Passport application
Recently, some socially-maladjusted arsewipe stole my luggage containing my UK passport. No problem, I'll just cancel it and order another. Easy! Or not, as the case turns out to be.
For the UK passport office has a list of recognised professions
that can confirm an applicant's identity, including journalists, professional photographers, and persons with honours.
Now, I work with highly intelligent, academically- and professionally-qualified individuals who interact at the highest levels with regulatory authorities both within Europe and globally. But none fulfil the requirements, with the exception of one who has been honoured as an MBE.
Yet, if I knew a second-rate Richard Littlejohn—if Richard Littlejohn isn't already a second-rate Richard Littlejohn—or some hack eking out a living taking seaside snaps of lard-arses riding donkeys and wearing kiss-me-quick
hats, I'd be golden!
Verily, 'tis a funny ol' world an' no mistake!