Anus horribilis
Bottoms, we all have one, and don't try to pretend you haven't. There's nothing wrong with them, other than the smell. Just ask my wife.
Okay, some are firmer and more aesthetically pleasing than others. Like boobs and bellies, gravity can be unkind to bottoms. Saggy bottoms aren't as pleasant to look at as nice pert ones. But isn't that so often the case?
Anyhow, that's what I think of by bottom
, the thing you sit down on, or smack if that's your thing. Buttocks, in other words. Gluteal muscles if you're a medic, sports physiologist, or bodybuilder. Or arse, if you're so inclined.
But not fearless old Auntie Beeb. Because while there's nothing wrong with bottoms, anuses appear to be a different kettle of fish.
Thus, while anal cancer is a real disease, according to the BBC's Rachael McMenemy and Leigh Milner, it might be diagnosed by: bleeding or discharge from your bottom
(anus); small lumps around and inside your bottom
(rectum); and having problems controlling when you poo
(defecate/pass stools/take a dump).
I realise that some people don't like to be confronted by the realities of biology. And also that some people aren't too bright. But it's no wonder that the level of intellectual discourse in the UK is waning, when the nation's broadcaster treats adults—who else is going to be reading an article on anal cancer?—like preschoolers. (pipe)