Will the real Scissor Sisters please stand up?

• 16.03.2021 10:32 UTC+01:00
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Awards season is upon us. That glorious time of the year when an out-of-touch entertainment industry slaps itself on the back; doles out meaningless baubles; and proselytises to the great unwashed—that's you and I, gentle reader, in case you were wondering. Following on from the Golden Globes, we have now had the Grammys. And, just like the Golden Globes before them, the ceremony was not a ratings success.

Despite boasting powerhouse performers Harry Styles, Taylor Swift, Dua Lipa, BTS, Billie Eilish, Post Malone and Megan Thee Stallion, as well as an impressive lineup featuring over 22 musicians, including…Cardi B, viewing figures were down by over 50% on previous years'. While I personally don't consider any of the lineup to be much better than adequate, let alone powerhouse, I fucking hate Cardi B; she epitomises the very worst of the current popular music scene.*

I am not, for one single second, deluded enough to think that all of those missing viewers share my long-standing antipathy to awards ceremonies in general, or to Cardi B in particular. It's unlikely to be the direct result of Zoom fatigue; the event was broadcast live, albeit with social distancing measures that made it appear like a gathering of lepers. Perhaps those measures, alongside recent experience of remote ceremonies, were enough to suck the glamour out of the occasion? Sequinned Chongmasks really aren't glamorous, they just look moronic. I also suspect, without a shred of supporting evidence to back me up, that viewers are weary of the woke agenda and celebrity grandstanding from a distant and privileged elite of, what are essentially, glorified dance monkeys.

Fortunately, the version of Maroon 5's Girls Like You that I have was taken from the album, not the single version that received so much airplay. As such, it doesn't have Cardi B shittin' all over it. Unbridled joy.