I think I've pissed myself

Rock bottom

screenshot of The High Republic showing Geode and the Vessel
You couldn't make it up; but someone did! And other someones presumably signed off on it. Geode, the rock, and the Vessel, the vessel; alongside Affie Hollow, Leox's co-pilot. A black woman taking orders from a white man? Isn't that a little off message?

I thought that the first of April had come early this year, as Star Wars: The High Republic introduced its main characters in an amateur-hour animation. Leox Gyasi—who looks suspiciously IC1 male to be completely on message at LucasFilm—is the eccentric pilot of a vessel, known simply as the Vessel…navigated by Geode, who appears to be a rock. The rising you gotta be shittin' me! tone in the narrator's voice sounded like she didn't quite believe what she was reading. I'll give her kudos for not laughing though.

What's the betting that Geode will be shown to have hidden depths 'neath that flinty, flaky surface? Except that Geode is a nickname, because you can't pronounce his name correctly unless you don't have a mouth. I'm struggling with the concept of a rock having a gender, not to mention pronouncing anything without a mouth, but, besides that, what can it all mean?

From an outsider's perspective, what it means is such low-energy creativity that I genuinely thought it was a parody at first. Unsurprisingly, it's been met with ridicule and derision on social media—the video was taken down from the official Star Wars Instagram account, and there's a plethora of none-too-complimentary videos on YouTube, should you be so inclined. Do the creatives behind this sort of crap never do a reality check, and think about how it might look to anyone beyond the hallowed createspace? If they do, their bullshit detector's on the blink.

cover art for Into The Dark
The sheer raw talent at LucasFilm. Gray is an NYT bestselling author. Apparently.

But there may be another explanation; LucasFilm is not interested in the fandom's old guard. Claudia Gray—who authored Star Wars: The High Republic: Into the Dark—is described as a New York Times bestselling author; although that really doesn't count for much at best—since the barrier to entry isn't high—and the truth may be even more prosaic in this case. It does, however, offer a clue as to LucasFilm's target audience; and it's not long-standing fans of the franchise, but fans of bargain basement Twilight knock-offs. Gray even describes herself as a YA author, and if you're willing to admit to that as a fifty-something, you've as much as given up.

I guess that one problem with catering to the YA readership is how they might deal with the vast interconnectedness of Star Wars' lore. That was one of the major barriers to entry for me; I just don't give a shit. YA readers have shown that they can maintain interest in a story over several instalments—again another barrier to me, for I am goldfish—but are they ever going to be as invested in the wider story arc? Or does that even matter to the KKK?

Elsewhere, LucasFilm staff appear to engage in what can only be seen as open warfare with fans on social media. While some fans' passion for Star Wars admittedly borders on psychosis—there will always be a minority that take things too much to heart—surely the best approach would be to disengage and not stoke the fire? Most companies' employees, after publicly berating and deriding their loyal customers, would be invited to a thought-provoking discussion with management and HR, immediately followed by the opportunity to clear their desk before they leave the building. Then again, most honest companies in a free market economy are, or at least should be, concerned about customer fulfilment, as that's what generates revenue. This does not appear to be a concern at LucasFilm, which marches to the beat of a different drum.

The space opera never really appealed to me, and it's at times like this that I'm glad I'm not invested in it. I feel for those who are, though; having their beloved franchise despoiled by talentless hacks, and laid open to ridicule by heartless arseholes like myself. It's glib to say if you don't like it, don't buy it to people who're strongly committed to the story; its characters; and lore, and have been over many, many years. They're not all sad, overreacting manbabies, and they deserve more respect from the producers; most of them, that is.

But, with all that aside, a vessel, known simply as [pause for effect] the Vessel really made my day! (LMAO)

The IC coding system—IC1–IC6 & IC9—is used by British police in radio communications to describe the ethnicity of victims and suspects. There is also an additional unofficial category: IC8, ginger male. (LOLZ)