Oversensitivity reader
Michael Deacon follows up the revelation of sensitivity readers desecrating works beyond their pedestrian abilities, with some imagined changes to other beloved children's books. His takes on The Very Hungry Caterpillar and Mr Tickle are particularly on point, and satisfyingly acidic.
But his sensitivity editing of an altercation between Enid Blyton's Noddy and Big Ears only served to remind me of this old schoolkids' joke:
- Why have elephants got big ears?
- Because Noddy wouldn't pay the ransom!
The sensitivity readers might just soil themselves over that.
The Very Hungry Caterpillar On Saturday, the caterpillar ate through one slice of cheesecake, one hamburger, one portion of chips, one BLT sandwich, one chocolate eclair, one pork pie, one bag of jelly babies, one packet of crisps, one Pot Noodle, and one deep-fried Mars bar. That night he felt sick. And all because of the hateful body-shaming that remains rife in our shockingly fatphobic culture. The next day, thankfully, he realised that he was actually a perfectly normal and healthy size for a caterpillar, and found the strength and courage to resist the pressure we cruelly place on caterpillars to transform themselves into beautiful butterflies. Because, he had realised, he was already beautiful, just the way he was.
Michael Deacon, Roald Dahl is ruined. Could these five classic children’s books be next?, The Telegraph
Mr Tickle That afternoon, Mr Tickle tickled everybody. He tickled the dentist. He tickled the farmer. He tickled the baker. He tickled the teacher. He tickled the whole town. And that is why, after years of touching people inappropriately without their consent in a flagrant violation of their personal boundaries, Mr Tickle has quite rightly been cancelled.
Michael Deacon, Roald Dahl is ruined. Could these five classic children’s books be next?, The Telegraph