Choked
I cannot, for the life of me, recall what made me do it, but just for laughs I watched Marvel's NEW WARRIORS trailer. Oh dear, it doesn't appear to be too popular; 5.9k upvotes to 283k downvotes. Eeeef.
Listening to Daniel Kibblesmith talk about his teen superhero creations, he actually seems more proud than ashamed. I genuinely got the impression that he thought he was being clever. And he must be, to some extent, to get this garbage past the editors. But, as he described one of his new team, I almost fell apart!
Screentime is a internet kid taken to its sort of logical conclusion. As a youth, he was exposed to his grandfather's experimental internet gas.
Daniel Kibblesmith, NEW WARRIORS Trailer | Marvel Comics, Marvel Entertainment
OMFG…I don't care about the rest, but internet gas
? That, right there, is comedy gold! If that weren't enough, he managed to keep a straight face—apart from the aren't-I-so-clever smirk—which means that he's either a deadpanning legend, or serious.
And the comments section...
These comments on the new team were the icing on the cake.
I was expecting the next thing out of his mouth to be: “they don’t actually fight the villains, they just start hashtags on twitter to get them cancelled”
FanboyFlicks, commenting on NEW WARRIORS Trailer | Marvel Comics, Marvel Entertainment
Naming your first non binary hero “snowflake” is the equivalent to naming your first homosexual hero “captain twink”
El mucho ding dong, commenting on NEW WARRIORS Trailer | Marvel Comics, Marvel Entertainment
Watch out Screentime, Doctor Homophobe is about to unplug the wifi router!
Roonwit, commenting on NEW WARRIORS Trailer | Marvel Comics, Marvel Entertainment
And, regarding Kibblesmith himself:
That guy looks like the physical representation of a choking hazard
Mannequin Man, commenting on NEW WARRIORS Trailer | Marvel Comics, Marvel Entertainment
Is this the same dreamer who was ridiculed for implying that he'd intimidate a police officer with a baseball bat—Would it help if I came in with my hands wrapped in bandages, gently tapping a baseball bat against my opposite palm
—when he doesn't look as if he could even lift a baseball bat, let alone wield it? Why, yes, I do believe it is!
Unbelievably, perhaps, Daniel Kibblesmith was named among ELLE.com's 41 most eligible bachelors of 2015. Even more unbelievably, he wasn't 41st on the list. I don't know what to say. (SMH)