Burgers or babies?
Experts at Nuffield Health state that more than half of British women have waists that are larger than the recommended healthy size.
Nuffield Health's Dr Davina Deniszczyc said it was a "worrying problem." Dr Deniszczyc, professional head of physicians and diagnostics at Nuffield Health, said: "Fat being stored around the waist can contribute to significant health issues, such as breast cancer and infertility."
Au contraire, Dr Deniszczyc, I must put forward an alternative hypothesis. Given that fatties tend to be poverty-stricken northerners, eating shit diets and regularly drinking themselves into a coma, the obvious conclusion is that a reduction in fertility among the lardarse class is a case of natural selection in action. If they can't breed, their slack-jawed, thunder-thighed genes are removed from the gene pool. Otherwise, the underclasses breed and are a drain on society.
This is not a worrying problem
, it's an exciting opportunity!
Rather than admonishing these individuals to diet and breed, we should be encouraging them to eat more pies, burgers, and chips, so that they not only don't breed, but they die prematurely. Their bodies could then be rendered down to make saturated cooking fat to kill more of their kind. In this manner, we will have a lean and fit society, and no spongers.
If it weren't for those lily-livered liberals, you could already be living the dream. (pipe)