Straight up, guv! Would I lie to you?

There are 141 posts tagged: quoted for WTF?

Go big or go home: 8 March 2024; North Yorkshire Police pulled a BMW X5 towing a suspected stolen caravan on the M1 motorway near Garforth. According to the filth, the vehicle was fitted with cloned registration plates, and they found a selection of others upon searching it.
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100% or less: 2 January 2024; I went into the local Sainsbury's supermarket to buy cotton pyjamas. I only wear natural fibres, because artificial ones make me sweat. And I'm wary of descriptions such as cotton rich, because that's not necessarily pure cotton.
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Armless: 5 December 2023; The death of a holidaymaker in The Bahamas, following a shark attack, introduced Royal Bahamas Police Force spokesperson Sgt Desiree Ferguson to the world stage.
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Feline peckish: 26 October 2023; Just when I thought my opinion of China couldn't go any lower, they pull a stunt like this. Police have busted a ring trading in cat meat for human consumption. The puddy tats were to find their way into pork and lamb skewers and sausages.
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Celebrity trials and woes: 14 October 2023; Leading with a headline like Helen Skelton breaks silence on divorce to Richie Myler, it appears that Helen Skelton's (who?) personal life's a bit of a mess. But things get worse, much worse:
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Living like a monk...but not: 2 October 2023; It seems that children are not alone in spending too much time on social media, grown-arsed adults also have difficulty prioritising and unplugging. According to one shameless sad sack, it's hard to limit your social media use by willpower alone. Hence there are apps—hohoho—for anyone who can't just switch their phone off and leave it in another room.
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Escapologist: 10 September 2023; Four days after going on the lam from low-security HMP Wandsworth, ex-soldier Daniel Khalife has been recaptured. The BBC News home page notes in its lead for the main story that he now remains in custody after [his] arrest.
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The power of five: 3 September 2023; A series of articles on the BBC's home page extolling the power of the number five caught my eye, leading me to this story about British pupils still using the pandemic to avoid school in favour of esports training.
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BBC website funding...?: 31 August 2023; While I'm visiting the UK, bbc.com defaults to including this little titbit, advising that the site is not funded by the licence fee. Clicking the webpage's banner takes me to bbc.co.uk and the notice disappears. But it's never shown when I visit bbc.com from outside the UK.
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The wetter forecast (rain): 27 August 2023; Crikey! Not only an extreme rain warning, but a severe rain warning to boot! (eek)
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Photo op: 25 August 2023; Orange Don and fellow travellers have handed themselves over to Fulton County Sheriff's office to have their mugshots taken. Some of the photos, however, have been criticised by experts in the field of taking snappy snaps, for their lack of professionalism.
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Music mix: 14 August 2023; I imagine it's fair to say that anyone who watches YouTube content has a penchant for certain subjects and content creators. I guess the algorithm learns that and brings in new but more of the same over time. Perhaps the settings are stored on one's computer, dunno. Whatever, it seems that the algorithm really shits the bed on occasion, and loses track of my favoured viewing; possibly in an attempt to drive me towards creating an account.
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Please sir, I want some more: 6 August 2023; As SAG-AFTRA's luvvies continue to withhold their massive talent from the camera's loving gaze, everyone's favourite Latina grifter, Rachel Zegler, brought her own perspective to the pity party. In a video that went viral for all the wrong reasons, and saw her getting roasted for being entitled and out-of-touch, she declared:
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"Meaningful conversations": 3 August 2023; The Canadian prime minister, Justin Trudeau, and his wife are separating after eighteen years' marriage, following meaningful and difficult conversations. It's reassuring to know that this momentous change in their family's life wasn't decided upon after frivolous chit-chat. (rolleyes)
Better call G'iah: 1 August 2023; Secret Invasion, Disney Marvel Studios' straight-to-streaming D+ alien invasion-cum-espionage thriller, has come and gone. It debuted to the second lowest opening audience for an MCU miniseries, and ended as the least appreciated. That's some feat. There are winners and losers in all walks of life, the entertainment industry being no exception; but even losers can come a close last. This one wasn't even trying.
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Less is more: 17 July 2023; Generally, the higher the specification, the higher the price. And iPhones are no exception. When it was first introduced in 2007, the 8GB version was $100 more than the 4GB one. Oh, how times change.
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Miss Nederlad: 13 July 2023; A Dutch transgender woman broke boundaries to win the Miss Netherlands title, becoming the second openly transgender woman to enter December's Miss Universe. And, thanks to her gender reassignment surgery, she didn't even have to tuck.
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Grab 'em while you can!: 23 June 2023; Walmart is closing four stores in Chicago, due to financial losses stemming from customers preferring to not pay for the goods that they're walking out with. Some people, including elected local government officials, are having difficulty understanding the company's actions, calling the closures racist because they only affect black neighbourhoods; seemingly oblivious to the fact that these are the places where thefts predominate.
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Not a good idea: 20 June 2023; Who'd've thought that tourist submarine trips to explore RMS Titanic at a depth of 3800m below the surface of the North Atlantic Ocean could be potentially hazardous? More to the point, who thought it was a good idea in the first place?
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Democracy with a big stick: 17 June 2023; A terrorist attack on a Ugandan school, by rebels linked to Islamic State, left twenty-five victims dead and eight in critical condition. The wider death toll may be higher.
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300lb of Whatever: 11 June 2023; Ali C. Lopez (@al.weeezy) is a grossly obese trangender TikToker. I'm really uncertain as to whether she's a comedy legend or suffers from epic delusion, for when she appeared on the Whatever podcast, the self-proclaimed certified bad bitch rated herself a full fat fucking ten. This is on a 1–10 scale. Did she misunderstand the question? (confused)
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Come back when you're dead: 9 June 2023; On reading the headline, it took me a brief moment to recognise that the 90-year-old in question must be that age now, not at the time the crime was committed. Otherwise, he'd be in the news for entirely more worthy reasons.
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Bible bashing: 3 June 2023; After the pornography of Michaelangelo's David, comes the vulgarity and violence of the King James Bible. I shit you not. A parent in Utah complained of its depravity, and the school district has removed it from elementary and middle schools.
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Emojional unintelligence (clown): 2 June 2023; A coalition of Germany’s regional broadcasters has released a list of extreme right wing emojis, use of which on social media can be used to identify you as a fascist pig. These include a student raising their hand, as a nazi salute; an okay symbol alongside a glass of milk, for white supremacy; a clown face, as comment on non-extreme right-wing politics; and a red cross, in place of a swastika. I shit you not: (cross) = (swastika)…(whatever)
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Pervy Pigs: 25 May 2023; A social media influencer has been found guilty of stalking and harassing three Premier League football players. So far, so drear.
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Game theory: 24 May 2023; According to Dove—the brand of soap, of all things—74% of girls feel underrepresented in video games. How the hell do they think boys feel? How many video game characters are portrayed as pasty-, spotty-faced bespectacled youths, with the physique of a garden rake and the charisma of a dishcloth?
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You can't make an omelette without breaking eggs: 20 May 2023; Australian police take a no-nonsense approach to law enforcement. Securing the nanny state down under against antisocial elements is not to be taken lightly.
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Anarchy don't come cheap: 18 May 2023; This is funny. As in so deluded, it's funny.
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Selling piss: 16 May 2023; Amelia Robinson is The Columbus Dispatch's opinion and community engagement editor. In the wake of the Bud Light/Dylan Mulvaney controversy, she weighed in on the debate with an opinion piece, fearlessly wielding her incomplete grasp of the situation.*
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Lardacious: 12 May 2023; NYC's lardarses have cause to shake their booties. Yes, indeed, the city has passed a bill abrogating them from responsibility for their own health, and impacting the lives of the less generously proportioned, by allowing them to join the ranks of the disenfranchised.
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Love thy neighbour: 10 May 2023; A yee-haw in Louisiana shot at children running away from his home, unknowingly hitting a young teenaged girl in the back of the head. It's not clear what part of firing at shadows makes a hit unknowing; pure luck that the shot found its mark, perhaps? It makes it sound like he didn't intend to hit anyone; in which case, not firing into the shadows in the first place would've been a better approach. And people like this are allowed to own firearms in the USofA(rmaments).
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Is this what creative apathy looks like?: 4 April 2023; Disney is to bring another of its animated greats to life. Verily, the uncreativity at the House of Mouse is unbridled.
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No nudes is good news: 31 March 2023; An Australian ocean swimmer has resigned from her surf club, after receiving notice that she'd breached their no nudity policy when changing out of her swimming costume…in the changing room. Club members are directed to shower in their swimming costume, and change under a towel; at that point, one might as well just go to the beach and save the membership/entrance fee. Surf Life Saving New South Wales' CEO sought to avert mockery:
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Forever and a day: 30 March 2023; Disney and the governor of Florida, Ron DeSantis, have been spitting and calling each other poopyhead, ever since Mouse House tried to undermine Florida House (Bill 1557, the Parental Rights in Education Act). This has culminated in DeSantis pulling the plug on Disney's Reedy Creek Improvement District, which had previously given the company carte blanche to do pretty much whatever the hell it wanted with its Walt Disney World resort.
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Have we reached peak stupidity yet?: 27 March 2023; haven’t stopped crying since an hour ago. my balls still hurt so bad. Said no woman, ever.
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PornArt: 25 March 2023; Following a sixth-grade art lesson at Tallahassee Classical School, FL, a parent complained that the students had been exposed to pornography when shown Michelangelo's statue of David. As a result, the school's principal was forced to resign or be fired.
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Name that boy: 13 March 2023; I came across this handy-and-dandy list of one-syllable names for baby boys, compiled by Jacqueline at Parent Portfolio:
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Some people probably shouldn't have an opinion: 26 February 2023; Peak stupidity is reached with a poll—in the US, naturally—which asked whether respondents agree that: It's OK to be white.
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Stamp duty: 25 February 2023; Although released in the middle of last year, I have only today noticed—while collecting the mail—that Swiss Post is commemorating 100 years of Swiss air traffic control. I guess somebody has to, even if it's only to generate a little revenue from the philatelists. (shrug)
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New old phone, or old new phone?: 22 February 2023; How much would you pay for an iPhone? An obsolete one, that is. And, although it might work, you can't use it. Or even ever touch it.
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'Tards talking 'tards: 17 February 2023; Giant Freaking Robot, a garbage-tier clickbait rumour mill, has an article entitled See Florence Pugh Show Off Contortionist Skills In A Skin-Tight Leotard. It sounds creepily voyeuristic. And, no, I didn't read it. (holy)
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Satan sells: 7 February 2023; Someone claiming to be Madonna introduced Sam Smith and Kim Petras at the Grammy Awards' ceremony—if ceremony isn't too grand a term—when the pair won the Best Pop Duo or Group Performance award for Unholy. The song's not terrible; but, all the same, 2022 must've been a pretty lean year. Anyhow, that's not the point…or is it?
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Slik spelling: 7 February 2023; While writing the previous entry to this pit of nonsense, I misspelled silk as slik. Strangely enough, the automatic spellchecker didn't pick this error up, it fell to the old-skool analogue version instead. So I figured that slik must be a real word. I wonder what it means? (thinking)
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Nothing like the real thing: 7 February 2023; Apparently, you can't believe all that you read on the label. Clothing labels that is. Because fabric fraud is a thing.
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Be careful what you wish for: 28 December 2022; Reacting to the Taliban's prohibition against women attending university, a nineteen year-old Afghan girl wishes god had never created women.
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Dolled up: 27 December 2022; For those of us blissfully unaware that South Korea prohibited the import of sex dolls, it doesn't. At least not any longer, because officials have lifted the ban that was in place. This will come as a relief to some of the country's citizens more than others.
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What a difference a Dey makes: 20 December 2022; Irmgard Furchner has been brought to justice and sentenced to a two-year suspended jail term, for complicity in war crimes during WWII. In her role as a typist at Stutthof concentration camp, she may have been aware of atrocities when she saw papers in the office, or looked out of the window. Yet, as a teenaged young woman, she didn't rise up against the might of the Nazi death machine.
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Health warning...or clever marketing?: 16 December 2022; It's a story that thankfully doesn't require mathematical dexterity, as Tiffanie Turnbull regales us over toxic spinach being sold in Australian Costco stores. The Riviera Farms baby spinach appears to have been contaminated with a weed that induces hallucinations.
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Somebody actually said this: 12 December 2022; Christ only knows how I got there, but Lucy-Ann Jones, trainee reporter for Dudley News, informs us of a startling two-seater plane crash at Halfpenny Green Airport, near Wolverhampton. So far, so boring.*
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Not-so-peaceful prize: 11 December 2022; This year's Nobel Peace Prize has been awarded to three people: Oleksandra Matviichuk of Ukraine; Ales Bialiatski from Belarus; and Russian, Yan Rachinsky. While Ms Matviichuk praised Mr Rachinsky's work and described Memorial [the Russian civil rights group which he heads] as our partner, she refused to be interviewed alongside him.
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Not reading the room: 7 December 2022; In the wake of China's about-face cancellation of its zero-WuFlu policy, to the relief of many of its denizens, some have actually expressed concern over the sudden changes.
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Party animals: 24 November 2022; According to police in India, rats have eaten hundreds of kilograms of cannabis held as evidence in drug trafficking prosecutions. In 2017, rats were blamed for drinking thousands of litres of confiscated contraband alcohol.
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No laughing matter: 16 November 2022; I guess it's too early, because this headline made me laugh more than it should've, really.
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Fear and loathing in Zhengzhou: 3 November 2022; A recent breakout by Foxconn workers desperate to avoid lockdown was, apparently, driven by fear, panic and ignorance. And, to give us an idea of the level of ignorance involved:
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Titularless: 1 November 2022; How many people would be excited for an Indiana Jones film, without Indie? We may well find out, if Phoebe Waller-Bridge gets her way, but would you be excited? How about Mission Impossible, without Ethan Hunt; Iron Man, without Iron Man; or Black Panther, without Black Panther?
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Dead man running: 26 October 2022; Merkan politics keep getting dragged up too often on even the little social media that I involve myself in: YouTube. It's just asinine and tedious. So I tend to avoid anything on the subject, unless it's particularly amusing.
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Baby steps: 25 October 2022; BBC News in editorial transparency shocker!
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Another day...: 25 October 2022; News of another US school shooting, this time in St Louis, MO, in which only three people—including the gunman—died, is most remarkable for this factette:
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The future is fucked. We're all doomed!: 22 October 2022; Grace Keeling, AKA gkbarry, is—according to the BBC Newsbeat droid—One of the UK's top TikTok creators, who's known for her candid, funny, short videos. Well, okay then.
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A fine fine: 13 October 2022; This headline made me laugh: Alex Jones told to pay $965m to Sandy Hook families.
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The piggy principle: 11 October 2022; Writing for BBC Family Tree, Alessia Franco and David Robson extol the virtues of children playing in muddy puddles. It seems that playing with dirt and water is to the benefit of both physical and mental development.
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Time machine doppelgänger: 25 September 2022; I backup our Macs to Time Machine running on a Synology DiskStation NAS. The TM folder is named, imaginatively enough, time machine. Some time ago, the backups stopped, but I've only just got around to sorting it out—almost three months later. (embarrassed)
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Tits-tastic!: 21 September 2022; Kayla Lemieux, a Canadian transgender teacher, has caused both rage and amusement—from different quarters—for attending school classes wearing what can only be described as clownishly oversized, if not flat-out fetishistic, prosthetic breasts. Replete with protruding nipples, the…umm…embellishments hang down to her waist. Lolo Ferrari would've been awe-struck.
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Born-again omnivore: 20 September 2022; The COO of vegan food processor Beyond Meat, Douglas Ramsey, bit another man in an altercation, allegedly ripping the flesh on the tip of the nose.
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Alarming: 24 August 2022; Should you ever need a nine-hour timer, then Online Alarm Kur has got you covered with their 9 Hour Timer. You lucky you, you! (thumbup)
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Are you new here?: 6 August 2022; Adobe must be blowing the cobwebs out of their Support Community, for I've just been notified that I have a new rank. Apparently, thanks to my contributions to the community, I'm now new around them there parts.
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Sport without sweat (sweaty): 5 August 2022; Until now, opportunities for sporting glory have been limited to people who're physically fit and don't mind getting sweaty. Those who want to stay in bed or loungewear; who don't like getting out of breath; or who don't want to mess up their hair, have been excluded. But all that's changing, as esports are making their debut at this year's Commonwealth Games. And it's about time too!
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Let me count the ways: 24 June 2022; While searching Google on the subject of plagiarism, as is my wont, I discovered that it comes in many forms. Four, to be precise.
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My nipples explode with delight!: 17 June 2022; Newsflash to Sarah Jones: There's no such thing as the perfect cup of coffee. I only drink the filthy stuff when I need a jolt. And then it's solely for its pharmacological effects, not its organoleptic characteristics.
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The unknown incel: 14 June 2022; An incel who murdered ten people in Toronto in 2018, by driving a van into pedestrians, has been sentenced to life in prison, with no possibility of parole for 25 years. He was found guilty of the crimes last year.
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Zits and tits: 10 June 2022; YouTube has added a new category of videos to its home page, called Shorts. These are not only short, but vertically-framed, which makes me think that they were originally created for TikTok. The intellectual standard certainly supports this assumption.
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Useless error message #1253: 7 June 2022; I had Let's Encrypt certificates working long-time on my Synology DiskStation NAS, that is until some extended shenanigans by my ISP left me offline during the renewal period. To add to the fun, my router also died, so I had to install a new one. All of this, of course, meant that the certificate wasn't renewed in the usual manner. Ne'ermind, I'll just delete the old certificate and create a new one. Or so I thought.
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All I want for Christmas is your royalties: 5 June 2022; Mariah Carey first released All I Want for Christmas is You in 1994. Now, 28 years later, Andy Stone of Vince Vance and the Valiants fame,* is suing her for copyright infringement, claiming that she used the title of his song, written five years earlier, without permission. But he's a reasonable guy, and he's only asking for at least $20 million to soothe his creative sensitivities.
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The right to bear scary arms: 12 May 2022; A Californian federal appeals court has struck down a state ban on the sale of semi-automatic firearms to people under the age of 21. The reasoning is quite exceptional, albeit illogical. But what's logic got to do with US gun law?
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Foetal accident: 10 May 2022; More controversy over five-letter words in Wordle. On 9 May, some users found that the answer was FETUS. The NYT claimed that this was coincidental. Nevertheless, the bonkers brigade thought that it was a deliberate attempt to comment on the US abortion debate.
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Misleading ad shock!: 29 April 2022; Samsung has apologised for an advert, showing a woman going for a run through the streets of a city alone at night.
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A very thoughtful question...?: 22 April 2022; A worthwhile question, below, I'm sure you'll agree. I just feel inadequately qualified to answer it. (confused)
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Rwandan hotel: 14 April 2022; The bouncing booby, UK Prime Minister BoJo, plans to fly asylum seekers to Rwanda, of all places, for processing. It's not clear whether they're given a return ticket, at UK tax payers' expense, or have to make their own way back. After all, if they did it once, they can surely do it again.
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Stormy weather: 6 April 2022; If ten hours of fireplace crackling is too hot for you, you might appreciate twenty-four hours of non-stop heavy rain action. And who wouldn't?
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Gender denial: 24 March 2022; I cannot pretend that I understand the background, or care much, but there's a lot of discussion over the pond about what defines a woman. It seems like a strange question, because the answer's screamingly obvious to anyone with an above-room temperature IQ. But I think it may have something to do with US law, and twinkies' rights over normals.
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Swimmin' with the wimmin: 22 March 2022; Lia Thomas, a trans-woman swimmer, has been dominating US women's college swimming. I simply cannot imagine why. (rolleyes)
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Fire safety: 21 March 2022; The ten-hour video shown in this thumbnail is actually ten hours and 31 seconds long. Presumably, the extra half a minute is for the paid sponsorship. (thinking)
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I feel like a woman...: 16 March 2022; …but where can you get one around here? (thinking) (shrug)
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'My truth': 15 March 2022; Another popular song, another grifter out for a slice of the action. This time, it's Sami Chokri trying to dip his hand into Ed Sheeran's royalties for Shape of You.
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The popcorn bandit (popcorn): 2 March 2022; Two separate couples visited a suburban cinema in Tampa, FL, on 13^th January 2014. As the feature started, one of the husbands ignored the request to turn off mobile devices. The other admonished him. Insults were traded; popcorn was thrown; shots were fired.
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U kraine, u saw, u conquered: 13 February 2022; Preparing for imminent Russian invasion, Ukrainian volunteers are taking part in military training.
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A bridge too far: 8 February 2022; The building of Jeff Bezos' new megayacht in Rotterdam is causing a stir, because the historic Koningshaven Bridge has to be dismantled for it to leave the shipyard. I don't understand the problem: the bridge is a fairly ugly, industrial structure; and Bezos will pay for it to be rebuilt afterwards. At least he's using his disproportionate wealth to the benefit of gainful employment.
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Vegan meat: 28 January 2022; Writing for BBC Future, William Park explores a question that I suspect few have ever pondered: The reason some vegan alternatives don't taste like meat.
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A question of ownership: 25 January 2022; Non-fungible tokens (NFT) are unique, encrypted digital tokens that can be used to certify ownership of an artwork, for example. There can be only one owner of an NFT, and this represents one way in which artists and collectors can move their interaction into the digital space.
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Downside up: 23 January 2022; I ordered a couple of heavy items from an online retailer. Each was shipped separately in its manufacturer's carton, with an address label affixed.
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Alpha meatheads assemble!: 19 January 2022; It's generally the case that major cultural changes in the US eventually make it to the UK within five years: rock 'n' roll; fast food; frivolous and vexatious litigation; and, most recently, brain death. Yes, the UK now has its very own anti-vax sovereign citizens. (SMH)
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Reporter reporting: 18 January 2022; Mary-Ann Russon asks What can we do to get more women into coding? I can't honestly say that I give a shit, and her gossamer-thin article didn't help me understand why I should, other than that there's a shortage of digitally-skilled workers.
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Jet powered: 17 January 2022; In a bid to limit imports and encourage local production, the Nigerian central bank made 41 items ineligible for foreign exchange in 2015. The list included rice; tomatoes; toothpicks, of all things; and…private jets.
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I'm sarcastic, therefore I'm brainy: 12 January 2022; According to David Robson, writing for BBC Family Tree, a teenager's sarcasm reflects their intellect. Fortunately for me, my sarcastic teen, Emily, doesn't read the BBC online.
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Traumedy: 6 January 2022; Laughter is the best medicine, or so we're told. And a prescribed comedy course could be a new way to help people recover from trauma. The sessions will be free for participants, although presumably not for the UK taxpayer; they get their joy from their tax bill.
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Levelling up?: 18 December 2021; A story of further embarrassment for BoJo's government, over restrictions-busting office Christmas parties, is remarkable only for bringing to my attention the fact that there's a Department for Levelling Up, Housing and Communities within HMG. What the actual fuck is levelling up supposed to mean? (confused)
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The revolution will be televised...: 28 September 2021; …for shitz 'n' gigglz.
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Pickled nothing: 29 August 2021; I've harvested so many chillis this year that I'm going to have to pickle some of them. I've never pickled anything in my life before now. Except, possibly, my brain and liver. (SMH)
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Chips ahoy!: 13 August 2021; Lee Jae-yong, the Samsung heir who was convicted of political bribery, has been released from his South Korean prison on parole. This comes, in part, following pressure from the US Chamber of Commerce.
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No vaccine for zombies: 11 August 2021; If you thought that Dr Naomi Wolf's opinions on the Chongvax were naive, others arise from the pit of ingorance who are, if anything, even worse.
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Mushrooms are tasty: 28 July 2021; Ina Garten (who?) is the Barefoot Contessa (who?). At least, I think she is.
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Can I have a 'please, no more emojis' emoji?: 25 July 2021; It appears that the BBC considers the creation of emojis to be of such importance that they assigned not one, but two of their crack business reporters to the task of writing an article on emojis that don't exist. Yet.
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Beginning of the end: 25 July 2021; The end credits to one of the greatest films of all time, 1994's The Shawshank Redemption, start with IN MEMORY OF ALLEN GREENE. Strangely enough, this inspired a question on Quora as to whether Allen Greene was a real person. WTF? Why would the film be dedicated to anyone otherwise? (confused)
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Game for a laugh: 13 July 2021; A sealed copy of Super Mario 64 has sold at auction for a record $1.5m. This is the price range previously occupied only by significant works of art, which can be hung on a wall and admired for the artist's skill. In this case, however, the high price is commanded for physical memorabilia, in the same way as rare trading cards.
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Trust me, I'm a doctor: 6 June 2021; Twitter has suspended Dr Naomi Wolf's account, after she was found to have spread Chongvax misinformation. Her messages included such gems as vaccines being a software platform that can receive uploads, and that the excreta of vaccinated individuals should be separated from general sewage, until its impact on non-vaccinated people through drinking water has been studied. It seems more humorous, in a batshit crazy way, than misinformative to me; although if it's a sign of her mental illness, then I should feel bad for laughing.
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Tastes like chicken: 22 May 2021; The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention warns that, alongside public health officials in several US states, it's investigating several outbreaks of Salmonella infections, linked to contact with backyard poultry. Across 43 states, 163 people have thus far been affected, 34 of whom have been hospitalised.
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Lo-rez journalism: 17 May 2021; Writing for BBC Reality Check, intrepid investigative journalists Christopher Giles and Jack Goodman ask the key question, Israel-Gaza: Why is the region blurry on Google Maps? What do you mean, dear reader, you weren't aware that it was? It is, and we're here to find out why!
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Suez crisis: 26 March 2021; As the Suez Canal is blocked by a massive cargo ship, resulting in huge tailbacks into the Mediterranean Sea and Red Sea, the cost in lost shipping movements is estimated to be $9.6bn. Per day. The owner of the ship has apologised for the disruption to global trade. I bet that went down well.
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Return to normal: 23 March 2021; As a mass shooting at a Boulder, Colorado supermarket leaves ten people dead, it would be the mark of a true cynic to see any light in this tragedy.
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Best Bond? Shome mishtake shurely!: 25 January 2021; Calvin Dyson ranks his favourite actors to have played James Bond in Ranking James Bond Actors | Personal Favourites. His personal favourite? None other than…Roger Moore! (SMH)
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(Im)peachy: 14 January 2021; In the final days of his presidency, as Orange Don becomes the first US President to be impeached twice, the BBC asks its voter panel for their opinion, in an article grandly entitled Americans react to historic second Trump impeachment.
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Blue, not blue: 2 October 2020; Five African grey parrots at Lincolnshire Wildlife Park have been removed from public view for swearing at visitors. They swear to trigger a response, even among themselves, and that encourages them to swear even more. So, not unlike teenagers and Frankie Boyle then. (pipe)
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Totally missing the point: 16 September 2020; Cuties—Mignonnes—a French film concerning a prepubescent twerking dance troupe, written and directed by Maïmouna Doucouré, has arrived on Netflix to what can best be described as an utter shitstorm of protest. Although successful at the Sundance film festival, it has been accused of exploitation, sexualising girls, and gratification for paedophiles. Inevitably, there have been calls to cancel Netflix. So far, so drear.
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Complete the following sentence: 16 September 2020; Changes to the criminal justice system in England and Wales are heralded by the BBC with the above headline. Which immediately begs the question, what jail term do flippant criminals have to serve?
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Incognito: 10 August 2020; While reporting the shameful and disrespectful forced redundancy of British Airways' staff through fire and rehire tactics, the BBC has diplomatically changed the names of their respondents. Could this be to protect them from company retaliation? If so, it's very laudable, and most definitely the right thing to do! (thumbup)
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You really couldn't make this up. But someone actually did!: 15 July 2020; I love a good conspiracy theory, they affirm my cynicism towards secrecy and often big government, but the best ones have a ring of truth about them. Which is more than can be said of the Wayfair child trafficking conspiracy theory.
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Hedging their bets: 31 May 2020; Michael Angelis, beloved Liverpudlian actor, died yesterday. According to Wikipaedia and The Guardian newspaper, he was 68 years old.
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The ultimate in testing your defences: 1 December 2019; Although illegal, it's not uncommon for US homeowners to booby-trap their property against home invasion. But, if going down this route, it's advisable to have a clear recollection of where those booby-traps are placed, and how they're triggered.
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Don't get sick in India!: 29 October 2019; After two-year-old Sujith Wilson fell 180 metres down a borehole in Tamil Nadu state, his body was recovered following a four-day operation.
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¡Oh, mierda! (marijuana): 6 April 2019; A study of cannabis sold in Madrid has shown the majority of samples tested to contain dangerous levels of faecal matter. This is presumably what Spanish potheads refer to as good shit. (stoner) hahahaha…[tumbleweed]
IKEA, I saw, I cried: 24 August 2018; According to the World Economic Forum, IKEA will take back your old furniture, resell it and give you the money, noting that there is nothing new about buying second-hand furniture - antique stores have done it for centuries. The major difference being that antique furniture is built to last while IKEA furniture, quite frankly, isn't.
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Gonna need a good lawyer: 10 July 2018; PayPal have written to Mrs Lindsay Durdle advising her that her death from cancer breaches its terms of agreement.
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The opposite of a back-handed compliment: 26 April 2018; The BBC certainly knows how to make a girl feel good about herself. In the ongoing news scrum over porn actress Stormy Daniels' claims of a sexual liaison with the then yet-to-be-President Donald Trump, BBC News feels the need to clarify her place in this group photograph:
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In space, no one can hear...the sound of rain running down the windscreen: 5 April 2018; Michael FichtenFoo Fichtenmayer presents a tutorial on weathering a 1:72 scale model of the Millennium Falcon from Star Wars. In it, he refers to rust, following…where gravity would put the streaks on a normal…real-life vehicle, and for flat parts…that don't have gravity, rain, weathering, whatever dragging it downward.
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Air Force FUN!: 28 February 2018; Hotel magnate and US President, Donald Orange Don Trump, has renegotiated a deal with Boeing to supply two new presidential Air Force Ones. Huh? (confused)
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Same old, same old: 15 February 2018; Another day, another mass murder at a US school, when a 19-year-old armed with an assault rifle killed at least seventeen people at a high school in Parkland, Florida. School shootings in the US have become so common-place that they hardly make anything other than local news. But Florida's Senator, Marco Rubio, stated that it was too soon to jump to conclusions that there was some law that we could have passed that would have prevented it, while the state's Governor, Rick Scott, also refused to discuss gun control.
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Clocking off!: 30 September 2017; While the girls have that smouldering dreamboat, Paul Ross, Canvas Clocks have something for the boys: a Pam St Clement wall clock. Battery included!
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Bonkers, but not in a benign way: 10 August 2017; North Korea has escalated its sabre rattling, and now threatens a rocket strike on the US territory of Guam.
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No skool like the old skool: 27 March 2017; Parent and journalist Laura June complains that leaving her three-year old daughter with the iPad and unsupervised internet access results in the toddler watching inappropriate content, including frightening derivatives of her favourite cartoon characters. Incensed that these parodies/knock-offs/call-them-what-you-will could offend or frighten her daughter, June does the only logical thing, ~~take away the iPad and parent her daughter properly~~ complain to YouTube, and whinge to the world in general.
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No longer a threat: 6 December 2013; On the news of Nelson Mandela's death, a poignant juxtaposition of news stories appears on the BBC's website. It seems that he had to die to be removed from the US's list of terrorists. He didn't, of course, that story dates from 2008.
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Party out of water: 8 August 2013; A dead shark has been found on the New York metro. It's not the sort of thing that usually expected, even in the Big Apple. Apparently, its provenance is a mystery.
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A strap-on for girls: 25 July 2013; Or, rather, their ponies.
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U iz stoopid: 24 June 2013; While reading about thoracotomy, as you do, I came across this question on Yahoo! Answers: How do doctors get passed the rib cage during surgery? Which seems pretty reasonable, despite the misspelling.
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Thoracotomy: 24 June 2013; The troubles of Italian ex-prime minister Silvio ~~Burlesqueoni~~ ~~Berlustconi~~ Berlusconi never seem to be far from the headlines. Currently he's defending himself against charges that he abused his term in office, and paid for sex with an underage prostitute. Although, in his defence, he claims that he didn't have sex with her. And didn't know that she was underage. And he was never alone in the same room as her.*
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BWAH-HA-HA! It's the real Professor X!: 20 June 2013; In something from a bad sci-fi film, two New York men are accused of an X-ray terror plot. It's alleged that Glendon Scott Crawford and Eric Feight planned to build a truck-mounted X-ray device to kill enemies of Israel and the US.
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Stable door, bolted horse, etc., etc.: 18 June 2013; A married teacher who ran off with a pupil to France is in court accused of child abduction. According to the BBC: Jeremy Forrest, 30, and the girl, who cannot be named, took a cross-Channel ferry to Calais before spending seven days on the run.
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Did we mention that he's a son of Korean immigrants?: 14 November 2012; In an otherwise completely pointless article on Fortune magazine's completely pointless list of business leaders under 40, this gem of journalistic emphasis:
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MUST HAVE!: 12 August 2012; Amazon trader St@llion is selling an insanely desirable box canvas print of Paul Ross. And, while we should always be careful about scores and reviews given on Amazon, how could anyone fail to be persuaded by these happy customers?
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Oh the irony!: 14 June 2012; A drinking party in Russia allegedly boarded a light plane and set off, never to be seen again—at least they're searching. It's not absolutley clear as to whether the pilot was one of the revellers or completely sober, but since everyone in Russia ~~is a raving alcoholic~~ enjoys a good party, let's assume the worst.
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Glam boxing: 27 October 2011; The Amateur International Boxing Association would like its female competitors to wear a skirt during international competitions. Because, as you know, it's more ladylike if you're wearing a skirt while you beat the shit out of someone.
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'Nutritious' has added sugar?: 19 January 2011; Apparently those mirthless buggers at the UK Advertising Standards Authority have upheld complaints about advertising by those frisky buggers at Coca-Cola.
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