All's not what it seems

Who the fuck d'ya think I am? Huggy Bear?

There are 49 posts tagged: "bonkers"

Dutch oven
16 December 2021
Thierry Baudet, a right-wing Dutch MP, has been ordered by a court to remove Twitter posts likening restrictions against the unvaccinated to the treatment of Jews during the Holocaust. (more…)
Me, myself, I
30 November 2021
During his pre-trial hearing for participating in the US Capitol riot on 6 January, James Beeks claimed that the court had no jurisdiction over him because he had divine authority. I'm not sure whether he's claiming to be directly related to god, or just a messenger. Perhaps his stage role as Judas in Jesus Christ Superstar has gone to his head; although, from my limited knowledge of the Bible, playing Judas doesn't sound particularly divine. (more…)
This little piggy...
26 November 2021
BBC News' quiz of the week starts off with a question about BoJo's enjoyment of a children's theme park. I hadn't read the article, so I didn't know the answer… (more…)
Rapper's denial
16 September 2021
One of the joys of instant-access social media is that it offers celebrities the opportunity to show the world how moronic they are. In this case, Nicki Minaj declaring on Twitter that the friend of a cousin in Trinidad became impotent after receiving the Chongvirus vaccine. His testicles became swollen. (more…)
Tinfoil vaccine
14 August 2021
An international resistance movement opposed to Chongvirus vaccinations and restrictions is growing on social media. Their plan is to separate themselves from vaccinated members of society, who they fear will make them ill. (more…)
No vaccine for zombies
11 August 2021
If you thought that Dr Naomi Wolf's opinions on the Chongvirus vaccine were naive, others arise from the pit of ingorance who are, if anything, even worse. (more…)
Butch Carter and the superfans kids
10 August 2021
It seems that, these days, no successful franchise can escape being bled to death, through a combination of creative despondency and corporate desperation. In that vein, Marvel has announced its What If…? series. And it hasn't gone down too well among the MCU stans. (more…)
4 August 2021
In Selling Starvation: The Shameful Case of Teddi Mellencamp, Georg Rockall-Schmidt probes into a weight-loss cult led by a minor, nay trivial, celebrity. The daughter of rockcock John Mellencamp—for the record, I've never been a fan; I prefer music—established herself as an accountability coach, running a diet programme called All In. (more…)
Sore losers
3 August 2021
It appears that Weibo's nationalist shitheads don't take kindly to China's Olympic athletes unpatriotically losing out on gold. From behind their keyboards and keypads, they fulminate and humiliate their fellow countrymen and -women for failing at something that they could never achieve themselves. And the athletes, like dumfux, accept it. (more…)
Is there a doctor in the house?
10 June 2021
Ooooh, I've found another crackpot on YouTube. Aren't I lucky? (more…)
Trust me, I'm a doctor
6 June 2021
Twitter has suspended Dr Naomi Wolf's account, after she was found to have spread vaccine misinformation. Her messages included such gems as vaccines being a software platform that can receive uploads, and that the excreta of vaccinated individuals should be separated from general sewage, until its impact on non-vaccinated people through drinking water has been studied. It seems more humorous, in a batshit crazy way, than misinformative to me; although if it's a sign of her mental illness, then I should feel bad for laughing. (more…)
The new Thinkpol in training
5 May 2021
Sarah Hewitt-Clarkson, head teacher at Anderton Park primary school, is instilling a nice little Orwellian ethic in her pupils. Children have been taught to call out sexist language and even to identify sexist stereotypes in books and worksheets. And the programming training starts at the age of three years in the nursery school. (more…)
Curfew quarrel
25 March 2021
Following the abduction of Sarah Everard in south London, police officers working on the case in the area advised women not to go out alone and to be careful; which doesn't seem too unreasonable, since the perpetrator was still at large at the time. But Baroness Jones of Moulsecoomb's response in the House of Lords upset a number of people, and was widely ridiculed: (more…)
Best Bond? Shome mishtake shurely!
25 January 2021
Calvin Dyson ranks his favourite actors to have played James Bond in Ranking James Bond Actors | Personal Favourites. His personal favourite? None other than…Roger Moore! (SMH) (more…)
Picture imperfect
21 October 2020
If you desire a special commemoration of a beloved pet, acclaimed artist Hercule Van Wolfwinkle is your go-to portraitist. Just supply a photograph of the subject to be immortalised, and he'll supply the magic—availability notwithstanding, he's insanely popular and has a long wait-list. But it's not difficult to see why: (more…)
What a fool believes
2 August 2020
Elon Musk, a man who believes in life out there (points at the stars), may have embarrassed himself on Twitter by tweeting that Aliens built the pyramids obv. Egypt's Minister of International Co-operation, Rania al-Mashat, and Egyptian archeologist Zahi Hawass have refuted his statement—but they would, wouldn't they?—although I thought that al-Mashat's response was unnecessarily deferential to the space cadet. (more…)
You really couldn't make this up. But someone actually did!
15 July 2020
I love a good conspiracy theory, they affirm my cynicism towards secrecy and often big government, but the best ones have a ring of truth about them. Which is more than can be said of the Wayfair child trafficking conspiracy theory. (more…)
The Bear necessities
11 June 2017
Babe and alleged actress, Alicia Silverstone, explains that her decision to raise her son, Bear Blu, on a vegan diet was, like herself: such a no-brainer. (more…)
Placebo it is not
25 June 2013
Convicted child murderer, Ian Brady, is appealing against the diagnosis that he is mentally ill, which might in itself be proof of his mental illness. (more…)
An open letter to Google
20 April 2013
Dear Google, (more…)
A sign of the times?
19 November 2012
I saw this while on holiday in Portugal recently, a sign on a bouncy castle warning that it's Only for children up to 40 kg, and Do not use the bouncy castle if you suffer from…pregnancy. (more…)
I'm too young to die!
9 November 2012
In 2010, President Nazarbayev of Kazakhstan set researchers the task of discovering an elixir that could prolong his life. Two years later, they came up with a bio-yoghurt that they claim will do just that. (more…)
Stop that 'fun' right now!
30 October 2012
The Catholic Church in Poland has warned that the celebration of Halloween promotes the occult, contradicting Church teachings and Christianity. (more…)
By jingo(ism)!
6 September 2012
MegaCorpUSA runs a weekly poll on the company intranet. It's trite and easily overlooked. But the most recent asks which nation will win the most medals at the paralympics. Usually these polls attract about 3000-5000 votes, so this one's at an early stage, but of 175 people we seem to have a distinctly deluded majority. Presumably these are night-shift workers, who're either tired or simply just not that bright. (more…)
Mi braynz num
29 August 2012
It appears that habitual cannabis use, particularly from adolescence, can result in a permanent reduction in IQ. (more…)
Should I become gay?*
17 August 2012
MegaCorpUSA, in an effort at inclusion, has set up a gay and lesbian and allies group, to spread awareness, if not interesting diseases. Apparently, the network exists for the positive advancement of gay and lesbian issues, and Their goal for this year is to establish themselves further…and increase the number of members. So I think they're asking people to become gay homosexual. (more…)
Raspberry Pi(e) II
28 March 2012
My youngest daughter, Emily, aged 5, came home from her Montessori pre-school. My wife asked her what she had for lunch, to which she replied ham and raspberry pie. (more…)
First irrevocable evidence for the Galactic Empire
15 March 2012
It wasn't fiction after all, but it may have happened in the past, not the future. Galactic Empire stormtroopers obviously had helmets designed for their odd skull shape. (more…)
Wot you lookin' at?
27 January 2012
Those sons of fun at the USAsian FBI plan to develop—or, rather, have developed for them—a handy-dandy tool that will sniff its way through social networks and suck up all the terrorist plots. Certain keywords that are only used by bad people plotting naughtiness can be added. These will trigger the hairs on the backs of their necks, and bring their righteous wrath down on the sorry arses of Osama and his like-minded friends. (more…)
Eno less than you think
11 November 2011
I have no idea how I got to reading an interview with Warren Cann, but his thoughts on first meeting Brian Eno, circa 1976: (more…)
SPAM: new serving suggestion
11 November 2011
That nice Mr/Mrs Chumbla in Nigeria has offered me, and I suspect all of you, their money for FREE. (more…)
Essex girls in club fight shocka!
24 October 2011
I understand that in the UK you have a televisual entertainment entiled The Only Way Is Essex. I'm not sure that I want to know any more about this than I do already…chav TV, say no more! (more…)
15 August 2011
Apparently, and I say apparently because I didn't know of this until just now, there is planned a film of The Lone Ranger. This doesn't bemuse me as such, not even that they've got Johnny Depp to play Tonto when there are a raft of perfectly capable Indian native American actors that could play the part. (more…)
24 June 2011
U2 will headline Glastonbury this year, despite the presence of Coldplay. It's uncertain as to whether Bono and his boys will play any numbers from their new megahit, Spiderman: Turn Off The Critics, though. (more…)
20 January 2011
Not having a TV that plays anything other than DVDs—i.e. we don't have broadcast televisual entertainment as you know it—I know nothing of these Inbetweeners chappies. I do know of Comic Relief though. It's the sort of thing that makes me happy not to have broadcast televisual entertainment, but I digress. (more…)
The wisdom of IMDb reviews
28 December 2010
Idly reading of those that passed on in 2010, I learned of Simon MacCorkindale's death in October. For some bizarre reason, they included Manimal in his career triumphs. Christ only knows why, I bet the poor sod would've preferred to forget it. (more…)
Delia Smith, in my very own kitchen!
4 November 2010
My wife made chocolate brownies today. I tried one and it was very nice, which immediately prompted the following: (more…)
29 October 2010
I can't recall how I came across herstory, but it made me laugh anyway. As a politically correct term for history viewed through a feminist lens, or a demasculinisation of history, though, it's nonsensical. It seems to be predicated on the notion that history is somehow innately masculine. (more…)
The salad days of a petty thief
21 September 2010
Hampshire police have released an e-fit of a casual thief wearing what appears to be a lettuce on his head. If caught, he's to be given a dressing down. (more…)
Of superheroes and Sigmund
16 August 2010
While philosophers love superheroes, psychologists do not. They're concerned that modern superheroes are an inappropriate role model for boys. (more…)
Apples 'n' Pears
15 July 2010
The Bonkers Institute has concluded, from a survey of fat ladies, that those who deposit their chocolate rations on their hips are more likely to have bad memories than those with wobbly bellies. (more…)
8 April 2010
Being touted as possibly the worst film ever, Birdemic: Shock and Terror is the story of bad actors and bad dialogue livened up with bald eagles. This, from an IMDb reviewer, may say more about him than anything, but it made me laugh nonetheless: (more…)
Life on Mars, or elsewhere!
30 March 2010
And now Prof. Bonkers and colleagues from the Cassini space mission have demonstrated that the man in the moon is actually PacMan! Although in this case the moon in question is Mimas, one of those orbiting Saturn. (more…)
The Queens' Regiment
19 March 2010
Gen. Bonkers (retd) claims that Dutch leaders had told him that Srebrenica fell due to openly gay soldiers in the defending Dutch army. So far, so mundane, but this quote from the BBC puzzled me: (more…)
You tell 'em Nige!
25 February 2010
Nigel Farage, MEP for the UKIP, has launched a tirade against the grey mouse, Herman Van Rompuy, the President of the European Council. Go get 'em tiger! (more…)
Life on Mars, or elsewhere?
25 January 2010
Lord Rees, the Astronomer Royal, claims that the discovery of life out there [points at stars] would be a moment which would change humanity. (more…)
Accurate estimate
10 March 2005
Reading a report on the measurement of vapour pressure, I came across this snippet which amused me greatly: (more…)
Vegetarianism as the moral high ground
22 November 2004
This, on the IMDb boards, made me realise that there's more to vegetarianism than not wanting to eat something that had a face. (more…)
Palestine philistine
8 March 2004
My wife was talking to her sister the other day. Fiona watches the news, while Sam reads OK magazine. The conversation went like this: (more…)