Everyday thoughts, but not every day

Make like I'm not talkin' to ya

There are 374 posts tagged: "in the news"

Unsecurity
28 September 2022

Pandemonium and violence broke out at a Daddy Yankee concert in Santiago, Chile, when around 4,000 people tried to force their way into the venue. The event's security staff were overwhelmed, and had to be reinforced by police.

(more…)
The lady killer
22 September 2022

María Belén Bernal vanished after visiting her husband at a police training school in the Ecuadorian capital, Quito, where he was an instructor. Her body has been found, and he is on the run as the main suspect in her killing.

(more…)
Tits-tastic!
21 September 2022

Kayla Lemieux, a Canadian transgender teacher, has caused both rage and amusement—from different quarters—for attending school classes wearing what can only be described as clownishly oversized, if not flat-out fetishistic, prosthetic breasts. Replete with protruding nipples, the…umm…embellishments hang down to her waist. Lolo Ferrari would've been awe-struck.

(more…)
Born-again omnivore
20 September 2022

The COO of vegan food processor Beyond Meat bit another man in an altercation, allegedly ripping the flesh on the tip of the nose.

(more…)
Immorality code
17 September 2022

Mahsa Amini was arrested by Iran's morality police for not wearing a hijab, in contravention of the country's strict rules on head coverings. She was beaten while inside a police van. Because it's immoral for a woman to not cover her head, but it's okey-dokey for the police to kick the crap out of her. That's not immoral; is that it? (rolleyes)

(more…)
QWERTY or QWERT?
17 September 2022

Hackers have deleted data from the IHG hotel chain for shitz'n'gigglz. When the vulnerability was traced to the use of a weak password and lax security around the company's password vault, IHG blew smoke.

(more…)
A foregone conclusion
14 September 2022

Twitter's shareholders have voted to approve the purchase of the company by Elon Musk for $44bn. Musk is trying to extricate himself from the deal, claiming that he was misled over the number of fake accounts on the platform. The shareholders' vote will allow the company to take legal action to force him to buy it. Talk about a shotgun marriage.

(more…)
Subceeding expectations
10 September 2022

OH. MY. GARRRRD. The bestest-iPhone-evarzies!!!!™ has been introduced to an expectant world. This new iteration of the seminal smartphone includes: a new camera; Dynamic Island, a widget thing that changes shape; and emergency calls via satellite.* It's just as well that I was sitting down when I read that lot!

(more…)
Just another four years...
8 September 2022

Ninety-six year-old Queen Betty is under medical supervision at her Scottish retreat. The leader of the opposition Labour Party, Sir Keir Starmer, is deeply worried about the aged birth-giver, which must be alarming for all who're close to her.

(more…)
Burns unit
8 September 2022

There's a lot of Burns in this horrific tale of mass murder in Canada, so it's unclear whether Mr Burns is referring to an editorially-renamed Ms Head, or one of the named Ms Burns. But I think it's the former.

(more…)
In Liz we Trusst
7 September 2022

As Liz Truss takes over from BoJo as the UK's prime minister, she’s ousting her political rivals’ supporters from the Cabinet in favour of her own hench(wo)men. But she was only given the role by her party, not the great unwashed.

(more…)
Harsh, but fair
2 September 2022

The BBC's quiz of the week is an opportunity for you to discover how little of the week's news you paid attention to. Seven multiple-choice questions shouldn't be too hard, though, should it?

(more…)
Commandos 0:3 The Free
29 August 2022

Three off-duty Dutch commandos, visiting the Land of the Free for training exercises, were shot outside their hotel in Indianapolis, IN. One later died of his injuries.

(more…)
Slow business
29 August 2022

Flooding in Pakistan's Manoor valley has cut off villages from the outside world, leaving their residents struggling with communications. Some of the villagers threw a letter, packed in a weighted plastic bag, to reporters.

(more…)
Not privileged at all
24 August 2022

Paul Pelosi—husband of US speaker of the House, Nancy Pelosi—has been sentenced to five days in jail, for driving under the influence of alcohol. Or, rather, for crashing his car under the influence of alcohol. Because that's what led to his arrest, innit?

(more…)
Careless talc costs lives
12 August 2022

Johnson & Johnson is to stop making and selling its legendary baby talc due to health concerns—raised in US civil litigation, natch! People who want a scapegoat's money to compensate for their disease, claim that the company's talc is contaminated with asbestos. Hence cancer.*

(more…)
Breaking news: a little more transparency?
12 August 2022

Another breaking news story on the BBC, this time concerning an attack on the author Sir Salman Rushdie, in New York. This time, however, the footnote advises not only that this is a breaking story to be updated, but also that refreshing the page will bring the most recent version. With neither clarification as to what's been updated or corrected, nor any edit timestamp as to when it occurred. Naturally. (rolleyes)

(more…)
Brother, can you spare a halalah?*
1 August 2022

HRH Prince Charles' financial relationship with the Middle East isn't limited to accepting shopping bags stuffed with drinking tokens from Qatari prime ministers. In 2013, he accepted donations to his charitable fund from a Saudi family by the name of Bin Laden. The family's most well-known son—a cheeky wee scamp named Osama—was apparently a bit of a wild child, whom they disowned in 1994.

(more…)
Pooh flu
30 July 2022

As the confirmation of new Chongvirus infections in Wuhan sends almost one million of its citizens into lockdown, two studies have offered compelling evidence linking the initial outbreak to the city's seafood and wildlife market. Together, they suggest that two variants were introduced into humans, from live mammals sold at Huanan market in late 2019.

(more…)
Rosebud
27 July 2022

On 1 December, 1948, the body of a man was found lying against the seawall at Somerton Beach in Adelaide. He was well-dressed, wearing a suit and tie. There was no identification on him, and even the labels in his clothing had been cut out. His belongings included incoherent writings, thought to be in code, and a scrap of paper torn from The Rubaiyat of Omar Khayyam, with the Farsi phrase Tamám Shudfinished—printed on it.

(more…)
Darwin dedication
26 July 2022

Jack Fenton, 22, was killed when he was hit by a helicopter's tail rotor in Greece. The aircraft's two pilots and a ground crew member face charges of negligent homicide.

(more…)
The world's most trusted social media
21 July 2022

In a discovery that should surprise absolutely nobody, the UK's teenagers rely on Instagram, TikTok, and YouTube for news, rather than traditional media outlets. This startling revelation comes in a report from the UK's communications regulator, Ofcom.

(more…)
Justice is blind
20 July 2022

The US House of Representatives has passed the Respect for Marriage Act, which offers protection for interracial and same-sex marriages. Nevertheless, Democrats are concerned that the US Supreme Court could roll back same-sex marriage rights.

(more…)
Too obvious?
19 July 2022

Yet another gunman attacks innocent US civilians, this time killing three people in Greenwood, IN. It wouldn't have made anything other than local news, but for the fact that he was stopped dead in his tracks—quite literally—by a fellow gunslinger packing his own heater. Elisjsha Dicken dropped the attacker, Jonathan Sapirman—who had two rifles, a handgun, and over 100 rounds of ammunition—only two minutes into his assault.

(more…)
Pet cemetery
19 July 2022

I never thought I'd say that I like the idea of life in Iran, but I like the idea of life in Iran.*

(more…)
Nothing good lasts forever
18 July 2022

As China continues its zero-Covid policy, severe and prolonged lockdowns in its critical manufacturing and business centres have driven its economy to underperform against expectations. The easing of global Chongmask mandates can't have helped either. (pipe)

So long, and thanks for all the cash!
13 July 2022

After overseeing the economic ruin of his country, Sri Lanka's former president, Gotabaya Rajapaksa, has fled to the Maldives. In a similar vein, his brother, the former finance minister, decided that a sojourn to the US was in order.

(more…)
Can you see his lips move?
13 July 2022

As the parliamentary Conservatives gather around to choose their new leader, the Labour Party leadership has called for a vote of no confidence in the Prime Minister. Which is rather like shutting the stable door after the horse has bolted. That vote was taken last week, when the government's ministers and underlings saw the writing on the wall, and collectively soiled themselves.

(more…)
The running man
12 July 2022

Olympian Sir Mo Farah has been praised for discussing his childhood trauma, being trafficked into the UK and forced into domestic servitude. The usual fawning yada-yada from the usual political, media, and celebrity suspects.

(more…)
Developing story: to be stealth updated
8 July 2022

I have previously noted that the world's most trusted international news broadcaster™ is not adverse to stealth editing its articles after they've been published online. An ethical news outlet would make changes clear to the reader, or find another way to update its articles in light of new information. At the very least they would include a last updated timestamp. But the BBC eschews that transparency nonsense.

(more…)
BoJo gonna gogo?
6 July 2022

Now that both his chancellor and health secretary have resigned over the latest scandal to hit his premiership, we have to wonder how long BoJo can continue to bluff his way. When he appointed Chris Pincher as deputy chief whip earlier this year, he tacitly admitted to knowing that the old pervert had an unenviable reputation, referring to him as Pincher by name, pincher by nature.

(more…)
Bum vote
4 July 2022

Kenya heads towards national elections next month, and the country's spiralling cost of living has been a prominent feature on the campaign trail.

(more…)
No trucking about
2 July 2022

A tragic tale enfolded in San Antonio, TX, as the bodies of at least 53 migrants were discovered in a lorry trailer. They had travelled from Latin America, and illegally entered the US in the container in which they were found. When the air-conditioning failed, and without ventilation, they perished as temperatures reached 40°C.

(more…)
It's a complete mystery (SMH)
27 June 2022

Tragedy struck East London, South Africa, when 21 teenagers inexplicably died at the Enyobeni Tavern. The youths were aged between 13 and 17, when the minimum drinking age in South Africa is 18.

(more…)
Turning tricks
26 June 2022

HRH Prince Charles, the Prince of Wales, accepted wads of cash totalling €3M, handed to him in suitcases and shopping bags, as charitable donations from Qatar's prime minister between 2011 and 2015. According to his spokesperson, all donations were passed immediately to one of the prince's charities and all the correct processes were followed.

(more…)
Two-faced Charlie
19 June 2022

As Commonwealth heads of state head to Rwanda for a knees-up, Prince Charles will be representing the Queen as the head of the Commonwealth. This will likely increase his chances of rubbing shoulders with BoJo, of whose Rwandan relocation plan he's not so keen.

(more…)
Richard the Third
14 June 2022

There's been a lot of commentary following the outcome of the Johnny Depp/Amber Heard defamation trial. One of the highlights of the case, which has been the source of much hilarity and derision, was the revelation—although I'm pretty sure that it was publicly known years ago—of Heard taking a dump in the marital bed, and later trying to pass the blame onto one of the couple's lapdogs. She now lives in infamy as Amber Turd.

(more…)
The unknown incel
14 June 2022

An incel who murdered ten people in Toronto in 2018, by driving a van into pedestrians, has been sentenced to life in prison, with no possibility of parole for 25 years. He was found guilty of the crimes last year.

(more…)
It's Istanbul, not Constantinople now
2 June 2022

Turkey—the country, not the bird or colossal failure—is rebranding itself to Türkiye. The purpose of this change is not to distract from President Erdogan's economic failings in the run-up to next year's elections. Oh no.

(more…)
Les e-sports
31 May 2022

L'Académie française, the custodian of the French language, has advised government officials to use French equivalents in place of English terms, when referring to video gaming. It's good to know that someone's on top of this shit. (thumbup)

(more…)
Assault with a deadly weapon
29 May 2022

In the wake of recent mass-shootings in Buffalo and Uvalde, both of which involved the deadly use of semi-automatic weapons, US Vice-President Kamala Harris has denounced access to such firearms within the USofArmaments, stating: An assault weapon is a weapon of war.

(more…)
Chicken, egg; egg, chicken
28 May 2022

Dennis Butler was warned to slow down while passing a celebratory event in Charleston, WV, because children were playing there. When the convicted felon returned to fire on the crowd with a semi-automatic rifle, a bystander drew her own gun and popped a cap in his ass, killing him and saving innocent lives. Bloody good show, lady!

(more…)
A fitting send-off
25 May 2022

Only a day after US President 'Pa departed for home from a five-day trip to South Korea and Japan, North Korea marked the occasion with its very own salute to FJB: launching three ballistic missiles in less than an hour.

(more…)
Crazy guy, gun crazy
25 May 2022

Only ten days after an 18-year-old man shot dead ten people in a racially-motivated attack in Buffalo, NY, another has killed 21, including 19 children aged nine to eleven, at a school in Uvalde, TX. This second assailant launched his courageous attack on unarmed civilians with a handgun, a semi-automatic rifle, and high-capacity magazines.

(more…)
Neverending lockdown
24 May 2022

President Pooh's lackeys at the WHO are concerned over China's response to the WuFlu. They believe that continued lockdowns in the face of Chongvirus omicron are not sustainable. Oh well, never mind.

(more…)
Elections: the outcome is all a matter of perspective
22 May 2022

Anthony Albanese will head Australia's first Labor government in almost a decade, as voters jumped ship from Scott Morrison's Liberal-National Coalition. Although all the votes have yet to be counted, Morrison has conceded defeat, and world leaders, as well as BoJo, have acknowledged the Labor Party's victory.*

(more…)
The concrete jungle
20 May 2022

To mark Queen Elizabeth II's Platinum Jubilee, eight towns within the UK's nations are being conferred city status. These include the concrete eyesore that is Milton Keynes, in Buckinghamshire. The town is so visually uninspiring that the BBC's article is illustrated with a photograph of its football stadium under floodlight. (LOL)

(more…)
Rightsize me
19 May 2022

A New York lard-arse is raising a class-action lawsuit against MacDonald's and Wendy's, alleging that their burgers are lacking in lard-arseness. Specifically, that the companies' marketing suggests that their burgers are 15% larger than they really are.

(more…)
Political dishonesty
17 May 2022

It appears, quelle surprise!, that the Russian population receives a different narrative on the war in Ukraine to the rest of us. But one military analyst, retired colonel Mikhail Khodarenok, gave a frank and forthright assessment of the situation on Russian state TV: we are in total political isolation and the whole world is against us, even if we don't want to admit it.

(more…)
Okay Bill
14 May 2022

I don't recall having heard of Deborah James before now. But I don't listen to podcasts, so there's that.

(more…)
Not isolated enough
12 May 2022

It appears that, although Kim Jong-un declared a shining success in dealing with the Wuflu last year, Chongvirus Omicron is now having a gay old time in North Korea. Despite the secretive state closing its borders in January 2020, Omicron has found a way into lil' fatboy's Supreme Leader's playpit.

(more…)
The right to bear scary arms
12 May 2022

A Californian federal appeals court has struck down a state ban on the sale of semi-automatic firearms to people under the age of 21. The reasoning is quite exceptional, albeit illogical. But what's logic got to do with US gun law?

(more…)
This time we mean it (crossedfingers)
10 May 2022

After prison guard Vicky White absconded from an Alabaman jail with convicted felon Casey White, a manhunt was set up to capture the runaway duo. It ended less than two weeks' later, with her death and his surrender to police.

(more…)
Foetal accident
10 May 2022

More controversy over five-letter words in Wordle. On 9 May, some users found that the answer was FETUS. The NYT claimed that this was coincidental. Nevertheless, the bonkers brigade thought that it was a deliberate attempt to comment on the abortion debate.

(more…)
Having their meat and eating it
4 May 2022

As the US Supreme Court appears set to challenge women's right to abortion, conservative and religious pro-lifers hope that Roe vs Wade will be overturned. I can't help but wonder how many of them are vegan or vegetarian though.

(more…)
Misleading ad shock!
29 April 2022

Samsung has apologised for an advert, showing a woman going for a run through the streets of a city alone at night.

(more…)
It's not harmful if you treat it right
27 April 2022

Purveyor of sugar-laden shit, Kellogg's, is taking the UK government to court, over restrictions on the display of nutritionally-deficient, obesity-inducing breakfast cereals in stores.

(more…)
Tweet in space
26 April 2022

After a period of broad speculation, Elon Musk will buy Twitter for a cool $44bn. The announcement has some of the Twitterati weeping into their soy lattes, if not actually soiling themselves.

(more…)
Old-fashioned communications
24 April 2022

Jacob Rees-Mogg, UK Cabinet minister for Brexit Opportunities and Government Efficiency,* is upsetting the peons. He's been leaving little notes on the desks of civil servants who have yet to return to the office, stating: Sorry you were out when I visited. I look forward to seeing you in the office very soon.

(more…)
Saddened and shocked of Sidmouth
14 April 2022

As news that a lone gunman has been arrested for a mass-shooting on the New York subway, Sidmouth in Devon has also entered the world of senseless violence. The town was reeling from the stabbing of a man on Monday, although the town council's chairman tried to put a brave face on it.

(more…)
Dear heart
14 April 2022

Shortly after it was reported that US bodybuilder Cedric McMillan wouldn't participate in the 2022 Arnold Classic, he confirmed the decision by dying of 'roids-unrelated causes.

(more…)
Rwandan hotel
14 April 2022

The bouncing booby, UK Prime Minister BoJo, plans to fly asylum seekers to Rwanda, of all places, for processing. It's not clear whether they're given a return ticket, at UK tax payers' expense, or have to make their own way back. After all, if they did it once, they can surely do it again.

(more…)
Joining the lunatics
8 April 2022

Justice Ketanji Brown Jackson's appointment to the US Supreme Court fulfils President 'Pa's campaign pledge to put a black woman on the court. Consideration of the most suitable candidate is irrelevant. He just needed a black woman, presumably one with some legal experience. And preferably one who was on the giving, rather than the receiving, end of the justice system.

(more…)
Foetal attraction
1 April 2022

Lauren Handy is an American anti-abortionist, who describes herself as a Catholic anarchist. She's a leader of an activist group calling itself the Progressive Anti-Abortion Uprising.

(more…)
No noose is good news
31 March 2022

US President 'Pa has signed the Emmett Till Antilynching Act, thus making an act that hasn't occurred in decades a federal hate crime, punishable by up to 30 years' imprisonment. For what is also murder, punishable by up to life imprisonment or death. Think about it.

(more…)
It's all done in the best possible taste
26 March 2022

After William Collins died in 2020, his family erected an understated and tasteful memorial to the King of Sheffield in his home town. The 37-tonne Italian marble headstone, resplendent with a solar-powered jukebox and two statues of the bare-knuckle prizefighter, has drawn awe and admiration from all who've seen it.

(more…)
Shitcanned
24 March 2022

New York socialite, Lauren Pazienza, is charged with manslaughter after an elderly woman, whom she shoved to the ground, suffered head trauma and later died. She's currently jailed on Rikers Island.

(more…)
Moving goalposts
24 March 2022

Just Stop Oil is a youth activist organisation mobilised against the exploitation of all fossil fuels, not just oil, in the UK. Another one.

(more…)
No Newzz is good news
24 March 2022

BuzzFeed News—or should that be Newzz?—is being shuttered, at the urging of shareholders. The news landscape will never be the same again. Hopefully.

(more…)
Swimmin' with the wimmin
22 March 2022

Lia Thomas, a trans-woman swimmer, has been dominating US women's college swimming. I simply cannot imagine why. (rolleyes)

(more…)
Less smart phones
21 March 2022

As smartphones are taking over more of our lives, some droids are rebelling and breaking free. An increasing number of people are eschewing smartphones for old skool mobile phones, dubbed dumbphones. And bloody good for them, says I.

(more…)
Pyles
17 March 2022

So, you're the world's most trusted international news broadcaster™, and you have a ground-breaking story on the rejuvenation of the UK's electricity distribution network. At least in terms of the design of that part keeping the cables off the ground.

(more…)
A bum rap
17 March 2022

Less than one week into his sentence for lying to police, Jussie Smollett is released on bail, pending an appeal. His legal team, playing the inevitable race card, is happy with the result.

(more…)
I feel like a woman...
16 March 2022

…but where can you get one around here? (thinking) (shrug)

(more…)
Postcard from the ancestral homeland
16 March 2022

China's economic resurgence has met a stumbling block in the shape of Chongvirus Omicron. Like its elder brother, Delta, Omicron is making a pilgrimage to its ancestral homeland, and is having a gay old time in the economically- and technologically-important regions of Guangdong, Jilin, Shandong, Shanghai, and Shenzhen.

(more…)
'My truth'
15 March 2022

Another popular song, another grifter out for a slice of the action. This time, it's Sami Chokri trying to dip his hand into Ed Sheeran's royalties for Shape of You.

(more…)
Old king coal
15 March 2022

The UK's Office of National Statistics has revealed changes to the list of consumer items—the shopping basket—used to monitor the cost of living in BoJo's playpit. In come meat-free sausages and pet collars, out go men's suits and domestic coal…w-w-w-WHAT? (shock)

(more…)
Justice for Jussie‽
11 March 2022

Jussie Smollett has been sentenced to less than six months in jail, of a maximum possible three years on each of five counts, for fabricating a race hate crime. But not everyone believes that Illinois' inmates should have to be more careful with the soap.(jussie)

(more…)
The popcorn bandit
2 March 2022

Two separate couples visited a suburban cinema in Tampa, FL, on 13 January 2014. As the feature started, one of the husbands ignored the request to turn off mobile devices. The other admonished him. Insults were traded; popcorn was thrown; shots were fired.

(more…)
A different parochial perspective
21 February 2022

The BBC has been moving some of its light programming out of London and into the regions. The most recent move, of Morning Live to Manchester, will offer a broader perspective on the whole of the UK, according to an ex-sportswoman-turned-daytime TV presenter. This is, of course, utter bollocks.

(more…)
Not throwing caution to the wind
20 February 2022

England is planning to rejoin the first world in the coming days, as BoJo warns against throwing caution to the wind.

(more…)
Trumped
17 February 2022

After buying Wordle from its developer, the New York Times sought to reassure fans that the gameplay will remain unchanged.

The NYT denied any changes to gameplay, but it did admit that it was in the process of removing "offensive words" which included whore, slave and wench from both the list of acceptable guesses and the answers.

(more…)
Bridge over the river Detroit
14 February 2022

After almost a week-long stand-off with a mélange of malcontented numbskulls, Canadian police have finally liberated the Ambassador Bridge between Windsor, ON, and Detroit, MI.

(more…)
U kraine, u saw, u conquered
13 February 2022

Preparing for imminent Russian invasion, Ukrainian volunteers are taking part in military training.

(more…)
Is there a barber in the house?
13 February 2022

A US father and son, Brandon and Gregory Case, chased and shot at a black FedEx driver in Brookhaven, MS. The younger Case has been charged with aggravated assault, and his father with conspiracy. The driver, D'Monterrio Gibson, believes that they should be charged with hate crime.

(more…)
Double-down juries
11 February 2022

Rebecca Hogue's plight rests on Oklahoma's failure to protect law, which states that a parent who suspects child abuse by another, and fails to report it, is complicit. In the worst case, this can lead to a charge of murder in the first-degree.

(more…)
It takes allsorts
11 February 2022

Prince Charles has had to call off his attendance at the unveiling of a statue in Winchester, after he contracted the WuFlu. The statue of Licoricia of Winchester was instead unveiled by a man in a fetching blue uniform.

(more…)
Truckers not truckin'
9 February 2022

As the Ottawan truckers' protest continues, Sam Cabral's there on the frontlines. Or not. Actually, he's in Washington, from where he outlines some thoughts as to how it might be brought to an end.

(more…)
Champagne conservative
9 February 2022

After we've discovered that Boozy BoJo has a pretty ropey taste in beer, is seems that his, or his carers', taste in champagne is more refined. At least, that appears to be a bottle of Veuve Cliquot to the left of the image.

(more…)
A bridge too far
8 February 2022

The building of Jeff Bezos' new megayacht in Rotterdam is causing a stir, because the historic Koningshaven Bridge has to be dismantled for it to leave the shipyard. I don't understand the problem: the bridge is a fairly ugly, industrial structure; and Bezos will pay for it to be rebuilt afterwards. At least he's using his disproportionate wealth to the benefit of gainful employment.

(more…)
Skating on thin ice
8 February 2022

Wahey! Weibo's nationalistic shitheads are at it again. The it being brutally castigating their Olympians' performances, when failing to excel at things that they—the nationalistic shitheads, that is—wouldn't have a hope in hell of achieving in the first place. In particular, figure skater Zhu Yi, who fell a lot, leaving Team China out of the medals.

(more…)
Drinking piss
5 February 2022

As the pressure on BoJo over restriction-busting knees-ups at Downing Street increases, it appears that the PM was photographed at one event holding a can of beer.

(more…)
Arresting development
2 February 2022

Mason Greenwood—who I'd never heard of before now, but he's a footballer, so why would I?—was arrested on Sunday. While he was already in police custody, additional charges were brought against him. At least, that's how I understood the situation.

(more…)
Head in the Clouds
29 January 2022

Another ageing hippy, and musical has-been, is leaving Spotify over Chongvirus misinformation. This time, it's Joni Mitchell.

(more…)
Old man howls at moon
25 January 2022

Ageing rocker, Neil Young, has demanded that Spotify remove his music from its platform, in protest at podcaster Joe Rogan spreading Chongvax misinformation.

(more…)
Visionary video
24 January 2022

I had to read this twice to realise they meant video. Automated journalism-to-English translators aren't infallible I guess.

(more…)
The balloon children
20 January 2022

As six Love Island contestants have been named by the Advertising Standards Authority, for consistently failing to disclose advertising on Instagram, my only thought was how the tight ponytails worn by Jess and Eve Gale made their heads look like party balloons.

(more…)
Going postal
18 January 2022

Beijing city officials warn that a local woman may have contracted Chongvirus Omicron from a foreign parcel. If true—and we're taking the word of CCP shitheads here, so caution is advised—then, by the same token, this could be one way in which they exported their little billet-doux to the world. (nosmile)

Looks like a pig, walks like a pig...
18 January 2022

As we delight in BoJo's further embarrassment over restrictions-busting boozy knees-ups at Downing Street, his former chief adviser tried to blow all pretence of innocence-through-ignorance out of the water.

(more…)
Licence-free
17 January 2022

It's been a long time coming. But the winds of change are finally set to blow throughout the People's Republic of Portland Place.

(more…)
Boozy nights
16 January 2022

While the rest of Britain was in lockdown, the studz'n'wenchz of Westminster showed that they know how to PAAAR-TAAY. Rules are made to be broken. Just ask Matt Han(don)cock, he wrote them.

(more…)
NY jelly
11 January 2022

New York mayor, Eric Adams, has endorsed a bill allowing non-citizens to vote in local elections. It's not a universally-embraced decision. Opponents argue that the bill gives influence to people who have no commitment to the community, and who haven't put in the work and tax dollars.

(more…)
Stoner
11 January 2022

Protesters on the French overseas territory of St Pierre and Miquelon have attacked their MP, by pelting him with seaweed. Stéphane Claireaux took his ordeal stoically.

(more…)
Slumming it
11 January 2022

As its financial position worsens, Evergrande has had to give up the lease on its prestigious headquarters in Shenzhen, China. The company announced that it was remaining in the city, but moving to a building that it itself owns.

(more…)
Traumedy
6 January 2022

Laughter is the best medicine, or so we're told. And a prescribed comedy course could be a new way to help people recover from trauma. The sessions will be free for participants, although presumably not for the UK taxpayer; they get their joy from their tax bill.

(more…)
What's in a Wordl?
5 January 2022

I had never heard of the online game, Wordle, until I read today that it will never become attention grabbing or advert laden, which is reassuring.

(more…)
I'm No. 1
5 January 2022

For the first time in 90 years, General Motors is not the highest-selling car manufacturer in the US, the number one place in 2021 being taken by Toyota. Toyota were humble in victory, while GM were bullish in defeat.

(more…)
Frohes Neues Jahr!
2 January 2022

While those lovable French set cars alight, the Germans take an altogether more sedate approach to welcoming in the new year. I have it on good authority that they like nothing more than throwing fireworks at each other in the street. Consequently, news that there has only been one death in Germany seems like a stroke of good fortune; except to the victim's family, that is.

(more…)
Green sky thinking
2 January 2022

Following COP26, now is the time for politicians to make bold pledges; irrespective of achievability. Because grand, but empty, gestures are just what the world needs. Forget the implementation and actual impact, we'll fix that in post. Or not. (rolleyes)

(more…)
Joyeuse Nouvelle Année!
1 January 2022

After the 2020/2021 New Year celebrations were banned in France, in response to the pandemic, the French have returned to celebrating the dawning of 2022 with their traditional Gallic flair. Or should that be flare? (thinking)

(more…)
Ho-ho-holocaust
21 December 2021

Pupils aged eight and nine years at Watkins Elementary School, Washington DC, were allegedly forced to re-enact events from the Holocaust, including shootings and digging mass graves. One child was given the role of Adolf Hitler to play, which presumably saved them having to act out any hard labour, although they did have to commit suicide at the end; re-anacted, I hasten to add.

(more…)
5G or 0G(enes)
18 December 2021

Necklaces and accessories that are claimed to protect against 5G, which isn't harmful to health, have been found to be radioactive, which is. Hmmm. (thinking)

(more…)
Levelling up?
18 December 2021

A story of further embarrassment for BoJo's government, over restrictions-busting office Christmas parties, is remarkable only for bringing to my attention the fact that there's a Department for Levelling Up, Housing and Communities within HMG. What the actual fuck is levelling up supposed to mean? (confused)

(more…)
A rock and a hard place
17 December 2021

The European Medicines Agency has refused approval for a new drug against Alzheimer's disease. Despite it having been approved by the US Food and Drug Administration, the EMA argued that it does not appear to be effective in two trials involving 3,000 patients.

(more…)
Take THAT, Pooh!
17 December 2021

The US has previously accused China of genocide towards the Uighur muslims. Now, Congress has passed a bill, by an overwhelming majority, to prohibit imports from the Xinjiang region produced with forced labour.

(more…)
Give me the reason
16 December 2021

In an effort to slow the spread of Chongvirus Omicron, France's prime minister Jean Castex has announced tightened travel restrictions for visitors from the UK.

(more…)
Dutch oven
16 December 2021

Thierry Baudet, a right-wing Dutch MP, has been ordered by a court to remove Twitter posts likening restrictions against the unvaccinated to the treatment of Jews during the Holocaust.

(more…)
Fitch-slapped
10 December 2021

Chinese property-developer, Evergrande, has missed a crucial repayment deadline.

(more…)
Just rephrase the question
10 December 2021

Jussie Smollett has been found guilty of lying to police, when he claimed to be the victim of a racist and homophobic assault in Chicago, almost three years ago.

(more…)
Keeping Members (of Parliament) warm
7 December 2021

The animatronic Tyrannosaurus rex at London's Natural History museum is sporting a festive sweater, courtesy of a Leicester knitwear company.

(more…)
Daddy's little princess, a chip off the old block
6 December 2021

Ghislaine Maxwell, darling daughter of the late publishing tycoon, Robert, is on trial for sex trafficking underage girls to Jeffrey Epstein. Daddy would be so proud.

(more…)
Too soon to hope
2 December 2021

Jack Dorsey, CEO and co-founder of Twitter, is stepping down. Or should that be stepping up, since he's leaving the gutter?

(more…)
The wheelchair heist
1 December 2021

A 61-year-old shoplifter was shot dead by a police officer in Tuscon on Monday. Like his weapon, Officer Ryan Remington has been fired. BA-BOOM-TSCH!

(more…)
A tale of two cities
1 December 2021

Tel Aviv has pushed Paris into joint second place, alongside Singapore, as the most expensive city in the world in which to live. Less than 300km away lies Damascus, which claims the title at the other end of the scale.

(more…)
That's a turnip for the books!
1 December 2021

BBC News' Maddy Savage explains how Magdalena Andersson became Sweden's first female prime minister, twice! Except she didn't, really.

(more…)
Journalistic ethics are a thing...allegedly
1 December 2021

CNN anchorman Chris Cuomo has been suspended indefinitely, over allegations that he aided his sex pest brother, ex-New York governor Andrew.

(more…)
Me, myself, I
30 November 2021

During his pre-trial hearing for participating in the US Capitol riot on 6 January, James Beeks claimed that the court had no jurisdiction over him because he had divine authority. I'm not sure whether he's claiming to be directly related to god, or just a messenger. Perhaps his stage role as Judas in Jesus Christ Superstar has gone to his head; although, from my limited knowledge of the Bible, playing Judas doesn't sound particularly divine.

(more…)
The piggy premium
26 November 2021

With news that a highly-mutated Chongvirus variant has been detected in southern Africa, the UK transport secretary, Grant Shapps, announced new travel restrictions as a safety-first approach. It at least demonstrates that lessons from the delta variant have been learned. Which is something, I suppose.

(more…)
27 down...
26 November 2021

The drowning of 27 illegal migrants in the English Channel is followed by the predictable handwringing from the great and the good. I wonder how many of them would actually turn their own back yards over to a camp?

(more…)
I'm a nonentity...get me some publicity!
25 November 2021

British TV host and journalist, Richard Madeley, fell ill on the set of reality TV programme, I'm a Celebrity…Get Me Out of Here! It certainly did get him out of there, his hospitalisation meant that he'd broken the set's COVID bubble, and it was therefore a one-way trip.

(more…)
Tracking Martians
24 November 2021

US defence officials are to launch an investigation of UFO activity in restricted areas, and mitigate any associated threats.

(more…)
Canadabis
23 November 2021

A different approach to driving sales comes from Uber Eats, Canada.

(more…)
Social media (bath) bombing
23 November 2021

Lush, producer of overpriced and overhyped cosmetics and personal care products, has announced that it will deactivate some of its social media accounts, until platforms take steps to provide a safer environment for users. The platforms of concern are Facebook, Instagram, Snapchat, and TikTok. (fist) (geddit?)

(more…)
Let's go...
20 November 2021

I've paid little attention to the Kyle Rittenhouse case. It's too mired in US politics, race relations, and gun law to be of even passing interest. Besides, polarising doesn't exacty float my boat.

(more…)
No mobile while mobile
19 November 2021

Things are getting tougher for the UK's drivers.

(more…)
Privacy is very important to F*c*book
19 November 2021

F*c*book has admonished the LAPD for breaching its T&C, by establishing fake profiles to surveil users suspected of criminal activity.

(more…)
All-we-can-afford-for-you-to-eat
18 November 2021

An all-you-can-eat buffet in Changsha, China, has banned a food live-streamer for eating all that he can eat. The owner of the Handadi Seafood BBQ Buffet stated that Mr Kang was losing him money every time he visited.

(more…)
X, the unknown
18 November 2021

Two men convicted of Malcolm X's assassination in 1965 will have their convictions quashed.

(more…)
Flowers power
17 November 2021

Following the arrest of Terence Kelly for the abduction of Cleo Smith, the Australian news network, Seven, published photos of Terrance Flowers as the suspect. They took the photos from his Facebook account, where he uses his mother's maiden name, which is also Kelly.

(more…)
Pooh payment
12 November 2021

AstraZeneca have announced that, as the WuFlu changes from pandemic to endemic—their words, not mine—the company will start to make some profit from its Chongvax. Nick Dearden, director of campaign group Global Justice Now, who appears to live in an economic fantasy land, railed against the decision, stating that it shows the utter folly of giving away publicly-funded science to big pharma. While the AZ vaccine was developed in conjunction with Oxford University, the company has borne the cost of production and getting the drug to market. And it's still the cheapest on the market.

(more…)
Butt, officers...
10 November 2021

After Darrell Meekcom mooned a speed camera in Kidderminster, Worcestershire, he was surprised to be arrested, and wrestled to the ground, by no less than six police officers. Meekom suffers from a plethora of disabling diseases, and uses a wheelchair. Most people would think that a single officer, or two since they like to go about in pairs, could've done the job well enough.

(more…)
Sporting fashion
4 November 2021

Yet another bait-and-switch from our friends at the BBC. What appears to be a cataclysmic outcome for JD Sports (above), turns out to be more prosaic (below). Instead of being forced to sell the whole company, it's only being forced to sell off a subsidiary that duplicates its own core business.

(more…)
NAP26
3 November 2021

Because we've all been there, haven't we?

(more…)
Imagine all the staffers
Dictating what you do*
1 November 2021

It's kinda touching, the naïvety in the create-space.

(more…)
Batty
1 November 2021

The pekapeka, or long-tailed bat (Chalinolobus tuberculatus (North Island)), has won the title of New Zealand's bird of the year. The victory has upset some people, who unironically took to Twitter—hohoho!—to complain. Nevertheless, the organisers of the poll, Forest & Bird, remain unrepentant.

(more…)
D1 R6 D1 S6
26 October 2021

In an otherwise dull and TLDR article, on the discovery of a planet candidate outside our own galaxy, one thing struck me. The name of one of the researchers, Dr Rosanne Di Stefano, is remarkable for its periodicity: D1 R6 D1 S6.

(more…)
Not fast enough
24 October 2021

On the shooting death of Ecuadorian sprinter, Alex Quiñónez, outside a shopping centre in Guayaquil, BBC News notes that This is the second killing of an international athlete this month. Just over a week ago, Agnes Tirop was stabbed to death in Kenya.

(more…)
Hair razor
22 October 2021

Boys attending school in the Magnolia Independent School District, Texas, are banned from having long hair. Now, seven students are suing the school district for gender discrimination. Okay, seems fair, gender discrimination is wrong, ether way it's applied.

(more…)
Laundered
22 October 2021

Much has been made of the relative attention paid to the disappearance and murder of Gabby Petito, compared to that for black women. The BBC has to mention it every time they report on the story—except this time, naturally!—like some tic or idée fixe.

(more…)
Spy way
20 October 2021

An investigation as to why a middle-class, suburban US couple turned to spying against their country, revealed that Mrs Diana Toebbe has purple hair. Not that this was the cause of their spying, I hasten to add.

(more…)
Symbolic stupidity
16 October 2021

Perhaps it's a slow news day. Or perhaps someone, somewhere feels the need to tap into the zeitgeist. Thames Valley Police have reassured motorists that diversionary road signs at Junction 5 on the M4 will not take them to Squid Game. (rolleyes)

(more…)
Funny, not funny
16 October 2021

Outrage has erupted over Dave Chappelle's latest Netflix special, The Closer, as he took aim at the alphabet soupers—particularly the T—and the preferred pronoun poseurs. Verily, the dudgeon, it was high; and the salt, it flowed freely and in abundance. You cannot make fun of the trans, it seems.

(more…)
Spaced out
16 October 2021

Following William Shatner's journey into space aboard Jeff Bezos' giant rocket-powered dildo, George Takei spat a little venom in his direction. Shatner wasn't taking it lying down, though. Instead, he tweeted a mighty clap-back.

(more…)
Acid tongue
14 October 2021

Claudia Webbe, ex-Labour and currently independent MP for Leicester East, has been found guilty of harassing Michelle Merritt, between September 2018 and April 2020, with, among other things, threats of acid and sending naked photos of Merritt to her family. The basis for these attacks was a relationship that Merritt allegedly had with Webbe's partner, Lester Thomas.

(more…)
Losers
11 October 2021

As the US government and state authorities introduce mandatory vaccination against the Chongvirus for public sector workers, some of those workers are choosing to leave their jobs instead. Healthcare workers who reject the mandate as politically-motivated, or an invasion of their sovereign rights, have a difficult argument to make in their favour, since they must already be vaccinated against MMR and hepatitis.

(more…)
Hello hardly anyone
4 October 2021

F*c*book and its subsidiaries, WhatsApp and Instagram, have been hit by a severe, global outage. In response, Twitter tweeted, in fun:

(more…)
Revealing
1 October 2021

According to the BBC's homepage headline, DNA evidence has revealed a French ex-police officer to be a rapist and murderer. Except, according to the actual article:

(more…)
The running woman
30 September 2021

Not all Nazi war criminals give up easily. Instead of attending her trial for complicity in 11,000 murders, 96-year-old Irmgard Furchner did a runner from her nursing home.

(more…)
Grand research
30 September 2021

Researchers at Birmingham and Surrey Universities have discovered a security flaw in the combination of Apple Pay and Visa, which could allow thieves to remotely access a Visa account through an unlocked iPhone. Neither Samsung Pay nor Mastercard were susceptible.

(more…)
The type of R. Kelly (part 2)*
28 September 2021

The jury's returned, and R. Kelly's goin' down!

(more…)
Let the punishment fit the crime
24 September 2021

The Taliban have announced that extreme punishments, including execution and amputation, will resume in Afghanistan. Mullah Nooruddin Turabi, who has an infamously zealous history in the pursuit of justice, claimed that amputations were necessary for security.

(more…)
Poohcom
23 September 2021

Lithuania's National Cyber Security Centre has reported security flaws and built-in censorship tools, in 5G mobiles from Chinese manufacturers. As a consequence, the country's Defence Ministry has recommended that its citizens not purchase new Chinese smartphones, and replace their current ones as soon as feasible.

(more…)
Learnons-nous Franglais avec BoJo
22 September 2021

In the wake of French outcry over the Aukus military pact between Australia, UK, and the US, Boris Johnson demonstrated linguistic skills that match his capacity for tact and diplomacy. Speaking from Washington, en Franglais, he had this message for Emanuel Macron:

(more…)
Not forevergrande
21 September 2021

With the potential collapse of Evergrande, the world's most indebted real estate developer, the outlook for China's economy is looking a little precarious. They'll have to churn out more Chongmasks to compensate.

(more…)
Rapper's denial
16 September 2021

One of the joys of instant-access social media is that it offers celebrities the opportunity to show the world how moronic they are. In this case, Nicki Minaj declaring on Twitter that the friend of a cousin in Trinidad became impotent after receiving the Chongvax. His testicles became swollen.

(more…)
Racist sweatpants
15 September 2021

In support of my earlier observation, that people don't know the meaning of racist, comes a report of a fashion house facing criticism because a $1,190 (£860) pair of sweatpants it sells rips off black culture.

(more…)
Pegged out
14 September 2021

Ah yes, indeed. There's nothing quite like a privileged, vacuous, and inconsequential model wearing a provocative slogan to have absolutely no impact whatsoever. Other than getting their photograph selected by similarly vacuous and inconsequential entertainment reporters. At least the visibility's good for the career.

(more…)
Shrinking violet
14 September 2021

The Met Gala—an annual event for the self-important to gather, in ridiculous attire, to general ambivalence from the rest of the world—returned to New York this year, after last year's gala was cancelled due to the pandemic.

(more…)
When Supreme Leader says 'jump'...
3 September 2021

It must be easy to be a dictator. All you have to do is tell your minions what to do, and they'll do it. Job done!

(more…)
Boobus
1 September 2021

Does one become prudish as one gets older? Or is the world becoming more permissive? If twenty-year-old me had seen this ad for Channel 4's Naked Attraction on a London bus, would I have thought it cool or crass?

(more…)
Who pays the ferryman?
29 August 2021

Ancient Greeks placed a silver coin in the mouths of the dead as payment to the ferryman, Charon, for carrying their soul across the Styx to the underworld.

(more…)
The type of R. Kelly*
22 August 2021

Something about the reporting of R. Kelly's trial for racketeering, sexual abuse and bribery struck me as strange.

(more…)
Too much too young
19 August 2021

While the Catholic League mither over a Muppet Babies episode fostering transitioning among preschoolers, the Scottish government is going all-in once they get to school. It has published guidance for schools on supporting transgender young people; with young people defined as children or young people who are of school age.

(more…)
Sketchy
19 August 2021

As R&B singer R. Kelly goes on trial in New York, accused of racketeering, sexual abuse, and bribery, this sketch is released from the courtroom:

(more…)
Idiots 0 : 1 Taliban
16 August 2021

Following the removal of allied forces from Afghanistan, the Taliban curiously reneged on their promise not to be naughty, and have rapidly captured most of the country, including the capital, Kabul. Twenty years of sacrifice, for nothing. I suppose Grandpa Joe now wishes that he'd asked for a pretty pinky promise with a bow on top.

(more…)
IncIS
13 August 2021

After a mass shooting in Plymouth in which five people were killed by a man who described himself as being beaten down and defeated by life, the UK general population has been introduced to an emerging subclass of society, the incel.

(more…)
All I want for Christmas is less plastic
13 August 2021

The roadtrip continues to Ningbo-Zhoushan, the world's third busiest port. Chongvirus Delta has closed one of the terminals, reducing the port's capacity by about a quarter.

(more…)
Chips ahoy!
13 August 2021

Lee Jae-yong, the Samsung heir who was convicted of political bribery, has been released from his South Korean prison on parole. This comes, in part, following pressure from the US Chamber of Commerce.

(more…)
Too close to call?
12 August 2021

Flordelis dos Santos de Souza has been expelled from Brazil's lower house of Congress, for allegedly plotting her husband's murder in 2019.

(more…)
No vaccine for zombies
11 August 2021

If you thought that Dr Naomi Wolf's opinions on the Chongvax were naive, others arise from the pit of ingorance who are, if anything, even worse.

(more…)
Karaoke should be illegal
11 August 2021

China is to ban karaoke songs with illegal content, including songs which incite ethnic hatred and ethnic discrimination.

(more…)
League of extraordinary godbotherers
11 August 2021

Disney's Muppet Babies has managed to piss off the Catholics. Yay!

(more…)
Chairperson of the board
9 August 2021

Nasdaq, America's second largest stock exchange, has announced its intent to set diversity quotas for listed companies. Companies will have to have at least two directors selected from an approved diversity shortlist.

(more…)
Bangladeaths
5 August 2021

Seventeen people from a Bangladeshi wedding party have been killed, and another fourteen injured, as several bolts of lightning hit the group while they were disembarking from a boat.

(more…)
Space cock
5 August 2021

Blue Origin plans to take tourists into space aboard rocket-powered dildos.

(more…)
Redress
3 August 2021

Sarah Brand's Red Dress is…a song. Of sorts. The accompanying video is…a thing.

(more…)
Sore losers
3 August 2021

It appears that Weibo's nationalist shitheads don't take kindly to China's Olympic athletes unpatriotically losing out on gold. From behind their keyboards and keypads, they fulminate and humiliate their fellow countrymen and -women for failing at something that they could never achieve themselves. And the athletes, like dumfux, accept it.

(more…)
Time is running out
3 August 2021

And it's a race to the finish line!

(more…)
Meat (substitute) head
2 August 2021

Ethan Brown, founder of Beyond Meat, is in favour of a tax on meat consumption. No shit, is he really? Who'd've thunk it.

(more…)
Ancestral homeland
2 August 2021

It may have been raised in the fetid sewers of India but, yearning for the homeland of its ancestors, Chongvirus Delta has now made its pilgrimage to the fetid sewers of China. This time of year is, apparently, the domestic tourism season, so it should afford an excellent opportunity for Delta to visit many parts of the country.

(more…)
Keeping a low profile
27 July 2021

After dropping out of the French Open and Wimbledon grand slam events, Naomi Osaka claimed that she wanted to focus on her preparations for the Tokyo Olympics. It must've come as some surprise to the WTA number 2, then, to exit early in a straight-sets defeat at the hands of 42nd-placed Marketa Vondrousova.

(more…)
Virtual schmoozing
23 July 2021

Mark Zuckerberg has announced his vision for Facebook to transition to a metaverse company.

(more…)
Trust me, I'm my wife
23 July 2021

A Covid-positive Indonesian man boarded an internal flight disguised as his wife, carrying her passport and negative test result. He was caught mid-air after he changed from his disguise, which included a full-face veil, into his own clothes. Idiot.

(more…)
Bursting the bubble?
21 July 2021

Oh shit, that's torn it.

(more…)
China doesn't do naughty things on the internet
20 July 2021

Several governments have accused China of hacking Microsoft Exchange. China, in return, has strongly denied these claims, and has always maintained that it opposes all forms of cyber-crime.

(more…)
Disney: lower your expectations
20 July 2021

In only its second week of release, Black Widow has been toppled from the top spot at the US box office when ticket sales dropped by 67%. Naturally, the National Association of Theatre Owners attributed this stunning second weekend collapse to the film being made available immediately on streaming.

(more…)
Overreacting much?
15 July 2021

Apparently, whities are appropriating black TikTok performers' dance moves without giving the original creators credit. That's pretty bad behaviour; after all, credit where credit's due. But, there's always one poor lamb who either has to fall back on hyperbole, or simply doesn't understand the true meaning of the words that they're using.

(more…)
The bigger they come
15 July 2021

Marley Ngarizemo has lost fifteen of his relatives to the Chongvirus in Namibia. This is undoubtedly a personal tragedy for him and his family.

(more…)
Game for a laugh
13 July 2021

A sealed copy of Super Mario 64 has sold at auction for a record $1.5m. This is the price range previously occupied only by significant works of art, which can be hung on a wall and admired for the artist's skill. In this case, however, the high price is commanded for physical memorabilia, in the same way as rare trading cards.

(more…)
Man at the top
12 July 2021

Interviewed by Amol Rajan on behalf of the BBC, Sundar Pichai, CEO of Google and its parent company, Alphabet, claims that the free and open internet is under attack.

(more…)
When lightning strikes
12 July 2021

According to the Indian Meteorological Department, deaths from lightning strikes during the monsoon period have doubled since the 1960s. One of the reasons to which they attribute this is the climate crisis.

(more…)
Trigger happy
11 July 2021

Attackers stormed the domestic home of Haiti's president, Jovenel Moïse, assassinating him in what can only have been a moment of overzealousness. For that was not the intent, apparently.

(more…)
Home aid
11 July 2021

The UK government has recently announced a reduction in its foreign aid from 0.7% to 0.5% of national income, to compensate for the pandemic. In her response, Kate Hampton, chief executive of the Children's Investment Fund Foundation, referred to past years' British taxpayer generosity.

(more…)
Sullied deals
10 July 2021

I feel bad for nit-picking over an issue as serious as Indian muslim women being harassed on social media by bigoted trolls, for their religion and gender. But I'm going to do it anyway.

(more…)
Is this really 'news'?
9 July 2021

The BBC claims to be the world's most trusted international news broadcaster. I take this to mean that it broadcasts news of international importance. If so, how on earth does this non-story make the homepage?

(more…)
Pot luck
3 July 2021

When US sprinter Sha'Carri Richardson tested positive for cannabis, her qualifying result from the US Olympic trials was expunged, jeopardising her attendance at the Tokyo Olympics.

(more…)
Unleash the lawyers!
1 July 2021

One week after a residential building collapsed in Miami, and as the death toll rises, the search for survivors amongst the rubble continues. The exact cause of the collapse is unclear, although a number of warning signs have been identified, and theories put forward. But, the dust hasn't yet settled, it's still early days.

(more…)
Kim Jong-un, when him gon-un?
30 June 2021

North Korea's gluttonous glorious leader, Kim Jong-un, has castigated his top officials for lapses with severe consequences related to the Chongvirus.

(more…)
Windows 10+1
26 June 2021

M$ has announced the release of Windows 11, which comes as a surprise to those of us who thought that Windows 10 was not only the last version of Windows, but also the last version of Windows. When it was released in 2015, we were led to believe that the OS won't see a big launch or major upgrade every few years anymore.

(more…)
Make mine an hypocrisy on the rocks
25 June 2021

The UK health secretary, Matt Hancock—emphasis on the cock—has been a naughty boy. He's been caught flouting his very own social distancing guidelines, by kissing an aide who he hired. C'mon, give the guy a break. It wouldn't have been much of an affair if they'd maintained social distancing requirements, FFS! (rolleyes)

(more…)
Disunite the right!
25 June 2021

A statue of George Floyd—career criminal and patron saint of fentanyl—situated in Brooklyn, New York, has been vandalised. Presumably by an art connoisseur. It was daubed with the website address of a far-right group called Patriot Front. So far, so what?

(more…)
Tokyo no-go
25 June 2021

The British Olympic Association admits that some of its athletes don't want to be vaccinated against the Chongvirus prior to the Tokyo Olympic Games. Its chief executive, Andy Anson, said that while 90% of athletes will have been fully Chongvaxed prior to the Games, some are holding out.

(more…)
There, but for the letter 'h'
24 June 2021

A claim that a South African woman had given birth to decuplets has been shown to be false. The woman in question, Gosiame Sithole, is now being held for observation under the mental health act.

(more…)
Laurel hardly
21 June 2021

Laurel Hubbard is a transgender weightlifter from New Zealand, who competed as a man until 2013. Hubbard, ranked 17 in the world, will become the first transgender athlete to compete at the Olympic Games.

(more…)
Bottom secret
18 June 2021

I thought that I couldn't care less about Victoria's Secret's angels. How wrong I was.

(more…)
Prime mover
16 June 2021

In yet another philanthropic big gesture, MacKenzie Scott is giving away $2.7bn to charities.

(more…)
E or H2?
11 June 2021

The BBC's chief environment correspondent, Justin Rowlatt, tells us Why it's the end of the road for petrol stations.

(more…)
Pleasies don't comsies
11 June 2021

While on an official vist to Guatamala, US Vice-President Kamala Harris has urged its citizens not to make the journey to the US to enter illegally.

(more…)
Moaning Muslim
11 June 2021

British actor Riz Ahmed wants an end to toxic Muslim characters…on screen.

(more…)
Gorefundme
9 June 2021

British Airways is in the news. Again. For all the wrong reasons. Again.

(more…)
Trust me, I'm a doctor
6 June 2021

Twitter has suspended Dr Naomi Wolf's account, after she was found to have spread Chongvax misinformation. Her messages included such gems as vaccines being a software platform that can receive uploads, and that the excreta of vaccinated individuals should be separated from general sewage, until its impact on non-vaccinated people through drinking water has been studied. It seems more humorous, in a batshit crazy way, than misinformative to me; although if it's a sign of her mental illness, then I should feel bad for laughing.

(more…)
Criminal mastermindless
5 June 2021

Okay, say you're drug dealers, and you have cocaine with a street value of £500,000 in your car. Would you drive down the hard shoulder of a motorway, even if there was heavy traffic on the road? I mean, what if you were to undertake a police patrol car? They might give chase in an attempt to pull you over. You'd have to be pretty stupid, right?

(more…)
The fifteen percenters
5 June 2021

Finance ministers from the G7 group of leading economies are meeting in London to come to agreement on taxation of multinational companies. Some nations are upset that their taxation greed is driving multinational companies to find more tax-efficient countries to establish themselves.

(more…)
Ba-da-Bing ba-da-bong
5 June 2021

Tank Man was an iconic symbol of the 1989 student protests in Tiananmen Square. A lone, unidentified man stood in front of a column of Chinese PLA tanks, only moving as the lead tank tried to manoeuvre around him, to once again block its path. China has censored all reference to this protest within the country. The L in PLA is as ironic as Tank Man is iconic.

(more…)
Annihilation of conscience?
1 June 2021

A Chinese blogger, Qiu Ziming, has been jailed for slandering heroes and martyrs after criticising Chinese soldiers who died during clashes at the border with India.

(more…)
At one with nature
31 May 2021

Children in Blackpool don't have enough access to nature, at least according to teachers at Westminster Primary Academy. They have cited a nine-year-old who had never seen the sea, despite living in a seaside town, and a ten-year-old who didn't know what a duck was.

(more…)
Tastes like chicken
22 May 2021

The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention warns that, alongside public health officials in several US states, it's investigating several outbreaks of Salmonella infections, linked to contact with backyard poultry. Across 43 states, 163 people have thus far been affected, 34 of whom have been hospitalised.

(more…)
Bad noose
22 May 2021

Construction on an Amazon warehouse in Windsor, Connecticut, has been shut down after seven nooses were found on the site in the last month.

(more…)
Privates on parade
20 May 2021

Yet another German terrorist plot. And, once again, under German privacy rules the suspect's surname cannot be revealed. In this case, the suspect is a military officer who's only named by the BBC as Lt Franco A.

(more…)
The new Thinkpol in training
5 May 2021

Sarah Hewitt-Clarkson, head teacher at Anderton Park primary school, is instilling a nice little Orwellian ethic in her pupils. Children have been taught to call out sexist language and even to identify sexist stereotypes in books and worksheets. And the programming training starts at the age of three years in the nursery school.

(more…)
Car park sharks
2 May 2021

Car parks at UK city and town centres and railway stations have seen less traffic recently. The pandemic is a contributing factor, although it's not the only one. Flexible working practices; urban traffic control measures; and the growth of online shopping have all taken their toll. So much so, that the UK's largest car park operator, NCP, has reported that its revenues have dropped by 80% since the onset of the pandemic. The company is trying to renegotiate its leases with its landlords, in an effort to cut costs and avoid insolvency.

(more…)
Economic double bubble
19 April 2021

Australia and New Zealand have opened a travel bubble for flights between the two nations, because they both have the pandemic under control and are safe. Until they're not, that is.

(more…)
Product displacement
19 April 2021

Product placement is a reality of advertising in today's entertainment industry. It's become so everyday, that much of it passes us by, at least consciously. Occasionally, something comes along that's so unsubtle as to be almost aggressive; but, by and large, product placement goes unnoticed. That's probably when it's most effective, when it's subliminal; but I'm no marketing psychologist.

(more…)
The call of the wild
16 April 2021

The citizens of Kraków, Poland, can sleep peacefully in their beds once again.

(more…)
Secure paws-words
9 April 2021

According to a survey by the UK's National Cyber Security Centre, millions of Britons use their pet's name as their online password. (shock)

(more…)
Null points
2 April 2021

The Dutch government has given permission for 3,500 fans to attend the Eurovision Song Contest in person this year. I'm surprised that there are that many. Obviously lockdown has had a greater detrimental effect on the Dutch psyche than I'd imagined.

(more…)
Come fly with me
31 March 2021

From the Bonkers Institute comes an analysis which concludes that A small minority of frequent flyers dominate air travel. No shit! I guess that must be why they're called frequent flyers then. At least that little question's cleared up.

(more…)
Curfew quarrel
25 March 2021

Following the abduction of Sarah Everard in south London, police officers working on the case in the area advised women not to go out alone and to be careful; which doesn't seem too unreasonable, since the perpetrator was still at large at the time. But Baroness Jones of Moulsecoomb's response in the House of Lords upset a number of people, and was widely ridiculed:

(more…)
Return to normal
23 March 2021

As a mass shooting at a Boulder, Colorado supermarket leaves ten people dead, it would be the mark of a true cynic to see any light in this tragedy.

(more…)
The Price is right
23 March 2021

Alexander Price, a teacher at Denbigh High School in north Wales, has been struck off the teachers' register for two years, for inappropriate, offensive, or derogatory blog posts, in which he mocked the school's pupils and teaching staff. Among other thoughts, he described the girls attending school prom as dressing like Eastern European prostitutes and Kardashian clones; having poorly applied fake tans, because they were too illiterate to read the instructions; and as overweight girls being shoehorned into gowns and paraded through the town like cattle.

(more…)
Follow the money
8 March 2021

Billionaire MacKenzie Scott, the ex-wife of Amazon's founder, Jeff Bezos, received 4% of Amazon stock as part of their divorce settlement. She has since given away $4bn of her $53bn fortune, and intends to give away the majority of the rest. Easy come, easy go.

(more…)
Inside out
12 February 2021

Once again, I feel mean for nitpicking on BBC journalism. But when, on the same day, you claim to be the world's most trusted international news broadcaster, you've gotta get shit right.

(more…)
Dodging a bullet?
8 January 2021

As Trump Republicans invade the Capitol, outgoing US President Donald Trump snubs the inauguration of President-Elect Biden, while also facing calls for a second impeachment and to be thrown out of office. And, thus, one of the most divisive US presidencies comes to an inglorious end. Not that it was too auspicious at the best of times.

(more…)
God's right hand
26 November 2020

On the death of Diego Maradona, huge crowds in Argentina are in mourning.

(more…)
The party's over
25 November 2020

The seizure of almost $1 billion worth of the hallucinogenic party drug ketamine in Thailand promised to be a major party-pooper. Initial field testing confirmed the find.

(more…)
The moral minority?
19 November 2020

The Pogues and Kirsty MacColl's Fairytale of New York is a Christmas classic, beloved since its release in 1987. This year, however, BBC Radio 1 will only play an edited version because its audience may be offended by some of the lyrics. Shit…bag!

(more…)
How many Republicans does it take to confirm a judge?
27 October 2020

Orange Don's nomination for the US Supreme Court, Judge Amy Coney Barrett, has been confirmed by the US Senate in a 52-48 vote. According to the BBC's report, Mr Trump's fellow Republicans voted 52-48 to approve the judge, overcoming the unified opposition of Democrats.

(more…)
We wish you a merry Christmas
23 October 2020

As more of England and Wales goes into the highest tier of COVID-19 restrictions, Chief Secretary to the Treasury, Stephen Barclay, said there was a common purpose here to get the virus down so people could enjoy Christmas.

(more…)
One in a million
22 October 2020

What makes one million a landmark figure, other than for lazily dramatic, soundbite reporting that is? Surely, numerically it's a 1 with only zeros behind it, a lot of them, so there's a degree of binary simplicity to it. And if you group those zeros into threes, you have exactly two of them…1,000,000.

(more…)
Picture imperfect
21 October 2020

If you desire a special commemoration of a beloved pet, acclaimed artist Hercule Van Wolfwinkle is your go-to portraitist. Just supply a photograph of the subject to be immortalised, and he'll supply the magic—availability notwithstanding, he's insanely popular and has a long wait-list. But it's not difficult to see why:

(more…)
Silly sausage
21 October 2020

One of the, ahem, meatier subjects to be debated by the European Parliament this week is when is a sausage not a sausage?

(more…)
Be careful what you (don't) wish for
21 October 2020

During protests against police brutality in Lagos, Nigeria, several demonstrators have been killed instead by military brutality, in what Lagos state governor, Babajide Sanwo-Olu, termed an unfortunate shooting incident.

(more…)
Losing your head
19 October 2020

In the wake of the brutal murder of a French teacher by an Islamic fundamentalist, thousands have rallied across France to support and honour him.

(more…)
Complete the following sentence
16 September 2020

Changes to the criminal justice system in England and Wales are heralded by the BBC with the above headline. Which immediately begs the question, what jail term do flippant criminals have to serve?

(more…)
You can't keep a good man down
4 September 2020

Four years after his death was announced, on 1 September 2016, Gene Wilder is enjoying a renaissance. The article announcing his passing is trending on BBC News.

(more…)
Sponger sponging
26 August 2020

The UK government's scheme to get more people eating in restaurants during August has not been an unqualified success. Some hospitaliers have complained about abuse towards staff; that the influx of custom is focussed between Monday and Wednesday, when the scheme is in effect, leaving the weekends quiet; and that support would have made more impact during the off-season period, when it's more needed.

(more…)
It's finger cleanin' responsibly good
25 August 2020

KFC is temporarily shelving its finger lickin' good slogan, in light of the pandemic.

(more…)
Party poopers
23 August 2020

As Birmingham is added to the UK government's yo-yo watch list, due to a spike in COVID-19 cases, police have disrupted more than seventy unlicensed social gatherings in one night.

(more…)
Missiles, target,...?
23 August 2020

After initially denying its involvement, Iran has admitted downing a Boeing 737 belonging to Ukraine International Airlines in January.

(more…)
Incognito
10 August 2020

While reporting the shameful and disrespectful forced redundancy of British Airways' staff through fire and rehire tactics, the BBC has diplomatically changed the names of their respondents. Could this be to protect them from company retaliation? If so, it's very laudable, and most definitely the right thing to do!

(more…)
Taking a fall
8 August 2020

I'd not heard of Jerry Falwell Jr., the president of Liberty University, a US evangelical Christian college, until he stepped down from his position following an unfortunate social media faux pas. His misdemeanour seems pretty innocent, at least to me, but the righteously indignant took to social media nevertheless.

(more…)
What a fool believes
2 August 2020

Elon Musk, a man who believes in life out there [points at the stars], may have embarrassed himself on Twitter by musing on the extraterrestrial origin of the pyramids. Egypt's minister of international co-operation, Rania al-Mashat, and Egyptian archeologist Zahi Hawass have refuted his statement—but they would, wouldn't they?—although I thought that al-Mashat's response was unnecessarily deferential to the space cadet.

(more…)
Pas de chokehold, pas de mort
16 July 2020

Whereas, in the US the public protests when police are accused of racially-motivated excessive use of force, in France it's the police who take to the streets.

(more…)
Lady A at war with Lady A
11 July 2020

Following the death of George Floyd, and amid a reappraisal of racially insensitive practices, country trio Lady Antebellum changed their name to Lady A. Which is unfortunate, since Anita White has performed under that same name for two decades. Now Lady A(ntebellum) are suing Lady A(nita).

(more…)
I'll make my own mind up, as long as it's alright with you
8 July 2020

As a supporter of the freedom of speech, the cancel culture phenomenon repulses me. So I was heartened to read of a letter published in Harper's Magazine, signed by around 150 writers, academics, and activists, condemning cancel culture and the stifling of debate.

(more…)
When is an aircraft carrier not an aircraft carrier?
26 June 2020

The Royal Navy's two new Queen Elizabeth class aircraft carriers, costing £3bn apiece, may not be fully funded, warns the UK's National Audit Office. Although the ships are there, the resources to have them fully operational—including the full complement of Lockheed Martin F35 Lightning II multirole combat aircraft—are not.

(more…)
Not much anonymity
20 February 2020

A suspected racially-motivated attack in Germany, which is being treated as terrorism, has claimed at least nine victims. According to police, the suspect, a 43-year old German citizen identified only as Tobias R by local media, killed himself.

(more…)
The Deer Hunter
25 October 2019

Thomas Alexander was hunting deer near the Orzak mountains in Arkansas when he shot and felled a buck. When he approached the deer to check that it was dead, it stood up and gored him. Mr Alexander was later declared dead.

(more…)
The will of God?
7 September 2019

An Indian couple, Mangayamma Yaramati and Sitarama Rajarao, have welcomed twin daughters following IVF treatment. This wouldn't really be worthy of comment, if were not for the fact that she is 73, and he is a sprightly 82 years young.

(more…)
The elixir of youth. Or not?
19 March 2019

Kazakh president Nursultan Nazarbayev has resigned at the insanely young age of only 78. He has been the sole president of the oil- and mineral-rich nation since its independence from the Soviet Union in 1990.

(more…)
The unruly minority
11 September 2018

Unauthorised gypsy and traveller camps are a disruptive, and expensive, societal problem in the UK. And the government is being urged to make deliberate trespass a criminal offence.

(more…)
A funny thing really did happen on the way to the Fringe
20 August 2018

At last! Dave announced the award for the funniest joke at the Edinburgh Fringe, and it's not one of Tim Vine's groan-worthy attempts.

(more…)
Air Force FUN!
28 February 2018

Hotel magnate and US President, Donald Orange Don Trump, has renegotiated a deal with Boeing to supply two new presidential Air Force Ones. Huh? (confused)

(more…)
Same old, same old
15 February 2018

Another day, another mass murder at a US school, when a 19-year-old armed with an assault rifle killed at least seventeen people at a high school in Parkland, Florida. School shootings in the US have become so common-place that they hardly make anything other than local news. But Florida's Senator, Marco Rubio, stated that it was too soon to jump to conclusions that there was some law that we could have passed that would have prevented it, while the state's Governor, Rick Scott, also refused to discuss gun control.

(more…)
How long is "long"?
30 September 2017

If you're Hugh Hefner, and you're referring to your future with your new bride, it would be less than five years.

(more…)
Eat 'til you bust
8 August 2017

The Trendy Shrimp, a mall restaurant in Hangzhou, Zhejiang province, China, has been criticised for a crass advertising campaign which offered discounts to women based on the size of their bust. A woman with an A-cup bra could get 5% off of her meal, while the owner of a G-cup could get 65% off. That's a pretty safe bet; I can't imagine that there would be too many of those being awarded in China.

(more…)
May god go with you...but take back-up just in case
11 July 2017

William Rian Adams, a North Carolinian priest, pulled a gun on two people in a road rage incident.

(more…)
Is there a copy editor in the house?
10 July 2017

In a report on a fire at London's Camden Lock Market, the BBC notes that: London Ambulance Service was called in, but confirmed it had not treated any patients.

(more…)
Crème de la crème
22 June 2017

Rebecca Burger, a well-known French lifestyle blogger, was tragically killed when a pressurised whipped cream dispenser exploded and hit her in the chest. Mme Burger apparently described herself as a fitness, travel, and fashion enthusiast.

(more…)
Cereal killer
21 June 2017

In an effort to improve children's health, by fostering healthier eating habits, public health officials in Liverpool have named-and-shamed breakfast cereals with high sugar content. Among the shockers is the revelation that Kellogg's Frosties has the highest sugar load of all. Is this really news? Come on, you can see the bloody sugar on the flakes, it's the main attraction, if you're a kid!

(more…)
A Bridge Not Far Enough
16 June 2017

Yves Bot, advocate-general to the European Court of Justice, has said that the card game bridge is a sport and should be exempt from VAT—sales tax.

(more…)
Policemen talking bollocks
30 May 2017

It's a strange thing, but when policemen talk to the press they use a special bollocks language.

(more…)
Let's go with plan B
20 November 2016

As a general rule, gloating at someone else's personal failure is not a good look; schadenfreude is pretty mean-spirited without context. There are exceptions, however, and Elizabeth Holmes is one of mine.

(more…)
Seeing double
21 September 2016

Another day, another black man killed by US police. It's so every day that it doesn't bear comment. But I am angry at the abuse of the English language by a woman claiming to be Keith Lamont Scott's sister: He didn't have no gun, and He wasn't messing with nobody.

(more…)
Limited parking available
18 May 2015

Rival biker gangs in Waco, Texas, got into an argument over parking spaces outside a restaurant. Of all things.

(more…)
Hawking to appear at Glastonbury
13 May 2015

Prof. Stephen Hawking is to appear at this year's Glastonbury festival, as the result of a booking error. They thought they were getting Hawkwind.

Deadly cricketing injuries
30 November 2014

For anyone, including myself, who thought that cricket was possibly more tedious and less dangerous than watching paint dry, come two poignant events that dispel the myth. Only days after Australian batsman Philip Hughes died after being struck in the neck by a bouncer, Israeli umpire Hillel Oscar died after being struck in the neck by a freak ricochet from a batsman's shot.

(more…)
Doner card
27 October 2013

Kadir Nurman, a Turkish migrant to Germany who was credited with inventing the doner kebab, has died at the age of 80. Although grilled meat carved from a skewer was already popular in Turkey, Nurman added salad and served it in a flat bread; and thus was born a staple of fast-paced life in West Berlin, and drunken pub chuck-out time the length-and-breadth of England.

(more…)
Lifespan
23 August 2013

Police in Belgium have recovered drugs and chemicals worth an estimated €1.3 billion in a raid on an illicit drugs factory. Eleven suspects, all aged 30 to 50, have been arrested

(more…)
Dangerous by design?
15 August 2013

Cases have been reported of a metal rod breaking in those two models, exposing sharp edges. Customers are asked to check the date stamp of their child's bed, to determine whether it belongs to one of the problem batches.

(more…)
Fat cat gets fatter
13 August 2013

Paul Walsh, who stepped down as chief executive of Diageo in June, trousered a cool £14.8 million in his last year in the role, mainly as a result of incentive plans linked to the company's performance.

(more…)
The land of the free?
9 August 2013

Further fallout from the Edward Snowden affair is that the US-based email service that he allegedly used to send encrypted messages has closed down.

(more…)
The method of Sherlock
22 July 2013

The body of a woman has been found in a suitcase in Mill Hill, north-west London. The Metropolitan Police have applied their best brains to the case, and are treating it as murder.

(more…)
Silent running
26 June 2013

Drayson Racing Technologies has broken the world land speed record for a lightweight electric vehicle, with the Lola B12 69/EV. The car recorded a top speed of 328.6km/h (204.2mph) at RAF Elvington in Yorkshire. I think that it is quite pretty, in a my-wife-would-never-approve kind of way, although the range (as far as the extension cable) and luggage capacity (none) might be problematic.

(more…)
Placebo it is not
25 June 2013

Convicted child murderer, Ian Brady, is appealing against the diagnosis that he is mentally ill, which might in itself be proof of his mental illness. He wants to be moved from Ashworth high-security psychiatric hospital where, according to him: They give you false drugs and turn you into a zombie.

(more…)
Mars attacks!
21 June 2013

In 2009, the UK Ministry of Defence closed its UFO desk because, according to newly released files: it served no defence purpose and was taking staff away from more valuable defence-related activities.

(more…)
Catch me if you can
18 June 2013

Suspected war criminal Laszlo Csatary, a Nazi policeman in 1944, has been charged by Hungarian prosecutors with torture and murder of Jewish prisoners. His trial is expected to start in three months.

(more…)
You can't keep an old man down for long
5 January 2013

After she called it off, it's back on, and 86-year-old Hugh Hefner's bride-to-be is now officially his carer-to-be.

(more…)
The rise of Skynet
27 November 2012

Prof. Bonkers and his colleagues at Cambridge's Centre for the Study of Existential Risk are to investigate whether technology could destroy human civilisation. He cautions against dismissing a potential rise of robots which, while not necessarily malevolent, may have interests that don't include those of humans.

(more…)
Savile row
16 November 2012

During investigations into child abuse at Welsh children's homes, one victim implicated a high-ranking Conservative Party official in a recent Newsnight broadcast. Apparently the individual wasn't named during the programme, but later Twitter chatter wrongly named former party treasurer Lord McAlpine.

(more…)
I'm too young to die!
9 November 2012

In 2010, President Nazarbayev of Kazakhstan set researchers the task of discovering an elixir that could prolong his life. Two years later, they came up with a bio-yoghurt that they claim will do just that.

(more…)
Hubris: how gay!
9 November 2012

In a perhaps unguarded moment during a light-hearted radio interview, New Zealand's prime minister John Key referred to a presenter wearing a gay red top. This outraged some who construed it as a slur against the homosexual community. Key later defended himself, stating that he used the word gay to mean weird rather than as a deliberate offence; although the Oxford Dictionary only notes its use in this manner to mean foolish, stupid, or unimpressive.

(more…)
Keep death off the roads: drive on the pavement!
8 November 2012

A driver in Cleveland, Ohio, who was caught avoiding a school bus by driving on the pavement, was handed down an unusual punishment by the judge. In addition to losing her licence for 30 days and paying a $250 fine, Shena Hardin will have to hold up a sign which states only an idiot would drive on the sidewalk to avoid a school bus.

(more…)
You know where to come. Or not.
7 November 2012

Comet, the UK electrical goods retailer is the latest victim of the economic downturn, entering into administration on 2 November. According to the administrators, Deloitte:

(more…)
Civil war in The Civil Wars.
7 November 2012

Grammy award-winning US pop-country duo The Civil Wars are currently on tour in the UK. Except that they're not any longer, because they've cancelled the remainder of the tour due to internal discord.

(more…)
Obama re-elected. Twice.
7 November 2012

According to the BBC, Obama has been re-elected, and in addition he's been re-elected as US president. I'm not sure what the first election was for, but I'm sure he's very happy nonetheless.

(more…)
Is this really the world's ugliest building?
2 November 2012

The Ryugyong Hotel in the North Korean capital, Pyongyang, has had an unfortunate start in life. Construction of the 105 storey, 330 metre high building, the 47th tallest in the world, commenced in 1987 and it's still not finished.

(more…)
Some people are never satisfied
30 October 2012

Baidu, China's largest search engine, has announced a 60% increase in net income for Q3/2012 compared to Q3/2011. Financial market analysts, however, seem to be oddly pessimistic:

(more…)
Benny joins the justice league
29 October 2012

In the wake of allegations of sexual abuse of minors by Jimmy Savile and some of his entourage—or one of his entourages as it happens—the Catholic Church in England and Wales has written to the Holy See to ask whether the papal knighthood bestowed on Savile in 1990 can be revoked. But it appears that this might not be possible.

(more…)
Jimmy Savile: nasty man
26 October 2012

Hmmm, curiouser and curiouser…in an earlier report from 5th October, the beauty contest winner who alleged that she was raped by Jimmy Savile apparently tells a different story of her encounter to The Daily Mail:

(more…)
Tits oot fer the lads! A political protest by the PHWOAR! Party
24 October 2012

Femen, a Ukrainian radical feminist movement, is fighting against patriarchy, in its three manifestations: sexual exploitation of women, dictatorship and religion. They accomplish this by radically protesting while topless, which has got to hurt during the Ukrainian winter.

(more…)
Jimmy Savile: nasty man with nasty friends...allegedly
24 October 2012

Following revelations that the erstwhile Saint James was a predatory sex offender, a woman has come forward claiming that he raped her:

(more…)
I was asleep when my mum woke me
22 October 2012

Teenager Ben London was asleep in bed when a car crashed into his room. But it wasn't that that woke him, it was his mother's shouting that raised him from his slumber. According to the BBC:

(more…)
Referee!
17 October 2012

Following the England Under-21 soccer team's 1-0 victory over Serbia, and racial abuse of England defender Danny Rose, a spokesman for Number 10 said that British prime minister David Cameron was appalled by the scenes that we have seen in Serbia.

(more…)
Now then, now then! Jimmy Savile done pervin', allegedly*
9 October 2012

It appears that the late Saint Jimmy Savile had a predilection for ladies of a certain age. And in his case, the age may have been lower than that of consent.

(more…)
Tits oot fer the lads! Or 'hubris, thy name art Royal scandal'
18 September 2012

After some innocent holiday snaps taken of a picturesque French chateau were shown to include views of Kate's knockers, they were offered for sale to the British press.* According to the BBC:

(more…)
Pas de merde, Sherlock
6 September 2012

Yet another instalment in my exploration of the crime fighter's rapier mind; this time from France.

(more…)
Bemorecreativegate
4 September 2012

Ever since the Watergate scandal, lazy journalists and politicians have referred to controversies as whatevergate. The Iran-Contra affair was Irangate, there's been more than one memogate, while the UK had both hackgate and murdochgate for one affair, and France had Twittergate. And there are many, many others.

(more…)
Honour and offer
29 August 2012

The Great British Members of Parliament are whinging again. This time it's that too many honours go to the elite few—businessmen, politicians, and celebrities—for just doing the day job.

(more…)
Art is in the eye of the beholder
24 August 2012

Cecilia Gimenez was so upset at the damage to a fresco in Sanctuary of Mercy Church near Zaragoza, Spain, that she decided to restore it herself.

(more…)
No shit, Sherlock: Sherlock returns
17 August 2012

From the gruesome files, a woman's head has been found in a park in Mississauga, Ontario. The previous day, a severed human foot, with painted toenails, was also found. It's not yet confirmed that they belonged to the same body, but that appears to be the working hypothesis.

(more…)
Saudi Arabia is not feeling .gay
15 August 2012

Saudi Arabia has objected to several new global top level domains (TLD), including .gay, on the basis that they may offend, or promote practices that are counter to their religion. The poofs, on the other hand, counter that .gay is needed for support.

(more…)
Twitter: is this the end of the road?
2 August 2012

The BBC reports that Helen Skelton has closed her Twitter account, because she cannot cope with negative comments. How many will follow her and abandon the sinking ship?

(more…)
Barclays' boss to resign!
29 June 2012

At the moment, Barclays' CEO Bob Diamond is saying that he won't resign over the lending rate fixing scandal. But we all know that when someone in this position says they won't resign, that's exactly what they do…quietly…two weeks later.

(more…)
Oh the irony!
14 June 2012

A drinking party in Russia allegedly boarded a light plane and set off, never to be seen again—at least they're searching. It's not absolutley clear as to whether the pilot was one of the revellers or completely sober, but since everyone in Russia is a raving alcoholic enjoys a good party, let's assume the worst.

(more…)
Oooops! Well, it could happen to anyone!
6 June 2012

So, imagine that your plane crashes into a busy city suburb, killing all 153 people on board, and an unknown number on the ground. How would you describe this?

(more…)
I (heart) Vogue
4 May 2012

Vogue magazine has pledged to only work with models who are not unhealthily stick-thin or below the age of 16.

(more…)
Canned meat product: spiced and served with a chapati
23 April 2012

According to a report from Sophos, India is now the most prolific country for spam: India has become the top spam-spewing nation on the planet, rapidly passing the US. Except that the report ranks nations by the amount of junk mail routed through computers in each country.

(more…)
Olympus!, Olympus!, Olympus!
7 March 2012

I have a warm feeling. And it's not because I've pissed myself. Honest.

(more…)
Wot you lookin' at?
27 January 2012

Those sons of fun at the USAsian FBI plan to develop—or, rather, have developed for them—a handy-dandy tool that will sniff its way through social networks and suck up all the terrorist plots. Certain keywords that are only used by bad people plotting naughtiness can be added. These will trigger the hairs on the backs of their necks, and bring their righteous wrath down on the sorry arses of Osama and his like-minded friends.

(more…)
And take that HTC!
20 December 2011

As if BT's fight against the evil empire wasn't enough, Apple claims a righteous victory in stamping those little upstarts HTC, and wopping their sorry arses back to Shitphoneville! It was only one patent infringement, but it'll make them think twice about stealing someone else's intellectual property—that was likely bought dirt cheap from the real developer.

(more…)
Auntie Beatie weighs in on Android
19 December 2011

Old auntie Beatie, bless her, has fluffed up her cardie with righteous indignation. British Telecommunications Group is going to do what Apple, Microsoft, and countless others have failed to do: slay the damned Google dragon. Oh yes, lawyers are involved; but after auntie's finished, so will Google be.

Oh no! Poor Joe! He's got no morals
14 November 2011

One of the joys of international business travel is the opportunity to be in proximity to people who're sick. In this case, I contracted viral bronchitis on a flight to Washington, and thus I came to spend an evening at George Washington University Hospital's A&E.

(more…)
Olympus, Olympus, Olympus!
8 November 2011

You recall how Olympus sacked Michael Woodford, allegedly for his questioning of past fiscal malpractice? It turns out that he may have been on to something.

(more…)
Send me to jail, please*
8 November 2011

It appears that doing hard time in jail means something different in Mexico. A recent inspection of a jail in Acapulco revealed the presence of prostitutes, plasma TVs, marijuana, and fighting cocks, as well as female inmates living in the male section.

(more…)
No more Sony Ericsson
27 October 2011

But, fear not, it is solely because Sony has bought out its partner.

(more…)
Gissa job!
19 May 2011

Munich Re, a German reinsurance company, held an orgy for its best salesmen in 2007, at which the services of several prostitutes were supplied as a reward for their success. It's not reported as to how their saleswomen were rewarded, unless they were the ones with the white wristbands.

(more…)
It was never like that in my day
4 March 2011

…my college days, that is.

(more…)
Is this addiction?
23 February 2011

A Chinese guy reportedly died after a three-day online gaming session, during which he neither ate nor slept. In the month before his death, he spent almost £1000 on gaming. This was all done at an internet café, rather than his own home, so it makes you question their hygiene standards. After all, he must have positively reeked.

(more…)
Gone with the wind
4 February 2011

Heinz's bullish predictions for boosting baked bean sales in Africa took a turn for the worse when Malawi's justice minister interpreted environmental fouling legislation as criminalising farting. That's right kids, cracking one off in public could become a misdemeanour in Malawi.

(more…)
Not so anonymous
27 January 2011

Ahh, yes, Anonymous, that eclectic band of spineless ne'er-do-wells selfless heroes righting wrongs on t'internet.

(more…)
Poor Kate (sad)
10 January 2011

Those heartless commie bastards at ASLEF, the railway workers' union, are threatening to call a tube strike on the day of the Royal wedding. It seems that poor Kate will have to make alternative arrangements to get to the church.

(more…)
Hugh Hefner, sweet boy
27 December 2010

Hugh Hefner, that old romantic, proposed to the current love of his life on Christmas Day. Hefner, only 84 years young, has been taken out of circulation, ladies, by that hussy Crystal Harris, a mere 60 years his junior. Obviously, she's smitten by his boyish good looks, but I can't imagine what he sees in her!

(more…)
Un-fit
21 September 2010

And all of that leafy nonsense led me to this four-year-old story.

(more…)
The salad days of a petty thief
21 September 2010

Hampshire Police have released an e-fit of a casual thief wearing what appears to be a lettuce on his head. If caught, he's to be given a dressing down.

(more…)
George Michael: 'im goin' down
15 September 2010

George Michael has been sentenced to eight weeks for driving under the influence of cannabis. Or, rather, crashing his car under the influence of cannabis.

(more…)
May I have my job back? Pretty please?
23 August 2010

A former senior Filipino police inspector, Rolando Mendoza, has allegedly taken a bus full of hostages in Manila, in an attempt to regain the job that he lost in 2008 following allegations of robbery, extortion, and drug-related crimes.

(more…)
Something for the man who has everything, except dignity
11 August 2010

According to BBC News, Spain's plans to have 2,000 electric cars on the road by the end of 2010 have been dealt a blow as figures showed just 16 have been sold.

(more…)
The importance of the letter 's'
26 July 2010

In an otherwise dull Hollywood legal story, the name of lawyer Michael Plonsker struck me as a matter of if-not-good-it-could-have-been-worse luck.

(more…)
Apples 'n' Pears
15 July 2010

The Bonkers Institute has concluded, from a survey of fat ladies, that those who deposit their chocolate rations on their hips are more likely to have bad memories than those with wobbly bellies.

(more…)
Downward spiral
6 July 2010

Depression may lead to dementia. How depressing is that?

(more…)
Oo-er Matron!
6 July 2010

One of Kensington and Chelsea Council's hospitals hired out a closed, but fully-functioning, ward to a porn company, presumably one looking for authenticity in its art. The council's director at the time, and now Conservative MP, Penny Mordaunt responded:

(more…)
If you're dead, you'd better stay dead!
28 June 2010

Shortly after Mexican narcocorridos singer Sergio Vega confirmed that reports of his murder were premature, person or persons unknown corrected the oversight. Guy should've kept his mouth shut.

(more…)
Ungrateful little arsewipe!
4 June 2010

Following the shootings in Cumbria, the United Kindom's very own, finely-coiffured prime minister has visited the area to get his face in the news and pretend he cares show solidarity with the local populace. But some tosser has the temerity to complain to the BBC's reporter: One man told me he was angry that it has taken a shooting for the prime minister to visit the town.

(more…)
The scoop on the poop
26 May 2010

Apparently streets awash with dog poo and vagrants isn't much of an incentive and, consequently, London has slipped to 39th spot on the world's cities in terms of quality of living.

(more…)
The irony is almost touching!
6 May 2010

A KKK leader has shot dead a recruit named Lynch.

(more…)
Life on Mars, or elsewhere!
30 March 2010

And now Prof. Bonkers and colleagues from the Cassini space mission have demonstrated that the man in the moon is actually PacMan! Although in this case the moon in question is Mimas, one of those orbiting Saturn.

(more…)
Not to be outdone, FF gets its own government health warning
23 March 2010

And now those loveable, laff-a-minute Germans are advising against the use of Firefox. Herr u. Frau Smug, who dumped IE to avoid the ballyhoo over Billy's Bastard Browser™, have simply opened up their pooters to rape'n'pillage through security flaws identified in FF3.6, which was itself released to fix earlier vulnerabilities.

(more…)
File under 'Rocks, dumb as'
23 March 2010

A US couple boasted on TV about how much money they made by selling stolen goods. The evidence was used against them in a court of law and now they're doing time in ol' pokey.

(more…)
The Queens' Regiment
19 March 2010

Gen. Bonkers (retd) claims that Dutch leaders had told him that Srebrenica fell due to openly gay soldiers in the defending Dutch army. So far, so mundane, but this quote from the BBC puzzled me:

(more…)
OMG, there's more of them out there, just waiting...waiting...
16 March 2010

Just when you thought that the interwebz were awash enough with dumb yanks, it turns out that a third of the poor souls don't have broadband at home. But they shall not weep, for the US government shall provide. Although perhaps this is over-egging the pudding a tad:

(more…)
You tell 'em Nige!
25 February 2010

Nigel Farage, MEP for the United Kingdom Independence Party, has launched a tirade against the grey mouse, Herman Van Rompuy, the President of the European Council. Go get 'em tiger!

(more…)
No shit Tex
19 February 2010

A disgruntled pilot got into his monoprop and flew it into the IRS building in Austin, TX. So far, a human tragedy and a two-fingers to the tax man. But this comment from a local eyewitless had me in awe of deductive reasoning, Texas style:

(more…)
Life on Mars, or elsewhere?
25 January 2010

Lord Rees, the Astronomer Royal, claims that the discovery of life out there [points at stars] would be a moment which would change humanity.

(more…)
IE gets another government health warning
18 January 2010

They seek 'em here They seek 'em there Those Frenchies seek 'em ev'rywhere Malware and trojans Cause Windows® to pause Through Int'net Exploder's security flaws

(more…)
IE gets its very own government health warning
18 January 2010

The German government have issued a warning—presumably to Germans—not to use Internet Exploder in the wake of some Chinese people doing something naughty to Google. M$ are working on fixes to versions 6-8 to rectify the security flaw, hopefully without introducing a new and more exciting one. Presumably users of the venerable version 5 can go screw themselves.

(more…)
To Shana a brother, and only 39 years younger
29 December 2009

At 64 years of age, Van Morrison proves to the world that he can't keep it in his trousers there's life in the old dog yet. His manager has just given birth to a baby boy.

(more…)
Boy George wants a Big Brother
21 December 2009

London Probation have blocked 48 year-old Boy George O'Dowd's appeal to appear on the last series of Celebrity Big Brother, as he's still under licence from imprisonment and wears an electronic tag.

(more…)
No shit Shylock
26 November 2009

…or, rather, Jessica probably.

(more…)
Did the earth move? The bloody house fell down!
10 November 2009

Caroline Cartwright from Washington, Tyne and Wear, has appeared at Newcastle Crown Court. She's appealing against a conviction for breaching a noise abatement notice, after she was found guilty of making loud noises during sex. In her defence, she argued that she had a right to respect for her private and family life under Article 8 of the Human Rights Act.

(more…)
No shit Sherlock
25 September 2009

Police investigating a woman's body found in a suitcase in a dried-up pond on Kent farmland are treating the death as suspicious. Because natural deaths so often end up with bodies in suitcases? (confused)

(more…)
Smoking addictive shocker!
15 September 2009

Some actress who I've never heard of has lung cancer. She smoked and is mad at the cigarette companies:

(more…)
Sicko
24 August 2009

After former model Jasmine Fiore was murdered by her husband, he mutilated her to prevent recognition. Her body was later found in a suitcase near Los Angeles. It's tragic, really, so I feel bad for finding this funny.

(more…)
Sorry I'm out of the office, but in Welsh
1 November 2008

All official road signs in Wales are bilingual. So, when Swansea Council needed a translation of a road sign, they sent an email to their in-house translation department. The reply was then dutifully written on the sign. Except that the reply was actually an out of office message, in Welsh!

(more…)