They'll kill me if they find out I talked

There are 99 posts tagged: health

Anus horribilis: 12 April 2024; Bottoms, we all have one, and don't try to pretend you haven't. There's nothing wrong with them, other than the smell. Just ask my wife.
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Friends ununited: 9 February 2024; A little controversy has arisen over a Super Bowl ad for Uber Eats, the premise of which is that people forget things.
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The bad and the beautiful: 1 February 2024; For some reason, this appears under BBC Future, rather than BBC World's Table; BBC Worklife; or BBC Pimping, but Starbucks has a new coffee to keep you regular. Although a little more regular than some of its customers had bargained for, apparently. (poop)
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Cobalt revolt: 2 December 2023; Children on TikTok are quitting vaping in support of the people of the Democratic Republic of the Congo. Sorry, that's a lot of of thes right there, but ne'ermind.
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Vape pressure: 16 October 2023; Warning of the dangers of childhood vaping, the BBC corrects an earlier version of its article:
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Bringing home the bacon: 25 August 2023; A BBC News story on the arrest of a Canadian accused of assisting suicide, through the sale of kits across the globe, coyly referred only to them including a poisonous chemical, without identifying said chemical. Presumably, this is for our safety.
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One path to a meet-free diet: 28 July 2023; Bites from the lone star tick, Amblyomma americanum, have been linked to a surge in the number of Americans developing allergy to meat.
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Planking for profit: 26 July 2023; No, not another dig at Linda Plank Hamilton's acting chops, and her money-for-old-rope screen career. The profit in this case relates to health.
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Not all you can eat: 12 July 2023; Efforts to cut down on food wastage in China have brought some characteristically restrictive practices to Pooh's squalid shithole. Including limiting the number of dishes that can be ordered, and even needs-testing patrons:
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Swimwary: 25 June 2023; For those of us who've been living under a rock for more than a decade, the swimwear parade of the Miss England beauty pageant was abandoned in 2009, after a former contestant complained it was degrading. Think about that for a moment. Nobody forced her to compete, did they?
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Minority report: 4 June 2023; The BBC News droid doesn't just report the news, it also pulls together future-gazing speculative fluff-pieces of the kind normally found within the website's magazine-type sections; an example of AI in action, perhaps. Ironically enough, in this case the droid's created an article on the threats that AI may pose to humanity: AI warning us of AI, no less.
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The tooth fairy: 24 May 2023; Decay and Inflammation. Just the sort of subject line to tickle a man's fancy! (rolleyes)
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A pox on your bottom no more: 14 May 2023; The WHO has declared the bottompox brouhaha to be over, just in time for Pride Month. That'll gladden the hearts of the LGBTQIABC+FLAPFLAPFLAP brigade no end. And it'll give them all something else to celebrate, in addition to their specialness, during their superspecial thirty days.
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Lardacious: 12 May 2023; NYC's lardarses have cause to shake their booties. Yes, indeed, the city has passed a bill abrogating them from responsibility for their own health, and impacting the lives of the less generously proportioned, by allowing them to join the ranks of the disenfranchised.
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Health gen: 20 April 2023; The BBC home page teases an opportunity for everyone to learn how health status varies across generations, probably in the usual lazily put-together fluff-piece manner. Except oldies—in this case, anyone born before 1997—need not apply.
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0s and 1s: 30 March 2023; I don't know why this qualifies for BBC Worklife per se, other than zoomers have to work like the rest of us, I guess; but Jessica Klein seeks to educate us as to How young people are shaking off gender binaries. The relevance of zoomers to work life, I can understand; their gender binarism is another matter entirely. Unless these attitudes are having an impact on the provision of toilet facilities in the workplace. (confused)
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PG tips: 21 March 2023; I hadn't read of the deaths of Indonesian children after taking tainted cough syrup before now, but the cause of death being acute kidney injury told me that this was the same issue as reported earlier in The Gambia and Uzbekistan. I wouldn't have noted it here, though, if my pedantry hackles hadn't been raised:
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Blubber-bus: 29 December 2022; Brazilian fatties are sad that others aren't overjoyed when their journeys are disrupted by their lardaciousness. One blubber-butt recently got stuck in a turnstile on a bus for more than four hours, which must've thrilled her fellow passengers no end.
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INCOMING!!: 28 December 2022; One of the downsides to President Pooh's relaxation of his sewer's Covid restrictions is that its denizens will be free to travel abroad as of next month. Undoubtedly bringing their pestilence, the incidence of which is rising, with them.
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Health warning...or clever marketing?: 16 December 2022; It's a story that thankfully doesn't require mathematical dexterity, as Tiffanie Turnbull regales us over toxic spinach being sold in Australian Costco stores. The Riviera Farms baby spinach appears to have been contaminated with a weed that induces hallucinations.
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Beat the meat: 6 December 2022; After all the hype and excitement of vegan foods rising to the challenge of tasting like meat, the public's enthusiasm for fake meat is waning in both the UK and US. This appears to be at least in part due to consumers' cost-consciousness in the face of soaring food prices, coupled with Beyond Meat's failure to force the taxpayer or meat buyers to sustain its business model.
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The pied piper: 2 December 2022; New York is hiring, if you're in the mind to fill the role of director of rodent mitigation. The Big Apple has a rat infestation problem, and the city's willing to pay well for a modern-day pied piper…or anyone sufficiently murine-adverse.
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Monkeying around: 28 November 2022; The WHO has reacted to complaints that the term monkeypox is racist and stigmatising by announcing it will be phased out in favour of mpox. Given that monkeypox was named after the disease was first identified in captive monkeys, the mithering seems unduly precious.
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Grazing grass: 16 November 2022; nu3—or is that nu³? I really don't know (shrug)—claims that their exotically-priced, flavoured protein powder is whey from 100% grass-fed milk.
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Beyond meatless: 14 October 2022; Beyond Meat, the company that—for unfathomable reasons—makes expensive plant-based products resembling meat, and whose CEO advocated higher taxation on real meat to make his company's products more competitive, is having difficulty in meeting its growth projections. Or in meating its growth projections hohoho! [tumbleweed]
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The piggy principle: 11 October 2022; Writing for BBC Family Tree, Alessia Franco and David Robson extol the virtues of children playing in muddy puddles. It seems that playing with dirt and water is to the benefit of both physical and mental development.
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Poison for profit: 8 October 2022; The WHO has released an alert against four cough syrup products linked to sixty-six infant deaths in The Gambia. When I read that the deaths had been linked to kidney injury, my immediate thought—as any student of Forensic Files will appreciate—was of ethylene glycol and/or diethylene glycol poisoning. And, upon further reading…quelle surprise!
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The mushroom hunter: 3 October 2022; Nancy Brophy is an author. Of sorts. But also a murderer. Definitely.
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Fat tax: 2 September 2022; Visiting the UK for the first time in two years, I picked up a recent copy of the Daily Express that was hanging around. I'd forgotten what a garbage rag it is.
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Allergic advisory: 23 August 2022; I saw this allergen advice on a bar of Jordans' Frusli—blueberry flavour, if you're curious.
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Careless talc costs lives: 12 August 2022; Johnson & Johnson is to stop making and selling its legendary baby talc due to health concerns—raised in US civil litigation, natch! People who want a scapegoat's money to compensate for their disease, claim that the company's talc is contaminated with asbestos. Hence cancer.*
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Bottompox: 12 August 2022; The US government has declared monkeypox to be a public health emergency. The disease causes painful blisters which, in homosexual men at least, occur around the mouth, anus, and penis. Sounds like a portal of entry lesion. [cough]
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Pet cemetery: 19 July 2022; I never thought I'd say that I like the idea of life in Iran, but I like the idea of life in Iran.*
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Toilet twee: 18 July 2022; It's always amused me how Americans ask where the bathroom is, or excuse themselves to take a bathroom break, when they have no intention of having a bath. Now, the BBC's health reporter, Philippa Roxbury, advises us how to examine one's stools for signs of bowel cancer in Bowel cancer: How to check your poo.
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Neverending lockdown: 24 May 2022; President Pooh's lackeys at the WHO are concerned over China's response to the WuFlu. They believe that continued lockdowns in the face of Chongvirus omicron are not sustainable. Oh well, never mind.
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Rightsize me: 19 May 2022; A New York lard-arse is raising a class-action lawsuit against MacDonald's and Wendy's, alleging that their burgers are lacking in lard-arseness. Specifically, that the companies' marketing suggests that their burgers are 15% larger than they really are.
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Okay Bill (okay): 14 May 2022; I don't recall having heard of Deborah James before now. But I don't listen to podcasts, so there's that.
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Having their meat and eating it: 4 May 2022; As the US Supreme Court appears set to challenge women's right to abortion, conservative and religious pro-lifers hope that Roe vs Wade will be overturned. I can't help but wonder how many of them are vegetarian though.
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It's not harmful if you treat it right: 27 April 2022; Purveyor of sugar-laden shit, Kellogg's, is taking the UK government to court, over restrictions on the display of nutritionally-deficient, obesity-inducing breakfast cereals in stores.
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Dear heart: 14 April 2022; Shortly after it was reported that US bodybuilder Cedric McMillan wouldn't participate in the 2022 Arnold Classic, he confirmed the decision by dying of 'roids-unrelated causes.
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I'm sarcastic, therefore I'm brainy: 12 January 2022; According to David Robson, writing for BBC Family Tree, a teenager's sarcasm reflects their intellect. Fortunately for me, my sarcastic teen, Emily, doesn't read the BBC online.
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Traumedy: 6 January 2022; Laughter is the best medicine, or so we're told. And a prescribed comedy course could be a new way to help people recover from trauma. The sessions will be free for participants, although presumably not for the UK taxpayer; they get their joy from their tax bill.
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5G or 0G(enes): 18 December 2021; Necklaces and accessories that are claimed to protect against 5G, which isn't harmful to health, have been found to be radioactive, which is. Hmmm. (thinking)
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A rock and a hard place: 17 December 2021; The European Medicines Agency has refused approval for a new drug against Alzheimer's disease. Despite it having been approved by the US Food and Drug Administration, the EMA argued that it does not appear to be effective in two trials involving 3,000 patients.
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Red wine and dementia: 9 December 2021; According to Dr Will Mitchell, there are 3 ways to kill dementia. So it's strange that he's only offering one here. But I guess we all have to start somewhere.
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Canadabis: 23 November 2021; A different approach to driving sales comes from Uber Eats, Canada.
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It must be Thanksgiving: 22 November 2021; To celebrate Thanksgiving, BBC Food asks me How much do you know about American food? And presents a handy-dandy little quiz, to check whether I'm lying or not.
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Pooh payment: 12 November 2021; AstraZeneca have announced that, as the WuFlu changes from pandemic to endemic—their words, not mine—the company will start to make some profit from its Chongvax. Nick Dearden, director of campaign group Global Justice Now, who appears to live in an economic fantasy land, railed against the decision, stating that it shows the utter folly of giving away publicly-funded science to big pharma. While the AZ vaccine was developed in conjunction with Oxford University, the company has borne the cost of production and getting the drug to market. And it's still the cheapest on the market.
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Tess Holliday's morning workout routine: 31 October 2021; Gotta keep training!
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Losers: 11 October 2021; As the US government and state authorities introduce mandatory vaccination against the Chongvirus for public sector workers, some of those workers are choosing to leave their jobs instead. Healthcare workers who reject the mandate as politically-motivated, or an invasion of their sovereign rights, have a difficult argument to make in their favour, since they must already be vaccinated against MMR and hepatitis.
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Safe cigs: 7 October 2021; VELO is a brand of nicotine pouches from Scandinavia. They're designed to be placed in the mouth, for that rush that you so crave. And, like condoms, they come in a range of different flavours, which is nice, I guess.
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Just passing through: 25 September 2021; File this wanton idiocy under dumb things press secretaries say.
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Tinfoil vaccine: 14 August 2021; An international resistance movement opposed to Chongvaxes and restrictions is growing on social media. Their plan is to separate themselves from vaccinated members of society, who they fear will make them ill.
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No vaccine for zombies: 11 August 2021; If you thought that Dr Naomi Wolf's opinions on the Chongvax were naive, others arise from the pit of ingorance who are, if anything, even worse.
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Jabby: 9 August 2021; Among those hesitant of vaccination against the Chongvirus are the 10% of the population with a fear of needles. Apparently, they can waste hours at clinics being coached into a jab, only to walk away at the last moment, or faint.
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ALL OUT: 4 August 2021; In Selling Starvation: The Shameful Case of Teddi Mellencamp, Georg Rockall-Schmidt probes into a weight-loss cult led by a minor, nay trivial, celebrity. The daughter of rockcock John Mellencamp—for the record, I've never been a fan; I prefer music—established herself as an accountability coach, running a diet programme called ALL IN.
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Meat (substitute) head: 2 August 2021; Ethan Brown, founder of Beyond Meat, is in favour of a tax on meat consumption. No shit, is he really? Who'd've thunk it?
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The sixth sense: 23 July 2021; Writing for BBC Future, David Robson explores the complexities of Chongvax hesitancy. To cut a dull story short, much of the reluctance is attributed to the 5Cs: confidence; complacency; calculation; constraints, or convenience; and collective responsibility.
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Moving on: 25 June 2021; Writing for BBC Worklife, Bryan Lufkin explains why it's okay to not reignite relationships that have stagnated during lockdown. You can let acquaintanceships and friendships go, should you wish.
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Is there a dietician in the house?: 16 June 2021; A couple of idiots on YouTube, claiming to be dietician nutritionists, and spreading misinformation. Who knew? I couldn't watch the whole video, because their voices grated on my nerves.
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Is there a doctor in the house?: 10 June 2021; Ooooh, I've found another crackpot on YouTube. Aren't I lucky?
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Trust me, I'm a doctor: 6 June 2021; Twitter has suspended Dr Naomi Wolf's account, after she was found to have spread Chongvax misinformation. Her messages included such gems as vaccines being a software platform that can receive uploads, and that the excreta of vaccinated individuals should be separated from general sewage, until its impact on non-vaccinated people through drinking water has been studied. It seems more humorous, in a batshit crazy way, than misinformative to me; although if it's a sign of her mental illness, then I should feel bad for laughing.
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Tastes like chicken: 22 May 2021; The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention warns that, alongside public health officials in several US states, it's investigating several outbreaks of Salmonella infections, linked to contact with backyard poultry. Across 43 states, 163 people have thus far been affected, 34 of whom have been hospitalised.
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Mmmmm-mmmm minty!: 30 April 2021; Menthol cigarettes are disproportionately harmful to black smokers, apparently, which is why the Biden administration aims to ban them. Opponents of the ban, which include rabble-rouser Al Sharpton, claim that banning a product that is most popular among African Americans is discriminatory. So, one side wants to ban menthol cigarettes because they discriminate against blacks, while the other side opposes the ban because it discriminates against blacks. At least that's clear.
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You're gonna need a bigger loaf: 22 April 2021; …and a diet Coke.
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Durian Durian: 7 April 2021; I received a somewhat pedestrian unsolicited commercial email from Danielle Cwalinski today, advising me of the health benefits of ONE exotic fruit. And she doesn't mean Joe Exotic…BA-DA-BOOM-TSCH!
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Silly sausage: 21 October 2020; One of the, ahem, meatier subjects to be debated by the European Parliament this week is when is a sausage not a sausage?
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It's finger cleanin' responsibly good: 25 August 2020; KFC is temporarily shelving its finger lickin' good slogan, in light of the pandemic.
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The times they are a'changin': 19 July 2020; David Shukman, the BBC's science editor, asks whether climate change could mean that Summers could become too hot for humans. Except he doesn't really complete the article by answering the question. To be fair, like a lot of these future-gazing fluff pieces, it's pretty unaswerable except in the broadest terms.
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Unmotivational: 20 April 2020; In 2014, Admiral William H. McRaven (retd) gave the graduation address at the University of Texas, Austin. It's highly regarded as a motivational speech. It is, indeed, excellent, and well worth watching.
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The will of God?: 7 September 2019; An Indian couple, Mangayamma Yaramati and Sitarama Rajarao, have welcomed twin daughters following IVF treatment. This wouldn't really be worthy of comment, if were not for the fact that she is 73, and he is a sprightly 82 years young.
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¡Oh, mierda! (marijuana): 6 April 2019; A study of cannabis sold in Madrid has shown the majority of samples tested to contain dangerous levels of faecal matter. This is presumably what Spanish potheads refer to as good shit. (stoner) hahahaha…[tumbleweed]
A sign of the times: 19 October 2017; Depressingly enough, health trusts in the UK are resorting to prize raffles to encourage staff to take free winter influenza jabs. They are directly in contact with patients, yet last year the uptake among frontline staff was only 29%. Refusal to take the shots should be a disciplinary action, the trusts shouldn't be namby-pambying around with staff who have a duty to patients. (grumpy)
Eat 'til you bust: 8 August 2017; The Trendy Shrimp, a mall restaurant in Hangzhou, Zhejiang province, China, has been criticised for a crass advertising campaign which offered discounts to women based on the size of their bust. An A-cup bra netted the wearer 5% off of her meal, while the proud owner of a G-cup received a similarly massive 65% concession. That's a pretty safe bet; I can't imagine there'd be too many of those being awarded in China.
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Crème de la crème: 22 June 2017; Rebecca Burger, a well-known French lifestyle blogger, was tragically killed when a pressurised whipped cream dispenser exploded and hit her in the chest. Mme Burger apparently described herself as a fitness, travel, and fashion enthusiast.
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Cereal killer: 21 June 2017; In an effort to improve children's health, by fostering healthier eating habits, public health officials in Liverpool have named-and-shamed breakfast cereals with high sugar content. Among the shockers is the revelation that Kellogg's Frosties has the highest sugar load of all. Is this really news? Come on, you can see the bloody sugar on the flakes, it's the main attraction, if you're a kid!
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The Bear necessities: 11 June 2017; Babe and alleged actress, Alicia Silverstone, explains to PEOPLE Magazine that her decision to raise her son, Bear Blu, on a vegan diet was, like herself: such a no-brainer.
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On average, I should move to Tonga: 10 October 2013; The BBC has a handy-dandy flab calculator, which takes your age, gender, height and weight, and then compares you with similarly-aged people across the globe.
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Cause or effect: are you looking at me?: 13 July 2013; According to researchers from Queen Mary University of London, young men who are gang members are more likely to suffer from mental disorders and seek psychiatric help than those who aren't. The study leader, and director of the forensic psychiatry research unit at Queen Mary, Prof. Jeremy Coid, concludes:
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A sign of the times?: 19 November 2012; I saw this while on holiday in Portugal recently, a sign on a bouncy castle warning that it's Only for children up to 40 kg, and Do not use the bouncy castle if you suffer from…pregnancy.
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I'm too young to die!: 9 November 2012; In 2010, President Nazarbayev of Kazakhstan set researchers the task of discovering an elixir that could prolong his life. Two years later, they came up with a bio-yoghurt that they claim will do just that.
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Mi braynz num: 29 August 2012; It appears that habitual cannabis use, particularly from adolescence, can result in a permanent reduction in IQ.
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Should I become gay?*: 17 August 2012; MegaCorpUSA, in an effort at inclusion, has set up a gay and lesbian and allies group, to spread awareness, if not interesting diseases. Apparently, the network exists for the positive advancement of gay and lesbian issues, and Their goal for this year is to establish themselves further…and increase the number of members. So I think they're asking people to become ~~gay~~ homosexual.
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Burgers or babies?: 25 June 2012; Experts at Nuffield Health state that more than half of British women have waists that are larger than the recommended healthy size.
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I (heart) Vogue: 4 May 2012; Vogue magazine has pledged to only work with models who are not unhealthily stick-thin or below the age of 16.
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It was never like that in my day: 4 March 2011; …my college days, that is.
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Is this addiction?: 23 February 2011; A Chinese guy reportedly died after a three-day online gaming session, during which he neither ate nor slept. In the month before his death, he spent almost £1000 on gaming. This was all done at an internet café, rather than his own home, so it makes you question their hygiene standards. After all, he must have positively reeked.
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There are better things to be remembered for: 9 February 2011; Death comes to all of us, supposedly, with the possible exception of travellers.
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'Nutritious' has added sugar?: 19 January 2011; Apparently those mirthless buggers at the UK Advertising Standards Authority have upheld complaints about advertising by those frisky buggers at Coca-Cola.
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Of superheroes and Sigmund: 16 August 2010; While philosophers love superheroes, psychologists do not. They're concerned that modern superheroes are an inappropriate role model for boys.
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Apples 'n' Pears: 15 July 2010; The Bonkers Institute has concluded, from a survey of US fat ladies, that those who deposit their chocolate rations on their hips are more likely to have bad memories than those with wobbly bellies.
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Downward spiral: 6 July 2010; Depression may lead to dementia. How depressing is that?
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Phew, at least I'm not an alcoholic: 10 February 2010; And I don't have a sweet tooth, so I'm not an alcoholic after all!
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Smoking addictive shocker!: 15 September 2009; Some actress who I've never heard of has lung cancer. She smoked and is mad at the cigarette companies:
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I'd like a 'P' please, Bob: 20 April 2005; Strangely, I was looking for ways to make yummy processed peas, like tinned marrowfat peas, because we can't get them easily in Switzerland. During my research, I happened across guidance from the Food and Agriculture Organisation and World Health Organisation on processed pea standards. I kid you not.
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Living with Boris: 11 January 2005; On a couple of occasions at the supermarket, over the last few months, I've had difficulty in focussing on the items on the shelves. Not so much visually as mentally, it all becomes a sickening blur.
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Poor kid, no future (sad): 5 January 2005; Studies suggest that babies who are fed an aural diet of classical music during pregnancy have greater than average intelligence—or something else that's good, but I've forgotten.
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Vegetarianism as the moral high ground: 22 November 2004; This, on the IMDb boards, made me realise that there's more to vegetarianism than not wanting to eat something that had a face.
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10lb of shit in a 5lb bag: 23 March 2004; Girls showing midriff is okay if they're fit, but why do they do it when they have a roll of flab hanging over their jeans? It's just bad taste really.
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