And it's come to this

Okay, the word on the street is...

There are 38 posts tagged: if schadenfreude didn't exist, it would have to be created

101 damnations
27 December 2023

Well, well, well! The communards of the People's Republic of Portland Place are facing up to the fact that the awoken of The Walt Disney Company have not had a wildly successful 2023 at the box office. Only one of Disney's six cinematic releases this year—Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 3—turned a modest profit, while others bombed, some of them spectacularly. Nicholas Barber does his best to analyse the Mouse House's cinematic performance, without actually apportioning too much of the credit blame to the Burbank Bastards themselves. Or, at least, to their sociopolitics.

Bud Light: GLAAD to be gay
24 June 2023

Doubling-down on its allyship to the rainbow brigade, Bud Light is celebrating the GLAAD annual picnic with its new summer ad campaign. Sock tans included.

Government-funded anti-government media
10 April 2023

A couple of days ago, Twitter designated NPR as state-affiliated media, although it has since backtracked slightly, amending its label to government funded media. At the time, I wondered how long it would take for the BBC to be assigned a new label.

Don't cry for me, Argentina
23 March 2023

What's that I hear? The distant clucking of chickens coming home to roost?

No shits for Springtime (poop)
21 March 2023

You can't keep a good journalist hack urinalist down, and once again Marianna Spring has sprung into mithering over trolls on Twitter. Oh, and pimping her gossamer-thin investigation, instigated by personal butthurt and treated derisively by the space cadet:

Bloody Marvelsous!
10 March 2023

The release date for Disney Marvel Studios' The Marvels has been pushed back. Again. How many times is that?* But at least we now have a poster to whet the appetite.

1 March 2023

Whether the WuFlu originated from wildlife at a market or a laboratory is probably a moot point to most people. We know it originated somewhere in Wuhan, there's a clue in the name, and that's all that really matters.

Superior stats
24 November 2022

Recorded WuFlu cases in Pooh's fetid sewer have reached an all-time high as the Chongvirus enjoys its nationwide tour, sparking more stringent lockdowns and clashes between the sewer rats. Yet China's official statistics indicate that mortality rates are around a thousandfold lower than in the US and UK at the peak of the pandemic. Which goes to prove the superiority of China's response [cough] statistics.

Elementary, my dear Holmes
18 November 2022

Finally, ten months after being found guilty of fraud, Elizabeth Holmes is to be sentenced for her role in the Theranos scam. The prosecution is asking for fifteen years in prison, as well as recompensing investors to the tune of a cool $803M. For their part, her defence is seeking an insanely lenient eighteen months under house arrest.

17 November 2022

Glorious happenstance has led me to learn that Alex Bellend Belfield—a man with a face for radio, a voice for print, and a personality for waste disposal—was recently imprisoned for five-and-a-half years for online stalking. I hope he finds a nice shower buddy. (prick)

Careful what you wish for
7 November 2022

New Hampshire Democrats thought they'd be clever. By running a campaign attacking a moderate Republican candidate, they planned for a bonkers rival, Gen. Don Bolduc (retd), to win his party's nomination for the Senate. Their incumbent senator would easily trounce him, thus retaining her seat in the upper house.

Fear and loathing in Zhengzhou
3 November 2022

A recent breakout by Foxconn workers desperate to avoid lockdown was, apparently, driven by fear, panic and ignorance. And, to give us an idea of the level of ignorance involved:

Let the good times and heads roll
28 October 2022

The deal is done. Elon Musk is now Chief Twit at Twitter, and he's started by immediately axing the company's top executives, including the Chief Censorship Officer.

Bug brewing in Wuhan
28 October 2022

As cities across China, including the birthplace of the Chongvirus, go into yet another lockdown, the populace is growing weary of their little gift to the world. Or at least of their government's zero WuFlu policy.

Out with the vax
22 October 2022

As Serum Institute of India, the world's largest vaccine manufacturer, destroys 100 million doses of expired Chongvax, its CEO was refreshingly candid about the uptake of booster shots.

Beyond meatless
14 October 2022

Beyond Meat, the company that—for unfathomable reasons—makes expensive plant-based products resembling meat, and whose CEO advocated higher taxation on real meat to make his company's products more competitive, is having difficulty in meeting its growth projections. Or in meating its growth projections hohoho! [tumbleweed]

Pooh flu
30 July 2022

As the confirmation of new Chongvirus infections in Wuhan sends almost one million of its citizens into lockdown, two studies have offered compelling evidence linking the initial outbreak to the city's seafood and wildlife market. Together, they suggest that two variants were introduced into humans, from live mammals sold at Huanan Seafood Market in late 2019.

Nothing good lasts forever
18 July 2022

As China continues its zero-Covid policy, severe and prolonged lockdowns in its critical manufacturing and business centres have driven its economy to underperform against expectations. The easing of global Chongmask mandates can't have helped either. (pipe)

BoJo gonna gogo?
6 July 2022

Now that both his chancellor and health secretary have resigned over the latest scandal to hit his premiership, we have to wonder how long BoJo can continue to bluff his way. When he appointed Chris Pincher as deputy chief whip earlier this year, he tacitly admitted to knowing that the old pervert had an unenviable reputation, referring to him as Pincher by name, pincher by nature.

Buzz cut
20 June 2022

Disney's drive to mine its past creative heights, in place of anything truly original, continues unbounded. This time, it's the turn of Pixar's Toy Story franchise to give it up for the House of Mouse. Lightyear is the origins story behind the toy voiced by Tim Allen. And it's the film that Andy watched in the early '90s, that made him covet his very own Buzz Lightyear toy.

Neverending lockdown
24 May 2022

President Pooh's lackeys at the WHO are concerned over China's response to the WuFlu. They believe that continued lockdowns in the face of Chongvirus omicron are not sustainable. Oh well, never mind.

Political dishonesty
17 May 2022

It appears, quelle surprise!, that the Russian population receives a different narrative on the war in Ukraine to the rest of us. But one military analyst, retired colonel Mikhail Khodarenok, gave a frank and forthright assessment of the situation on Russian state TV: we are in total political isolation and the whole world is against us, even if we don't want to admit it.

Not isolated enough
12 May 2022

It appears that, although Kim Jong-un declared a shining success in dealing with the Wuflu last year, Chongvirus Omicron is now having a gay old time in North Korea. Despite the secretive state closing its borders in January 2020, Omicron has found a way into lil' fatboy's Supreme Leader's playpit.

Batwahmxn: done fookin' scissorin'
30 April 2022

Batwoman, one of the series set within The CW's Arrowverse, has been cancelled after three seasons. I only ever caught clips of it, usually when it was being roasted for its sheer bloody awfulness.

Postcard from the ancestral homeland
16 March 2022

China's economic resurgence has met a stumbling block in the shape of Chongvirus Omicron. Like its elder brother, Delta, Omicron is making a pilgrimage to its ancestral homeland, and is having a fine time in the economically- and technologically-important regions of Guangdong, Jilin, Shandong, Shanghai, and Shenzhen.

Sheep to be fleeced
1 March 2022

Disney has launched a new Star Wars experience at Disney World, Florida: the Galactic Starcruiser, a Star Wars–themed luxury hotel. It is luxuriously expensive. But, from the early reviews, it appears that the actual experience is not similarly luxurious.

Skating on thin ice
8 February 2022

Wahey! Weibo's nationalistic shitheads are at it again. The it being brutally castigating their Olympians' performances, when failing to excel at things that they—the nationalistic shitheads, that is—wouldn't have a hope in hell of achieving in the first place. In particular, figure skater Zhu Yi, who fell a lot, leaving Team China out of the medals.

Going postal
18 January 2022

Beijing city officials warn that a local woman may have contracted Chongvirus Omicron from a foreign parcel. If true—and we're taking the word of CCP shitheads here, so caution is advised—then, by the same token, this could be one way in which they exported their little billet-doux to the world. (nosmile)

17 January 2022

It's been a long time coming. But the winds of change are finally set to blow throughout the People's Republic of Portland Place.

Slumming it
11 January 2022

As its financial position worsens, Evergrande has had to give up the lease on its prestigious headquarters in Shenzhen, China. The company announced that it was remaining in the city, but moving to a building that it itself owns.

10 December 2021

Chinese property-developer, Evergrande, has missed a crucial repayment deadline.

Daddy's little princess, a chip off the old block
6 December 2021

Ghislaine Maxwell, darling daughter of the late publishing tycoon, Robert, is on trial for sex trafficking underage girls to Jeffrey Epstein. Daddy would be so proud.

Not forevergrande
21 September 2021

With the potential collapse of Evergrande, the world's most indebted real estate developer, the outlook for China's economy is looking a little precarious. They'll have to churn out more Chongmasks to compensate.

Sore losers
3 August 2021

It appears that Weibo's nationalist shitheads don't take kindly to China's Olympic athletes unpatriotically losing out on gold. From behind their keyboards and keypads, they fulminate and humiliate their fellow countrymen and ‑women for failing at something that they could never achieve themselves. And the athletes, like dumfux, accept it.

Ancestral homeland
2 August 2021

It may have been raised in the fetid sewers of India but, yearning for the homeland of its ancestors, Chongvirus Delta has now made its pilgrimage to the fetid sewers of China. This time of year is, apparently, the domestic tourism season, so it should afford an excellent opportunity for Delta to visit many parts of the country.

Bonus points
30 July 2021

Scarlett Johansson is suing Disney for breach of contract, because Black Widow was released on streaming at the same time as at theatres. She claims that the subsequent box office bombing resulted in a loss of additional earnings of $50M. This is over and above the $20M that she's already received.

Less influential
15 March 2019

In the wake of the US university admissions bribery scandal, and following her flippant comments on attending university, influencer Olivia Jade Giannulli, Lori Laughlin's youngest daughter, is now a little less influential.

Let's go with plan B
20 November 2016

As a general rule, gloating at someone else's personal failure is not a good look; schadenfreude is pretty mean-spirited without context. There are exceptions, however, and Elizabeth Holmes is one of mine.