Okay, but ya didn't hear it from me, right?
There are 37 posts tagged: if schadenfreude didn't exist, it would have to be created
- 101 damnations
- 27 December 2023
Well, well, well! The communards of the People's Republic of Portland Place are facing up to the fact that the
(more…)awoken
of The Walt Disney Company have not had a wildly successful 2023 at the box office. Only one of Disney's six cinematic releases this year—Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 3—turned a modest profit, while others bombed, some of them spectacularly. Nicholas Barber does his best to analyse the Mouse House's cinematic performance, without actually apportioning too much of thecreditblame to the Burbank Bastards themselves. Or, at least, to their sociopolitics.- Bud Light: GLAAD to be gay
- 24 June 2023
Doubling-down on its allyship to the rainbow brigade, Bud Light is celebrating the GLAAD annual picnic with its new summer ad campaign. Sock tans included.
(more…)- Government-funded anti-government media
- 10 April 2023
A couple of days ago, Twitter designated NPR as
(more…)state-affiliated media
, although it has since backtracked slightly, amending its label togovernment funded media
. At the time, I wondered how long it would take for the BBC to be assigned a new label.- Don't cry for me, Argentina
- 23 March 2023
What's that I hear? The distant clucking of chickens coming home to roost?
(more…)- No shits for Springtime (poop)
- 21 March 2023
You can't keep a
(more…)good journalisthack urinalist down, and once again Marianna Spring has sprung into mithering over trolls on Twitter. Oh, and pimping her gossamer-thininvestigation
, instigated by personal butthurt and treated derisively by the space cadet:- Poohan
- 1 March 2023
Whether the WuFlu originated from wildlife at a market or a laboratory is probably a moot point to most people. We know it originated somewhere in Wuhan, there's a clue in the name, and that's all that really matters.
(more…)- Superior stats
- 24 November 2022
Recorded WuFlu cases in Pooh's fetid sewer have reached an all-time high as the Chongvirus enjoys its nationwide tour, sparking more stringent lockdowns and clashes between the sewer rats. Yet China's official statistics indicate that mortality rates are around a thousandfold lower than in the US and UK at the peak of the pandemic. Which goes to prove the superiority of China's
(more…)responsestatistics.- Elementary, my dear Holmes
- 18 November 2022
Finally, ten months after being found guilty of fraud, Elizabeth Holmes is to be sentenced for her role in the Theranos scam. The prosecution is asking for fifteen years in prison, as well as recompensing investors to the tune of a cool $803M. For their part, her defence is seeking an insanely lenient eighteen months under house arrest.
(more…)- Bellended
- 17 November 2022
Glorious happenstance has led me to learn that Alex
(more…)BellendBelfield—a man with a face for radio, a voice for print, and a personality for waste disposal—was recently imprisoned for five-and-a-half years for online stalking. I hope he finds a nice shower buddy. (prick)- Careful what you wish for
- 7 November 2022
New Hampshire Democrats thought they'd be clever. By running a campaign attacking a moderate Republican candidate, they planned for a bonkers rival, Gen. Don Bolduc (retd), to win his party's nomination for the Senate. Their incumbent senator would easily trounce him, thus retaining her seat in the upper house.
(more…)- Fear and loathing in Zhengzhou
- 3 November 2022
A recent breakout by Foxconn workers desperate to avoid lockdown was, apparently, driven by fear, panic and ignorance. And, to give us an idea of the level of ignorance involved:
(more…)- Let the good times and heads roll
- 28 October 2022
The deal is done. Elon Musk is now Chief Twit at Twitter, and he's started by immediately axing the company's top executives, including the Chief Censorship Officer.
(more…)- Bug brewing in Wuhan
- 28 October 2022
As cities across China, including the birthplace of the Chongvirus, go into yet another lockdown, the populace is growing weary of their little gift to the world. Or at least of their government's zero WuFlu policy.
(more…)- Out with the vax
- 22 October 2022
As Serum Institute of India, the world's largest vaccine manufacturer, destroys 100 million doses of expired Chongvax, its CEO was refreshingly candid about the uptake of booster shots.
(more…)- Beyond meatless
- 14 October 2022
Beyond Meat, the company that—for unfathomable reasons—makes expensive plant-based products resembling meat, and whose CEO advocated higher taxation on real meat to make his company's products more competitive, is having difficulty in meeting its growth projections. Or in meating its growth projections hohoho! [tumbleweed]
(more…)- Pooh flu
- 30 July 2022
As the confirmation of new Chongvirus infections in Wuhan sends almost one million of its citizens into lockdown, two studies have offered
(more…)compelling evidence
linking the initial outbreak to the city's seafood and wildlife market. Together, they suggest that two variants were introduced into humans, from live mammals sold at Huanan Seafood Market in late 2019.- Nothing good lasts forever
- 18 July 2022
As China continues its
zero-Covid
policy, severe and prolonged lockdowns in its critical manufacturing and business centres have driven its economy to underperform against expectations. The easing of global Chongmask mandates can't have helped either. (pipe)- BoJo gonna gogo?
- 6 July 2022
Now that both his chancellor and health secretary have resigned over the latest scandal to hit his premiership, we have to wonder how long BoJo can continue to bluff his way. When he appointed Chris Pincher as deputy chief whip earlier this year, he tacitly admitted to knowing that the old pervert had an unenviable reputation, referring to him as
(more…)Pincher by name, pincher by nature
.- Buzz cut
- 20 June 2022
Disney's drive to mine its past creative heights, in place of anything truly original, continues unbounded. This time, it's the turn of Pixar's Toy Story franchise to
(more…)give it up
for the House of Mouse. Lightyear is the origins story behind the toy voiced by Tim Allen. And it's the film that Andy watched in the early '90s, that made him covet his very own Buzz Lightyear toy.- Neverending lockdown
- 24 May 2022
President Pooh's lackeys at the WHO are concerned over China's response to the WuFlu. They believe that continued lockdowns in the face of Chongvirus omicron are not sustainable. Oh well, never mind.
(more…)- Political dishonesty
- 17 May 2022
It appears, quelle surprise!, that the Russian population receives a different narrative on the war in Ukraine to the rest of us. But one military analyst, retired colonel Mikhail Khodarenok, gave a frank and forthright assessment of the situation on Russian state TV:
(more…)we are in total political isolation and the whole world is against us, even if we don't want to admit it.
- Not isolated enough
- 12 May 2022
It appears that, although Kim Jong-un declared a
(more…)shining success
in dealing with the Wuflu last year, Chongvirus Omicron is now having a gay old time in North Korea. Despite the secretive state closing its borders in January 2020, Omicron has found a way intolil' fatboy'sSupreme Leader's playpit.- Batwahmxn: done fookin' scissorin'
- 30 April 2022
Batwoman, one of the series set within The CW's Arrowverse, has been cancelled after three seasons. I only ever caught clips of it, usually when it was being roasted for its sheer bloody awfulness.
(more…)- Postcard from the ancestral homeland
- 16 March 2022
China's economic resurgence has met a stumbling block in the shape of Chongvirus Omicron. Like its elder brother, Delta, Omicron is making a pilgrimage to its ancestral homeland, and is having a fine time in the economically- and technologically-important regions of Guangdong, Jilin, Shandong, Shanghai, and Shenzhen.
(more…)- Sheep to be fleeced
- 1 March 2022
Disney has launched a new Star Wars experience at Disney World, Florida: the Galactic Starcruiser, a Star Wars–themed luxury hotel. It is luxuriously expensive. But, from the early reviews, it appears that the actual experience is not similarly luxurious.
(more…)- Skating on thin ice
- 8 February 2022
Wahey! Weibo's nationalistic shitheads are at it again. The
(more…)it
being brutally castigating their Olympians' performances, when failing to excel at things that they—the nationalistic shitheads, that is—wouldn't have a hope in hell of achieving in the first place. In particular, figure skater Zhu Yi, who fell a lot, leaving Team China out of the medals.- Going postal
- 18 January 2022
Beijing city officials warn that a local woman may have contracted Chongvirus Omicron from a foreign parcel. If true—and we're taking the word of CCP shitheads here, so caution is advised—then, by the same token, this could be one way in which they exported their little billet-doux to the world. (nosmile)
- Licence-free
- 17 January 2022
It's been a long time coming. But the winds of change are finally set to blow throughout the People's Republic of Portland Place.
(more…)- Slumming it
- 11 January 2022
As its financial position worsens, Evergrande has had to give up the lease on its prestigious headquarters in Shenzhen, China. The company announced that it was remaining in the city, but moving to a building that it itself owns.
(more…)- Fitch-slapped
- 10 December 2021
Chinese property-developer, Evergrande, has missed a crucial repayment deadline.
(more…)- Daddy's little princess, a chip off the old block
- 6 December 2021
Ghislaine Maxwell, darling daughter of the late publishing tycoon, Robert, is on trial for sex trafficking underage girls to Jeffrey Epstein. Daddy would be so proud.
(more…)- Not forevergrande
- 21 September 2021
With the potential collapse of Evergrande, the
(more…)world's most indebted real estate developer
, the outlook for China's economy is looking a little precarious. They'll have to churn out more Chongmasks to compensate.- Sore losers
- 3 August 2021
It appears that Weibo's nationalist shitheads don't take kindly to China's Olympic athletes unpatriotically losing out on gold. From behind their keyboards and keypads, they fulminate and humiliate their fellow countrymen and ‑women for failing at something that they could never achieve themselves. And the athletes, like dumfux, accept it.
(more…)- Ancestral homeland
- 2 August 2021
It may have been raised in the fetid sewers of India but, yearning for the homeland of its ancestors, Chongvirus Delta has now made its pilgrimage to the fetid sewers of China. This time of year is, apparently, the domestic tourism season, so it should afford an excellent opportunity for Delta to visit many parts of the country.
(more…)- Bonus points
- 30 July 2021
Scarlett Johansson is suing Disney for breach of contract, because Black Widow was released on streaming at the same time as at theatres. She claims that the subsequent box office bombing resulted in a loss of additional earnings of $50M. This is over and above the $20M that she's already received.
(more…)- Less influential
- 15 March 2019
In the wake of the US university admissions bribery scandal, and following her flippant comments on attending university,
(more…)influencer
Olivia Jade Giannulli, Lori Laughlin's youngest daughter, is now a little less influential.- Let's go with plan B
- 20 November 2016
As a general rule, gloating at someone else's personal failure is not a good look; schadenfreude is pretty mean-spirited without context. There are exceptions, however, and Elizabeth Holmes is one of mine.
(more…)