I think I've pissed myself

Rey?

This was sent to a BCC list. I have no idea what Reeee means, except as a meme playing on Rey stans—Rey being the character played by Daisy Ridley in the third Star Wars trilogy. Perhaps my correspondent wishes to recruit me to her comeback cause, in which case he's out of luck; for I care not for Star Wars. I never have and, seeing fans' reaction to the third trilogy, I'm rather glad I've no personal investment in the space opera.

Received: from roxanne.petropar.gov.py ([fe80::9173:a0b0:11ac:3515]) by
 roxanne.petropar.gov.py ([fe80::9173:a0b0:11ac:3515%4]) with mapi id
 15.02.0986.005; Tue, 18 Apr 2023 03:17:53 -0400
From: <mbritos@petropar.gov.py>
Subject: *** SPAM *** Reeee
Thread-Topic: Reeee
Date: Tue, 18 Apr 2023 07:17:53 +0000
Reply-To: <dazimmerman1923@outlook.com>
Accept-Language: es-ES, es-PY, en-US
Content-Language: en-US
Hello, This is the second time I am contacting you again via email. Please let me know if you received my initial email and get back to me as soon as you can. Best Regards, Daniel Zimmermann
Subject: Re: Reeee
Date: Tue, 18 Apr 2023 12:47:45 +0200
References: <1817c3beab5a48a2b45d75cadf1ae14a@petropar.gov.py>
To: dazimmerman1923@outlook.com
Hi, You must think me very rude, but I didn't receive your earlier email, which is why I didn't reply earlier. But I have now got back to you, as soon as I could. Best wishes,

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Nope, he's not an overt Star Wars fan, and this has nothing to do with Daisy Ridley's hotly unanticipated return to the franchise. Boringly enough, he has a client who wishes to give me lots of money. Just for a change.

Why are people so trusting of me?* (angel)

From: Daniel Zimmermann <dazimmerman1923@outlook.com>
Subject: Re: Reeee
Thread-Topic: Reeee
Date: Tue, 18 Apr 2023 11:38:41 +0000
My name is Daniel Zimmermann an investment banker with UBS Global Asset Management. UBS Global Asset Management is an asset management financial provider, committed to sustainable outcomes, without compromise, with the aim of driving long-term performance and positive impact beyond returns. I am responsible for managing private client portfolios, including investment, trusts, private wealth accounts, charities and pension funds. I am contacting you regarding one of our clients, whose names I cannot divulge presently but happens to be a Russian citizen with an investment portfolio with us valued at over £350,000,000.00(Three hundred and Fifty million Pounds Sterling). I respectfully would ask that you keep the contents of this mail confidential and respect the integrity of any information you come across as a result of this mail. I have been in charge of this department for 18 years and to the best of my knowledge, I have carried out my duties with equity. My client unfortunately has been named as one of the Oligarchs to the Russian President Vladimir Putin and has had some of his assets abroad frozen already by various governments because of the ongoing Russian invasion in Ukraine. Fortunately, his assets here with us have remained unnoticed by the Government but as the war in Ukraine progresses it is only a matter of time before it is discovered hence the reason why a plan/proposal has been put in place for the disbursement of the funds. My client's proposal is; thus, You will be made beneficiary of the estate if you are willing to assist in having his estate valued at £350,000,000.00 transferred to you. I will make the necessary arrangements with my bank where the estate is lodged to contact you and go through the proper verification process with you. Upon verification, my client will instruct my bank to make payments to you. Note, these payments might be made in installments to you so as not to cause any difficulties or raise suspicions with your bank. You do not have to know my client personally all he requires is a credible and loyal individual like yourself who is willing to do as he asks. I know this might be difficult or heavy for you hence for all your troubles my client has proposed that you receive a 20% payment from the total estate. What this implies is that you will receive £70,000,000.00 million(Seventy Million United Pounds Sterling) as compensation for agreeing to work with my client. Note, that I am a family man with a wife and kids and will not do anything to jeopardize the happiness of my family and also, I sent you this email with the express instructions from my client without any measure of fear as to whatever consequences. This is one truth I have learned over the years from my experience as an international banker and a lawyer and if we can be of one accord, we can act swiftly on this. And most importantly, I will advise that you settle down and think very hard about this and then decide if you are interested in working with me and my client because once we begin there will be no going back until we achieve success which I am promising you my 100% assurances of success and support. I await your response soon. Daniel Zimmermann
Subject: Re: Reeee
Date: Tue, 18 Apr 2023 13:57:43 +0200
References: <1817c3beab5a48a2b45d75cadf1ae14a@petropar.gov.py>
 [snip]
 <MW4PR13MB58636E6FCE814F07C0BB979BB69D9@MW4PR13MB5863.namprd13.prod.outlook.com>
To: Daniel Zimmermann <dazimmerman1923@outlook.com>
Hello Daniel Zimmermann, From the subject of your message, “Reeee”, I assumed you were contacting me with regards Daisy Ridley’s return to Star Wars as the slay queen, Rey. I’m already working with a Nigerian prince on a deal that will net me a cool $30M. Admittedly, that’s a lot less than £70M, but I’m not greedy. Best wishes,

* Dan's hoping that he has a gullible victim-to-be on the other end. He doesn't want me to share his plan with anyone else, for fear that they'll warn me about identity theft.


Either Dan didn't understand the subtext, or the damned fucker's not going down without a fight! He's tenacious, I'll give him that, but I'm gonna bail at this point.

From: Daniel Zimmermann <dazimmerman1923@outlook.com>
Subject: *** SPAM *** Re: Reeee
Thread-Topic: Reeee
Date: Tue, 18 Apr 2023 12:05:35 +0000
References: <1817c3beab5a48a2b45d75cadf1ae14a@petropar.gov.py>
 [snip]
 <MW4PR13MB58636E6FCE814F07C0BB979BB69D9@MW4PR13MB5863.namprd13.prod.outlook.com>
 [snip]
It is my belief that you have perused all that I have said and that you understand the content of all that I have written and I do understand your skepticism towards this, but I let me assure you that this assets transfer and its liabilities are secured, covered and well documented against any unfounded discrepancies. For this fund to be released within the next 7 working days by my Bank where it is lodged, it is imperative at this point to take preemptive steps that are necessary for the realization of our objective. Paramount among these is; A call to the office of the Bank, the department of INTERNATIONAL REMITTANCE DEPARTMENT to be precise but if you are unable to make long-distance calls then a written letter, sent via email to the Bank will suffice greatly. But first of all, you will be required to provide further information about the person, which will be vetted by attorneys of my client for clearance and also for precautionary measures. This information will include as follows; Full Name ............... Telephone contacts .......... Residential address ................. Country of Origin ............. Marital Status: .................. Occupation: .................... Date of Birth: .................. Company’s Name (If Any): .............. Position: ...................... After verification has been completed, you will now officially be made a beneficiary of this estate. All documentations as regards that will be emailed to you for signature purposes and then we can now proceed with the bank. Bear in mind that this claim is not going to be a process without a hitch because of the amount involved and the nature of the transaction, But the good thing however, is that we have all legal documents for this process to be a success. I can guarantee and assure you that this transaction will culminate in the successful release and transfer of these funds to you. All that will be required is your loyalty and willingness to work together as a team i.e. learning to CONFIDE and TRUST in ourselves. My Client will be placing a huge responsibility on you if this actually goes through and that is why He is willing to compensate you with a healthy sum. I await your response with your personal information stated above. Regards, Daniel Zimmermann