferrari would've been awe-struck.

Born-again omnivore
20 September 2022

The COO of vegan food processor Beyond Meat, Douglas Ramsey, bit another man in an altercation, allegedly ripping the flesh on the tip of the nose.

24 August 2022

Should you ever need a nine-hour timer, then Online Alarm Kur has got you covered with their 9 Hour Timer. You lucky you, you! (thumbup)

Are you new here?
6 August 2022

Adobe must be blowing the cobwebs out of their Support Community, for I've just been notified that I have a new rank. Apparently, thanks to my contributions to the community, I'm now new around them there parts.

Sport without sweat
5 August 2022

Until now, opportunities for sporting glory have been limited to people who're physically fit and don't mind getting sweaty. Those who want to stay in bed or loungewear; who don't like getting out of breath; or who don't want to mess up their hair, have been excluded. But all that's changing, as esports are making their debut at this year's Commonwealth Games. And it's about time too!

Let me count the ways
24 June 2022

While searching Google on the subject of plagiarism, as is my wont, I discovered that it comes in many forms. Four, to be precise.

My nipples explode with delight!
17 June 2022

Newsflash to Sarah Jones: There's no such thing as the perfect cup of coffee. I only drink the filthy stuff when I need a jolt. And then it's solely for its pharmacological effects, not its organoleptic characteristics.

The unknown incel
14 June 2022

An incel who murdered ten people in Toronto in 2018, by driving a van into pedestrians, has been sentenced to life in prison, with no possibility of parole for 25 years. He was found guilty of the crimes last year.

Zits and tits
10 June 2022

YouTube has added a new category of videos to its home page, called Shorts. These are not only short, but vertically-framed, which makes me think that they were originally created for TikTok. The intellectual standard certainly supports this assumption.

Useless error message #1253
7 June 2022

I had Let's Encrypt certificates working long-time on my Synology DiskStation NAS, that is until some extended shenanigans by my ISP left me offline during the renewal period. To add to the fun, my router also died, so I had to install a new one. All of this, of course, meant that the certificate wasn't renewed in the usual manner. Ne'ermind, I'll just delete the old certificate and create a new one. Or so I thought.

All I want for Christmas is your royalties
5 June 2022

Mariah Carey first released All I Want for Christmas is You in 1994. Now, 28 years later, Andy Stone of Vince Vance and the Valiants fame,* is suing her for copyright infringement, claiming that she used the title of his song, written five years earlier, without permission. But he's a reasonable guy, and he's only asking for at least $20 million to soothe his creative sensitivities.

The right to bear scary arms
12 May 2022

A Californian federal appeals court has struck down a state ban on the sale of semi-automatic firearms to people under the age of 21. The reasoning is quite exceptional, albeit illogical. But what's logic got to do with US gun law?

Foetal accident
10 May 2022

More controversy over five-letter words in Wordle. On 9 May, some users found that the answer was FETUS. The NYT claimed that this was coincidental. Nevertheless, the bonkers brigade thought that it was a deliberate attempt to comment on the US abortion debate.

Misleading ad shock!
29 April 2022

Samsung has apologised for an advert, showing a woman going for a run through the streets of a city alone at night.

A very thoughtful question...?
22 April 2022

A worthwhile question, below, I'm sure you'll agree. I just feel inadequately qualified to answer it. (confused)

Rwandan hotel
14 April 2022

The bouncing booby, UK Prime Minister BoJo, plans to fly asylum seekers to Rwanda, of all places, for processing. It's not clear whether they're given a return ticket, at UK tax payers' expense, or have to make their own way back. After all, if they did it once, they can surely do it again.

Stormy weather
6 April 2022

If ten hours of fireplace crackling is too hot for you, you might appreciate twenty-four hours of non-stop heavy rain action. And who wouldn't?

Gender denial
24 March 2022

I cannot pretend that I understand the background, or care much, but there's a lot of discussion over the pond about what defines a woman. It seems like a strange question, because the answer's screamingly obvious to anyone with an above-room temperature IQ. But I think it may have something to do with US law, and twinkies' rights over normals.

Swimmin' with the wimmin
22 March 2022

Lia Thomas, a trans-woman swimmer, has been dominating US women's college swimming. I simply cannot imagine why. (rolleyes)

Fire safety
21 March 2022

The ten-hour video shown in this thumbnail is actually ten hours and 31 seconds long. Presumably, the extra half a minute is for the paid sponsorship. (thinking)

I feel like a woman...
16 March 2022

…but where can you get one around here? (thinking) (shrug)

'My truth'
15 March 2022

Another popular song, another grifter out for a slice of the action. This time, it's Sami Chokri trying to dip his hand into Ed Sheeran's royalties for Shape of You.

The popcorn bandit
2 March 2022

Two separate couples visited a suburban cinema in Tampa, FL, on 13th January 2014. As the feature started, one of the husbands ignored the request to turn off mobile devices. The other admonished him. Insults were traded; popcorn was thrown; shots were fired.

U kraine, u saw, u conquered
13 February 2022

Preparing for imminent Russian invasion, Ukrainian volunteers are taking part in military training.

A bridge too far
8 February 2022

The building of Jeff Bezos' new megayacht in Rotterdam is causing a stir, because the historic Koningshaven Bridge has to be dismantled for it to leave the shipyard. I don't understand the problem: the bridge is a fairly ugly, industrial structure; and Bezos will pay for it to be rebuilt afterwards. At least he's using his disproportionate wealth to the benefit of gainful employment.

Vegan meat
28 January 2022

Writing for BBC Future, William Park explores a question that I suspect few have ever pondered: The reason some vegan alternatives don't taste like meat.

A question of ownership
25 January 2022

Non-fungible tokens (NFT) are unique, encrypted digital tokens that can be used to certify ownership of an artwork, for example. There can be only one owner of an NFT, and this represents one way in which artists and collectors can move their interaction into the digital space.

Downside up
23 January 2022

I ordered a couple of heavy items from an online retailer. Each was shipped separately in its manufacturer's carton, with an address label affixed.

Alpha meatheads assemble!
19 January 2022

It's generally the case that major cultural changes in the US eventually make it to the UK within five years: rock'n'roll; fast food; frivolous and vexatious litigation; and, most recently, brain death. Yes, the UK now has its very own anti-vax sovereign citizens. (SMH)

Reporter reporting
18 January 2022

Mary-Ann Russon asks What can we do to get more women into coding? I can't honestly say that I give a shit, and her gossamer-thin article didn't help me understand why I should, other than that there's a shortage of digitally-skilled workers.

Jet powered
17 January 2022

In a bid to limit imports and encourage local production, the Nigerian central bank made 41 items ineligible for foreign exchange in 2015. The list included rice; tomatoes; toothpicks, of all things; and…private jets.

I'm sarcastic, therefore I'm brainy
12 January 2022

According to David Robson, writing for BBC Family Tree, a teenager's sarcasm reflects their intellect. Fortunately for me, my sarcastic teen, Emily, doesn't read the BBC online.

6 January 2022

Laughter is the best medicine, or so we're told. And a prescribed comedy course could be a new way to help people recover from trauma. The sessions will be free for participants, although presumably not for the UK taxpayer; they get their joy from their tax bill.

Levelling up?
18 December 2021

A story of further embarrassment for BoJo's government, over restrictions-busting office Christmas parties, is remarkable only for bringing to my attention the fact that there's a Department for Levelling Up, Housing and Communities within HMG. What the actual fuck is levelling up supposed to mean? (confused)

Pickled nothing
29 August 2021

I've harvested so many chillis this year that I'm going to have to pickle some of them. I've never pickled anything in my life before now. Except, possibly, my brain and liver. (SMH)

Chips ahoy!
13 August 2021

Lee Jae-yong, the Samsung heir who was convicted of political bribery, has been released from his South Korean prison on parole. This comes, in part, following pressure from the US Chamber of Commerce.

No vaccine for zombies
11 August 2021

If you thought that Dr Naomi Wolf's opinions on the Chongvax were naive, others arise from the pit of ingorance who are, if anything, even worse.

Mushrooms are tasty
28 July 2021

Ina Garten (who?) is the Barefoot Contessa (who?). At least, I think she is.

Can I have a 'please, no more emojis' emoji?
25 July 2021

It appears that the BBC considers the creation of emojis to be of such importance that they assigned not one, but two of their crack business reporters to the task of writing an article on emojis that don't exist. Yet.

Beginning of the end
25 July 2021

The end credits to one of the greatest films of all time, 1994's The Shawshank Redemption, start with IN MEMORY OF ALLEN GREENE. Strangely enough, this inspired a question on Quora as to whether Allen Greene was a real person. WTF? Why would the film be dedicated to anyone otherwise? (confused)

Game for a laugh
13 July 2021

A sealed copy of Super Mario 64 has sold at auction for a record $1.5m. This is the price range previously occupied only by significant works of art, which can be hung on a wall and admired for the artist's skill. In this case, however, the high price is commanded for physical memorabilia, in the same way as rare trading cards.

Trust me, I'm a doctor
6 June 2021

Twitter has suspended Dr Naomi Wolf's account, after she was found to have spread Chongvax misinformation. Her messages included such gems as vaccines being a software platform that can receive uploads, and that the excreta of vaccinated individuals should be separated from general sewage, until its impact on non-vaccinated people through drinking water has been studied. It seems more humorous, in a batshit crazy way, than misinformative to me; although if it's a sign of her mental illness, then I should feel bad for laughing.

Tastes like chicken
22 May 2021

The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention warns that, alongside public health officials in several US states, it's investigating several outbreaks of Salmonella infections, linked to contact with backyard poultry. Across 43 states, 163 people have thus far been affected, 34 of whom have been hospitalised.

Lo-rez journalism
17 May 2021

Writing for BBC Reality Check, intrepid investigative journalists Christopher Giles and Jack Goodman ask the key question, Israel-Gaza: Why is the region blurry on Google Maps? What do you mean, dear reader, you weren't aware that it was? It is, and we're here to find out why!

Return to normal
23 March 2021

As a mass shooting at a Boulder, Colorado supermarket leaves ten people dead, it would be the mark of a true cynic to see any light in this tragedy.

Best Bond? Shome mishtake shurely!
25 January 2021

Calvin Dyson ranks his favourite actors to have played James Bond in Ranking James Bond Actors | Personal Favourites. His personal favourite? None other than…Roger Moore! (SMH)

14 January 2021

In the final days of his presidency, as Orange Don becomes the first US President to be impeached twice, the BBC asks its voter panel for their opinion, in an article grandly entitled Americans react to historic second Trump impeachment.

Blue, not blue
2 October 2020

Five African grey parrots at Lincolnshire Wildlife Park have been removed from public view for swearing at visitors. They swear to trigger a response, even among themselves, and that encourages them to swear even more. So, not unlike teenagers and Frankie Boyle then. (pipe)

Totally missing the point
16 September 2020

CutiesMignonnes—a French film concerning a prepubescent twerking dance troupe, written and directed by Maïmouna Doucouré, has arrived on Netflix to what can best be described as an utter shitstorm of protest. Although successful at the Sundance film festival, it has been accused of exploitation, sexualising girls, and gratification for paedophiles. Inevitably, there have been calls to cancel Netflix. So far, so drear.

Complete the following sentence
16 September 2020

Changes to the criminal justice system in England and Wales are heralded by the BBC with the above headline. Which immediately begs the question, what jail term do flippant criminals have to serve?

10 August 2020

While reporting the shameful and disrespectful forced redundancy of British Airways' staff through fire and rehire tactics, the BBC has diplomatically changed the names of their respondents. Could this be to protect them from company retaliation? If so, it's very laudable, and most definitely the right thing to do!

You really couldn't make this up. But someone actually did!
15 July 2020

I love a good conspiracy theory, they affirm my cynicism towards secrecy and often big government, but the best ones have a ring of truth about them. Which is more than can be said of the Wayfair child trafficking conspiracy theory.

Hedging their bets
31 May 2020

Michael Angelis, beloved Liverpudlian actor, died yesterday. According to Wikipaedia and The Guardian newspaper, he was 68 years old.

Air Force FUN!
28 February 2018

Hotel magnate and US President, Donald Orange Don Trump, has renegotiated a deal with Boeing to supply two new presidential Air Force Ones. Huh? (confused)

Same old, same old
15 February 2018

Another day, another mass murder at a US school, when a 19-year-old armed with an assault rifle killed at least seventeen people at a high school in Parkland, Florida. School shootings in the US have become so common-place that they hardly make anything other than local news. But Florida's Senator, Marco Rubio, stated that it was too soon to jump to conclusions that there was some law that we could have passed that would have prevented it, while the state's Governor, Rick Scott, also refused to discuss gun control.

Clocking off!
30 September 2017

While the girls have that smouldering dreamboat, Paul Ross, Canvas Clocks have something for the boys: a Pam St Clement wall clock. Battery included!

Bonkers, but not in a benign way
10 August 2017

North Korea has escalated its sabre rattling, and now threatens a rocket strike on the US territory of Guam.

No skool like the old skool
27 March 2017

Parent and journalist Laura June complains that leaving her three-year old daughter with the iPad and unsupervised internet access results in the toddler watching inappropriate content, including frightening derivatives of her favourite cartoon characters. Incensed that these parodies/knock-offs/call-them-what-you-will could offend or frighten her daughter, June does the only logical thing, take away the iPad and parent her daughter properly complain to YouTube, and whinge to the world in general.

No longer a threat
6 December 2013

On the news of Nelson Mandela's death, a poignant juxtaposition of news stories appears on the BBC's website. It seems that he had to die to be removed from the US's list of terrorists. He didn't, of course, that story dates from 2008.

Party out of water
8 August 2013

A dead shark has been found on the New York metro. It's not the sort of thing that usually expected, even in the Big Apple. Apparently, its provenance is a mystery.

A strap-on for girls
25 July 2013

Or, rather, their ponies.

Did we mention that he's a son of Korean immigrants?
14 November 2012

In an otherwise completely pointless article on Fortune magazine's completely pointless list of business leaders under 40, this gem of journalistic emphasis:

12 August 2012

Amazon trader St@llion is selling an insanely desirable box canvas print of Paul Ross. And, while we should always be careful about scores and reviews given on Amazon, how could anyone fail to be persuaded by these reviews?

Oh the irony!
14 June 2012

A drinking party in Russia allegedly boarded a light plane and set off, never to be seen again—at least they're searching. It's not absolutley clear as to whether the pilot was one of the revellers or completely sober, but since everyone in Russia is a raving alcoholic enjoys a good party, let's assume the worst.

Glam boxing
27 October 2011

The Amateur International Boxing Association would like its female competitors to wear a skirt during international competitions. Because, as you know, it's more ladylike if you're wearing a skirt while you beat the shit out of someone.

'Nutritious' has added sugar?
19 January 2011

Apparently those mirthless buggers at the UK Advertising Standards Authority have upheld complaints about advertising by those frisky buggers at Coca-Cola.