I think I've pissed myself

Listen, I don't want no trouble

There are 16 posts tagged: "I'm not making this up!"

Whatever grits you through the night
7 January 2022

Traffic Scotland hosts the Trunk Road Gritter Tracker, a handy-dandy, at-a-glance overview of where its gritter and de-icing trucks are working. Each truck is colour-coded, depending on whether it's currently deployed or in depot. This is the sort of information that the public needs!

Pizza the action
27 December 2021

Today the girls decided that they wanted pizzas for dinner. My eldest's favourite shop-bought pizza is Trattoria Alfredo's Deliziosa Salame, from Lidl. It costs CHF3.75, for three medium-sized (25cm diameter) pizzas; that's £1.01, $1.36 each!

When 'yes' means 'no'
19 November 2021

According to David Robson, for BBC Worklife, people are more likely to comply with requests for assistance, through fear of disagreement otherwise. All very psychological.

Just passing through
25 September 2021

File this wanton idiocy under dumb things press secretaries say.

Of Nazis and nutters
15 September 2021

Heinrich Himmler sent an expedition to Tibet in 1938, to search for the origins of the Aryan race. This is the same mythical race that was a figment of Hitler's imagination.

Pickled nothing
29 August 2021

I've harvested so many chillis this year that I'm going to have to pickle some of them. I've never pickled anything in my life before now. Except, possibly, my brain and liver. (SMH)

Marco is a NSFW
18 August 2021

A colleague at work sent an internal email, requesting feedback on a particular vendor. I work in a multi-cultural, multi-national company, and I am at the upper end of the age spectrum. So I fully expect that different people have different points of view and personal standards. Nevertheless, I found the response from one of our newer, non-Anglo members of staff a little surprising; especially since it didn't even include a NSFW warning.

Can I have a 'please, no more emojis' emoji?
25 July 2021

It appears that the BBC considers the creation of emojis to be of such importance that they assigned not one, but two of their crack business reporters to the task of writing an article on emojis that don't exist. Yet.

Population control
21 July 2021

BBC News's population correspondent, Stephanie Hegarty, reports on the Mexican villages refusing to vaccinate against the Chongvirus. Her article wasn't interesting enough for me to finish reading it.

Disunite the right!
25 June 2021

A statue of George Floyd—career criminal and patron saint of fentanyl—situated in Brooklyn, New York, has been vandalised. Presumably by an art connoisseur. It was daubed with the website address of a far-right group called Patriot Front. So far, so what?

The call of the wild
16 April 2021

The citizens of Kraków, Poland, can sleep peacefully in their beds once again.

Tree Story
23 March 2021

We are reminded, or informed, for those of us who were blissfully unaware until now, that Keiynan Lonsdale—an actor best known as someone that I'd never heard of before—self-identifies as a tree…FFS, even my sense of humour isn't so perverse as to make this shit up! Lonsdale unironically prefers tree/treeself pronouns, rather than he/him. And the male population breathes a hearty sigh of relief.

Fear the frost
24 June 2020

Being the wrong side of 50, I am somewhat behind the curve, not that I was ever ahead of it at the best of times. I'm aware of woke, snowflakes, pandering, and SJW, but only today did I discover that Marvel plan to reboot their superhero team, New Warriors, with their first non-binary* character. The character is also black and wears blue. His/her/its/their name? None other than…ummm…Snowflake.

Nuclear doughnuts
4 October 2015

While on holiday in Portugal, my daughters have become accustomed, if not addicted, to Panrico Donuts [sic]. These things seem to have a shelf-life measured in millennia. And that's without refrigeration. God knows what's in them, but they must be packed to the gunnels with preservatives.

Quite possibly the most pointless photo on Wikipedia
25 December 2012

…associated with a Wackypaedya article on Brussels sprouts—topical, huh?—is this photo of a field of Brussels sprouts after harvest:

A sign of the times?
19 November 2012

I saw this while on holiday in Portugal recently, a sign on a bouncy castle warning that it's Only for children up to 40 kg, and Do not use the bouncy castle if you suffer from…pregnancy.