I think I've pissed myself

Number 1 Anna

Either Bonnie Tan, Cathy Han, or anna1—I'm not sure which—enquires whether I'm interestedingiving [sic] a speech at ICGO-2023 in Japan. The event doesn't stand alone, however, as it's being held concurrently with eleven others as part of Gala Technology Frontier 2023. While this sounds very grand, it's likely that the organisers have block-booked a single hotel, with each conference being held in its own meeting room…or broom cupboard.

Still, I guess it offers an opportunity to slip into something more interesting, in the event that ICGO-2023 turns out to be a dud.

Subject: Interestedingiving a speech at ICGO-2023, Japan?
Date: Wed, 15 Feb 2023 09:56:55 +0800
From: "anna1" <cathyhan04@icgo-2023.com>
Reply-To: bonnie.tan@gala-tek.com
Gynaecology and Obstetrics-2023 Time: November 15-17, 2023 Venue: Hotel emisia Sapporo, Sapporo, Japan It is our great pleasure to welcome you to join in the 10th International Congress of Gynaecology and Obstetrics-2023 (ICGO-2023), which will be held during November 15-17, 2023 at Sapporo, Japan. On behalf of the organizing committee, we cordially welcome you to give an oral presentation on your recent research of "[five-years-old, barely relevant to OB/GYN]" or on your recent research [none]. Your prompt reply with a speech proposal will be highly appreciated. ICGO conference is a dedicated event for the gynaecology and aims to offer professionals in the field a multidisciplinary platform to learn more about the women’s health, gynaecological oncology, clinical research and discovery. After nine years’ persistent efforts and successful events, this year ICGO-2023 will be held under the Gala Technology Frontier 2023 together with other 11 concurrent conferences, we aim to shoot for 300+ oral presentations from more than 20 countries gather in beautiful Sapporo. The three-day conference comprises many professional programs including Plenary Forum, High-end Dialogue, Parallel Meetings, EXPO and Posters, Dialogue, Cultural and Social Activities. In addition to the exciting program, you will be able to enjoy the culture and sights of Sapporo. Sapporo, one of the Japanese's largest cities, offers a uniquely eclectic mix of traditional and contemporary attractions. Looking forward to your positive reply. Sincerely yours, Contact: Ms. Bonnie Organizing Coordinator of ICGO-2023 Email: bonnie.tan@gala-tek.com

Bonnie's back! Still pretending to be anna1, and still peddling the ICGO-2023 that's to be held in Japan, not Portugal. And it'll not only be a grand conference, but a magnificent one to boot. I'm invited to present your recent work on your recent research, although the phrasing and the quotes around the second clause suggest there was supposed to be a title field in the template that's missing.

Learning from past mistakes, I'm going for option 3.

Subject: Re: Confirmed to be a speaker at ICGO-2023, Japan
Date: Thu, 29 Jun 2023 15:05:19 +0800
From: "anna1" <bonnie50@icgo-2024.com>
Reply-To: bonnie.tan@gala-tek.com
Hope this email finds you well. I apologize for the inconvenience if the letter disturbed you more than once. On behalf of the organizing committee, we are proud to launch the 10th International Congress of Gynaecology and Obstetrics-2023 (ICGO-2023) will be held during November 15-17, 2023 at Sapporo, Japan. As per your background in the field, it is an honor to welcome you to present a speech regarding your recent work on “your recent research” at this grand conference. This event will provide such a platform for you to strengthen cooperation, overcome the impact of the epidemic and promote innovation in Gynaecology and Obstetrics. It covers 20 sessions like General Gynaecology, Operative Gynaecology, New Gyn/Ob Ultrasound, MR/CT, Disorders of the Uterine, Breast Cancer, Endometrial Cancer and Ovarian Cancer, Other Gynaecological Cancers, Gynecologic Cancers Screening, Prevention and Therapy, Prenatal Screening & Diagnosis, Diabetes and Obesity, Hypertension and Complications in Pregnancy, High-Risk Pregnancy, Perinatal Infection and Fetal Death, MaternalFetal Medicine, Midwifery, Childbirth and Dystocia, Preterm Birth and Neonatal Care, Assisted Reproductive Technologies, Fertility & Infertility, Reproductive Medicine, Contraception and Family Planning, Abortion and Recurrent Miscarriage. We would like to provide the participants a high standard, high level, specialization, and internationalization event. We expect to receive your replies on the following questions: 1. What is the title of your speech? 2. Do you have any suggestions about our program? We sincerely wish you can join us to contribute your invaluable experience and knowledge at this magnificent conference. Your early reply will be highly appreciated. Sincerely Yours, Ms. Bonnie 064
Date: Thu, 29 Jun 2023 09:45:16 +0200
Subject: Re: Confirmed to be a speaker at ICGO-2023, Japan
To: <bonnie.tan@gala-tek.com>
Dear Ms Bonnie, Thank you for the offer to present “my recent research” at your grand and magnificent conference. I will not be able to attend though, because I’m washing my hair that day. Sincerely,

Just to mix things up, Bonnie's now pretending to be cathy01. But, beneath all that, she's still the same old Bonnie that we know and are tiring of. At least she's fixed her template: the title field has been updated to drag in an old publication from five years ago that I haven't worked on since. If I had, there'd be a more recent publication for her to drag up.

Subject: Re: Confirmed to be a speaker at ICGO-2023, Japan
Date: Fri, 28 Jul 2023 08:17:14 +0800
From: "cathy01" <bonnie1@icgo-even.com>
Reply-To: bonnie.tan@gala-tek.com
Hope this email finds you well. I apologize for the inconvenience if the letter disturbed you more than once. On behalf of the organizing committee, we are proud to launch the 10th International Congress of Gynaecology and Obstetrics-2023 (ICGO-2023) will be held during November 15-17, 2023 at Sapporo, Japan. As per your background in the field, it is an honor to welcome you to present a speech regarding your recent work on “[snip]” at this grand conference. This event will provide such a platform for you to strengthen cooperation, overcome the impact of the epidemic and promote innovation in Gynaecology and Obstetrics. It covers 20 sessions like General Gynaecology, Operative Gynaecology, New Gyn/Ob Ultrasound, MR/CT, Disorders of the Uterine, Breast Cancer, Endometrial Cancer and Ovarian Cancer, Other Gynaecological Cancers, Gynecologic Cancers Screening, Prevention and Therapy, Prenatal Screening & Diagnosis, Diabetes and Obesity, Hypertension and Complications in Pregnancy, High-Risk Pregnancy, Perinatal Infection and Fetal Death, MaternalFetal Medicine, Midwifery, Childbirth and Dystocia, Preterm Birth and Neonatal Care, Assisted Reproductive Technologies, Fertility & Infertility, Reproductive Medicine, Contraception and Family Planning, Abortion and Recurrent Miscarriage. We would like to provide the participants a high standard, high level, specialization, and internationalization event. We expect to receive your replies on the following questions: 1. What is the title of your speech? 2. Do you have any suggestions about our program? We sincerely wish you can join us to contribute your invaluable experience and knowledge at this magnificent conference. Your early reply will be highly appreciated. Sincerely Yours, Ms. Bonnie 064

No longer interested in my suggestions on their programme, Ms Bonnie now only wants the title of my talk. I guess it'd be too late to take on board my comments anyway; not that I have any, the whole thing's irrlevant to me.

Subject: Re:Would You Like to be Chair/Speaker at ICGO 2023, Japan
Date: Fri, 8 Sep 2023 14:20:14 +0800
From: "cathy01" <bonnie4@icgo-even.com>
Reply-To: bonnie.tan@gala-tek.com
Gynaecology and Obstetrics-2023 Time: November 15-17, 2023 Venue: Hotel emisia Sapporo, Sapporo, Japan Dear [snip], Hope this email finds you well. I apologize for the inconvenience if the letter disturbed you more than once. On behalf of the organizing committee, we are proud to launch the 10th International Congress of Gynaecology and Obstetrics-2023 (ICGO-2023) will be held during November 15-17, 2023 at Sapporo, Japan. As per your background in the field, it is an honor to welcome you to present a speech regarding your recent work on “[snip]” at this grand conference. This event will provide such a platform for you to strengthen cooperation, overcome the impact of the epidemic and promote innovation in Gynaecology and Obstetrics. It covers 20 sessions like General Gynaecology, Operative Gynaecology, New Gyn/Ob Ultrasound, MR/CT, Disorders of the Uterine, Breast Cancer, Endometrial Cancer and Ovarian Cancer, Other Gynaecological Cancers, Gynecologic Cancers Screening, Prevention and Therapy, Prenatal Screening & Diagnosis, Diabetes and Obesity, Hypertension and Complications in Pregnancy, High-Risk Pregnancy, Perinatal Infection and Fetal Death, MaternalFetal Medicine, Midwifery, Childbirth and Dystocia, Preterm Birth and Neonatal Care, Assisted Reproductive Technologies, Fertility & Infertility, Reproductive Medicine, Contraception and Family Planning, Abortion and Recurrent Miscarriage. We would like to provide the participants a high standard, high level, specialization, and internationalization event. If you are intereted in our congress, may I ask: What is the title of your speech please? We sincerely wish you can join us to contribute your invaluable experience and knowledge at this magnificent conference. Your early reply will be highly appreciated. Sincerely Yours, Ms. Bonnie 064

The very Hungary Catherpillar

Despite this missive coming from cathy03@icgo-conference2023.com, Cathy, or Laura, is actually pimping (an) ICGO 2024. After all, we don't yet know whether we'll be invited to another one being held somewhere else.

The purpose of this event is to gather researchers, scientists and experts from universities, companies, institutions, communities, agencies, associations and societies; so everyone from everywhere then. (rolleyes)

Unfortunately for Cathy/Laura, my excellence has better things to do.

Subject: Re: Look Forward to Meeting you in ICGO-2024,Hungary
Date: Sun, 15 Oct 2023 03:18:47 +0800
From: "cathy03" <cathy03@icgo-conference2023.com>
Reply-To: laura@biteomics.com
11th International Congress of Gynaecology and Obstetrics June 12-14, 2024 Budapest, Hungary Dear Dr. [snip], On behalf of organizing committee, we are very honoured to invite you to participate in the 11th International Congress of Gynaecology and Obstetrics (ICGO), which will take place on June 12-14, 2024 at Budapest, Hungary, to deliver a talk on “[snip]” or your recent work as Speaker/Chair. What do you think? The main goal of ICGO is to bring together researchers, scientists and experts in universities, companies, institutions, communities, agencies, associations and societies to provide them a unique platform for sharing worldwide ideas as well as the recent developments on Gynecology & Obstetrics research. ICGO will be a very dedicated gathering and we plan to make it a truly international meeting. A large number of leading speakers have confirmed their attendance, and hopefully you could be part of the unique program soon. The program highlights some recent breakthrough stories and successes in this particular field. Over the conference period, you will have opportunities to share information and the best practices from current research to commercial implementation of new technologies. At the same time, we would explore further communication and collaboration through social activities during the conference. Thank you for making a note of these reminders and we earnestly hope that you will be able join us and contribute to what is sure to be a useful and stimulating congress! For more hot topics of conference, Please feel free to contact me at any time! Your excellence’s participation would add great value to this event and I look forward to your positive response. Sincerely Yours, Ms. Laura Coordinator of ICGO Organizing Committee of ICGO Ps: We are calling for committee members now. 064

WCFN-2024

Either Alma or Nancy3 is having difficulty spelling Alma's name. It's only four letters long, surely it can't be that difficult?

Subject: Follow up: Call for Session Speaker at WCFN-2024, Singapore
Date: Sun, 17 Dec 2023 23:18:57 +0800
From: "Alam" <nancy3@wbic-convention2024.com>
Reply-To: alma.wgc@gala-tek.com
Dear Dr. [snip], The 11th Annual World Congress of Food and Nutrition (WCFN-2024) will be held on November 12-14, 2024 in Singapore. On behalf of the organizing committee, we cordially welcome you to deliver a presentation as Speaker regarding your research on [five-year-old publication]..... Each WCFN has gathered large number of world-renowned experts, professors, and entrepreneurs from many countries. The conference is a great scientific festival with wonderful opportunities to learn about the new research result and achievement of Food and Nutrition, as well as to promote the communication and collaboration among specialists. We look forward you to being a part of this grand event. Aiming to promote an international exchange of scientific knowledge and experiences, the scientific program will include plenary/keynote lectures and session talks as well as poster presentations under several major themes, mainly focused on: Food Economy, Policy and Laws, Basic Food Science, Advanced Food Technologies, Food Quality and Safety Control, Nutraceuticals and Functional Foods, Diet, Nutrition Research, Human Nutrition through Life Course, Nutrition and Disease Management. Through these dynamic scientific and social events, you will have many opportunities to network and to form potential business collaborations with participants from the globe. We expect your precious comments or suggestions; also your reference to other speakers will be highly appreciated. We look forward to receiving your replies on the following questions: 1. What is the title of your speech? 2. Do you have any suggestions about our program? The destination city, Singapore is one of the world's most pocket-sized countries and the smallest country in this region, hence is nicknamed "The Little Red Dot". Despite its small size, Singapore has an significant place in the world with its free trade economy and efficient labor force. As a multi-ethnic country, Singapore is unique in "harmony but difference". In addition to numerous sightseeing and activities, encountering the local culture and customs will give you the ultimate tourism experience. We sincerely wish you can accept our invitation and join us to contribute your invaluable experience and knowledge at this magnificent conference. Look forward to hearing from you soon! Sincerely yours, Ms. Alma Yang Program Coordinator Organizing Committee of WCFN Email: alma.wgc@gala-tek.com 3036

Nancy3 becomes Nancy5, all the better for bypassing sender-based mail rules.

Subject: Resend: Wonderful Talk is Highly Welcomed in WCFN-2024, Singapore
Date: Mon, 8 Apr 2024 13:45:08 +0800
From: "Ms. Alma Yang" <nancy5@wbic-convention2024.com>
Reply-To: alma.wgc@gala-tek.com

Lisboa é sempre uma boa ideia

Whenever I receive spam from predatory PDF-shitters or conference disorganisers, I add the sender's email address to my scrapers' list. And I just happened to notice that Cathy Han of ICGO-2023 has been quite the busy little bee:

  • cathy-icgo@bitcongress.com
  • cathy14@icgomeeting.com
  • cathy2@icgo-2023.com
  • cathyhan02@icgo-congress2023.com
  • cathyhan04@icgo-2023.com
  • cathyhan05@icgo-2023.com
  • cathyhan2@icgo-2021congress.com

To which she's now added cathyhan12@icgo-congress2023.com. Admittedly, one of those addresses is from two years' ago, but at least five for one congress is impressive.

Or is it one congress? For this ICGO-2023 isn't the tenth being held in Sapporo, but the ninth in Lisbon. With all that going on, no wonder Cathy has to enlist the aid of Bonnie and Anna, as well as all those email addresses.

Unlike its later Japanese counterpart, this event seems to be standalone, so if it's a dud I'm screwed. That said, Lisbon's a very nice city, and there's plenty more to do in July than listen to a load of OB/GYN cobblers for three days.

Subject: Re: Confirmed to be a speaker at ICGO-2023, Portugal
Date: Sat, 1 Apr 2023 20:49:17 +0800
From: "cathy" <cathyhan12@icgo-congress2023.com>
Reply-To: cathy-icgo@bitcongress.com
Hope you receive this letter in a wonderful mood. Please accept my apology if this email bothers you. On behalf of ICGO committee, we would like to officially invite you to attend and give an oral speech at The 9th International Congress of Gynaecology and Obstetrics-2023 on July 17-19, 2023 in Lisbon, Portugal. Per your background and contribution, we hope you could present about "[irrelevant publication from 2018]" or on your recent research. Here, I am enclosing partial Speakers’ speech titles for your perusal: [snip] The purpose of the three-day conference is to highlight the innovative treatments of Gynecology & Obstetrics diseases. We are inviting Doctors, Professors, Scientists and healthcare professionals to join for making the event successful and enrich all of us with your knowledge. The program will focus on topics such as General Gynecology, Gynecologic Oncology, Maternal-Fetal Medicine, Obstetric Medicines, and Reproductive Medicine, etc. ICGO will be a very dedicated gathering and we plan to make it a truly international meeting. A large number of leading speakers have confirmed their attendance, and hopefully you could be part of the unique program soon. I would highly appreciate receiving your proposal for your speech title and suggestions to our program soon. For more hot topics of conference, Please feel free to contact me at any time! Thank you for making a note of these reminders and we earnestly hope that you will be able join us and contribute to what is sure to be a useful and stimulating congress! Sincerely yours, Contact: Ms. Cathy Han Organizing Committee of ICGO-2023
Date: Sat, 01 Apr 2023 16:44:40 +0200
Subject: Re: Confirmed to be a speaker at ICGO-2023, Portugal
To: <cathy-icgo@bitcongress.com>
Dear Cathy Tan, This sounds like a very impressive line-up that you have for ICGO-2023, Portugal. Lisbon is a beautiful city to visit, and the Portuguese are lovely people. If you like seafood, you'll love Lisbon. I have only visited the city in April and October, but I’m sure July will be fine, if a little hot. Don’t forget to pack sunscreen! Best wishes,

I may've misled Cathy with my comment on the impressive line-up for ICGO-2023, Portugal, whereas in reality I had neither clue nor care. But I replied, and predatory conference disorganisers will latch onto any sign of life at the other end. So, I now have four courses of action open to me:

  1. do nothing;
  2. play her along, with a bullshit title for a talk that I'll never give;
  3. reply with a thanks, but I'm washing my hair that day; or
  4. resort to my puerile telling-her-she's-a-ho-without-saying-she's-a-ho shtick.

But I don't feel the same enmity towards Cathy as I do those skeevy Indian bed-bangers. For a start, I can believe she's using her real name, and she's not trying to obfuscate her time zone: this plausible Ms Tan is plausibly based in UTC+0800. Insulting her is uncalled for.

And I don't want to get added to a list of speakers for perusal, so the second option is also off the table.

I'm just gonna go with the first option.

Date: Sun, 2 Apr 2023 16:37:13 +0800
From: "cathy-icgo@bitcongress.com" <cathy-icgo@bitcongress.com>
Subject: Re: Re: Confirmed to be a speaker at ICGO-2023, Portugal
X-Priority: 3
Thanks for your reply and interests, welcome you joining our meeting. Could you please send back your potential speech title and I’ll send you further details afterwards? ------------------------------ Best regards, Cathy

She's not above using a new email address to circumvent those block mail rules though.

Date: Sat, 15 Apr 2023 19:16:13 +0800
From: "mia-analytix@eventcomittee.com" <mia-analytix@eventcomittee.com>
Subject: As I have not received your registration confirmation, I wonder if you need any help with it
X-Priority: 3
Thanks for your reply and interests, welcome you joining our meeting. Could you please send back your potential speech title and I’ll send you further details afterwards? ------------------------------ Best regards, Cathy

Should've gone with the third option.

I'd completely forgotten about Cathy Tan and ICGO-2023, but not Lisbon; I could never forget Lisbon! Replying to her message of 02.04, not the last one sent under a different guise, it appears that those coveted speaker spots have now all been snapped up. Oh well, never mind.

Date: Wed, 7 Jun 2023 14:49:18 +0800
From: "cathy-icgo@bitcongress.com" <cathy-icgo@bitcongress.com>
Subject: Could you please confirm us about your attendance in our meeting at your early convenience?
X-Priority: 3
Thank you for your reply. Thanks for your reply, welcome you joining our meeting as attendee only. Next, please register online through website https://www.bitcongress.com/ICGO2023-europe/registration.asp to confirm your attendance now. After registration, please send me a message so that I can check the system and send you the confirmation, thanks a lot. ------------------------------ Best regards, Cathy
Date: Wed, 07 Jun 2023 10:02:55 +0200
Subject: Re: Could you please confirm us about your attendance in our meeting
 at your early convenience?
To: "cathy-icgo@bitcongress.com" <cathy-icgo@bitcongress.com>
Dear Cathy, As much as a I long to revisit Lisbon, I’m afraid that it won’t be this year! ☹ But I’m certain you’ll have a great time there, nonetheless! Best wishes,

I think the sad face lends a nice touch of false sincerity.