Most of it's boring

I never ratted on no one before!

There are 28 posts tagged: elementary, my dear Watson!

Harry, pocketed
1 February 2024

Audacious thieves have stolen a 500lb, 12' stuffed polar bear, affectionately named Harry, from a resort property in Alberta, Canada. Although the resort has round-the-clock security patrols, they'd been cancelled that night due to the extreme cold. Clearly, the thieves are more dedicated to their work than the security staff.

The Met policeman's balls
23 August 2023

Yet another Metropolitan Police officer is convicted of rape, and the question facing the force is how many more are lurking within its ranks? In this case, Adam Provan was convicted of raping a sixteen-year-old girl over a decade ago. Obviously, the Met's taking the case very seriously; at least now, anyway.

Boaring story
22 July 2023

A lioness roaming Berlin's suburbs, causing fear among citizens, who were advised to stay indoors and away from the forest, is now believed to have been a wild boar. But local youths still managed to get some fun out of the situation.

Jimmy who?
10 July 2023

Allegations that an unnamed male BBC presenter paid a young adult £35,000 for explicit photos over a three-year period are remarkable for four things.

The hooch pooch
17 May 2023

An intoxicated driver speeding in Colorado tried to evade DUI charges, by swapping places with his dog in the passenger's seat. Unfortunately for him, the police officer who pulled him over was brighter than the average Bear saw the whole thing, and arrested him.

Who could have foreseen it?
8 May 2023

A tourist boat in India left at least twenty-two of its around fifty passengers dead when it capsized at night. The double-decker boat was twofold over its capacity.

No shit guv'nor
24 March 2023

In what can only be described as a big-brained moment, the governor of the Bank of England has warned that raising retail prices could drive up the cost of living and would most affect the least wealthy. No fucking shit! This must be why he earns the big bucks, having insight like that. (SMH)

You gotta be shittin' me, Sherlock!
16 February 2023

Queensland police, investigating the ambush of four of their colleagues at a remote location last December, have declared the attack to be a case of religiously-motivated terrorism.

Party animals
24 November 2022

According to police in India, rats have eaten hundreds of kilograms of cannabis held as evidence in drug trafficking prosecutions. In 2017, rats were blamed for drinking thousands of litres of confiscated contraband alcohol.

Chinese take out
23 November 2022

Police in Florida have arrested a man who's wanted for the murder of four Chinese nationals at a cannabis farm in Oklahoma. Authorities have yet to notify the victims' families, due to a significant language barrier, but have named the suspect as Wu Chen.

Inactive shooter
23 November 2022

A gunman has killed no more than 10 people—so, less than eleven then—in a Walmart supermarket in Chesapeake, VA. He then turned the gun on himself, and committed suicide.

27 July 2022

On 1 December, 1948, the body of a man was found lying against the seawall at Somerton Beach in Adelaide. He was well-dressed, wearing a suit and tie. There was no identification on him, and even the labels in his clothing had been cut out. His belongings included incoherent writings, thought to be in code, and a scrap of paper torn from Rubáiyát of Omár Khayyám, with the Farsi phrase Tamám Shudfinished—printed on it.

Say cheese
28 May 2022

In Six unbelievable uses for cheese, BBC Food provides some imaginative, if not flat-out off-the-wall, uses for my favourite dairy product: as car fuel; sporting equipment; sculpture; collateral; a politcal statement; and…crime prevention. Although, in reality, that last one's a bit of a stretch.

Careless reading causes confusion
19 January 2022

I feel bad for this, but when I misread the byline as The resilience of a survivor of five suicide attempts, I couldn't understand why it was newsworthy. It makes a lot more sense when read carefully.

Ice one, Mrs LPL!
22 September 2020

The Lock-Picking Lawyer picks locks. He may also do lawyering stuff in his off-time, dunno.

Missiles, target,…?
23 August 2020

After initially denying its involvement, Iran has admitted downing a Boeing 737 belonging to Ukraine International Airlines in January.

No shit, Byomkesh
2 July 2018

According to BBC News, eleven members of an Indian family were found dead in a house in Delhi. Ten of them were hanging from the ceiling and most were blindfolded, gagged, and with their hands tied behind their backs. Apparently, police have not ruled out murder.

The bleedin' obvious
17 April 2018

A report by the BBC of the hunt for a woman suspected of at least two murders is given the headline Manhunt for woman who 'murdered victim and stole her identity'.

Policemen talking bollocks
30 May 2017

It's a strange thing, but when policemen talk to the press, they use a special bollocks language. Such as when a siege in Queensland, Australia, ended after the suspect shot at police and was killed when they returned fire. According to Queensland Police's Assistant Commissioner Tony Wright:

Mysterious death? Perhaps not!
1 June 2015

The body of a woman aged between 70 and 90 was found at Tokyo's main rail station. The body had been left in a suitcase in a station locker for a month. Tokyo police are investigating the cause of death and examining camera footage to see who left the suitcase.

The method of Sherlock
22 July 2013

The body of a woman has been found in a suitcase in Mill Hill, north-west London. The Metropolitan Police have applied their best brains to the case, and are treating it as murder.

Sherlock: the one that got away
3 July 2013

James Nichols of Poughkeepsie, NY, died in December of last year, aged 82. When nobody claimed his estate, county officials ordered his house to be cleared out, and last week a contractor found the body of Nichols's wife who went missing twenty seven years ago. The body was found behind a false wall, bound with rope in the foetal position, wrapped in plastic, and with a fatal blow to the head.

Pas de merde, Sherlock, le deuxième
16 May 2013

A man walked into a Paris primary school with a sawn-off shotgun, and proceeded to shoot himself in front of a teacher and children. Authorities said he may have had personal issues, according to the BBC.

Pas de merde, Sherlock
6 September 2012

Yet another instalment in my exploration of the crime fighter's rapier mind; this time from France.

No shit, Sherlock: We got braynz
29 August 2012

According to the BBC, after his assassination Leon Trotsky's brain proved unusually heavy.

No shit, Sherlock: Sherlock returns
17 August 2012

From the gruesome files, a woman's head has been found in a park in Mississauga, Ontario. The previous day, a severed human foot, with painted toenails, was also found. It's not yet confirmed that they belonged to the same body, but that appears to be the working hypothesis.

No shit Tex
19 February 2010

A disgruntled pilot got into his monoprop and flew it into the IRS building in Austin, TX. So far, a human tragedy and a two-fingers to the taxman. But this comment from a local eyewitless had me in awe of deductive reasoning, Texas style:

No shit Sherlock
25 September 2009

Police investigating a woman's body found in a suitcase left in a dried-up pond on Kent farmland are treating the death as suspicious. Because natural deaths so often end up with bodies in suitcases? (confused)