Hey, ya really bustin' ma balls here!
There are 30 posts tagged: "corporate cobblers"
- A spoonful of Sugar...is a spoonful too much
- 11 May 2022
British entrepreneur, and host of the BBC's rip-off of The Apprentice, Lord Sugar, has lambasted PwC's staff for taking Friday afternoons off over summer. The offer is valid as long as they have their work completed by lunchtime.
(more…)- Back to office
- 3 May 2022
My first day back in the office since April 2020. Two years since I was last here, and I'd like to say it's good to be back. But it really isn't.
(more…)- Open goal
- 24 March 2022
My line micromanager has shared his goals with his team, so that we can align ours with his. Whelmed, I am not.
(more…)- Are you trained?
- 1 March 2022
Q: Mandatory web-based self-training, a waste of time or a valuable corporate resource?
(more…)- A different parochial perspective
- 21 February 2022
The BBC has been moving some of its light programming out of London and into the regions. The most recent move, of Morning Live to Manchester, will offer a
(more…)broader perspective on the whole of the UK
, according to an ex-sportswoman-turned-daytime TV presenter. This is, of course, utter bollocks.- Unlisted number
- 17 February 2022
Yesterday, I was met with an authentication error when attempting to access InstantlyForgettableNameCorp's time-management system. The login system is run on Microsoft Azure…you can see where this going, can't you? In order to reset my account, I had to enter a code sent to my mobile number, xx-xxxxx93. Except, I don't have a mobile with a number ending with 93. (confused)
(more…)- GOAAALLLLLLL
- 11 January 2022
Goal-setting season is upon us! The time of the year when HR's shitheads expect us to waste our precious allotted time on this planet, by jumping through pointless hoops to please their brain-dead selves. And the same time of the year when I wish them a wretched new one.
(more…)- Pandemic posting
- 31 December 2021
The pandemic lockdowns have resulted in increased levels of shit on the interwebz. This is not least in part due to the fact that I have been posting more. Much more. But only in terms of quantity, not quality. Fortunately, no one reads this garbage, so no innocent brain cells have been harmed in the course of the fiasco.
(more…)- Tail wagging the dog
- 17 December 2021
We're having a problem with one of our vendors. Or, rather, InstantlyForgettableNameCorp's admin are having a problem with one of our vendors' admin. I can't pretend that I understand it, because I've been excluded from the discussions.
(more…)- MegaCorpCH no more
- 7 December 2021
Earlier this year, MegaCorpCH was sold. I can't remember the exact timeline, since it's lost in the mists of corporate lethargy. But, sometime in the summer, a committee of highly-paid, crack corporate nonentities announced that they'd decided on a new company name. It's a very clever name, derived from the Latin or Greek for something-or-other, and symbolising whatever-the-hell. Unfortunately, it's not particularly memorable or inspiring. But, at least it's home.
(more…)- A vacant lot
- 29 November 2021
End-of-year bullshit from the mouth-breathers in MegaCorpCH's HR department.
(more…)- When 'yes' means 'no'
- 19 November 2021
According to David Robson, for BBC Worklife, people are more likely to comply with requests for assistance, through fear of disagreement otherwise. All very psychological.
(more…)- Carded
- 6 September 2021
For wont of anything better to do with her time, and the BBC licence payers' money, Adrienne Murray asks the burning question of the day:
(more…)Has Covid killed off business cards for good?
- If you manage the micros, the macros will manage themselves
- 24 August 2021
When I first spoke with my current line manager, after he joined the company, he assured me that he's not a micromanager. If that's true, then he certainly demonstrates micromanaging tendencies. Is there anyone more pathetic and less awe-inspiring than a man, or woman, with a tracking spreadsheet?
(more…)- Marco is a NSFW
- 18 August 2021
A colleague at work sent an internal email, requesting feedback on a particular vendor. I work in a multi-cultural, multi-national company, and I am at the upper end of the age spectrum. So I fully expect that different people have different points of view and personal standards. Nevertheless, I found the response from one of our newer, non-Anglo members of staff a little surprising; especially since it didn't even include a NSFW warning.
(more…)- Meet the new boss...
- 22 July 2021
MegaCorpCH has a new CEO. Yay! And this is only the fifth that we've had in the six years that I've been working here. (SMH)
(more…)- Secret password
- 20 May 2021
I finally got access to the LAN and Roomz. Except, not quite. Of course, the password for Roomz is not synchronised with the company's single sign-on, because that would make things too easy. Roomz requires a password to be set separately, with its own specific requirements.
(more…)- Corporate utopia
- 24 February 2021
Octopus Energy is a UK start-up selling green energy. The company is valued at £1.4bn, has 1,200 employees and more than 1.9 million UK customers, and is expanding into into other countries. Most importantly, its CEO, Greg Jackson, has no interest in HR or IT departments.
(more…)- Those who can, do
- 29 October 2020
For those who can't, a career in HR beckons.
(more…)70 GOTO 10- 7 September 2020
As part of its response to the
(more…)China syndrome
, MegaCorpCH has instituted remote working, as well as social distancing for those who have to go into the office. To comply with the latter, we are required to book office space usingRoomz
.- I have a dream...
- 1 September 2020
…that one day I'll be LinkedOut.
(more…)- Time bandits
- 27 July 2020
Last year, MegaCorpCH changed its time recording system from SAP to Kronos. I'm not a fan of SAP, but all I can conclude, from my subsequent experience, is that the decision to move over to Kronos must've involved a bloody good game of golf, followed by a bloody good dinner, accompanied by copious amounts of a bloody good wine. Because, even in comparison to SAP's meagre user friendliness, Kronos is a sack of shit.
(more…)- Looking a gift horse in the mouth
- 18 December 2019
'Tis the season of glad tidings, and MegaCorpCH is in generous mood. My US colleagues have each received a $25 gift voucher, to dispose of as they wish.
(more…)- Safety in mind
- 5 December 2019
MegaCorpCH is committed to worker safety. This gives all of its employees a warm, fuzzy feeling, for it means that
(more…)the man
cares about us.- Must. Drink. More. Koolade
- 25 October 2017
MegaCorpCH's Internal Communications department seems to think that employees are stupid. Or perhaps they just assume that we're as brain-dead as they are?
(more…)- The Dark Side
- 13 April 2013
Mondo sadness…I have purchased a Windoze computer! (sad)
(more…)- By jingo(ism)!
- 6 September 2012
MegaCorpUSA runs a weekly poll on the company intranet. It's trite and easily overlooked. But the most recent asks which nation will win the most medals at the paralympics. Usually these polls attract about 3000-5000 votes, so this one's at an early stage, but of 175 people we seem to have a distinctly deluded majority. Presumably these are night-shift workers, who're either tired or simply just not that bright.
(more…)- Should I become gay?*
- 17 August 2012
MegaCorpUSA, in an effort at inclusion, has set up a
(more…)gay and lesbian and allies group
, to spread awareness, if not interesting diseases. Apparently, thenetwork exists for the positive advancement of gay and lesbian issues
, andTheir goal for this year is to establish themselves further…and increase the number of members
. So I think they're asking people to becomegayhomosexual.- Happy holidays from MegaCorpUSA
- 7 December 2011
MegaCorpUSA shares the office complex with a small subsidiary joint-venture company, for which Frank works. I was having lunch with Frank today, during which he bemoaned the Christmas gift that he, and all the other office staff, had received: an iPad.
(more…)- Square pegs, round holes
- 8 May 2004
Six Sigma, 6σ, is a methodology for manufacturing process improvement. It's been successfully used to reduce failures, and thereby increase efficiency, which saves money. MegaCorpUSA likes saving money. So, duly, MegaCorpUSA introduced 6σ to the workplace.
(more…)