I think I've pissed myself

The person most responsible

Indiana Jones and the Dial of Destiny: now playing only in theatres
…but not for much longer!

As Indiana Jones and the Dial of Destiny dies an ignominious death at the box office, looking forward to a post-theatrical life as one of cinema's biggest and undoubtedly most infamous bombs, thoughts in some quarters turn to holding those responsible to account. The perennial bête noir of Lucasfilm's traditional fandom, the company's president Kathleen Kennedy, is once again rumoured to be ousted. It's a rumour that's circulated several times before, however, and yet Teflon Kate remains. She must know where bodies are buried.

During her tenure, Kennedy has overseen the destruction of not one but three franchises: Star Wars; Indiana Jones; and Willow, although calling the last of those a franchise is a stretch. Not only that, but the ritual humiliation and cultural disembowelment of three iconic heroes: Luke Skywalker; Han Solo; and the fedora'd adventurer himself. She's gotta know where bodies are buried.

She cannot be held solely responsible, though. Whoever it was who put a gun to the heads of Mark Hamill and Harrison Ford, coercing them to take part in the wilful destruction of their characters' legacies despite knowing full well what it would mean to the fandom, they too must accept their share of the blame. Oh yes.*

In octogenarian Ford's case, this has happened not once, but twice—in Star Wars: The Force Awakens as well as Indiana Jones and the Dial of Destiny. The poor dear's clearly the victim of elder abuse. Somebody should alert the authorities.

I'm just glad that I'm not invested in any of this shit. Other than it heralding the sweet, sweet sound of dance music…

[ dances the DIE DISMAL DISNEY dance ]

How do you create a multi-million dollar Hollywood franchise? Give Kathleen Kennedy a multi-billion dollar Hollywood franchise.

@josueperez5381, Indiana Jones 5 is AWFUL | A Massive Disney FLOP, Nerdrotic


* Yes, it is sarcasm. Kennedy couldn't despoil the characters' legacies onscreen without the willing compliance of the actors. For anyone looking to pin it all in her, ask yourself this question: what do the mummers behind your onscreen heroes favour more, your investment and loyalty to the franchise, or the paycheque?