All's not what it seems

I could get into trouble for this

There are 33 posts tagged: lost for words

Mark my words
19 April 2024

On two of the three questions I guessed wrong in this week's BBC News quiz…

A night at the Oprah
10 January 2024

There really is one born every minute, and Indian fraudsters don't just prey on gullible westerners. Oh no, there are plenty of their own citizens who're uneducated, credulous, or desperate enough to fall for the most ludicrous of scams. In this case, working as a stud.

Brewing piss
23 October 2023

Taking things one step further than most light lager beers, Chinese brewer Tsingtao now adds actual urine to its brewing ingredients.

Escape from PA
8 July 2023

A prisoner escaped from a Pennsylvanian jail, making off into a nearby forest wearing the prison uniform of orange-and-white striped jumpsuit, blue denim jacket, and Crocs (colour unspecified). Dunno, there's just something about doing a runner in Crocs that makes me laugh. Or just wearing Crocs at all, for that matter.

201 flops
6 July 2023

The Irish broadcaster RTÉ has been accused of financial impropriety, including spending €5,000 on 200 pairs of flip-flops and a loss of €2.2M on another flop, Toy Show The Musical of all things.

27 December 2022

I feel bad for finding this funny. But I do.

Santa stuck
24 December 2022

A group of lads on a pre-Christmas pub crawl is hardly noteworthy.

Somebody actually said this
12 December 2022

Christ only knows how I got there, but Lucy-Ann Jones, trainee reporter for Dudley News, informs us of a startling two-seater plane crash at Halfpenny Green Airport, near Wolverhampton. So far, so boring.*

So Pride
1 June 2022

The mothers—or birthing people, if you're a T ally—who gave us life and nurtured us to adulthood have had their day. Veterans, and those who lost their lives for our freedom, will get theirs in due course. Now's the time for pandering to the five-percenters.

Assault with a deadly weapon
29 May 2022

In the wake of recent mass-shootings in Buffalo and Uvalde, both of which involved the deadly use of semi-automatic weapons, US Vice-President Kamala Harris has denounced access to such firearms within the USofA(rmaments), stating: An assault weapon is a weapon of war.

It's all done in the best possible taste
26 March 2022

After William Collins died in 2020, his family erected an understated and tasteful memorial to the King of Sheffield in his home town. The 37-tonne Italian marble headstone, resplendent with a solar-powered jukebox and two statues of the bare-knuckle prizefighter, has drawn awe and admiration from all who've seen it.

Unlisted number
17 February 2022

Yesterday, I was met with an authentication error when attempting to access InstantlyForgettableNameCorp's time-management system. The login system is run on Microsoft Azure…you can see where this going, can't you? In order to reset my account, I had to enter a code sent to my mobile number, xx-xxxxx93. Except, I don't have a mobile with a number ending with 93. (confused)

Trailer trial
23 January 2022

Two fans of Ana de Armas are suing Universal Pictures. They contend that they were duped into renting the film Yesterday, believing that she would feature in it. But, although she appeared in the trailer, her role was removed from the film's final release.

CAN-SPAM! Thank you, ma'am!
7 January 2022

It seems that different people have different interpretations of the Controlling the Assault of Non-Solicited Pornography And Marketing Act of 2003.

Too close to the sun
2 January 2022

I'm not sure whether to file this under comedic genius, or intellectual tragedy.

Keeping Members (of Parliament) warm
7 December 2021

The animatronic Tyrannosaurus rex at London's Natural History museum is sporting a festive sweater, courtesy of a Leicester knitwear company.

12 October 2021

After several postponements, No Time To Die has finally made it to cinemas, two years later than planned. Early reviews suggest that it's both better, and worse, than some had feared. On the plus side, it's not the hatchet job to the character that early marketing had suggested. Whether this is because the marketing was misguided, or whether the excesses had been walked back by the producers in the intervening period, is anyone's guess. I really don't care.

Racist sweatpants
15 September 2021

In support of my earlier observation, that people don't know the meaning of racist, comes a report of a fashion house facing criticism because a $1,190 (£860) pair of sweatpants it sells rips off black culture.

Can I have a 'please, no more emojis' emoji?
25 July 2021

It appears that the BBC considers the creation of emojis to be of such importance that they assigned not one, but two of their crack business reporters to the task of writing an article on emojis that don't exist. Yet.

Powerpuffs fail the day
26 May 2021

Test screenings of Powerpuff, The CW's live-action reimagining of The Powerpuff Girls, have not been successful. In fact, the pilot was received so poorly that it's been withdrawn, and is to be completely rewritten.

Silly sausage
21 October 2020

One of the, ahem, meatier subjects to be debated by the European Parliament this week is when is a sausage not a sausage?

It's finger cleanin' responsibly good
25 August 2020

KFC is temporarily shelving its finger lickin' good slogan, in light of the pandemic.

Gone phishing
11 August 2020

We are constantly reminded about the dangers of social engineering security breaches, such as phishing attacks. So, you'd think that a responsible financial institution would be sensitive to the advice that we're given, which includes being wary of emails purporting to be from one institution, but coming from a different domain.

Too sensitive?
4 August 2020

Audi have apologised for a car advertisement which depicts a little girl leaning against the front of a car eating a banana, after the Twitterati condemned it as provocative and life-threatening.

Gateway to the STARs
5 February 2019

IMDb lists the cast of this year's upcoming Hellboy, sorted according to its STARmeter.

Cereal killer
21 June 2017

In an effort to improve children's health, by fostering healthier eating habits, public health officials in Liverpool have named-and-shamed breakfast cereals with high sugar content. Among the shockers is the revelation that Kellogg's Frosties has the highest sugar load of all. Is this really news? Come on, you can see the bloody sugar on the flakes, it's the main attraction, if you're a kid!

Greek tragedy
13 September 2013

As part of its austerity drive the Greek government has scrapped six days of annual leave awarded to civil servants since 1989 for using computers. According to Reform Minister Kyriakos Mitsoakis this perk belonged to another era.

Heavenly bodies
26 July 2013

BBC News reports a story from The Telegraph (India) that the Indian army spent six months tracking Chinese spy drones violating the disputed Himalayan border between the two countries. The drones turned out to be Jupiter and Venus. Whoopsie!

Oooops! Well, it could happen to anyone!
6 June 2012

So, imagine that your plane crashes into a busy city suburb, killing all 153 people on board, and an unknown number on the ground. How would you describe this?

OMG, there's more of them out there, just waiting…waiting…
16 March 2010

Just when you thought that the interwebz were awash enough with dumb yanks, it turns out that a third of the poor souls don't have broadband at home. But they shall not weep, for the US government shall provide. Although perhaps this is over-egging the pudding a tad:

Mr or Miss? Only his or her parents know the terrible truth!
9 September 2009

Gretel Bergmann, who is Jewish, was replaced in the 1936 German Olympics team by one Dora Ratjen. The International Olympic Committee had insisted on Jewish participation as a condition of Berlin hosting the 1936 Olympic Games, but the organisers feared that Adolf Hitler would be embarrassed by a Jew winning gold. Two years later, Dora was revealed to be a man, Horst Ratjen.

Sorry I'm out of the office, but in Welsh
1 November 2008

All official road signs in Wales are bilingual. So, when Swansea Council needed a translation of a road sign, they sent an email to their in-house translation department. The reply was then dutifully written on the sign. Except that the reply was actually an out of office message, in Welsh!

Keyboard not found, press F1 to continue
10 October 2003

I changed the host for my web domain recently. All's going well, apart from a few minor irritations, and one major bugbear…none of our email is getting through.