Most of it's boring

Listen, I don't want no trouble

There are 225 posts tagged: crime & punishment

Phoenix knights
14 June 2024

The US Department of Justice has released a report accusing Phoenix police of a range of civil rights violations against black, Hispanic, and native American citizens, dating back to 2016.

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Orange is not the only suit
31 May 2024

Donald Tramp Trump must be rueing the day he screwed a pr0n star, for he's now been screwed himself. And not so pleasantly either.

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A whole new level of stoopid
30 May 2024

Corey Harris was due to appear in court on charges of driving while suspended. He claimed he unfortunately had a conflicting doctor's appointment, so he joined the court proceedings remotely…from behind the wheel of his car. (facepalm)

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The sorry ©rapper
20 May 2024

Rapper Sean Diddy Combs has apologised, after he was caught on CCTV physically attacking an ex-girlfriend in 2016.

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Charlotte sometimes
30 April 2024

Eight police officers were shot yesterday during a siege in Charlotte, NC, four of them fatally. Charlotte-Mecklenburg's police chief told a press conference:

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They think it's all over…
26 April 2024

At the back end of the last decade, there was an extended—to the point of tedious—legal battle and media frenzy, in which a string of past-their-prime Hollywood harpies remembered being sexually assaulted by Harvey Weinstein. There were undoubtly genuine victims of serious abuse among them, but some of the claims seemed pretty tenuous; grasping at straws, tagging along to ride the publicity train…and grift a little [cough] compensation. Hey, it's Tinseltown baby; a girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do.

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I'm a stupid, get me my money back
28 March 2024

As Sam Bankman-Fried awaits sentencing for fraud and money-laundering, some of his victims are calling for the harshest possible prison terms. This is despite the fact that many will recover significant sums...based on what their holdings were worth at the time the exchange collapsed. It's just not good enough, they claim, because crypto's rebounded since the FTX collapse and they'll miss out on that rally. Boo bloody hoo.

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Justice is not (colour) blind
26 March 2024

A knifeman who attacked and killed three innocent people in Nottingham last year recently copped a manslaughter charge and hospital order on the basis of diminished responsibility. The victims' families are looking for answers.

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Go big or go home
8 March 2024

North Yorkshire Police pulled a BMW X5 towing a suspected stolen caravan on the M1 motorway near Garforth. According to the filth, the vehicle was fitted with cloned registration plates, and they found a selection of others upon searching it.

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Ukrainian poisoner
1 March 2024

The BBC's fearless investigators Angus Crawford and Tony Smith have tracked down a Ukrainian selling poison used by suicides in the UK. In the best interests of reporting [cough] without fear or favour, the BBC is choosing not to name the poison in question. (rolleyes)

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Twice 1+1
20 February 2024

Another day, another US shooting incident worthy of hitting the international news. This time, two police officers and a paramedic died when responding to a seige following a domestic incident. I note it only for the fact of the second police officer and a firefighter/paramedic being killed alongside officer Elmstrand, as did our fearless correspondent.

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How not to win friends and influence people
9 February 2024

An axe- and knife-wielding Iranian asylum-seeker, who took fifteen passengers and a train driver hostage, was shot dead when Swiss police stormed the train and he attacked them. All hostages were released unharmed.

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Parental approval
7 February 2024

A US woman has become the first parent to be convicted of involuntary manslaughter, for failing to intervene and prevent her then fifteen-year-old son from committing a deadly school shooting in 2021. She and her husband—who is to be tried separately, and is expected become the second parent to be convicted of involuntary manslaughter—gave him a gun, while at the same time recognising his mental ill-health.

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Harry, pocketed
1 February 2024

Audacious thieves have stolen a 500lb, 12' stuffed polar bear, affectionately named Harry, from a resort property in Alberta, Canada. Although the resort has round-the-clock security patrols, they'd been cancelled that night due to the extreme cold. Clearly, the thieves are more dedicated to their work than the security staff.

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The air that I breathe
23 January 2024

Reporting on a novel method of execution, which has been authorised for use by an Alabaman correctional facility in order to dispatch a death row inmate, the BBC's Tom Bateman affords me the opportunity to be a smart-arse, and earn petty points exposing unchecked misinformation at the corporation.

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Too much misery
22 January 2024

True crime is a popular subject for YouTube channels, one of which being The Misery Machine. It's not the best—I find the alternating shared presentation format irritating—but it crops up, and it is what it is. Today, they cover the horrific long-term abuse and eventual murder of a thirteen-year-old boy, in 2017, at the hands of family members.

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On the face of it
17 January 2024

And speaking of people with a face for sexual predation, Mike Jeffries, the man who oversaw the renaissance of Abercrombie & Fitch, is being investigated by the FBI, following accusations that he and his partner sexually exploited and abused aspiring male models.

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Man-o-manosphere
16 January 2024

Gender-based violence is a significant problem in Kenya, linked by some to the violent manosphere perpetuating misogyny online. As feminism destroys the patriarchy, a vacuum forms, leaving some men feeling emasculated and displaced.

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The sex tape from hell
11 January 2024

Yet more revelations spew forth from the Jeffrey Epstein files. Including this little gem from Sarah Ransome: When my friend had sexual intercourse with Clinton, Prince Andrew and Richard Branson, sex tapes were in fact filmed on each separate occasion by Jeffery [sic].

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A night at the Oprah
10 January 2024

There really is one born every minute, and Indian fraudsters don't just prey on gullible westerners. Oh no, there are plenty of their own citizens who're uneducated, credulous, or desperate enough to fall for the most ludicrous of scams. In this case, working as a stud.

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…and I am unanimous in that
2 January 2024

After a British woman ran her fiancé down following an alcohol-fuelled row, she was arrested and charged with murder. Fortunately, CCTV cameras caught the act, so the plod didn't have to take too much time away from picking their noses and masturbating back at the cop shop.

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Naming names
20 December 2023

A US judge has ordered the names of 170 of Jeffrey Epstein's past associates to be publicly released. Anyone whose name is on the list has until 01.01.2024 to appeal to have it removed. But herein lies the rub: if the list is currently unknown to the public, how is anyone to know whether they're on it or not?

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Pole-axed
1 December 2023

Violence erupted at a UEFA football match between Aston Villa and Legia Warsaw in Birmingham, when the visiting Polish supporters were barred from the stadium. Our fearless reporters were able to impress upon us, through judicial use of cut and paste, that the police gave the operation their fullest attention possible, they policed it correctly, but incidents of sporadic violence just cannot be stopped.

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Mugshot
26 October 2023

British DJ, Tim Westwood, has been detained by police for questioning in relation to historical sex offences.

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Flapthink crime
12 October 2023

According to figures released by the UK Home Office, transgender hate crime has risen by 11% over the last year in England and Wales. That sounds quite startling, until you look into what constitutes a hate crime.

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It's better than Chinatown
10 October 2023

A man who drove his car into the Chinese consulate in San Francisco was shot dead, in what a spokesperson for the San Francisco Police Department described as an officer-involved shooting. This is secret police code for death by cop.

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Needs a better acting coach
9 October 2023

From the Dark is an indie horror film released in 2020. According to reviews on IMDb, it's not very good, with a user rating of 2.5. One reviewer cautioned to ignore the good reviews: They are obviously being written by friends and family of the cast and crew. As if that would ever happen!

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Hunter's gun (charge)
3 October 2023

She may be disdainful of language etiquette, and of transparency in reporting and editing, but ol' Auntie Beeb redeems herself on occasion with her impish sense of humour.

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How!…?
23 September 2023

Three Canadian women have been accused of falsely claiming Inuit heritage to defraud indigenous organisations of benefits. It's a pretty shonky thing to do; some people simply have no morals. But it upset Aluki Kotierk, president of one such organisation, more than most.

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Porky 🐷
21 September 2023

A Muslim woman has been sentenced to two years' jail time by an Indonesian court for eating pork after offering a brief Islamic prayer—Bismillah—and then posting the video to TikTok. On the spectrum of all that's stupid, that has gotta lie more towards the really-not-a-good-idea end. I'd've thought that, as a Muslim, she'd be behind Islam's strict prohibition on consuming pig; or at least cognisant of Indonesia's strict blasphemy laws.

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It makes a change from sexual assault
20 September 2023

A Metropolitan Police officer has been charged with murder, after shooting a man following a chase last September.

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Irreconcilable wall
20 September 2023

Following his sentencing to thirty years to life in prison for rape, Danny Masterson's wife has filed for divorce, citing irreconcilable differences between the pair. Yeah, that would be a prison wall; they're built to be irreconcilable, innit?

Escapologist
10 September 2023

Four days after going on the lam from low-security HMP Wandsworth, ex-soldier Daniel Khalife has been recaptured. The BBC News home page notes in its lead for the main story that he now remains in custody after [his] arrest.

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Bringing home the bacon
25 August 2023

A BBC News story on the arrest of a Canadian accused of assisting suicide, through the sale of kits across the globe, coyly referred only to them including a poisonous chemical, without identifying said chemical. Presumably, this is for our safety.

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Photo op
25 August 2023

Orange Don and fellow travellers have handed themselves over to Fulton County Sheriff's office to have their mugshots taken. Some of the photos, however, have been criticised by experts in the field of taking snappy snaps, for their lack of professionalism.

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The Met policeman's balls
23 August 2023

Yet another Metropolitan Police officer is convicted of rape, and the question facing the force is how many more are lurking within its ranks? In this case, Adam Provan was convicted of raping a sixteen-year-old girl over a decade ago. Obviously, the Met's taking the case very seriously; at least now, anyway.

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Too sketchy
3 August 2023

The sentencing to death of the Pittsburgh synagogue shooter in a US federal court brings to my attention the work of court sketch artist David Klug. And it makes me wonder, is there any formal training required to become a courtroom sketch artist?

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Escape from PA
8 July 2023

A prisoner escaped from a Pennsylvanian jail, making off into a nearby forest wearing the prison uniform of orange-and-white striped jumpsuit, blue denim jacket, and Crocs (colour unspecified). Dunno, there's just something about doing a runner in Crocs that makes me laugh. Or just wearing Crocs at all, for that matter.

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Soccer stats
29 June 2023

Another footballer is in the dock accused of rape. It almost seems like an occupational hazard. (shrug)

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Grab 'em while you can!
23 June 2023

Walmart is closing four stores in Chicago, due to financial losses stemming from customers preferring to not pay for the goods that they're walking out with. Some people, including elected local government officials, are having difficulty understanding the company's actions, calling the closures racist because they only affect black neighbourhoods; seemingly oblivious to the fact that these are the places where thefts predominate.

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Three-faced Don
16 June 2023

Donald Trump's appearance in a Miami federal court gave three court sketch artists the opportunity to flex their pastels. Bill Hennessy's work has been criticised as making the subject look far younger and trimmer than he really is, but he seemed unfazed by the backlash.

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Come back when you're dead
9 June 2023

On reading the headline, it took me a brief moment to recognise that the 90-year-old in question must be that age now, not at the time the crime was committed. Otherwise, he'd be in the news for entirely more worthy reasons.

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The benefit of hindsight
8 June 2023

According to Hannah Ritchie, Kathleen Folbigg was jailed for murdering her children because PaTriArchY aNd MisOGyNy™. But, of course dear.

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Courtroom cartoon
30 May 2023

We're used to seeing courtroom sketches. They generally follow a characteristic pattern: pastel on manilla; sparse; serious; faithful to the subject, within the limits of skill and availability of time. But, when it came to the sentencing of an emotional Elizabeth Holmes, the sketch artist seems to have taken design cues from My Little Pony Tumblr fan art.

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Dr JoePa
26 May 2023

A story of a ten-year-old rape victim, who had to cross US state lines to obtain an abortion, ends with the attending doctor being brought up in front of the Indiana Medical Licensing Board for violating patient privacy. But what caught my eye is something that seems to have been given less attention, and that was Dr Caitlin Bernard possibly having obstructed justice.*

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You can't make an omelette without breaking eggs
20 May 2023

Australian police take a no-nonsense approach to law enforcement. Securing the nanny state down under against antisocial elements is not to be taken lightly.

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The hooch pooch
17 May 2023

An intoxicated driver speeding in Colorado tried to evade DUI charges, by swapping places with his dog in the passenger's seat. Unfortunately for him, the police officer who pulled him over was brighter than the average Bear saw the whole thing, and arrested him.

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Les lettres françaises
17 May 2023

At least sixty-five women who previously attended the same school in Melbourne, Australia, have received used condoms in the post.

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Black alert
15 May 2023

California Senate Bill 673, introduced last month, is a proposal to create an alert system for black women and youths who've gone missing.

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Unboxing
15 May 2023

At the turn of the century, South Wales Police were using groundbreaking DNA genealogy to identify a serial murderer/rapist who'd terrorised the Swansea area in the early '70s. Gilbert John's retelling is a gripping read.

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A more accurate guess
10 May 2023

Despite the solemnity of the subject, let's start with a little frivolous piss-taking of the BBC's editorial capabilities.

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Love thy neighbour
10 May 2023

A yee-haw in Louisiana shot at children running away from his home, unknowingly hitting a young teenaged girl in the back of the head. It's not clear what part of firing at shadows makes a hit unknowing; pure luck that the shot found its mark, perhaps? It makes it sound like he didn't intend to hit anyone; in which case, not firing into the shadows in the first place would've been a better approach. And people like this are allowed to own firearms in the USofA(rmaments).

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Who could have foreseen it?
8 May 2023

A tourist boat in India left at least twenty-two of its around fifty passengers dead when it capsized at night. The double-decker boat was twofold over its capacity.

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Blaze of inglory
19 April 2023

If you go down in the woods today, you're sure of a big surprise If you go down in the woods today, you'd better go in disguise

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Dead or alive
16 April 2023

It confused me at first, until I mentally added a comma between dead and live. (LOL)

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Dour Don
7 April 2023

For the first time in its history, The New Yorker magazine used a courtroom sketch on its cover. Presumably for shitz 'n' gigglz. A pr0n actress, revelling in the spotlight of free publicity, said of the proceedings against an orange man:

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Stop me if you've heard this one before…
6 April 2023

There's a slight fallacy, a miscommunication, in Angie Brown's account of murder at an Edinburgh beauty spot.

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Rooted
30 March 2023

A man of no fixed abode has been jailed at Liverpool Crown Court for twenty-eight months for growing cannabis. It's a brief article of only 75 words, so clearly the BBC News droid doesn't have time for such frippery as details. Like explaining what he did with his plants; carry them around with him in a plastic bag, FFS? (confused)

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Planned accident
28 March 2023

Fifteen years ago, the son of a Yemeni billionaire killed a Norwegian student in London, then fled the country. He recently admitted his guilt in a telephone interview with a BBC reporter.

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Catch me if you can!
24 March 2023

Do Kwon, the man who pioneered the terraUSD and Luna crypto tokens, as well as the concept of the cryptocrash, has been arrested in Montenegro. Despite denying being in hiding, he never revealed his location and was travelling under a false identity. Which is just the sort of thing that anyone who isn't in hiding does. (rolleyes)

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PG tips
21 March 2023

I hadn't read of the deaths of Indonesian children after taking tainted cough syrup before now, but the cause of death being acute kidney injury told me that this was the same issue as reported earlier in The Gambia and Uzbekistan. I wouldn't have noted it here, though, if my pedantry hackles hadn't been raised:

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Cripes! Trigger warning, or false advertising?
26 February 2023

Reporting on the murder trial of a South Carolinian lawyer, Holly Honderich prefaces her filing with this warning:

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73 and counting
18 February 2023

A BBC News report of a gunman killing six people in Arkabutla, MS, a community of fewer than 300 294 people, is remarkable only for the accompanying statistic: this is the 73rd mass shooting in the USA this year. And we haven't even said goodbye to February.

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You gotta be shittin' me, Sherlock!
16 February 2023

Queensland police, investigating the ambush of four of their colleagues at a remote location last December, have declared the attack to be a case of religiously-motivated terrorism.

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Ghey not gay
15 February 2023

A transgender girl was stabbed to death in Warrington, Cheshire, a few days ago, in what may've been a hate crime. Police are exploring all lines of inquiry as to motive, but that hasn't stopped transgender activists from leaping to the conclusion that best favours their special and victimised me-me-me viewpoint, cynically exploiting a child's murder in furtherance of their political agenda. (trannie)

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Stumped
2 February 2023

Another day, another report of a black man shot dead by US police. Unlike Tyre Nichols, Anthony Lowe couldn't outrun the cops, on account of being a double-amputee.

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Oh, the irany
1 February 2023

An Iranian couple have been jailed for promoting corruption; prostitution; and propaganda, after posting a video of themselves dancing in the street beside Tehran's Azadi Tower (برج آزادی or Freedom Tower). Amply demonstrating that the Iranian authorities have nothing if not a sense of irony.

A sting in the tale
27 January 2023

Five black police officers are under investigation for the death of a black motorist in Memphis, TN. Race agitator and grifter, Rev. Al Sharpton, claimed: I do not believe these five black police officers would have done this had he been a young white man.

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Fish out of water
26 January 2023

First minister for Scotland, Nicola Sturgeon, is at it again. The it being not thinking things through to their logical conclusion. In the case of a transgender woman rapist being remanded in a women's prison, she seems to think that transgender women aren't a threat to real, biologically-relevant ones.

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More or less lethal
22 January 2023

Two of Tennessee's Department of Corrections' top officials were fired after a report found that drugs used in its lethal injections were not properly tested for contaminants.* Really?

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Rapepol
16 January 2023

News that a Metropolitan Police police officer, David Carrick, was also a serial rapist and violent sexual predator of twenty years' standing should come as a shock, if it weren't only eighteen months since Wayne Couzens, a fellow Metropolitan Police officer, pleaded guilty to the kidnap, rape, and murder of Sarah Everard.

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Copy/prosecute
5 January 2023

India's observed that the EU is squeezing mucho moolah out of Google for being shits about something, and they want a piece of the action. Unlike the EU, however, the Competition Commission of India (CCI) would rather not put too much effort into it, especially if it's been done better before, and decided to [cough] share best practice. (wink)

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Bye-bye Ben
31 December 2022

Pope Benedict XVI—otherwise known as Benny the Rat—has only just squeezed on to the those taken in 2022 list. In doing so, he snatched the year's Last Celebrity Death award from the clutches of Dame Vivienne Westwood.

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Trained
27 December 2022

I feel bad for finding this funny. But I do.

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What a difference a Dey makes
20 December 2022

Irmgard Furchner has been brought to justice and sentenced to a two-year suspended jail term, for complicity in war crimes during WWII. In her role as a typist at Stutthof concentration camp, she may have been aware of atrocities when she saw papers in the office, or looked out of the window. Yet, as a teenaged young woman, she didn't rise up against the might of the Nazi death machine.

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Stay of execution
17 December 2022

According to Michael Benza, a law professor at Case Western Reserve University, a lack of skilled staff is slowing down the execution of US prisoners. It's true, you just can't get the help these days. I blame millennials' and zoomers' lack of work ethic. (wink)

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Beware of Greeks accepting gifts
13 December 2022

Greek MEP and one of no less than fourteen EU vice-presidents, Eva Kaili, is in a bit of a bind. It was seemingly with the best of intentions that she just recently tried to assuage Gary Lineker's angst over attending Qatar 2022:

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A fool and their money
12 December 2022

Scott Shafer has a YouTube channel on which he uncovers internet-based scams. Today, it's the turn of Vanessa Sierra, an OnlyFans creator and metaverse land flipper—of all things—who conned investors in an NFT scam called Smol Boyz Land.

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Robocop
1 December 2022

The San Francisco Police Department is set to deploy robots armed with explosives in the pacification of violent, armed, or dangerous subjects, which could amount to most criminals in the land of the free-to-bear-arms. This is not a new development, however.

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Chinese take out
23 November 2022

Police in Florida have arrested a man who's wanted for the murder of four Chinese nationals at a cannabis farm in Oklahoma. Authorities have yet to notify the victims' families, due to a significant language barrier, but have named the suspect as Wu Chen.

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Inactive shooter
23 November 2022

A gunman has killed no more than 10 people—so, less than eleven then—in a Walmart supermarket in Chesapeake, VA. He then turned the gun on himself, and committed suicide.

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Elementary, my dear Holmes
18 November 2022

Finally, ten months after being found guilty of fraud, Elizabeth Holmes is to be sentenced for her role in the Theranos scam. The prosecution is asking for fifteen years in prison, as well as recompensing investors to the tune of a cool $803M. For their part, her defence is seeking an insanely lenient eighteen months under house arrest.

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Bellended
17 November 2022

Glorious happenstance has led me to learn that Alex Bellend Belfield—a man with a face for radio, a voice for print, and a personality for waste disposal—was recently imprisoned for five-and-a-half years for online stalking. I hope he finds a nice shower buddy. (prick)

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Making bank
9 November 2022

I don't involve myself in the murky world of cryptocurrency. I don't understand it, and I don't trust it; it just seems spooky and volatile. So I'd never heard of FTX—one of the world's biggest cryptocurrency exchanges—until news of its near collapse and bail-out by close rival Binance.

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Hush, not hushed
8 November 2022

A Nigerian scammer, who goes under the Instagram name of Hushpuppi, has been sentenced by a Los Angeles court to 135 months in jail for international fraud. He also received a fine of $1,732,841, which seems a curiously precise amount. But that's the law for you, I guess.

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Kidnapping services
2 November 2022

Dr Todd Grande discusses the 2011 disappearance of six-year-old Timmothy Pitzen at the hands of his mother, Amy.

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Another day…
25 October 2022

News of another US school shooting, this time in St Louis, MO, in which only three people—including the gunman—died, is most remarkable for this factette:

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A fine fine
13 October 2022

This headline made me laugh: Alex Jones told to pay $965m to Sandy Hook families.

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Poison for profit
8 October 2022

The WHO has released an alert against four cough syrup products linked to sixty-six infant deaths in The Gambia. When I read that the deaths had been linked to kidney injury, my immediate thought—as any student of Forensic Files will appreciate—was of ethylene glycol and/or diethylene glycol poisoning. And, upon further reading…quelle surprise!

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More breaking news
6 October 2022

Another breaking story from BBC News, which follows the mass killing of children and adults by an ex-police officer in a Thai daycare centre. There is no indication that this page will be updated, as opposed to a new one being created and linked. We shall see.

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The mushroom hunter
3 October 2022

Nancy Brophy is an author. Of sorts. But also a murderer. Definitely.

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Unsecurity
28 September 2022

Pandemonium and violence broke out at a Daddy Yankee concert in Santiago, Chile, when around 4,000 people tried to force their way into the venue. The event's security staff were overwhelmed, and had to be reinforced by police.

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The lady killer
22 September 2022

María Belén Bernal vanished after visiting her husband at a police training school in the Ecuadorian capital, Quito, where he was an instructor. Her body has been found, and he is on the run as the main suspect in her killing.

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Born-again omnivore
20 September 2022

The COO of vegan food processor Beyond Meat, Douglas Ramsey, bit another man in an altercation, allegedly ripping the flesh on the tip of the nose.

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Immorality code
17 September 2022

Mahsa Amini was arrested by Iran's morality police for not wearing a hijab, in contravention of the country's strict rules on head coverings. She was beaten while inside a police van. Because it's immoral for a woman to not cover her head, but it's okey-dokey for the police to kick the crap out of her. That's not immoral; is that it? (rolleyes)

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Leap of no faith
9 September 2022

I'd never heard of Bed Bath & Beyond, a US domestic retail chain, until criminal lawyer Bruce Rivers posted his reaction to the company's CFO's suicide by autodefenestration. Gustavo Arnal, who faced investigation for financial irregularities, fell from his 18th-floor Manhattan apartment last Friday.

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Commandos 0:3 The Free
29 August 2022

Three off-duty Dutch commandos, visiting the Land of the Free for training exercises, were shot outside their hotel in Indianapolis, IN. One later died of his injuries.

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Not privileged at all
24 August 2022

Paul Pelosi—husband of US speaker of the House, Nancy Pelosi—has been sentenced to five days in jail, for driving under the influence of alcohol. Or, rather, for crashing his car under the influence of alcohol. Because that's what led to his arrest, innit?

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Rosebud
27 July 2022

On 1 December, 1948, the body of a man was found lying against the seawall at Somerton Beach in Adelaide. He was well-dressed, wearing a suit and tie. There was no identification on him, and even the labels in his clothing had been cut out. His belongings included incoherent writings, thought to be in code, and a scrap of paper torn from Rubáiyát of Omár Khayyám, with the Farsi phrase Tamám Shudfinished—printed on it.

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Too obvious?
19 July 2022

Yet another gunman attacks innocent US civilians, this time killing three people in Greenwood, IN. It wouldn't have made anything other than local news, but for the fact that he was stopped dead in his tracks—quite literally—by a fellow gunslinger packing his own heater. Elisjsha Dicken dropped the attacker, Jonathan Sapirman—who had two rifles, a handgun, and over 100 rounds of ammunition—only two minutes into his assault.

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So long, and thanks for all the cash!
13 July 2022

After overseeing the economic ruin of his country, Sri Lanka's former president, Gotabaya Rajapaksa, has fled to the Maldives. In a similar vein, his brother, the former finance minister, decided that a sojourn to the US was in order.

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Richard the Third
14 June 2022

There's been a lot of commentary following the outcome of the Johnny Depp/Amber Heard defamation trial. One of the highlights of the case, which has been the source of much hilarity and derision, was the revelation—although I'm pretty sure that it was publicly known years ago—of Heard taking a dump in the marital bed, and later trying to pass the blame onto one of the couple's lapdogs. She now lives in infamy as Amber Turd.

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The unknown incel
14 June 2022

An incel who murdered ten people in Toronto in 2018, by driving a van into pedestrians, has been sentenced to life in prison, with no possibility of parole for 25 years. He was found guilty of the crimes last year.

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Say cheese
28 May 2022

In Six unbelievable uses for cheese, BBC Food provides some imaginative, if not flat-out off-the-wall, uses for my favourite dairy product: as car fuel; sporting equipment; sculpture; collateral; a politcal statement; and…crime prevention. Although, in reality, that last one's a bit of a stretch.

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Chicken, egg; egg, chicken
28 May 2022

Dennis Butler was warned to slow down while passing a celebratory event in Charleston, WV, because children were playing there. When the convicted felon returned to fire on the crowd with a semi-automatic rifle, a bystander drew her own gun and popped a cap in his ass, killing him and saving innocent lives. Bloody good show, lady!

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Crazy guy, gun crazy
25 May 2022

Only ten days after an 18-year-old man shot dead ten people in a racially-motivated attack in Buffalo, NY, another has killed 21, including 19 children aged nine to eleven, at a school in Uvalde, TX. This second assailant launched his courageous attack on unarmed civilians with a handgun, a semi-automatic rifle, and high-capacity magazines.

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This time we mean it (crossedfingers)
10 May 2022

After prison guard Vicky White absconded from an Alabaman jail with convicted felon Casey White, a manhunt was set up to capture the runaway duo. It ended less than two weeks' later, with her death and his surrender to police.

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Saddened and shocked of Sidmouth
14 April 2022

As news that a lone gunman has been arrested for a mass-shooting on the New York subway, Sidmouth in Devon has also entered the world of senseless violence. The town was reeling from the stabbing of a man on Monday, although the town council's chairman tried to put a brave face on it.

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Where there's a Will, there's no way
8 April 2022

Following his physical and verbal outburst at Oscars 2022, Will Smith resigned from the Academy Of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences. The Academy has now imposed a ten-year ban on his attendance at future ceremonies.

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Due recognition
7 April 2022

Dr Todd Grande is a mental health counsellor. He has a YouTube channel on which he dissects the state-of-mind of people involved in noteworthy events. In an episode dated 25.08.2021, he describes Dennis Nilsen as Britain's Jeffrey Dahmer. But that's completely arse about face.

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Foetal attraction
1 April 2022

Lauren Handy is an American anti-abortionist, who describes herself as a Catholic anarchist. She's a leader of an activist group calling itself the Progressive Anti-Abortion Uprising.

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No noose is good news
31 March 2022

US President 'Pa has signed the Emmett Till Antilynching Act, thus making an act that hasn't occurred in decades a federal hate crime, punishable by up to 30 years' imprisonment. For what is also murder, punishable by up to life imprisonment or death. Think about it.

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Shitcanned
24 March 2022

New York socialite, Lauren Pazienza, is charged with manslaughter after an elderly woman, whom she shoved to the ground, suffered head trauma and later died. She's currently jailed on Rikers Island.

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A bum rap
17 March 2022

Less than one week into his sentence for lying to police, Jussie Smollett is released on bail, pending an appeal. His legal team, playing the inevitable race card, is happy with the result.

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Justice for Jussie‽
11 March 2022

Jussie Smollett has been sentenced to less than six months in jail, of a maximum possible three years on each of five counts, for fabricating a race hate crime. But not everyone believes that Illinois' inmates should have to be more careful with the soap.(jussie)

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The popcorn bandit (popcorn)
2 March 2022

Two separate couples visited a suburban cinema in Tampa, FL, on 13th January 2014. As the feature started, one of the husbands ignored the request to turn off mobile devices. The other admonished him. Insults were traded; popcorn was thrown; shots were fired.

(more…)
Is there a barber in the house?
13 February 2022

A US father and son, Brandon and Gregory Case, chased and shot at a black FedEx driver in Brookhaven, MS. The younger Case has been charged with aggravated assault, and his father with conspiracy. The driver, D'Monterrio Gibson, believes that they should be charged with hate crime.

(more…)
Double-down juries
11 February 2022

Rebecca Hogue's plight rests on Oklahoma's failure to protect law, which states that a parent who suspects child abuse by another, and fails to report it, is complicit. In the worst case, this can lead to a charge of murder in the first-degree.

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Arresting development
2 February 2022

Mason Greenwood—who I'd never heard of before now, but he's a footballer, so why would I?—was arrested on Sunday. While he was already in police custody, additional charges were brought against him. At least, that's how I understood the situation.

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Visionary video
24 January 2022

I had to read this twice to realise they meant video. Automated journalism-to-English translators aren't infallible I guess.

Trailer trial
23 January 2022

Two fans of Ana de Armas are suing Universal Pictures. They contend that they were duped into renting the film Yesterday, believing that she would feature in it. But, although she appeared in the trailer, her role was removed from the film's final release.

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Da-do-Ron-Ron
13 January 2022

Reading of the death of Ronnie Spector, I was expecting her ex-husband's criminal conviction to be dragged up. Not that it needed to be included in her obituary; after all, it had nothing to do with her. The couple had divorced three decades prior to Lana Clarkson's murder.

(more…)
Girl boss?
13 December 2021

My daughters went to see House of Gucci today.

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Just rephrase the question
10 December 2021

Jussie Smollett has been found guilty of lying to police, when he claimed to be the victim of a racist and homophobic assault in Chicago, almost three years ago.

(more…)
Daddy's little princess, a chip off the old block
6 December 2021

Ghislaine Maxwell, darling daughter of the late publishing tycoon, Robert, is on trial for sex trafficking underage girls to Jeffrey Epstein. Daddy would be so proud.

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Fleecing the flock
2 December 2021

In When Jesus is used to steal from his flock, Bernd Debusmann Jr discusses elder fraud, the scamming of trusting, elderly Christians by snake oil salesmen. It's a variant on affinity fraud, in which individuals are targeted, based on religious, ethnic, or professional associations.

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The wheelchair heist
1 December 2021

A 61-year-old shoplifter was shot dead by a police officer in Tuscon on Monday. Like his weapon, Officer Ryan Remington has been fired. BA-BOOM-TSCH!

(more…)
Me, myself, I
30 November 2021

During his pre-trial hearing for participating in the US Capitol riot on 6 January, James Beeks claimed that the court had no jurisdiction over him because he had divine authority. I'm not sure whether he's claiming to be directly related to god, or just a messenger. Perhaps his stage role as Judas in Jesus Christ Superstar has gone to his head; although, from my limited knowledge of the Bible, playing Judas doesn't sound particularly divine.

(more…)
Let's go…
20 November 2021

I've paid little attention to the Kyle Rittenhouse case. It's too mired in US politics, race relations, and gun law to be of even passing interest. Besides, polarising doesn't exacty float my boat.

(more…)
No mobile while mobile
19 November 2021

Things are getting tougher for the UK's drivers.

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Privacy is very important to F*c*book
19 November 2021

F*c*book has admonished the LAPD for breaching its T&C, by establishing fake profiles to surveil users suspected of criminal activity.

(more…)
X, the unknown
18 November 2021

Two men convicted of Malcolm X's assassination in 1965 will have their convictions quashed.

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Flowers power
17 November 2021

Following the arrest of Terence Kelly for the abduction of Cleo Smith, the Australian news network, Seven, published photos of Terrance Flowers as the suspect. They took the photos from his Facebook account, where he uses his mother's maiden name, which is also Kelly.

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Butt, officers…
10 November 2021

After Darrell Meekcom mooned a speed camera in Kidderminster, Worcestershire, he was surprised to be arrested, and wrestled to the ground, by no less than six police officers. Meekom suffers from a plethora of disablements, and uses a wheelchair. Most people would think that a single officer, or two since they like to go about in pairs, could've done the job well enough.

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Laundered
22 October 2021

Much has been made of the media attention paid to the disappearance and murder of Gabby Petito, compared to that for black women. The BBC has to mention it every time they report on the story—except this time, naturally!—like some tic or idée fixe.

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Spy way
20 October 2021

An investigation as to why a middle-class, suburban US couple turned to spying against their country, revealed that Mrs Diana Toebbe has purple hair. Not that this was the cause of their spying, I hasten to add.

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Acid tongue
14 October 2021

Claudia Webbe, ex-Labour and currently independent MP for Leicester East, has been found guilty of harassing Michelle Merritt, between September 2018 and April 2020, with, among other things, threats of acid and sending naked photos of Merritt to her family. The basis for these attacks was a relationship that Merritt allegedly had with Webbe's partner, Lester Thomas.

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Revealing
1 October 2021

According to the BBC's home page headline, DNA evidence has revealed a French ex-police officer to be a rapist and murderer. Except, according to the actual article:

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The running woman
30 September 2021

Not all Nazi war criminals give up easily. Instead of attending her trial for complicity in 11,000 murders, 96-year-old Irmgard Furchner did a runner from her nursing home.

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The type of R. Kelly (part 2)*
28 September 2021

The jury's returned, and R. Kelly's goin' down!

(more…)
Let the punishment fit the crime
24 September 2021

The Taliban have announced that extreme punishments, including execution and amputation, will resume in Afghanistan. Mullah Nooruddin Turabi, who has an infamously zealous history in the pursuit of justice, claimed that amputations were necessary for security.

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Who pays the ferryman?
29 August 2021

Ancient Greeks placed a silver coin in the mouths of the dead as payment to the ferryman, Charon, for carrying their soul across the Styx to the underworld.

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The type of R. Kelly*
22 August 2021

Something about the reporting of R. Kelly's trial for racketeering, sexual abuse and bribery struck me as strange.

(more…)
Too close to call?
12 August 2021

Flordelis dos Santos de Souza has been expelled from Brazil's lower house of Congress, for allegedly plotting her husband's murder in 2019.

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Time is running out
3 August 2021

And it's a race to the finish line!

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Criminal mastermindless
5 June 2021

Okay, say you're drug dealers, and you have cocaine with a street value of £500,000 in your car. Would you drive down the hard shoulder of a motorway, even if there was heavy traffic on the road? I mean, what if you were to undertake a police patrol car? They might give chase in an attempt to pull you over. You'd have to be pretty stupid, right?

(more…)
You can die, but you can't hide
2 June 2021

Writing for BBC Culture about the Tea Chest Tapes, a collection of lost music tapes belonging to the late British producer Joe Meek, Arwa Haider reflects on Meek's life and work.

(more…)
The colour of law
26 May 2021

Police in Illinois confiscated an urn containing the ashes of two-year-old Ta'Naja Barnes—or Davis, I'm not sure which—after pulling her father over for traffic offences. They claimed that the urn tested postive in a field test for meth.

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The truth about lying
7 April 2021

Writing for BBC Future, via Knowable Magazine, Jessica Seigel asks Can you tell when someone is lying? And, if I were to reply that I could, would you know whether or not I was lying?

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Streetwalker me
25 March 2021

Following the disappearance of Sarah Everard, Dr Hannah Bows, an Associate Professor in Criminal Law at Durham University, opines as to why women shouldn’t have to risk trading their freedom for safety. According to her: Women need men to change their behaviour. Say what?

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Curfew quarrel
25 March 2021

Following the abduction of Sarah Everard in south London, police officers working on the case in the area advised women not to go out alone and to be careful; which doesn't seem too unreasonable, since the perpetrator was still at large at the time. But Baroness Jones of Moulsecoomb's response in the House of Lords upset a number of people, and was widely ridiculed:

(more…)
Return to normal
23 March 2021

As a mass shooting at a Boulder, Colorado supermarket leaves ten people dead, it would be the mark of a true cynic to see any light in this tragedy.

(more…)
Inside out
12 February 2021

Once again, I feel mean for nitpicking on BBC journalism. But when, on the same day, you claim to be the world's most trusted international news broadcaster, you've gotta get shit right.

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Quote of the day
29 January 2021

Well, it was about three weeks ago, when it was posted.

(more…)
One bad deed
18 January 2021

He was one of the most influential pop songwriters and producers of his, or any, generation; he invented the wall of sound; and he worked with some of the most iconic artists in pop music history. He was also convicted of second degree murder.

(more…)
Twitter killer
1 October 2020

When my eye first noted a BBC headline declaring Twitter killer, I thought it was about a new rival to the messaging app for the brain dead. But this is an altogether more macabre story.

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A pub with no cheer
29 September 2020

And, speaking of isolation, meeting others in pubs is to be banned in the north east of England. Which rather defeats the object of going to the pub in the first place.

(more…)
I spy
28 September 2020

As BoJo the yo-yo clamps down further on freedom in HMP GB, fines of £1,000 are being introduced for people failing to self-isolate in England, escalating to £10,000 for repeat offenders. According to the UK government, the police can use local intelligence to check that the inmates great British citizenry are complying.

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Complete the following sentence
16 September 2020

Changes to the criminal justice system in England and Wales are heralded by the BBC with the headline: Serious criminals to serve more time in jail in justice shake-up. Which obviously begs the question, what jail term do flippant criminals have to serve?

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Party poopers
23 August 2020

As Birmingham is added to the UK government's yo-yo watch list, due to a spike in COVID-19 cases, police have disrupted more than seventy unlicensed social gatherings in one night.

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Degrees of freedom
18 August 2020

Writing on behalf of BBC Future, Zaria Gorvett asks whether hot weather can increase crime rates.

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Pas de chokehold, pas de mort
16 July 2020

Whereas, in the US the public protests when police are accused of racially-motivated excessive use of force, in France it's the police who take to the streets.

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Missing the point?
16 July 2020

The sending of a black teenager to juvenile detention for not doing her online schoolwork has led to the inevitable protests and calls for her release in Detroit, Michigan. One mother, Sheri Crawley, told local TV news I know if Grace was a 15-year-old white girl she would not be sitting in juvenile detention right now.

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Closing the gender gap
16 July 2020

Another day, another hashtag movement. And this one concerns US police brutality. Just for a change.

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Miserable pleaders
13 May 2019

Felicity Huffman has pleaded guilty to having her daughter's college entrance exam results falsified.

(more…)
Brother, can you spare a dime?
27 March 2019

As if Lori Loughlin and Felicity Huffman's problems over the money-for-university-entrance scandal weren't enough, some money-grabbing pond life a concerned mother is suing them for her son not being accepted to university.

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If it walks like a duck
19 March 2019

The Football Supporters' Federation is aghast that football fans who invade the pitch are being criminalised.

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WASP: wealthy, Anglo-Saxon, pinhead
13 March 2019

As the money-for-university-places scandal gathers momentum, an affidavit filed by an FBI Special Agent states:

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If you can't make it, fake it
12 March 2019

In the good old days, all you needed to go to university in the USofA was to be intelligent or good at sports. I never understood why they'd give places to students just because they were academically-inclined at the potential expense of a football jock, but there you go. (rolleyes)

(more…)
Leaving Neverland
10 March 2019

In the wake of Leaving Neverland, a documentary describing, in depth, Michael Jackson's alleged paedophilia, the BBC's Cherry Wilson asks whether the late performer's legacy is now ruined. Personally, I think that happened while he was still alive. Off The Wall and Thriller are undisputedly classics that defined an era. Bad wasn't so much bad as meh!, and it was the last of his work that I bought. Everything after that was a downward spiral.

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The bleedin' obvious (redux)
13 November 2018

In a tragic story of US police shooting to death yet another black man, this time a security guard who had apprehended a real felon, the local chief of police, Dan Delaney, observed that one of his officers was involved in an officer-involved shooting. Involving one of his officers, presumably.

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The bleedin' obvious?
25 September 2018

After being found guilty of three counts of sexual assault, Bill Cosby is sentenced to three to ten years in jail. He is also categorised as a sexually violent predator which means that, among other things, he has to notify any community he lives in of his sex offender status.

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The unruly minority
11 September 2018

Unauthorised gypsy and traveller camps are a disruptive, and expensive, societal problem in the UK. And the government is being urged to make deliberate trespass a criminal offence.

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No shit, Byomkesh
2 July 2018

According to BBC News, eleven members of an Indian family were found dead in a house in Delhi. Ten of them were hanging from the ceiling and most were blindfolded, gagged, and with their hands tied behind their backs. Apparently, police have not ruled out murder.

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The bleedin' obvious
17 April 2018

A report by the BBC of the hunt for a woman suspected of at least two murders is given the headline Manhunt for woman who 'murdered victim and stole her identity'.

(more…)
Same old, same old
15 February 2018

Another day, another mass murder at a US school, when a 19-year-old armed with an assault rifle killed at least seventeen people at a high school in Parkland, Florida. School shootings in the US have become so common-place that they hardly make anything other than local news. But Florida's Senator, Marco Rubio, stated that it was too soon to jump to conclusions that there was some law that we could have passed that would have prevented it, while the state's Governor, Rick Scott, also refused to discuss gun control.

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The person who I feel most sorry for
9 October 2017

Hollywood mogul Harvey Weinstein is accused of multiple sexual assaults. It's a bit of a mess, really, isn't it?

(more…)
May god go with you…but take back-up just in case
11 July 2017

William Rian Adams, a North Carolinian priest, pulled a gun on two people in a road rage incident.

(more…)
Policemen talking bollocks
30 May 2017

It's a strange thing, but when policemen talk to the press, they use a special bollocks language. Such as when a siege in Queensland, Australia, ended after the suspect shot at police and was killed when they returned fire. According to Queensland Police's Assistant Commissioner Tony Wright:

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Every life counts, but some more than others
2 March 2017

Opposition to the reintroduction of the death penalty in the Philippines is exemplified by, among other things, this cute little graphic.

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Mysterious death? Perhaps not!
1 June 2015

The body of a woman aged between 70 and 90 was found at Tokyo's main rail station. The body had been left in a suitcase in a station locker for a month. Tokyo police are investigating the cause of death and examining camera footage to see who left the suitcase.

(more…)
Limited parking available
18 May 2015

Rival biker gangs in Waco, Texas, got into an argument over parking spaces outside a restaurant. Of all things.

(more…)
And a little something for yourself, Your Honour!
5 August 2014

Formula 1 boss Bernie Ecclestone, who stood accused of bribery in Germany, has had the charges dropped after offering to pay the court £60M ($100M).

(more…)
We know what you're watching!
17 February 2014

When Kayla Finley of South Carolina went to the police to file a complaint, she didn't expect to be arrested and jailed herself. But that's exactly what happened, when police applied an old arrest warrant, for failing to return a video of Monster-in-Law that she had rented nine years ago.

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Planking
15 October 2013

I rewatched The Terminator last night. It's still great fun, almost thirty years after its release. The SFX appear more clumsy than special though; especially the animatronic terminator, which bears an uncanny resemblance to Michael Myers in Halloween. Perhaps they were more convincing at the time, I don't recall. (shrug)

(more…)
Lifespan
23 August 2013

Police in Belgium have recovered drugs and chemicals worth an estimated €1.3 billion in a raid on an illicit drugs factory. Eleven suspects, all aged 30 to 50, have been arrested

(more…)
Star treatment
1 August 2013

Two bodies, of a man and a woman, have been found at the five-star Scotsman Hotel in Edinburgh, in what has been described as an ongoing chemical incident. The police have not ruled out suicide.

(more…)
The price of tomatoes
25 July 2013

A man in Dudley, West Midlands, was accused of soliciting when police identified a known sex worker in his car, while he was withdrawing £20 from a cash machine. He claimed that the lady in question was simply going to show him where to buy tomatoes, and that the money that he had withdrawn was to make that very purchase.

(more…)
The method of Sherlock
22 July 2013

The body of a woman has been found in a suitcase in Mill Hill, north-west London. The Metropolitan Police have applied their best brains to the case, and are treating it as murder.

(more…)
Olympus, Olympus, Olympus?
5 July 2013

Tsuyoshi Kikukawa, the former chairman of Olympus and first-class hypocrite, having been found guilty of accounting fraud has been handed a three year suspended sentence. So it looks like the dishonourable little shit won't be going to ol' pokey after all. Boo!

(more…)
Sherlock: the one that got away
3 July 2013

James Nichols of Poughkeepsie, NY, died in December of last year, aged 82. When nobody claimed his estate, county officials ordered his house to be cleared out, and last week a contractor found the body of Nichols's wife who went missing twenty seven years ago. The body was found behind a false wall, bound with rope in the foetal position, wrapped in plastic, and with a fatal blow to the head.

(more…)
Placebo it is not
25 June 2013

Convicted child murderer, Ian Brady, is appealing against the diagnosis that he is mentally ill, which might in itself be proof of his mental illness. He wants to be moved from Ashworth high-security psychiatric hospital where, according to him: They give you false drugs and turn you into a zombie.

(more…)
Thoracotomy
24 June 2013

The troubles of Italian ex-prime minister Silvio Burlesqueoni Berlustconi Berlusconi never seem to be far from the headlines. Currently he's defending himself against charges that he abused his term in office, and paid for sex with an underage prostitute. Although, in his defence, he claims that he didn't have sex with her. And he didn't know that she was underage. And he was never alone in the same room as her.*

(more…)
BWAH-HA-HA! It's the real Professor X!
20 June 2013

In something from a bad sci-fi film, two New York men are accused of an X-ray terror plot. It's alleged that Glendon Scott Crawford and Eric Feight planned to build a truck-mounted X-ray device to kill enemies of Israel and the US.

(more…)
Catch me if you can
18 June 2013

Suspected war criminal Laszlo Csatary, a Nazi policeman in 1944, has been charged by Hungarian prosecutors with torture and murder of Jewish prisoners. His trial is expected to start in three months.

(more…)
Pas de merde, Sherlock, le deuxième
16 May 2013

A man walked into a Paris primary school with a sawn-off shotgun, and proceeded to shoot himself in front of a teacher and children. Authorities said he may have had personal issues, according to the BBC.

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Keep death off the roads: drive on the pavement!
8 November 2012

A driver in Cleveland, Ohio, who was caught avoiding a school bus by driving on the pavement, was handed down an unusual punishment by the judge. In addition to losing her licence for 30 days and paying a $250 fine, Shena Hardin will have to hold up a sign which states only an idiot would drive on the sidewalk to avoid a school bus.

(more…)
Benny joins the justice league
29 October 2012

In the wake of allegations of sexual abuse of minors by Jimmy Savile and some of his entourage—or one of his entourages as it happens—the Catholic Church in England and Wales has written to the Holy See to ask whether the papal knighthood bestowed on Savile in 1990 can be revoked. But it appears that this might not be possible.

(more…)
Jimmy Savile: nasty man
26 October 2012

Hmmm, curiouser and curiouser…in an earlier report from 5th October, the beauty contest winner who alleged that she was raped by Jimmy Savile apparently told a different story of their encounter to The Daily Fail:

(more…)
PS3 hacked. Again.
25 October 2012

Sony's PS3 has been hacked/cracked. Again. Is anyone keeping track?

(more…)
Jimmy Savile: nasty man with nasty friends…allegedly
24 October 2012

Following revelations that the erstwhile Saint James was a predatory sex offender, a woman has come forward claiming that he raped her:

(more…)
Now then, now then! Jimmy Savile done pervin'…allegedly*
9 October 2012

It appears that the late Saint Jimmy Savile had a predilection for ladies of a certain age. And in his case, the age may have been lower than that of consent.

(more…)
Mancunians are very naughty people
17 September 2012

It appears that Manchester is the UK capital of illegal downloading. And the UK as a whole is second in the world after the United States of Amerika.

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Pas de merde, Sherlock
6 September 2012

Yet another instalment in my exploration of the crime fighter's rapier mind; this time from France.

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No shit, Sherlock: We got braynz
29 August 2012

According to the BBC, after his assassination Leon Trotsky's brain proved unusually heavy.

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No shit, Sherlock: Sherlock returns
17 August 2012

From the gruesome files, a woman's head has been found in a park in Mississauga, Ontario. The previous day, a severed human foot, with painted toenails, was also found. It's not yet confirmed that they belonged to the same body, but that appears to be the working hypothesis.

(more…)
Do as we say, not as we do!
12 March 2012

There is a programme on Henan Legal Channel—one of the Chinese state-run TV channels—entitled Interviews Before Execution, in which Ding Yu interviews prisoners before they're executed. Contrary to being exploitative, the programme makers claim to find cases that will serve as a warning to others. Indeed, the programme calls for human nature to awaken and perceive the value of life.

(more…)
Olympus!, Olympus!, Olympus!
7 March 2012

I have a warm feeling. And it's not because I've pissed myself. Honest.

(more…)
Oh no! Poor Joe! He's got no morals
14 November 2011

One of the joys of international business travel is the opportunity to be in proximity to people who're sick. In this case, I contracted viral bronchitis on a flight to Washington, and thus I came to spend an evening at George Washington University Hospital's A&E.

(more…)
SPAM: new serving suggestion
11 November 2011

That nice Mr/Mrs Chumbla in Nigeria has offered me, and I suspect all of you, their money for FREE.

(more…)
Send me to jail, please*
8 November 2011

It appears that doing hard time in jail means something different in Mexico. A recent inspection of a jail in Acapulco revealed the presence of prostitutes, plasma TVs, marijuana, and fighting cocks, as well as female inmates living in the male section.

(more…)
Essex girls in club fight shocker!
24 October 2011

I understand that in the UK you have a televisual entertainment programme entitled The Only Way Is Essex. I'm not sure that I want to know any more about this than I do already…chav TV, say no more!

(more…)
You can take the actor out of TV…
8 July 2011

…but you can't take TV out of the actor.

(more…)
Un-fit
21 September 2010

And all of that leafy nonsense led me to this four-year-old story.

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The salad days of a petty thief
21 September 2010

Hampshire Police have released an e-fit of a casual thief wearing what appears to be a lettuce on his head. If caught, he's to be given a dressing down.

(more…)
George Michael: 'im goin' down
15 September 2010

George Michael has been sentenced to eight weeks for driving under the influence of cannabis. Or, rather, crashing his car under the influence of cannabis.

(more…)
May I have my job back? Pretty please?
23 August 2010

A former senior Filipino police inspector, Rolando Mendoza, has allegedly taken a bus full of hostages in Manila, in an attempt to regain the job that he lost in 2008 following allegations of robbery, extortion, and drug-related crimes.

(more…)
Of superheroes and Sigmund
16 August 2010

While philosophers love superheroes, psychologists do not. They're concerned that modern superheroes are an inappropriate role model for boys.

(more…)
Of superheroes and Socrates
12 August 2010

It may seem like a simple comic strip to most of us—the proportion with a life—but the tribulations of your everyday, common-or-garden superhero are a philosophical minefield. Even if you don't think of it that way.

(more…)
Ungrateful little arsewipe!
4 June 2010

Following the shootings in Cumbria, the United Kindom's very own, finely-coiffured prime minister has visited the area to get his face in the news and pretend he cares show solidarity with the local populace. But some tosser has the temerity to complain to the BBC's reporter: One man told me he was angry that it has taken a shooting for the prime minister to visit the town.

(more…)
The irony is almost touching!
6 May 2010

A KKK leader has shot dead a recruit named Lynch.

(more…)
File under 'Rocks, dumb as'
23 March 2010

A US couple boasted on TV—Dr Phil…who he?—about how much money they made by selling stolen goods. The evidence was used against them in a court of law and now they're doing time in ol' pokey. (LOLZ)

(more…)
Did the earth move? The bloody house fell down!
10 November 2009

Caroline Cartwright from Washington, Tyne and Wear, has appeared at Newcastle Crown Court. She's appealing against a conviction for breaching a noise abatement notice, after she was found guilty of making loud noises during sex. In her defence, she argued that she had a right to respect for her private and family life under Article 8 of the Human Rights Act.

(more…)
No shit Sherlock
25 September 2009

Police investigating a woman's body found in a suitcase left in a dried-up pond on Kent farmland are treating the death as suspicious. Because natural deaths so often end up with bodies in suitcases? (confused)

(more…)
Sicko
24 August 2009

After former model Jasmine Fiore was murdered by her husband, he mutilated her to prevent recognition. Her body was later found in a suitcase near Los Angeles. It's tragic, really, so I feel bad for finding this funny.

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