Captain Okay(ish)
I finally got around to watching Captain Marvel over the weekend. Even being aware of the online butt-hurt over its identity politicking and lack of a character arc, I didn't think that it was too bad. And who gives a shit about character arcs anyway, other than film school graduates? Maybe I'm shallow, or perhaps it had something to do with my being…umm…relaxed
.
But when I rewatched it, sober this time, I still didn't get it, for reasons explained below. So, I must be shallow.
Overall, Captain Marvel is definitely okay. It certainly isn't the worst entry in the MCU. That dubious honour goes to Captain America: Handbags At Dawn Civil War, which was totally…fucking…gay; although Avengers: Age Of Ultron and Black Panther aren't taking the challenge lying down.
A few nonsensical parts made me think huh?
, but that's pretty much par for the course for my relationship with the MCU anyway. And there was a definite lack of tension due, at least in part, to Brie Larson's unemotional one-dimensional performance. I didn't get the feeling of a character who's alcoholic; impulsive; and has a terrible, dad sense of humour—or any sense of humour for that matter—traits that made her sound interesting. But the film was entertaining enough, in that it passed the time in a way that I didn't regret its passing too much.
There was, however, one major plot point that still bugs me, and which let the film, as a whole, down. And I'm not talking about Cap's rubbish cockatoo hat, although it was funny. I cannot imagine that there's anyone in the world who hasn't watched Captain Marvel and yet still wants to watch it, but, just in case…spoiler alert!
[click to show]
What on earth—since Planet C-53 is Earth ho ho ho—was the deal with the cat? It first turns up in a high security facility. How did it get there? Where did it come from? Why is it there? It has a tagged collar, so it's not a stray.
And, it's not just any cat either! Oh no, it's a magical bullshit cat that launches tentacles from its mouth; swallows a tesseract, at least I assume that's what the glowing blue cube was; and bitch-slaps a hoard of bad guys. And Fury barely reacts when all this happens. Twice.
Oh, and he didn't really react much when the damned thing scratched his eye out. I guess that Samuel L Jackson is just playing to the pay cheque.
The tentacles really threw me. Twice. I assumed that I'd missed something because…booze. So I watched the film again, sober this time…and I'm still none the wiser.
Okay, it's an alien posing as a cat, or possibly an alien cat, and the tagged collar is just part of its cunning disguise. But it's almost as if a plot contrivance was introduced by hack screenwriters who couldn't be arsed with anything requiring actual thought and work. On the other hand, it's a Marvel film, so there is that, I suppose. (rolleyes)
Then there was the scene in Rambaeu's house when the Skrull tells them that they're just refugees and come in peace, and everyone's just like oh, okay, you're good guys
, and I'm sitting there, channelling Mandy Rice-Davies, and thinking WTF? He would say that, wouldn't he?
Overall, a damp but not soggy squib, 5/10